Ignore - Just a stage?

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RebeccaA'07's picture
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Ignore - Just a stage?

Kaylin has started to ignore me when I speak to her, anytime I ask her to do anything or instruct her not to do something...she will ignore me. I literally have to repeat myself at least 4-5x if not more before she even gives me a side glance. I know she can hear me! She will listen to Wes, so often times I will defer to him to step in - which is what I didn't want to do. She needs to listen to me to! I am at my wits end...it is so frustrating when she does this.

Anyone else dealing with this? How do you deal with it?

lauriem822's picture
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Join the club! Ev does the same thing. It seems the only thing that works is me offering the suggestion of time-out. Then he will shake his head "no" and usually he will finally listen to me. I know its not the best way to deal with it but for now it's the only thing that works, at least sometimes!

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Let me add - she will stare me down or laugh at me. It's like dealing with a teenager!

Laurie - I use the time out threat and she LAUGHS. And she knows what time out is because we've used it plenty before for naughty behavior.

AK2663's picture
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Everyonce in awhile I get this too and I go over and either get in her face/level to talk to her again or turn off/take away whatever she is paying attention to and try again. Seems to get the pt across mommy is talking to her and wants her to listen.

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Can I join the club too? The girls do this too, but more so Brooke. She is a limit tester. I do like Anne and get on their level and sometimes move their head to look at me. Or take away whatever is distracting them. But that doesn't always work. I am just thinking of what we are all in for when they are teenagers. :bangheaddesk:

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Sam doesn't laugh at me, but he is starting to really push my buttons with the not listening. I stop and with the stern mommy voice tell him to look at me. I may have to repeat that instruction, but he seems to come around much more quickly if I do this. If I have to go and get down face-level with him, I will, but I at least demand eye-contact. I also ask for a response once he's heard what I've said (yes ma'am, no ma'am, no thank you, etc.).

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M has done this a few times but not with any regularity. Perhaps this is just the beginning? :/

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Grady is starting to do these kinds of things too, but not that brazen yet! lol He might ignore me once or twice when I say something, but then when I stop saying it and start moving in his direction to take something away/stop him from doing something etc he quickly stops and gives it to me/closes it saying 'Here go mama!"... it's pretty darned cute, I have to stop myself from smirking a lot of the time. Wink

In the positive discipline philosophy, the idea for this type of problem is to say less and DO more. Gently. They say that we all talk too much.. talk talk talk and kids will tune us out eventually. So the way to deal with it is to act, and restate whatever they're doing in a 'you can' way, instead of a 'you can't'. ie if Grady was jumping on the sofa, I'd say once, 'Grady, let's jump on the floor, not the sofa'. If he continues to jump, I'd walk over and lift him off the sofa and say again, "let's jump down here where it's safer". Or if he takes something dangerous off the counter (a glass etc), I'd say "We have to drink from a plastic cup because it won't break. would you like the green one or the pink one?" and if he ignores me/doesn't give it, I'd walk over and gently take it from his hands. Even if he's screaming, I'd take out the plastic cups and say "we can use these. Would you like to pick one?"

Just some ideas - you get the point. Be firm but kind. Talk less and act sooner. Give choices where at all possible.

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Jake does this sometimes to, I do what Anne does and he generally straightens up after that. Sometimes all it takes is the stern Mommy voice and that boy goes straight into tears. I'm thinking if you would have listened the first 10 times I told you not to do it, you wouldn't be crying!

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We do pretty much what Kirsten stated--- she has such good advice! Wink

You'll find that it takes much more effort at this stage-- but your hard work will pay off when they are 5,6,7 and they do what you ask the first time you ask.

GL!

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Yea I agree with Kirsten too. We go the same way in terms of the doing something rather then asking a million times. I do this with my nieces and nephews as well as my students because I feel like they think it's funny to hear you ask a ton for something and to know how much they can push before they really have to do it. I do once and then show some action and really it works well. Def. have to do it less once they understand the expectation and what will happen if they don't listen.

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Cooper is exactly the same. I do try to give him an alternative if I can, like this morning he was jumping on the couch, I said if you want to jump we can go outside and jump on the trampoline instead. That's why we have it.

His response to being removed from the "fun" he's having, though, is shrieking at the top of his lungs Sad Take something away, he shrieks. Tell him no, he shrieks.

If I offer him something and he doesn't like it, he'll scream and throw it. He's a tough little monkey.

Sierra just ignores me. I will admit that the other day I was so frustrated that she wasn't listening to me when I was talking to her that I grabbed her pinky and pinched it so she'd have to give me her attention. It did work. As long as I was holding it, she was focused on what I was saying.

Not saying that's the way to go, but..... 11 year olds are a whole different breed lol!

AK2663's picture
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G likes to drop and cry too if I stop her fun sometimes....what I started doing was telling her to stop crying...if she doesn't I tell her 'if you can't stop crying you have to go to your room until you stop'. Ive only had to put her in there once and now when I say that she stops immediately. I only do this though if I know she is crying bc she is being a stink pot, not bc she is tired, hungry etc... bc it doesn't fix it.

The one time I put her in her room she still cried for like a min then started crying for me. I went in and asked her to stop crying so we could talk. She did, then i asked her if she was done being upset and ready to come out. She said yes, I hugged her and told her i loved her and she came out fine.

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"kirsteng" wrote:

Grady is starting to do these kinds of things too, but not that brazen yet! lol He might ignore me once or twice when I say something, but then when I stop saying it and start moving in his direction to take something away/stop him from doing something etc he quickly stops and gives it to me/closes it saying 'Here go mama!"... it's pretty darned cute, I have to stop myself from smirking a lot of the time. Wink

In the positive discipline philosophy, the idea for this type of problem is to say less and DO more. Gently. They say that we all talk too much.. talk talk talk and kids will tune us out eventually. So the way to deal with it is to act, and restate whatever they're doing in a 'you can' way, instead of a 'you can't'. ie if Grady was jumping on the sofa, I'd say once, 'Grady, let's jump on the floor, not the sofa'. If he continues to jump, I'd walk over and lift him off the sofa and say again, "let's jump down here where it's safer". Or if he takes something dangerous off the counter (a glass etc), I'd say "We have to drink from a plastic cup because it won't break. would you like the green one or the pink one?" and if he ignores me/doesn't give it, I'd walk over and gently take it from his hands. Even if he's screaming, I'd take out the plastic cups and say "we can use these. Would you like to pick one?"

Just some ideas - you get the point. Be firm but kind. Talk less and act sooner. Give choices where at all possible.

You always have awesome advice! I am going to try some of your techniques. I certainly don't want to be frustrated with her because it is just a stage. A lot of the time, I give her choices but perhaps I am not going about it the right way!

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Sarah asks Ivy to look her in the eye. She gives her choices: A or B. For example, do you want to eat your eggs or sit in time out on the stairs? These days she will sometimes opt for the time out. Which is her choice after all...:rolleyes:

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Haha Cooper puts himself in timeout too. He'll be screaming and I'll say "do you need a time out?" he says yeah, and goes to his room.

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"RebeccaA'07" wrote:

You always have awesome advice! I am going to try some of your techniques. I certainly don't want to be frustrated with her because it is just a stage. A lot of the time, I give her choices but perhaps I am not going about it the right way!

Aw, thanks! Smile Nice to hear... although the truth of the matter is, it's really easy to say what you need to do, but in the heat of the moment it's often harder to remember exactly how it should all work. (You'll find yourself hesitating, and thinking.. "now how the heck do I make this into a choice, and a positive one at that???") It really takes a lot of practice, until you teach yourself a new way of reacting... and even then, not every time will be perfect. Allow yourself the chance to make mistakes, but over time if you're (mostly) consistent, it'll become habit.

One thing I heard recently that I thought was really interesting, was a discussion with Jane nelson, who is an expert on positive discipline. She was looking for videos from families of their family meetings, to put on her website as examples of how to run them. Well, I guess she viewed MANY families, and couldn't find a single one that was 'perfect' in technique. She said she finally realized that they didn't have to be perfect to work, and none ever were.. it was more the commitment to those ideals that made them work over time.

So there you go, give it a try, and if it doesn't work the first few times, tweak your approach and keep trying! Smile GL!