Some cheese with that WHIIIIIIIIIINE?

16 posts / 0 new
Last post
kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644
Some cheese with that WHIIIIIIIIIINE?

What strategies do you all use to try to avoid whining? Grady is on a kick the past few days since we got home... grumpy, crotchety, clingy, whine whine whine.. oh and even a slap or scratch here and there! But the whining is getting to us all, kind of crying for everything he wants, like "mama mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore!!" which ends in crying, even though he sees I'm in the middle of getting him more.

Heaven help me, has it started??? Wink

zoe08's picture
Joined: 09/09/08
Posts: 665

I need help in this area too! Ever since Mason was sick he is so clingy and whiny! So I don't know if it is just the terrible twos, or it came from being sick and now he thinks he should just get everything he wants.

As I type this he is going "momma, momma, momma, momma, momma" which is about all I have heard all day! That and "let's go, momma, let's go". I tried to get laundry out of the dryer and he seriously wrapped himself around my leg so I couldn't go anywhere!

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

I'm going to have a glass of :wine: because of all the whining I've heard today. :bigwink:

(dealing with it over here as well) I just try to tell M to use his words and to ask me what he needs help with, etc. Not sure that I'm doing the right thing because it's been happening for a couple weeks and hasn't improved much. Honestly it happens more in the late afternoon and after dh gets home. M is more independent when dh is at work or gone. I've been trying to remind dh of things that he doesn't need to do for M and if he accidentally does it then M just wants dh to do whatever it was instead of doing it on his own like he does all day long. Any tips anyone???

Suzie-0225's picture
Joined: 07/30/08
Posts: 206

Oh I need the answer to this.. Em has been super moody the past week... I think she might be cutting some molars!!

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

Whining grates on my every nerve. Miles does this whine combo where he sticks his arms straight out, makes his wrists limp and then whines. OY! We call it zombie arms here.....and he has taught it to Lexi. Heaven help us.

Ours seem to go in phases....right now Lexi is not too bad-- but when she is tired or teething or hungry....look out. I should also note that I give in and give her the boob, too, which is probably why I'm still nursing....to avoid the whining.

gardenbug's picture
Joined: 03/12/07
Posts: 2025

DD married into a stepson situation which involved a serious whiner as well as eating issues. :eek: Fortunately he also had great charm. He was 7 years old at the time. It took ages and ages, but I think DD has achieved some great success there and I hope she shares some of her efforts with you tomorrow. You really need support of your partner though!

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

"boilermaker" wrote:

Whining grates on my every nerve. Miles does this whine combo where he sticks his arms straight out, makes his wrists limp and then whines. OY! We call it zombie arms here.....and he has taught it to Lexi. Heaven help us.

Ours seem to go in phases....right now Lexi is not too bad-- but when she is tired or teething or hungry....look out. I should also note that I give in and give her the boob, too, which is probably why I'm still nursing....to avoid the whining.

Love the 'zombie arms'.. I can SO picture it! Wink

I'm nursing to avoid whining too, so I'm in the same boat. At one point I had Grady 'weaned' from his morning nursing, but since being on our trip (and it took up to 1/2 hour to get him something to eat in the morning since we all had to get dressed and walk to the restaurant), we're back into morning nursing full throttle. And now that he's in a whiny phase, he asks to nurse at other times during the day too. Not sure it's the right strategy to control whining, but it DOES work! Wink

kirsteng's picture
Joined: 10/19/02
Posts: 644

So how's that for an idea.. all you other girls dealing with a whiner...

flip out your boob and give them a quick session???? lol

AK2663's picture
Joined: 09/03/08
Posts: 710

We have quite the whiner here too Sad Some days she just drives me insane and I want to scream!

I do my best to make her ask for things the right way, or to get her interested in something else....but sometimes I just sit down and snuggle with her or play or whatever it is she wants after she asks the way she is supposed to.

I'm speaking from teacher/education experience not so much parenting since this is my first, but I think a lot of this is a learning phase for them. We can all band together here to complain and let out our vents, but I bet everyone is doing a great job at home and we will get through it together Smile

AK2663's picture
Joined: 09/03/08
Posts: 710

I should also add that G has been awful this week with the crankie's. One tip I started is doing a tubby when we get home (about 5) instead of like 630 when she ends up crying through it most nights. I let her watch one mickey while the tub fills up and she plays for awhile in there, eats dinner, then books and bed. Worked out well so far....although dinner was easy and I don't have other kids yet to worry about at the same time Smile

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

Must be the age, at this point...we just tell Kaylin to use her words. If she chooses not to, we ignore it until she can ask nicely for what she wants. Most of the time, she just wants your attention...evenings are so busy after working all day and then trying to get home and make dinner...that sometimes I forget that she needs extra attention too!

rachelperry1983's picture
Joined: 04/13/07
Posts: 809

Jake's been pretty good lately, he really only was super moody when he was teething. BUT Drew on the otherhand, I'm pretty sure he's turned into a girl with how much he's been whining!!!!!! Seriously, this is the kid that I NEVER have to get onto, he's never in trouble. Lately everything is whining and it drives me NUTS! He's a little older, so for the most part I can tell him that until he stops whining he can go to his room and that works for the most part.......sometimes I tell him that I'm not going to talk to him until he can speak like a big boy, that only babies and little boys with little muscles whine Wink lol

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

LOL Kirsten! The girls are obsessed with my boobs, so that may just work for them! They wouldn't nurse, but they would have fun poking them! They like to say "Boo, Mommy, two. Daddy three!" Yeah, DH has a nubbin!

Anyway, I think that the heat we are having here is NOT going so well for Addison especially. I think there are days that she wakes up whinning and goes to bed whinning! I try to get them to use their words, but it's hard when they are in the middle of a tantrum. It is cute to see them try to comfort the other one... until the mad one throws a fist!

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

Kaylin likes to point out that everyone has "boobah's" which is her word for boobies. And today, another little girl has a sundress on that the straps keep falling off...and she keeps telling her she needs to hide her "boobah's".

Suzie-0225's picture
Joined: 07/30/08
Posts: 206

Im glad someone mentioned the boob thing b/c I was starting to wonder about EM.. ITs been a year since we stopped breastfeeding and she still will sometimes stick her hand down my shirt and grab my boob and hold it like for comfort..

When we went to Ems 2 year check-up they told us she was still inline to cut some molars in the back (I thought she was done).. Well this week the clear snot, low fever off and on, and super whiiiiiiiiney booty... Im guess she is finally teething those molars.. She was doing well a month or so back, but since she started this shes been a pistol. Oh and we were in mid breaking of the paci and since starting teething that is our biggest cryfest.. I must admit IM horrible b/c I give in and give it to her.. Its so much harder with her than the boys and telling her no...

sarahsunshine's picture
Joined: 11/29/06
Posts: 1462

Whining, whining, whining… There are a couple things that need to be done to deal with it.

1) Is it preventative? Is the child whining because they are too tired, hungry, need to go to the bathroom, or not had enough attention? If so, you need to work on preventative measures:
- keep some emergency healthy snacks around and make sure the child eats frequently enough,
- know when they last went to the bathroom, and keep it on a simple schedule (every 2 hours ask/take them when you go)
- make sure you schedule some one on one time at key times (not as soon as you come home from work – but I’ll explain why later).
- Make sure that the kid gets to bed early enough, and gets a nap (if they still take naps). If they need a nap and don’t because they think they are too “grown up”, take a nap yourself, or schedule some quiet relaxing down time.
Some kids need a fixed schedule for a while so that they know what’s coming. We never had a schedule for Ivy and she did alright and started not taking naps, and being quite ornery, whiney, having tantrums, and being clingy, and then I realized that she sleeps a couple hours after lunch every day at the day home. I started having down time right after lunch (like at the day home), and very quickly she’d consistently take a 2-3 hour nap after lunch. She was also much more pleasant in the afternoon/ evening, AND that helped toilet training which was an added bonus.
DSS needed naps in the afternoon when I met him too (7yo), and I managed to get him to do that by taking a nap myself for an hour. Also, making sure he got to bed on time (DH tended to let him stay up until he passed out on the couch). It helped immensely.

2) Is the whining rewarding? Does your child whine because they get what they want when they whine?
DH does this terrible thing. If DSS or DD asks nicely, he ignores them because it’s not necessary. If they whine, he gets mad at them for whining, but then he gets/does what they want – at least some of the time. What does that teach them? If I ask nicely, nothing happens. If I whine, I may get yelled at, but I get what I want. I guess I should whine, because at least I get some help. It frustrates me no end. The thing is, he doesn’t realize he’s doing it because most of the time he’s trying desperately to do something super fast and it requires his whole attention (like making dinner, massive quick tidy, laundry… he likes doing one thing at a time and be quite focussed on it to get it done fast).

What should you do? Yes, many times you can’t be distracted because you are busy. If you have #1 taken care of, then the random little desperate distractions shouldn’t happen as often (unless you are toilet training).

Now your child is whining and you have been keeping up with their needs. This is likely because it is fulfilling their wishes. So, what you need to do is:
- explain to the child that whining doesn’t get what they want
- ***Make sure that you don’t give them what they want when they whine ***
- ask them to tell you what they want in words. Practice. “Ivy, you have lots of pretty words, can you tell me what you want?” Some people insist on ‘Please’ and ‘Thank-you’s.
- Only give them what they ask you after they ask nicely.
- Give them huge praise when they ask nicely on their own AND do what they asked right away. I find that letting my two know exactly what you are doing really helps “Ivy, you asked that so nicely. I will get you some water right away.”
- *When you can’t do what they ask* (which happens often enough) I find that letting them know that you heard them is even more important. “Thank you so much for asking nicely for some cookies, but we aren’t allowed to have cookies right now. Ivy can’t have cookies right now. Would Ivy like an apple instead?”

I also find that if the child is feeling useful, that it really prevents the whining too. If they are whining at you while you are making dinner, give them the cutlery and ask them to take it to the table. If you need more time, just give them the forks, when they come back, the spoons, then the cups. It keeps them busy, happy to be some help, and out from underfoot. They are also getting attention – “Here’s the forks, can you put those on the table for me please, Ivy?”, “Thank you for being so helpful.”

3) What do you do when you know that your child is too tired/hungry/has to pee too badly/ etc.. to be able to deal with the “ask nicely” procedure?
- don’t give in. But you can be sneaky about this. You can’t allow the child to be rewarded by the whining because even if they get rewarded very rarely, they know that it works. So don’t. Also, they might realize that when they are tired and exhausted, it’s OK to whine. That’s not really OK either (to me).
- Try to head it off. If you know the child is exhausted and it’s almost dinner time, give them a snack before they start whining.
- BUT… If they are already whining, and you know that your child is starving and hasn’t had a nap, you can put a plate of cheese/healthy snack somewhere obvious (but not directly in front of them) so that they can eat.

For example. Ivy is starving and it’s dinner time, and DH “forgot” to give her a nap after lunch. Knowing that, I can put some slices of cheese and apple/ cereal in a small bowl, and ask DSS to put it on the table. This way, I didn’t give it to her in response to her whining (I gave it to DSS), but there is food available for her to eat. I haven’t rewarded her for whining, but I am getting her some food, knowing that there is no way that in her current state she can’t see cause/effect, or think of asking nicely.

And most importantly… BE CONSISTENT!
If they get a reward even occasionally for whining, they will keep doing it. Why wouldn’t they? It works!