Touched-out!

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Marite13's picture
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Touched-out!

So, I finally am feeling totally and completely touched out...but, possibly not quite in the usual way. I have all the patience in the world for Beni (except when she pinches, which drives me crazy!)...but when other kids or dogs get in my space I want to kick them. And I am not generally a kicking kind of person. Not to other living things. We're living with my dad now, and he has a dog just the same age as Beni, and I seriously push it away every time it comes near me. And my step-sister's youngest, who is 6, and more desperate than any child I have ever seen for love and attention (yes, she is finally getting plenty while living with my mom and step-dad)- when she cuddles up to me, I seriously, just have to tell her to get away from me (nicely of course). I just have to tell her that I need my space and she has to sit on the other end of the couch, etc. Smile

Anyone else feeling touched-out???

RyleesMom's picture
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I can understand if the dog is annoying and you aren't an animal person.

But the kid?

I don't know the whole story about you and your step sister, but I know I am feeling bad for her daughter. Since you know her history of seeking love and attention (which is very sad btw)... why do you not let her cuddle with you or sit near you? What about her is so bad?

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I am the mom of 3 so i am always being touched by someone so yes sometimes i understand that feeling. With that being said i also have a 5 year old who loves attention..heck what kid doesnt want it all the time. If you dont want her on top of you why dont you try setting some time aside for just her to play a game or something. I bet she would love that. Or take her and beni outside for 20 minutes and let her run around with beni and the dog too...lol i have always been an animal lover but since i had my kids i could care less about them. I just dont have enough arms or time in the day to love on kids husband and animals right now. I bet she sees what a wonderful mom you are to beni and wants a little of that dont you think?

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I am not an animal person, so I totally understand the dog thing!!

I also like my personal space. Being the mommy to 3 young ones, that doesn't happen that often. And believe me there are times I want to scream for no one to TOUCH me! LOL. (it is usually about MY mood....NOT that child whether mine or not) That is when I will give them a big hug, reassure to them I love them and ask them to go play. As I type this I have a kid on both sides of me/half on me (and neither is Keegan!)

Good Luck!

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I totally get it Mara. My poor cat gets the snub a lot because I just don't want to cuddle anymore.

If your niece is getting lots of love and attention now, I wouldn't be so concerned about asking her for space when you need it.

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"tara82" wrote:

I am not an animal person, so I totally understand the dog thing!!

I also like my personal space. Being the mommy to 3 young ones, that doesn't happen that often. And believe me there are times I want to scream for no one to TOUCH me! LOL. (it is usually about MY mood....NOT that child whether mine or not) That is when I will give them a big hug, reassure to them I love them and ask them to go play. As I type this I have a kid on both sides of me/half on me (and neither is Keegan!)

Good Luck!

Ditto! Especially the bolded. I am sad to admit that I feel this way about my oldest sometimes, and my DH the most. And it has absolutely nothing to do with my feelings for either. I have a sensitivity problem--there are certain fabrics I can't wear, and I can't even wear flip flops because of the thingy that goes in between my toes because I just can't be touched there. I feel bad that sometimes I'm not able to just physically pile on the love like I think a mother should, but my sensory issues just don't allow it sometimes. You may not have sensory issues, but anyone who nurses on demand (or remembers the early days of nursing where it was every 2 hours round the clock) can identify with the need for personal space.

Of course it's very important to give a little love to your step-niece, but as long as you're not literally shoving her away I think it's ok to ask for a little wiggle room. While, yes, she really needs love and affection, she also needs to learn to respect other people's boundaries. If she's overwhelmingly assertive about getting attention/affection, it could cause problems in school and other public places. Just my thoughts, since it was brought up.

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Oh goodness. Who looks like a b!tch now!?!

The truth is, it just is what it is. The dog and my niece happen to be the only two beings willing to try to get more out of me now in the sense of wanting to become part of my space right now, and I just don't have it in me. It's nothing personal to either of them, it just is what it is. I have little to no relationship with either of them (for all intents and purposes my niece only met me in April- I'd met her like maybe 3 times before that in all her 6 years, all three of the previous which were when she was a baby), and have little motivation to really work on deepening it (after all, I'm leaving the country for another year in like two weeks!).

I think I really wanted to share how like, I'm actually a really physically loving person most of the time, and I have nothing against dogs, and love kids... but, right now, at this point in life (maybe especially after being a single parent for 6 weeks), I just don't have more to give- and it's surprising to me, because I never thought that would happen to me.

My niece is going to have issues in her life no matter what at this point. Her mom took care of that. But my mom and step-dad are totally there for her now, absolutely so much so that I don't feel like I have to give in completely to letting her be a total energy/space leech when she's around me.

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I dont think you sound like a b!tch at all as i just told my 5 year old to go play the wii for a few minutes while the younger kids nap and i have some lunch and QT. I am pretty sure we all feel this way some of the time. My cats also came with us to Boston because i didnt have it in my heart to put them in a cage some place but they live in my mother in laws basement most of the time because with 3 kids the cats are not the highest on my list anymore. Hang in there...it sounds like you are moving soon anyway.

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"Marite13" wrote:

Oh goodness. Who looks like a b!tch now!?!

This really made me LOL. You do not sound bad. Everyone feels this way at some point, it is just how you go about dealing with it!

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I know what you mean Mara, it's definitely how I am feeling at that time and I don't mean to be mean if I say I want some space...and no way is it *****y, I thinks it's understandable to want to have some time to yourself. My Dd#2 is always over me if the baby isn't on me and at times I feel smothered (by my own child!) She's 5 and just wants my attention, which I give her but I also say when it's enough too, and you have every right! Speaking of wanting personal space, although Aaron does like cuddles and to be picked up, well when he wants his space he will smack you away and also push you away and he doesn't like people in his face at all..I think he gets that from my DH! Speaking of which last night I couldn't stand to have DH near me, even for a cuddle, made me annoyed...but for that I am blaming AF Smile

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:lurk: not a *****...I feel that way too...I have kids on me all day..then at night my hubby wants to try and be a 170lb chimp on me...its like my body is never my own...makes me wanna HIDE!:o

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I do indeed have times where I feel touched-out. It is usually after being solo parent for awhile or during stressful situations.