Tantrums

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fudd8963's picture
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Tantrums

Oh man, Addison now takes the cake for tantrum thrower in our house! This weekend she started throwing some MAJOR tantrums. No joke, they will last 15-20 minutes. And there is NO calming her down. She will throw at least one of these a day. And of course one first thing in the morning when I am trying to get them both ready for daycare. I read somewhere that the average tantrum lasts only 3-5 minutes. Do any of your LOs have VERY long tantrums? On Sunday she screamed for so long and so hard that she put herself to sleep... in the middle of the day! I don't know what to do with her. She arches her back, kicks, screams, yells if you are near her, yells if you leave her. And the big thing, she pees when she does it. Do you think she just looses control of her bladder, or that she is doing it on purpose? Ugh, I so hope this passes soon.

And it's the littlest things that throw her off. Like today she wanted the brown and pink shirt, so I put the black and red shirt on Brooke. As soon as I started to put the shirt on Brooke she starts yelling "RED RED RED". I try to give her choices so she feels she is in control, but that almost makes it worst. Any tips?

RebeccaA'07's picture
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Kaylin has really hit the wall on tantrums and being whiney as well. The thing that works best for us is ignoring the tantrum until it's over and then trying to find a solution, like "When you stop screaming/crying, I can do this for you". Sometimes, they just have to get it out because they can't really express themselves in any other way, or at least that's what we tell ourselves when Kaylin is having a screaming fit!

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I'm not glad that Kaylin has them that bad also, but I'm glad that I'm not alone. UGH, it's so hard to see them throw such a fit and knowing that there is NOTHING you can do. Thanks! I'll try to just let her go. I think I try to step in too soon and it just makes it worst.

RebeccaA'07's picture
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"fudd8963" wrote:

I'm not glad that Kaylin has them that bad also, but I'm glad that I'm not alone. UGH, it's so hard to see them throw such a fit and knowing that there is NOTHING you can do. Thanks! I'll try to just let her go. I think I try to step in too soon and it just makes it worst.

I think it's the age, maybe? My 2 1/2 year old niece is just as bad about throwing tantrums and being a little bully too (to Kaylin). Kaylin's sitter will put her in the chair and not engage her until after she's done, I've really noticed a decrease in tantrums lately which I completely contribute to the help of the sitter. She's really firm whereas something I cave and give in...I can't help it, I hate hearing the crying!

fudd8963's picture
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I asked daycare today if she ever has them. She told me just short little ones, like when she's told no, but that's to be expected. They do have a bear chair that they sit on when they throw tantrums, and it usually ends in under 5 mintues. Maybe I will try doing something like that at home. But like you said, it's so hard NOT to cave in and try to comfort them.

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I was about to start a thread about this! Sam's tantrums started about 3 weeks ago, and we were doing ok, only about 1 per week. Now they are at least every other day. I was reading about them in my Dr. Sears book (only one I have that addresses toddler tantrums) and he specifically says to try and limit the 'trigger points'........Sam's trigger point is being able to walk while holding my hand, and if I don't let him go where ever he wants to go. For example in home depot Sunday I was letting him walk beside us and so he wanted to run wild through the aisles. When I stopped him he freaked out. We had to leave and he screamed for 15 mins. DH and I had it OUT bc he didn't understand what a tantrum actually was, he was trying to control the tantrum.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but we now cannot go to this specific place in the park bc when we walk to the bathroom (for me) he wants to run in the road and when I stop him and re direct him, he FREAKS. We have left the park twice bc he will not stop screaming.

I am glad to have you girls to help me realize this is totally normal. He tends to have them later in the afternoon near naptime. I have a feeling I've got a good year left of this!

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Mason seems to be getting a bit better about throwing tantrums, but sometimes he will all out throw himself on the floor screaming if he doesn't get something he wants. Normally when that happens we take him and put him in his room and walk out. If he comes out still screaming, we take him back, normally when he comes out though he is done, or at least by the 2nd time out he is done.

Luckily we haven't had to deal with full on tantrums out in public yet.

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Cate has tantrums so bad she spins like a helicopter. Going through this age a second time I find it kinda funny. There is no rationalizing and no known triggers with Cate (except her not getting her way). So, like we did with Drew, I carry her to the time out chair and she can get up when she is done. If we have guests I put her in a chair upstairs. And the just walk away. In public we leave immediately and she goes into her car seat. I've left food at the store in my cart (but I do tell someone it's there o I doesn't spoil).

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Oh I am dreading when it happeneds at the grocery store!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do not think Sam would stay in a chair for one second. I'll have to try it, but I seriously doubt it. We usually put him in his room and shut the door or just don't even look at him. At least he doesn't hold is breath!

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I keep putting her back in the chair. Drew doesn't have them often now, but does stay in the chair. I just try to keep it consistent for both. She is 10x worse than he ever was!

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Ivy was doing this starting at 14mo and we just started ignoring her. They disappeared within the month. She is worst when DSS is around because he tried to comfort her with everything and that just gives attention to the tantrum and makes it last longer. Generally now, if she starts getting upset, we ask her to use words or to go sit on the stairs. Usually it works and she’ll stop.

HOWEVER, just 3 days ago she had the biggest tantrum that I’ve seen. It started because it was one of our first beautiful days here and the snow has mostly melted off our back deck and I’d pulled a lawn chair out and told her she could nap on the chair, if she would stay still. I had Leo on a blanket next to the chair and he was just chilling in the sun. Ivy would be great reading a book or lying down for about 5-10 minutes and then she would decide to climb over the chair, through the arms, off the side, go over to Leo. After 3 chances (yes, I gave it 3 chances…) I took her to her room and she was MAD. She was so tired she would scream for a few minutes, then stop and have a big yawn, look confused for a minute, then start screaming again. For the first time she refused to stay on her bed when told to, so I had to close the door to her room. I tried to read her a book, reading to her stuffies, taking them to the bathroom, using them as exampled, anything else I could think of – no luck. I tried to get her to sit on the bed by lying on the bed and pretending to sleep.

She stood and hammered at the door for 25 minutes.

After that, I physically grabbed her and held her down in bed (as gently as possible, and stroked her hair and belly as I did so), and she calmed down and went to sleep within a minute or two. I felt terrible for physically restraining her (I don’t like the idea at all), but it’s the only thing I found that worked!

I think that the biggest thing with Ivy is not letting her get tired enough that she has a tantrum. Usually she’s great when it comes to nap time – she reads to her stuffies or goes to sleep right away depending on how tired she is. But Sunday – she was having no part of it!

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"jessianne223" wrote:

Oh I am dreading when it happeneds at the grocery store!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do not think Sam would stay in a chair for one second. I'll have to try it, but I seriously doubt it. We usually put him in his room and shut the door or just don't even look at him. At least he doesn't hold is breath!

Kaylin is a holy mess in the grocery store. I'll give her some credit, at times she is really good. But she only wants to be in the large part of the cart or walking. If she walks, she runs into people and takes off down aisles. I'm ready for a drink afterwards!!

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Michael doesn't have too many real temper tantrums (does have some) but has been very whiney... :/

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Jake doesn't have too many tantrums, he gets whiney and can turn on the fake crying VERY quick though! Idk what it is, but if he starts in throwing a fit, I can just give this child a look and he knows he better straighten up! Maybe it's cause he sees how crazy I've gone on the older two? lol.........or more less, I should say Makayla Smile

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Grady isn't very tantrummy either (yet). Wink My other two never really did this stage.. my first was kind of difficult all the time... active, demanding, but pretty easy to be redirected and never actually threw fits. Just went from one thing to the next, and took a bit of pleasure in driving me bonkers. Wink DD was easy as pie, always agreeable and happy to please. She made things so easy.. even at this age she was a wonderful companion in the grocery store etc. Never once had a tantrum that I can remember.

Grady is somewhere between the two. Not as sort of 'disagreeable' as DS1 was at this age, but not the super-pleaser that dd was. Most of the time he's pretty happy in the cart, as long as I have drinks, snacks, and keep him involved by holding the bags for fruit etc or asking him to help me spot the rice etc. If he gets bored he can get whiny.. he IS at that stage. REALLY in that stage, actually. Wink He's not liking being in the stroller as much either these days, and will whine pretty early into a shopping trip if he's in it. If walking he will generally stay with me, but might run ahead to the end of the aisle and wait for me, lay on the floor etc. DS1 would have been around the corner and out the front door given the same chance, while DD would have been happily sitting in the cart singing to herself or chatting with me the whole time.

Kids are all SO different!