How do you know?

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RebeccaA'07's picture
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How do you know?

Wes and I have known for quite some time that we want a 2nd baby, I can't imagine not experiencing pregnancy again and want Kaylin to have a sibling to grow up with. Wes told me last night that he is ready to start trying and I really thought I was as well. But I am having anxiety...like nervous that somehow we're going to ruin Kay's toddler years by adding in another baby so soon. She's at the stage now that she is so loving and saying the funniest things, and so interactive with us. We're in a great schedule, it's easy to do just about anything without pre-planning. And a huge thing...she is finally sleeping ALL NIGHT LONG. She is incredibly attached to me, as she always has been. When I pick her up from daycare, she gets so upset if any of the other kids try to talk or touch me (there is one little girl that always gives me hugs).

Then add in, I only have two semester left of college - fall/spring. I just made Dean's List for 2011 for a stellar GPA. How will I manage finishing the last two semesters while pregnant and with a two year old? We're trying to sell our house and move closer to town, plus we need a bigger house as we've outgrown our two-bedroom that we've owned for 7 years. I really wanted a 3 year age gap, which puts us at getting pregnant in the next few months.

Am I being paranoid? Does it all just work out...is the transition from one to two easy/hard?

fudd8963's picture
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I wish I had an answer for you. But I think if you wait until the timing is "right", then you will never do it. It seems like that with most big decisions in life. The timing is never perfect. You just have to do it and things will work out. Now I can see waiting until you are done with school, or at least a few more months that way you won't be due with like a week left and not be able to do finals or anything. But I say GO FOR IT!!!! Kaylin is just too cute for their not to be more kids from you two!

lauriem822's picture
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I am not sure there is ever a perfect time because it will also be a big change to your current life. Jerry and I were both on the same page to start trying last April. Well, its been almost a year and a half and still no baby and it's taken us on a path that I never imagined. The ups and down have brought lots of stress, tears, and I have had to lean on Jerry and his support like I have never done before!

If you guys are both feeling ready to have another baby, go for it!! We moved into our house 4 days before Ev was born, it all works out!

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I agree on the timing. If you wait until it's the "right" time, something will always crop up.

I wouldn't sweat the 1 to 2 thing. I'm not the one to give a heap of advice on that subject, considering mine are almost 9 years apart, the transition was fairly easy for me. I didn't mind the whole going back to diapers, and both my kids have been pretty good sleepers with the exception of a few rough months when Cooper was 5-8 months old.

IF, and that is soooo up in the air right now, Colin and I get on the same page about a third, I'm ready right now. I was ready when Cooper was a few months old haha.

We mommas are strong- we can do 4 or 5 or 17 things at once. That's our nature. Pregnant with a toddler, and finishing school may seem daunting, but you can do it!

We built a house while I was pregnant with Cooper, after we had both worked our regular 8 hr. jobs. And all weekend, nearly every weekend for 3 months. It was exhausting, but I survived.

Oh- and congrats on making the Dean's List!!! Smile

Suzie-0225's picture
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Theres never a "right" time.. And though 2 of our 3 were planned, either way it all works out. It might not work out the way you think it should, but it does.. I had so much anxiety when we started trying for Emily, but at the same time I was so excited. GL sweetie and I can't wait to stalk your preggo butt!! Smile

rachelperry1983's picture
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If it were me, I would at least try to finsh your last 2 semesters before getting prego again. Or at least get through the fall semester before trying again. I only say that because here I am and I haven't been to college at all and it's something I really want to do. But because of the kids being so young, I don't feel like it's the best move for me now. I want to wait til they're a little older. You are SO close!! I have 5yrs between Makayla and Drew and then Jake and Drew are 2.5yrs apart. I love both age differences. I always thought I wanted #1 and #2 to be close together, but it didn't work out that way and I really liked having them a little bit further apart. IDK how much help I am to you Smile But congrats on making the Dean's list hun, that's AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Just a reminder that your anxiety is part of the process for every family. Are we old enough/too old? Do we have enough money? Is it "fair" to our first child? And a zillion other concerns.

I too would encourage finishing your courses. Then again, I have 5 years between my two kids.

Having your children close together works well for many families. The bond between kids works either way in my experience, whether close together or several years apart. Having a sibling was a huge benefit for my son and for DD's stepson as well. I wish you well in reaching your decision. Smile

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I agree that if you wait til the "right time", you won't ever do it.

I am 7 weeks away from having Baby #2, and I'm still anxious and scared about adding in a new baby. But deep down, I know that things have their way of just working out.

kirsteng's picture
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I agree - don't let the anxiety take over. Things DO work out, because you adapt and work things out one by one. For us, we obsessed over things like: we'd have to get a nursery ready! did we wait too long?! (I was just past 40), will the other kids bond with the new one when there's a bigger age gap??? and the big one: we have to sell our Honda and buy a MINIVAN!!! Seems ridiculous in retrospect, but that's what caused me/us anxiety at the time. They all just kind of happened, one by one. I realize yours are bigger concerns, but they WILL work out too.

I'd base whether or not to try now or in a few months, on how your pregnancy went the first time. Did you get morning sickness? Did you get tired a lot? (I didn't have either one of those, so working through my first pregnancy - as a substitute teacher - was fine until I hit month 8.. but for some people, that would be out of the question). If you did get fatigue/morning sickness I might be tempted to wait until after Christmas to start trying. IT'll give you something to look forward to for a few months, too! Wink

And as for Kaylin, I think moms and dads have ALL the anxiety and angst when it comes to adding to the family. To them, it just is. Now there's a new sister/brother! Wow! And after a few months, they won't even be able to remember a time when there wasn't the other one there. And if she's anything like my daughter, she'll love having a real baby around the house to caretake too!

GL with your decision!

LullabyMommy's picture
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Rebecca, I think the timing is a very personal decision as far as all the things you have going on in your life. I did learn while pregnant with #2, that you can handle a lot more than you thought you could while pregnant with #1. I was exhausted the entire pregnancy, but I was fine and so was the baby. I don't know that I'd want to be dealing with school toward the end of a pregnancy, but that's my personal feeling. Doing physical things when you are tired like overseeing renovations, moving, etc., is one thing, but trying to stay mentally sharp studying for exams when you can barely keep your eyes open is another.

As for how it will affect Kaylin, I think the best gift you can give your child is a sibling. Sam has adapted beautifully. He has shown a little frustration, but it is NEVER directed toward Lily. He absolutely adores her, and I think it's good for him to learn to share my attention. Good luck making this decision.

CONGRATS ON DEAN'S LIST!

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I would maybe wait a few months...I went to school with DS2. He was born in Jan I missed the first week of class and went the second week. It wasn't a big deal to me because my mom was watching both boys. and DS2 was only 2-3 weeks old and I trusted her. But seeing as getting pregnant now would be april/may would be the end of school, what if you go early and are still in school and do you wants Kay's bday to be around the same time as hers?? Some things to think about.

Good Luck!!!! and Congrats!!!!!!

RebeccaA'07's picture
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I can always count on you ladies for wonderful advice!!

We wouldn't start 'trying' until October-ish, being the planner that I am...I am shooting for a summer baby. Right now, Wes/Mine/Kay's birthdays are all right on top of each other and it's a little hectic (Mar/Apr/May).

I've decided to take on a full course load for the Fall so that I get it out of the way and if we do decide to go ahead with a pregnancy, I would only have two classes to finish in the Spring and graduate/walk in May!

Again...big thank you, so many great points Smile

jessianne223's picture
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Well I can give my point of view, but it won't necessarily help bc we are all different. I am in school full time also, work about 20 hrs a week(which is nothing compared to full time I know), do most everything around the house, and am 8 1/2 month pregnant, trying to potty train Sam and have the exact feelings that you have (about ruining his toddlerhood....) Bottom line for me was that I knew from the beginning that I wanted two children closer than 3 years of age and I absolutely wanted more than one child. My sisters and I are 27 months apart, and that worked for my mom, and I just felt like by the age of 3 they are going to not be as close in age to each other, so I went ahead and got pregnant. Now if that doesn't matter to you, then the 'when' is up to you and DH. I feel like they (meaning Kaylin and Sam and all our Lo's) will have a 'great' stage. What I mean is, when would the time be right? If I were you, since your so close to graduation, maybe wait and get pregnant during your last semester!? Try and think about how close in age do you want them? I have a friend that absolutely did not want her kids closer than 4 years apart, I on the other hand didn't want to get "lazy" w/ an older child and start over. That is why I seriously doubt we will have any more, bc I want to at least wait 4 years before even thinking about it.

I can only imagine how tired I will be in 6 weeks from today bc things have gotten so easy w/ Sam. He is just perfect, precious and so sweet. I cannot believe that we are about to change the dynamic at all, but its going to happen! Good luck with your decision. I would consider waiting until your almost done with school, but either way, you can do it!

jessianne223's picture
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Oh, and we outgrew our house like, um, before Sam was born! So, they are sharing a room (we didn't want to have to get rid of our gym, plus it was in the back of the house w/ a huge sliding glass door that we would have to remove), but if we waited until we could sell our house in this horrible Georgia market, I would NEVER have another child. I just pulled out all the baby stuff out of the attic and you can barely walk through our house!!!!!!!! So, I feel ya' on that, but there again, if you wait you might never do it.

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"fudd8963" wrote:

I wish I had an answer for you. But I think if you wait until the timing is "right", then you will never do it. It seems like that with most big decisions in life. The timing is never perfect. You just have to do it and things will work out. Now I can see waiting until you are done with school, or at least a few more months that way you won't be due with like a week left and not be able to do finals or anything. But I say GO FOR IT!!!! Kaylin is just too cute for their not to be more kids from you two!

This is exactly what I think!