Potty training????

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Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368
Potty training????

Is it way too soon for this!?!?

I'm not actually starting anything yet, but I am thinking of getting a potty to have in the bathroom so she can get used to the idea of her own little toilet that she can use if she wants.

I know potty training is a cultural thing- as far as when to do it. But, you know that book The Wonder Weeks that I often refer to (which Jordan recommended to me)... well, it has loads of anecdotes from parents in it, and SO MANY of them in the 15-18 mos range talk about how the kids are pretty regularly using the potty, or AT LEAST telling the parents when they need a diaper change. Now, Beni isn't doing, isn't anywhere NEAR doing, either of those things! But I wonder if it's a difference of exposure/being given the opportunity versus actually being unable. (By the way, the reason I mention the cultural thing is because I think most of the kids/parents in the book are Dutch, not American.)

Anyway... so...

What are you plans on potty training?

Anyone doing anything with it yet?

Any kids showing any interest?

Any kids even telling you when they need a diaper change?

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

We will put it out around 18 months. My older ones started using it (to pee) on a regular basis at about 19 months. DS trained himself at 29 months, DD was 22 months. It was super easy. I will never formally try to "train" a kid~ my friends who did that are the ones whose kids developed aversions/issues (like constipation or pooping on floors and stuff) and I don't ever want to deal with that.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

Melissa, I've heard this before, to just let them go on their own, etc... but then just the other day I read about a couple kids who were like 3.5 or something and still not potty trained. :/

As with most other things, I'm happy to follow my kid's lead... she's super interested in me and all my functions these days (she watches me shower- literally, just stands at the end of the tub watching, and she watches me pee and poo and has to look in the toilet when I'm done and watch whatever get flushed)- so it seems she might be somewhat interested...who knows what her reaction might be to a potty just for her.

But yeah, I guess the whole not forcing it makes sense to me... but where I'd be happy to nurse a 3.5 year old, I REALLY don't like the idea of a 3.5 year old still in diapers!

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

I'm sure that if you had a 3 or 3.5 year old who freaked out when you got them near a potty, you might feel then you feel now about sleep training or babysitters. One thing in theory, another in reality Smile I've seen parents really really struggle ~ and at some point I have to imagine I'd rather my kid wear a diaper than crap in their pants or have to get enemas because of holding it in so much out of fear of pooping on a toilet that they develop extreme constipation issues. Its really hard to watch (or to judge) a child who is acutely afraid of the toilet.

Like most things, I don't care when other peoples kids do things, early or late. I just know that for us, letting them take the lead (which for us meant not bribing, rewarding with candy, shaming, etc ~ we just set the potty in the bathroom and they loved to use it whenever they were naked, like around bath time or when getting dressed in the AM or into pajamas in the PM) led to early training. After using it on their own accord, they one day told me "I don't want to wear diapers anymore" and they didn't. My son at 29 months had one or two accidents total, my daughter, who was 22 months, never had a single one. I think that cloth diapering played a part too, I know that I read somewhere that kids who wear cloth diapers tend to move to underwear about 6 months earlier than kids in disposables on average. That played out for my kids, anyway. So you have that working on your side!

julieanddanny's picture
Joined: 03/06/03
Posts: 248

I'll do what I did with the other two. At around 2.5 when it appears they are ready and capable we'll take the diapers off and put the undies on. Took each of them about 3 days. In the meantime I do talk about it and allow bathroom access and stuff. Occasional sits on the potty before baths, etc. I WILL NOT toilet train for months or years! Smile

reeveslady's picture
Joined: 11/23/05
Posts: 1423

There are several signs to look for, like being able to pull bottoms off and on, actually asking to use the potty, going all night without wetting the diaper, and others. Eve usually gives me signals when she needs a diaper change (she might say "diaper" or hold her bum or say "doodoo" or "poopoo"). She's interested in flushing too, but I don't think she's ready for full-out training. I tried sitting her on the potty a couple times, but she asked to get down right away. So obviously not quite there! All that being said, there is a girl in Eve's class who is a month and a half younger than her whose mom says she goes to the potty. I don't know if she's just really good at EC or her daughter actually was ready. You hear all the time about girls being ready before boys and some kids being trained before the 18 month mark. It's all about the individual child, they say.

Melissa is very right. I've heard of studies that say if you try to train your kid before they're ready it takes them tons of time more to train than one who actually is ready. I never really delved very deep in potty training for the boys. They both both were in underwear full time on or shortly after their third birthdays.

carg0612's picture
Joined: 09/23/09
Posts: 1554

Each mom and child combo is a little different. My 2 older kids were way different. My DD really trained herself in a matter of a few days around 2.5. My DS#1 was not so easy. I never pushed him though. He was about 3.25 before he was fully able to do all of it on his own. Maybe you think that's too old but he just wasn't realy before and I felt it would be detrimental to push him harder.

There are lots of "readiness" signs that kids display and being interested in what you're doing is certainly one of them.

I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you and Beni. Just have patience and don't get in a power struggle.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

Goodness, just because I don't like the idea of a 3 year old in diapers certainly doesn't mean plan on traumatizing my child onto the toilet!!! I have no plan of forcing or making anything scary.

Suzanne, good to know specific signs. Beni certainly can't get her diaper off on her own, but I am thankful for that!!! :).

Christina, I think I should have considered my words better. You know I'm a big advocate on child led development. I'm not blaming any kid for not being ready- they are ready when they're ready. I'm just saying that *I* don't like the idea of such a big kid in diapers for myself- because it means I have to change that diaper!!

That said, when I had a kid in one of my kindergarten classes complain to his parents that I wouldn't wipe for him, I told the parents they needed to train him that weekend, no ifs, ands or but(t)s about it!!! ;). Cleaning up accidents in kg? Absolutely! Regularly wiping bums? I don't think so!!!

mist1006's picture
Joined: 01/10/07
Posts: 1018

Belle is 3.5 and just about pt.. She justrecently started telling me she needed to go potty and she will occasionally poop in the potty....,, I tried earlier and it was a nightmare... Full out.

Changing her really isnt a big deal. Shes in pull ups which makes it easier.. I just keep some wipes in the bathroom for the occasional poop issue.

As a mom that was horribly guilted by ppl because she wasn't pt at three I can tell you its a rough road., pt has prob been my least fav part of parenting...and that includes tantrums.

reeveslady's picture
Joined: 11/23/05
Posts: 1423

You are so lucky, Mara! Eve always takes her diaper off. It's such a problem that we have to put bottoms on her (shorts, pants, a onesie, whatever!) right after we put her clean diaper on or she'll just yank the thing off again. Not that I mind having a naked kid running around; it's just that she will invariable have an accident somewhere on one of our carpets, rugs, or hardwood floors. She doesn't think the ceramic tile is a good place to go, I guess!

And even though I wrote that taking bottoms off was a sign, I didn't even think that Eve was displaying that particular one. See? Even parents of 2 or more kids have trouble identifying signals Lol

Joined: 01/04/09
Posts: 92

Ben wasn't trained til about 2 months after his 3rd birthday. We had tried pull ups with no success and dh wasn't ready to put him in underwear. When dh was away on a business trip, I put Ben in underwear and sent him to preschool. It took 3 days and he hasn't had an accident since...he's 7 now. My mom says I was trained at 25 months, my brother at 23 months. Not sure what I'll do with Alyse, she isn't showing any signs of anything so I'll probably wait a good while.

Marite13's picture
Joined: 08/07/09
Posts: 3368

It. Might be that her cloth diapers have snaps though... Not that easy to get off!!!

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"mist1006" wrote:

Belle is 3.5 and just about pt.. She justrecently started telling me she needed to go potty and she will occasionally poop in the potty....,, I tried earlier and it was a nightmare... Full out.

Changing her really isnt a big deal. Shes in pull ups which makes it easier.. I just keep some wipes in the bathroom for the occasional poop issue.

As a mom that was horribly guilted by ppl because she wasn't pt at three I can tell you its a rough road., pt has prob been my least fav part of parenting...and that includes tantrums.

A few of my friends had the same experience, I'm so sorry! Theirs was activity driven, because their child wasn't PT'd a lot of preschools or activities (like swim lessons or the moonbounces at my gym) were off limits to kids over 3 but still in diapers. So hard, on both the parents and the kids! I'm sorry you had to go through that and congrats on Belle being just about there!

I also never understood how easy diapers are as a first time parent! I remember when my DD said "I only want to wear underwear" at 22 months I literally tried to talk her out of it! When they are in diapers, they are on your time, you can change them when you want. When they are potty trained, you are on their time, helping them with buttons or helping them get on/off the potty or wiping their bottom. No big deal....until you have a newborn who is nursing all the time or you see how absolutely disgusting public restrooms are and how often one has to use them if you lead an active life with your toddlers.

I will never forget a good friend who had kids close like I did but her 2nd and 3rd were in diapers at the same time saying to me "You are so lucky you will only have one in diapers once you have your third" when I was big and it was winter of my third pregnancy. I wanted to scream, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Being in a mall or store or gross restaurant public potty stall with a still 1 and still 2 year old who need to be wiped and who also want to touch every gross thing while having a huge belly? Yeah, not fun. Would have been way easier, for me anyway, to have still had them in diapers Smile I had two in diapers for 16 months as my first are 13 months apart, and it was way easier than wiping and undressing one handed while nursing a newborn at the same time.

RyleesMom's picture
Joined: 10/10/03
Posts: 123

totally one of these topics that you can say "depends on the kid". There is such a wide range here. It also depends on how much time you want to put into it.

My first DD started peeing around 17 mos in the potty... it was hit and miss til she was about 22 mos or so.. and she started being consistant. By that time, we COULD HAVE gotten serious about it and trained her right then and there.. but I was big and pregnant with #2 and took the lazy way out. I didn't want to walk into the bathroom 20 times a day and monitor.. help.. stand there. Etc. LOL.. so we took our time and she was full on trained day and night at about 27 months.. a few months after her sister arrived. My second DD we started trying AFTER Lainey was born (She turned 2 right before Lainey was born) she was day and night time pee trained by 2-1/2 but then we had issues with pooping. She just wouldn't do it in toilet. Was a weird hang up. It took her a few more months to poop train.

So far.. Lainey seems pretty aware of her diaper.. she says "Di-Der" she goes and gets one and lays down, legs in the air when I tell her to, lol.. and a few times she has gotten one on her own after she poops so I know she doesn't like sitting in it. I was actually thinking about bringing the potty chair back out and letting her try from time to time. I probably won't really concentrate on training her til about 2.

Oh and who ever said it.. I agree. The straight to underwear never looking back at diapers worked for my kids too. Yes there were messes.. but only a few days of messes and then they "got" it super quick!

StephanieTinMT's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 265

I'll probably put our little potty in the bathroom around 18 months too. My dd was fully trained before she turned 2. She was a piece of cake, I just followed her lead....also, she was the youngest one at her daycare so she caught on quick when the older kids started going on the potty. Miles is not showing any signs. He would sit in a poopy diaper for a year before it bothered him :roll: dd was the opposite. She hated being dirty. When Miles is pooping I'll ask him "Miles, are you pooping?" And he'll nod so that's something I guess. Beni will be a piece of cake!

Joined: 10/17/09
Posts: 160

Noah started getting interested in what we were doing in the bathroom around 18 months or so. I bought him a little potty, and put it in the bathroom for him to get used to, and use if he wanted. He was interested for a few days and then kind of forgot about it. Around two he started being more interested in it, but it was sporadic. He was great about peeing on the potty if we put him on it, like before baths or something, but he wouldn't tell us if he needed to go. He would also stay dry if I brought him potty every 1/2 an hour, but I quickly decided that until he could tell me he needed to go, he wasn't ready. Lucas was born right after Noah turned two, and I made they decision that unless he seemed really ready and interested, there was no way I was going to do any potty training.

A few months before his third birthday he started to show more interest in the potty. He would pee no problem, and tell us when he needed to go, but was hesitant to poop on the potty. At the same time he started to HATE being in a poopy diaper. I started encouraging him to poop on the potty, and with a ton of encouragement he did. Then the poor kid got a really nasty tummy bug and while he did poop on the potty, it scared him for some reason, and he REFUSED to poop on the potty again for a few months. At right about 3 he decided he wanted to only wear underwear. He has had a few minor accidents since then (all pee), but other than that he's trained! He still gets a pull up at night because he's a HEAVY sleeper. Although we are frequently finding that he changes into underwear at some point during the night, so I think he'll be fully night trained soon too.

I'd get Beni a potty, and just know that her interest will probably flucate with it. I think it's a good thing for them to have around and get comfortable with, even if they aren't ready to start using it regularly. I have a friend that did the whole "take your kid to the potty every 15 minutes at 18 months until they train" and she was trained by two, but she said she'll never do that again. They lived by the clock. Her 2nd DD is almost 3, and almost trained, and she said it's been so much easier!

mots913's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 33

What are you plans on potty training? When my daughter was 2.5 we had a potty training weekend where we put her in undies and rolled up the rugs and after she peed on the floor a few times it clicked and she was about 80% potty trained after that weekend. Might try that with Rhett when we feel he's ready for it.

Anyone doing anything with it yet? We did dig the little potty out of the garage and it's sitting in their bedroom and he sits on it once in a while and shows some interest but not really too into it. It also doubles as a footstool so that's handy for DD! Smile

Any kids showing any interest? He mainly just likes to take the little potty chair apart and sometimes sit on it.

Any kids even telling you when they need a diaper change? He could care less if he's got a wet or dirty diaper. Never tugs at it and doesn't seem to notice. I wish it would bother him more...

KBlaix's picture
Joined: 11/23/07
Posts: 140

Let me first apologize for not reading all the other responses. I only have a minute, but wanted to share my experiences with this...

With both my boys I have put a potty out before the age of one. Nathan had no interest in using it at all until just after his second birthday. He started pulling his dry diapers off and peeing on the floor. I'd take him to the potty to remind him that it was there, but I didn't do much else. After a week of that he gave it a try he discovered he loved going in the potty. After another week he was fully day and nighttime trained. He was 25 months old. I never pushed for it, or expected it, it just happened. He was so easy.

When Nathan started preschool just after his third birthday they told us "we of corse don't expect him to be potty trained yet". My jaw nearly hit the floor. I had not idea what age was "normal" for kids, but he had been trained for nearly a full year. Were they seriously telling me that most 3 year olds still wear diapers? Yep, they were.

Topher has been using his potty since he was around 9 months old. He loves using it. He's not at all close to being fully potty trained and I'm not pushing him to be. The potty is just available if and when he wants to use it.

So, do I think it's too early to put one out? Not at all. Go for it.

Joined: 08/28/09
Posts: 398

Don't really have much to add other than what has been said but wanted to just say that Avery tells us when she has gone similar to Lainey but here is the issue... shel ets me know AFTER it happens.. no sign prior to it so I don't think she is ready to be out of diapers or know when she needs to go get one... and she really only tells me when it is poop so pee she would be doing all the time if out of a diaper... I agree all kids are different and I heard the same things as Suzanne but until she tells me she needs to go I don't think I can train her mind.

mishy80's picture
Joined: 06/28/09
Posts: 406

What are you plans on potty training?
I plan to get the potty out soon. The weather is starting to warm up and I find it easier to train over the warmer months than colder months.

Anyone doing anything with it yet?
I was thinking a few weeks back I should get the plastic potty out. After Aaron gets out of the bath, I dry him off and without fail he will look down at his boy bits and watch himself pee (I have an old towel down to catch this)...so he obviously feels when its about to happen as he is looking at himself do it! lol

Any kids showing any interest?
Aaron doesn't seem to be bothered by dirty diapers, only a few occasions where he poops and sits down and moves back and forth and whinges (which means he hates it) but as I said it's only a few times he has done this but overall he doesn't signal to me when he's wet or anything. BUT because of those after bath times when he feels he's about to do it, I don't think it would take him long to figure it out.

Any kids even telling you when they need a diaper change?
As I said, not really, only a few times he's bothered enough to whinge about a dirty diaper but not saying OK I need to do a wee or poop now, that sort of comes as they gain more confidence in their general communication with you (be it talking or showing you what they want).

DD#1 was trained fully a week before I had DD#2, she was 3 and a bit. However by 28 months she was day and night trained but really was too scared to poop in the toilet/potty. It obviously took quite a few more months for her to gain confidence (and with a bribe) to do it.

DD#2 was a bit harder. She trained about the same age but it was definitely hit and miss for a long time. Also because she had those overactive bladder issues, she wore pullups (mainly at night) until recently (she has her follow up appointment with the surgeon in a few weeks anyway but she's been of the meds a little while now and no accidents!)

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to toilet train your child, all kids take to it differently.

Joined: 02/26/07
Posts: 186

I am sure each kid/parent combo is different. For ME I like to go at it full force and it be done in a couple days. I have never used pullups and both girls were day & night trianed my 2. DD2 does still have some daytime accidents but she has some bladder issues.....so different story. I plan to do the same with Keegan. We already have the potty chair in the bathroom(for dd2) and he loves to sit on it(fully clothed Wink He has also been telling us AFTER he poops. Which, the girls NEVER did! I am sure he will give us a run for our money since I got off so easy with the girls. Guess we will see!