Prayers for DH's best friend

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fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630
Prayers for DH's best friend

DH got a pretty scary call last night, and I HATE that we still don't know all of the details. One of his high school friends called last night around 6pm. He was calling to say that DH's best friend from grade school, who was one of the best men in our wedding, may be in trouble. Nobody has heard from him in a few days and his parent's got a call to go to Philly (about 2 hours from where they grew up and where his parent's still live) because they found a body in his apartment and they need to identify it. So most likely his BFF since grade school is dead. We haven't heard back from anyone yet, but my guess would be that if it were good news you would want to call and let everyone breath a sigh of reliefe. Either way, somebody is dead, and it's a sad day. The friend that called DH said that he tried to call the other friends phone but it was disconnected. Which leads both DH and I to think that this was planned. It's just so sad, and we could really use some prayers for whoevers family that body belongs to.

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

Oh no, Tara. I'm so sorry. :bighug:
Please, please keep us posted. T&P's for all of you.

AK2663's picture
Joined: 09/03/08
Posts: 710

Oh Tara, how terrible. I hope you hear some news soon so everyone can be relieved or find their peace with the situation Sad

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

I'm pretty sure it was him Sad DH hasn't heard from his friend that called him, but he got an e-mail this morning from his sister saying that she heard it was him. SERIOUSLY you e-mail your brother to tell him that his best friend since grade school is dead. Come on, can't you pick up the phone? With the way his family is, we're surprised that he even got that much. Usually he only hears news on their weekly call, and sometimes not even then. One time his aunt was in the hospital and almost died and he wasn't told for WEEKS, even after talking to them. She was in their for a LONG time and had some major brain damage. So I guess an e-mail is a plus.

It hasn't really hit DH yet, but I know this will be a tough one.

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

I'm so sorry Tara, for your DH and his friend's whole family. :bighug:

rachelperry1983's picture
Joined: 04/13/07
Posts: 809

Oh Tara Sad This is horrible, I am so sorry hun.

Joined: 01/11/05
Posts: 326

Tara, I'm so sorry girl. How sad. My ts and ps are with you and dh and that poor man's family.

lauriem822's picture
Joined: 11/06/07
Posts: 360

:bigarmhug: Thinking about you guys, Tara.

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

Still thinking of you guys, Tara. :bighug:

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

Thanks everyone. I think right now the worst part is DH's family. He actually said last night that he can't mourn the loss of his best friend because he is sooo ticked at his family right now. We were willing to give his parent's the benfit of the doubt and say that maybe they didn't know about it when his sister e-mailed him. But they MUST know by now, and still have NOT called him. Are you FREAKIN kidding me. My sister and my parent's called him last night to see how he was doing. And the two people that brought you into this world can't even call? They live in a SMALL town, so word about everything gets around FAST, so they have to know by now. I am seriously thinking of calling them up today and not telling DH and telling them they better call him. Right now his plan is to go for the wake/funeral and not even stop at his parent's. It's just so sad. I can tell it is tearing him up. I hate to see him is so much pain.

Luckily his friend that called him Tuesday to let him know what was going on called last night. They are doing an autopsy on the body right now, so the services probably won't be until middle to end of next week. We were supposed to go to his parent's for the weekend of the 12th, I am wondering if we will just skip that trip since DH is so mad right now.

What would you do? Would you call his parent's and tell them to get on the phone and call their son? I know he would be mad if he found out I did that, and hurt that I had to force them to call and they didn't call on their own. But I can't stand to see him so hurt. I also don't have the type of relationship with his parent's that I would call them. He talks to them once a week, when he calls them on Sunday night. Oh what to do?

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

I don't think I'd call, Tara. There's no point getting into the middle of his family drama, it's just too easy to become the scapegoat. Like you said, you know DH will be mad that you had to call and 'force' them to do it, and likely he wants to see how it naturally pans out with them, no matter how much it hurts. Sounds like there is more afoot with DH's family than just this one incident, and maybe this kind of thing will force the confrontation necessary to restart honest communication.

I'd just do whatever I could to support DH - treat him to something that relaxes him (a nice candlelit bubble bath when he gets home, his favourite meal etc) and give him lots of love.

((big hugs))

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

Thanks Kirsten! I really didn't want to have to call them, but I just didn't know what was the best way to handle this. And I feel even worst because I have been having issues lately and he feels that he needs to be "taking care" of me, when I think he needs it more right now. So I am putting my problems aside right now, I just hope he can too and that he will let me comfort him.

jessianne223's picture
Joined: 09/10/08
Posts: 121

Tara that is so sad, I am so sorry! I will keep you, DH and the family in my t's and p's. How horribly sad. You can never know what tomorrow will hold. Who found the body?

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

Thank you Jessi. I think it was the police. I believe that nobody had talked to him and he hadn't shown up for work so they went looking for him. I hope that we will get more details soon.

jnjebrown's picture
Joined: 09/16/08
Posts: 229

I am so sorry Tara! It must really hurt that his family isn't very supportive either. I am sure they know the family well since DH and his friend were so close. Thank God his got a great wife to lean on!!! Wink

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

DH's family STILL had not called. He is so torn up about this. And then to have yet my other sister call him last night as soon as she found out, as much as he appreciated it, I think it was kind of like salt in the wound. I did talk to one of his friends and they said that the parent's of the guy that passed away are NOT going to do any sort of viewing/funeral. They are just having the body cremated after the autopsy and that's it. I haven't told DH yet because I JUST found out and he's not here. I know that will be hard for him. I really think that getting together with all of the friends would have helped him. Hopefully they will all plan something on their own, or that the parent's are just still in shock and will change their minds.

Thank you again everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words.

Oh Kirsten, I told DH last night how I was tempted to call his parents. He was VERY glad that I didn't! Thank you for that advice!

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

"fudd8963" wrote:

DH's family STILL had not called. He is so torn up about this. And then to have yet my other sister call him last night as soon as she found out, as much as he appreciated it, I think it was kind of like salt in the wound. I did talk to one of his friends and they said that the parent's of the guy that passed away are NOT going to do any sort of viewing/funeral. They are just having the body cremated after the autopsy and that's it. I haven't told DH yet because I JUST found out and he's not here. I know that will be hard for him. I really think that getting together with all of the friends would have helped him. Hopefully they will all plan something on their own, or that the parent's are just still in shock and will change their minds.

Thank you again everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words.

Oh Kirsten, I told DH last night how I was tempted to call his parents. He was VERY glad that I didn't! Thank you for that advice!

Oh good, I'm so glad to hear it... it's not always that my 2 cents worth is worth, well, 2 cents! Wink

I really hope the family rethinks their plans to not have a service too - that's unbelievable. I'm sure they'll regret it down the line if they don't. Even if they don't though, I hope DH and the other friends get together for a wake or celebration of life or something like that. Doesn't have to be formal, could just be in someone's living room...

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

This whole thing is just awful, so sorry to hear of your loss. And how crappy that his family is acting in that way, especially knowing the relationship that he had with his friend.

:bigarmhug:

AK2663's picture
Joined: 09/03/08
Posts: 710

Tara your DH is very lucky to have you through this awful time. I really hope the friend's family reconsiders not doing anything service wise. If they don't, I think maybe DH could suggest to his friends doing a little something, even if it's just a few beers at a restaurant to swap stories and remember him a bit. I think after all this pain of loosing a friend AND his family not being supportive, he will need some closure for sure.

Suzie-0225's picture
Joined: 07/30/08
Posts: 206

Oh honey I am so so sorry. Im so sad for you and your DH. I pray he gets peace wih this. Your such an awesome wife.. HUGS

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

Thank you all ladies! DH talked to one of his friends that still lives in their hometown last night and got some more details. They said the cause of death was from massive blood loss. He was having some health issues that he had been dealing with and that must have caused him to bleed internally and die from that. The sad part is that he was dead for several weeks. It breaks my heart to think that his parent's didn't talk to him for several weeks. They did have an odd relationship, but it's just so sad. They still aren't 100% sure that it is him, so they haven't released the body yet. The dental records didn't match 100% to the latest that his mother could get. So they now have to find his last dentist and get those records. Luckily the parent's did change their mind and the weekend of the 12th they are going to do something. That works out well because we were already headed in for a local fair, and a lot of people go in for that weekend. Which may be why they chose to do it then.

DH's family has STILL not called him. He usually calls his parent's on Sunday night, but he didn't last night. I told him if they call when he's not home, I won't answer the phone. I know I WILL say something to them, and it's not my place. So we'll see how that plays out. But at least we have a friend keeping us informed.