Getting the word out and advice needed

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callie2's picture
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Getting the word out and advice needed

Like Mary, I've been dragging my feet to tell anyone about this pregnancy. I like having the secret and having the babe to mine and DHs selves, but the belly grows so it must be told. We told DHs fam last weekend at a family trip and they are so excited. Then, we told my parents on FaceTime afterwards and again, thrilled! Told local friends at a get together this weekend and that went well. I have my appt this Wednesday and I'll tell work and out of town friends after that. I don't know if I'm going to do a true "Facebook" announcement, but pretty much everyone will know after that.

One complicated one is telling my brother...what would you do? He and his wife lost a pregnancy before I was pregnant with DD and SIL has NEVER really even said anything about my DD or asked about her or anything (they lived in Germany until recently so they have only ever seen her once). Then, last year, when DD was about 9 mo old they lost another pregnancy really quite late (around 20 weeks) which was devestating. Now, they are pregnant with a healthy baby due Dec 24th. I haven't told them yet because I feel like SIL is going to be mad or upset that we are having another... My bro and I are really close and I want to tell him, but a mix of feeling sorry for SIL for what she has been through and of feeling of anger for her never acknowledging the best person in my life are making me hold back. I get it that she has been through a lot, but... Even when we saw them the first time she wouldn't really look at her, talk to her, and I felt like I had to go out of my way to keep DD from her so I wouldn't upset SIL. as I type this, it sounds completely crazy! Also, DH and I are older than them and want to make our babies so we can have a nice retirement one day....we can't wait around for their babies to come first...which is what it feels like she wanted us to do.

marymoonu's picture
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If it were me, and I was close to my brother but SIL was being a little weird about it, I'd probably just tell my brother and let him decide when to tell his wife.

Do they still live far away from you where you won't see them much? Just thinking, it seems like you rarely see them anyway if they've only seen your DD once.. So it might not be that hard to deal with if you don't see them much.

callie2's picture
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Yeah, now they are in new Mexico and we are in north Carolina so no, we don't get to see them much. It's more the blah feeling of knowing she will know and probably isn't going to be happy about it. I guess that shouldn't be my problem though and I just need to get over it. Maybe I'll wait until my appointment wednesday...although, they have always told me about theirs early on...earlier than I am now.

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Yeah, I'd say if you don't see them much, don't let it bother you. I understand her having some emotional scars from what's happened to her, but hopefully some of that will heal once her baby is born and she'll at least be able to be happy for you.

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If you're close to your brother, tell them. Thankfully her pregnancy is going well and she's almost due so you may be surprised and she may be excited for y'all!

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I'd say it's fine to tell them and you shouldn't feel anxious about it. I can see why you do, but now that they have a healthy baby coming, I'm sure they would be happy for you!
I went through something similar last pregnancy and everything worked out. People should be happy for you no matter what and if they arn't, its not you problem. you can't plan your life around other people, otherwise you will be the angry one.

Good luck!

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I'd call you brother personally and let him relay the good news.. since you're close with him and uncertain about her reaction. I agree with a PP that maybe she'll be happy for you guys since she's almost due with her own.

:goodluck:

Pixacious's picture
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I can totally understand you SIL's feelings. My sister got pregnant the same time I did, only I M/C at 7 weeks. She went on to have her son on my original due date. There has always been bad feelings between her and me so that didn't make things better and not that I am close to any of her kids (because we live two states away) knowing her son was born on that day still pisses me off. That being said, I would think your sil would have a good reaction if she is so close to having her own. I would still tell your brother first, but I wouldn't be worried.

callie2's picture
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Thanks guys, I'm supposed to talk to my bro once he gets off work so I'll tell him Smile

Christine, that story is so sad...I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't know how your SIL is or your relationship with her, but if she is anything like me, she was and still is very sad about your loss too. Obviously, you are the one affected the most, but I'm sure she thinks of your little one on her son's birthday also. I think of my little niece I never met often; especially on her due date and the date she went to heaven. I think of her every time I imagine my daughter meeting their son once he's born....and at all kinds of other random times too

Point is, I try to consider my SIL's feelings when I get aggravated about how she seems to ignore DD's existence.

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I agree with a PP that you should tell your brother and let him decide if he tells his wifey GOOD LUCK !

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Personally, I'd just email my brother and let him tell his wife. Now that she is pg and nearing the end, I hope she can be happy for you. *hugs*. What an awkward situation. Family is soooooo fun. Sad

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I'm betting she'll still be awkward about it until her baby is born healthy. Pregnancy loss messes with your mind so that when you're pregnant again, it's not "when the baby comes", but rather "IF the baby comes." I'm betting she'll seem a lot more normal once she can hold her own.