I don't wanna tell my boss...

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marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183
I don't wanna tell my boss...

Ugh... I know it needs to happen soon. I'll hit 12 weeks this weekend. I haven't told a soul IRL yet, outside of DH and the doc's office. DH keeps asking me when we're going to announce it to our families, and I keep saying, "I don't know..." And I realized the problem is that I don't want to tell my boss. I don't want to tell my boss before I tell my own parents, so if I haven't told my parents yet, then I have a good excuse not to tell work. It wouldn't be as big of an issue for me if I hadn't just moved to a new location under a new boss. I *LOVED* my old boss, and all I've heard are horror stories about how horrific this guy is. They all say he'll be nice to you face-to-face, but if he's got something against you, he'll make your life hell in other ways... And me taking a 12-week maternity leave makes a LOT of extra work for him to cover my shifts which are out in the middle of nowhere. I'm scared that after maternity leave, he won't give me my store back (because there IS a girl who wanted my spot, but I got it and she's pretty bitter)... There are no others nearby, so I might have to drive HOURS both ways just for work. Ugh... I dread it so, so, so much.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

Sounds like it's one of those things that you don't know how it's going to work out until a move is made.. Has anyone at your new store gone through a similar, FMLA type situation? How did they get treated? Sucky part is how you have to fear being happy and joy this pregnancy because of what some - realistically - stranger feels about your asking for time off. It's supposed to be a wonderful event and you're not able to enjoy it right now.. Sad

Spite in not giving you your old store back is pretty crappy.. do you have anything that says you will get it back? I'd do my best to have all I could get in writing before I mentioned anything.. But don't be afraid! Enjoy this time. Smile Tell your family.. and bask in that 12 week glow, mama!

The way I'm handling it at my job is "It's not even open for discussion until 24 weeks". Simply because if something happens and I lose the baby before then, there will be no time off. It's bereavement, not maternity leave. The topic is not on the records for discussion! Wink

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

I totally feel ya. I told my boss immediately because he knew something was up by the way I was acting and he's had to cover my shifts in the past for a miscarriage. He's okay with it - and I was too, until this lady who went out for surgery came in to get her job back - and they moved her like 40 miles away to another store! I'm in a position that there is only ONE of in each store, so if I can't have my position/store back, I'm pretty much screwed because there are no other positions. I've heard as long as you're back within the 12 week time limit, they HAVE to give it back to you. Same store, same position, same pay. After that, as long as you are out on disability, you get the same pay but they may move you. But.. I don't think that lady was gone more than 12 weeks. I'm not sure. Anyway, I said something crappy to my boss like... you gonna do me like that too? He shook his head and said it was out of his hands (about the other lady) so now I'm freaked about having the baby and going back to work.

Heatherbella's picture
Joined: 02/14/05
Posts: 4169

This whole situation sucks. It totally takes away from your joy of having the baby. If I were you I'd look into the laws around this. Like Jessica said, there should be a set time where your job should be protected. In Canada our maternity leave is 12 months and they legally HAVE to keep your job for you. To be honest, I haven't read a whole lot up on it...but wow. 12 weeks isn't long at all. They need to get over it.

*hugs*. I hope it goes better than you fear.

blondiess4u's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 1450

If it makes you feel any better I haven't told anyone really either. Telling the new boss would be a hard one. I'd say do it and get it over with. It will be less stress on you, maybe address your concerns abotu when you get back if the news about the pregnancy goes well. I'd hate to see you worry this whole time.
I'm nervous to tell family since we just had a baby last year. Not that it really matters since we are adults but I just hate rude comments. Plus, not sure how to tell everyone, not sure if facebook is appropriate to spread the news but it would be easier!

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

*lurker from June*

I'm dreading telling my boss as well but not for the same reason. I am going to tell him that after 10 years I'm quitting next May to be a SAHM. Much easier than your situation but it will still be weird them knowing that so early before I'm leaving IYKWIM!

Do you qualify for FMLA? Family and Medical Leave

The federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), enacted in 1993, entitles eligible employees to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected family or medical leave in any 12 month period. Family leave may be taken for the birth and care of a newborn child; for the adoption or foster care placement of a child; or to care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent) with a serious health condition. Medical leave may be taken when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition. Employers are required to continue providing health insurance for employees who received it prior to the leave, and employees are entitled to keep other benefits accrued prior to the leave.

The law applies to private sector employers and public agencies, including state, local, and federal employers, who employ 50 or more employees in 20 or more weeks in the current or preceding calendar year. To be eligible for FMLA benefits, an employee must (1) work for a covered employer, (2) have worked for the employer for at least 12 months, (3) have worked at least 1,250 hours over the previous 12 months; and (4) work within 75 miles of an area where at least 50 employees are employed by the employer.

Some states have chosen to extend the federal FMLA protections for working families by extending eligibility to additional workers and/or by extending the length of allowed leave. In addition, while the federal law guarantees only unpaid leave, six states now offer partial wage replacement for medical or family leave, and more than half the states have passed laws allowing employees to use their sick leave to care for sick family members, though in most cases these laws apply only to public sector employers.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

:thumbsup: to Mel's post!

Yes.. if you have at least 50 people at your location on payroll, you're covered for 12 weeks under FMLA. They do not have to pay you but your job is secure.

My company does not offer FMLA.. there is never more than 10 full time employees at any location, at any time and they are all at least 250 miles away from one another. Tell me THAT isn't set up like that on purpose. :roll:

I don't get FMLA.. So basically, if I'm gone more than the sick /vacation / personal time I have build up, I'm out. Also, if you don't work minimum 37 hours per week, your benefits and insurance etc. are gone.

On the flip side!! I'm somewhat lucky.. I think. Because I'm salaried, position of leadership (dare they call it friggin management :roll: ) my boss has the option to allow me to bring my laptop home and work from home to stay on the payroll. HR has said so long as I work something, they won't cut my benefits. They said they try to keep as close to FMLA guidelines as they can but were quick to remind me I'm not covered under FMLA.

Also, any time I have a dr appt for the baby, I have to deduct that from my "12 weeks per year" of leave available. So I'm making my dr appts on my lunch Biggrin By my calculations, I should only use up 10-12 hours worth of leave time. Biggrin

Had that whole wonderful convo yesterday.. kinda scared me. Sad UGH!

I did sign up for AFLAC insurance to get paid while I'm off - which I should come out ahead on thank God! But that's pay.. not job position.

I'll have to talk to DH but it sounds like I'm going to take about 10 weeks off and only work through some of the latter 5 weeks I'm off.

Wow.. didn't mean to go off on a tangent there.. :oops:

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

Adriana - not to scare you even more, but.. I was told that I couldn't sign up for Aflac right now because it had to be in effect for ten months BEFORE I had the baby...?

Heatherbella's picture
Joined: 02/14/05
Posts: 4169

"ILoveMyMiniMe" wrote:

Also, any time I have a dr appt for the baby, I have to deduct that from my "12 weeks per year" of leave available.

WHAT????? Are you serious? That is utterly insane! I'm so glad you can do your appts on your lunch. I used to do them at the end of my work day, but midwives seem to be more flexible with hours.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

"babywings1" wrote:

Adriana - not to scare you even more, but.. I was told that I couldn't sign up for Aflac right now because it had to be in effect for ten months BEFORE I had the baby...?

Yes.. you have to be on the Alflac plan for 10 months before they will pay out. For me, I had to sign up for Aflac during my company's open enrollment.. which for me was April.. So my wait time is May through February. I'm free to have a baby anytime starting March 1. BUT! I have to be 37 weeks pregnant to be considered term.. or else they have to prove having the baby sooner was putting my or baby's life at risk. If I'm not term, they don't pay..

Basically, what it all boils down to is that I have from April 12th through April 30th to have this baby and not have to go through another year of Aflac payments. I'm due May 3rd.. Fingers crossed this will happen! :clappy:

ETA - When you crunch the numbers, there's only a 7.39% chance that the plan will work in your favor so that you get paid more than you pay in. Right now, it's looking pretty good for us. Smile

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

"Heatherbella" wrote:

WHAT????? Are you serious? That is utterly insane! I'm so glad you can do your appts on your lunch. I used to do them at the end of my work day, but midwives seem to be more flexible with hours.

I kid you not, sistah Sad I do have to say that even though a total you-know-what, my boss can be decent when I need to be flexible..

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439

"ILoveMyMiniMe" wrote:

Yes.. you have to be on the Alflac plan for 10 months before they will pay out.

Which Aflac plan are we talking about here? I have an Aflac sickness plan that pays out $1,000 for a vaginal birth in a hospital and pays out more for a c-section. And the aflac rep told me there was only a 30 day wait. Are you guys talking about a supplemental maternity coverage? What is that one called? Not that it would help me, since I'm already pregnant. But I'm wondering why this wasn't offered to me.

I really dreaded telling my bosses. We are only 4 employees, 2 of them being the owners. Thankfully they are allowing me 12 weeks unpaid maternity leave. But on the inside I just know they are freaking out. I do everything around there. Heather, I tell DH all the time we are so moving to Canada soon. Haha. Since my employers don't offer me insurance, I pay for my own. But the state of Texas does not sell maternity coverage to individual policy holders only to group policy holders. So we are paying for the midwife and hospital costs out of pocket. I was told to expect it to be around 8-10k.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

Oh I think that's our Hospital Indemnity plan - which I have too Smile PAYS ya to be in the hospital! :woohoo:

The one that I described is the Short Term Disability.. and there is a clause for pregnancy/babies.. which is what I was talking about. Smile

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

"eliann" wrote:

Which Aflac plan are we talking about here? I have an Aflac sickness plan that pays out $1,000 for a vaginal birth in a hospital and pays out more for a c-section. And the aflac rep told me there was only a 30 day wait. Are you guys talking about a supplemental maternity coverage? What is that one called? Not that it would help me, since I'm already pregnant. But I'm wondering why this wasn't offered to me.

I really dreaded telling my bosses. We are only 4 employees, 2 of them being the owners. Thankfully they are allowing me 12 weeks unpaid maternity leave. But on the inside I just know they are freaking out. I do everything around there. Heather, I tell DH all the time we are so moving to Canada soon. Haha. Since my employers don't offer me insurance, I pay for my own. But the state of Texas does not sell maternity coverage to individual policy holders only to group policy holders. So we are paying for the midwife and hospital costs out of pocket. I was told to expect it to be around 8-10k.

:shock: Oh my!! So you have the no FMLA issue, too Sad That just stinks.. There's only 6 of us at our place.. I'm glad someone else can relate to the frustration of it all Sad

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439

Yup! It's pretty sucky. Credit cards are for having babies right? Pop out a baby and swipe swipe. Lol. Just kidding, but sort of serious. Haha.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

lol.. You can say that again!! For me it would be the "Yes, sign me up for the $10 per month payment plan, please. Biggrin " lol..

PatienceW's picture
Joined: 08/06/08
Posts: 857

"babywings1" wrote:

Adriana - not to scare you even more, but.. I was told that I couldn't sign up for Aflac right now because it had to be in effect for ten months BEFORE I had the baby...?

That's what I was told when I originially looked into it. My job doesnt offer Aflac for another few months so there's no way I'd even be able to consider it. (I remember signing up for it before didn't align with our reg health enrollment times)
Ill have ot look into the 12 week thing. My understanding is that we get 6 weeks. or we can get more (but I didnt think it was 12) unpaid? I know one of our two teachers that had a baby at the start of the school year (the day before kids came) has already been back, the other is still out.

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

Apparently there are six states were FMLA is supplemented by "paid" part. My insurance, thankfully, covers maternity leave (which they consider disability) so while FMLA is unpaid, I get 60% from short term disability from Blue Cross/Blue Shield.

I'm glad to be making SOMETHING. But I'm pretty sure I'll be running back to work quickly.

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

I'm covered under FMLA. I've done this twice before with my company (huge company, so definitely FMLA). BUT... It's my understanding that they only have to give you an EQUIVALENT job with equivalent pay. I don't believe there's anything in the law that says it has to be at the same location. And since I work for a retail pharmacy chain, there are TONS of places they could send me. Unfortunately, the store I work in is in the middle of nowhere, not really close to anywhere else. So anywhere else he decided to send me would be potentially hours of driving each day.

ETA: I've already decided that if the boss tries to F me over with this, I'll just work my required amount (you have to go back to work for a certain amount of time afterwards, or else you have to pay back all the money they paid in maternity benefits). So, I'll go back for the minimum time, then quit as soon as I can find a new job. I won't tolerate any crap from him. I'm just set up to expect the worst because seriously EVERYONE dislikes him and has horror stories about how he makes your life hell if he's got something against you. It's hard, because I've only met him once in person, and that was when I was "interviewing" for my spot (funny, because it's the exact same job I've been doing for 5 years). So it's not like I see him every day and can pull him aside and tell him. He's going to be in my store on Friday, but I won't even be there. Ugh...

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

Mary.. I'm definitely going to have to look into it at my store, because like you, my store is out in the sticks and I don't want to have to drive to another store. UGH

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

Ugh... I swear I just need to get it over with so I can stop stressing about it.

Heatherbella's picture
Joined: 02/14/05
Posts: 4169

"marymoonu" wrote:

Ugh... I swear I just need to get it over with so I can stop stressing about it.

*hugs*. I hear ya. It becomes all consuming, doesn't it?

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

Yeah, I'm finding it especially hard to tell people because we already have two young children... My DS1 is almost 3y4m old and my DS2 is almost 20m. So people are already like, "OMG, you've got your hands full, blah blah blah" and I don't want to deal with rude comments.

blondiess4u's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 1450

"eliann" wrote:

Yup! It's pretty sucky. Credit cards are for having babies right? Pop out a baby and swipe swipe. Lol. Just kidding, but sort of serious. Haha.

with DS1 I had insurance, but my s/o at the time was in between switching jobs and my insurance cancelled the day before I delivered. i didn't know it at the time but my bill came to about $12000. I was devestated!! i started making payments but just couldn't keep up so I just filed bankruptcy after I divorced him. LOL

I'm sure you know this but if you want to keep cost low you can bring all your own baby stuff and meds for pain. They gave me a print out of all the stuff they give you and what it costs and it's almost triple the price in the store.

Mom2D's picture
Joined: 09/24/07
Posts: 87

Wow, I'm in shock reading all this. Honestly I can't understand how in a developed country such as America you have to pay to go to hospital or see a doctor. I believe everyone should be entitled to a minimum of one year paid maternity leave and no one should have to pay for healthcare, it just seems barbaric to me. How on earth are mothers expected to breastfeed when they are at work.

Now I feel bad that I've been complaining so much about only receiving 75% of my income for the first 15weeks of mat. leave and 55% for the remainder of the year. I worry about not being able to keep up with all the bills given only 55% of my income and I'm dreading having to go back earlier than a year. I guess I should be thankful I don't have to worry about medical expenses on top of that.

nidia's picture
Joined: 06/08/07
Posts: 1812

"Mom2D" wrote:

Wow, I'm in shock reading all this. Honestly I can't understand how in a developed country such as America you have to pay to go to hospital or see a doctor. I believe everyone should be entitled to a minimum of one year paid maternity leave and no one should have to pay for healthcare, it just seems barbaric to me. How on earth are mothers expected to breastfeed when they are at work.

Now I feel bad that I've been complaining so much about only receiving 75% of my income for the first 15weeks of mat. leave and 55% for the remainder of the year. I worry about not being able to keep up with all the bills given only 55% of my income and I'm dreading having to go back earlier than a year. I guess I should be thankful I don't have to worry about medical expenses on top of that.

So want to move to Canada lol I wish I could spend a whole year taking care of my babies.. heck, I'd be happy with 6 months!

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

Anyone tried to convince DH they need to be a SAHM? I did. I got the evil death stare before I even finished my sentence. LMAO

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

"babywings1" wrote:

Anyone tried to convince DH they need to be a SAHM? I did. I got the evil death stare before I even finished my sentence. LMAO

A I'd never make it as a SAHM Lol
B. I make more than DH so he'd NEVER go for it. lol..

But I can totally see your DH going " :x " if you ask him that, Jessica! lol..

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

"marymoonu" wrote:

Ugh... I swear I just need to get it over with so I can stop stressing about it.

:thumbsup: Gotta agree with ya.. It won't get any easier.. and it's inevitable!

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

"eliann" wrote:

I really dreaded telling my bosses. We are only 4 employees, 2 of them being the owners. Thankfully they are allowing me 12 weeks unpaid maternity leave. But on the inside I just know they are freaking out. I do everything around there. Heather, I tell DH all the time we are so moving to Canada soon. Haha. Since my employers don't offer me insurance, I pay for my own. But the state of Texas does not sell maternity coverage to individual policy holders only to group policy holders. So we are paying for the midwife and hospital costs out of pocket. I was told to expect it to be around 8-10k.

Hi! Smile I had a hospital birth with midwives twice. No epidural, only drugs were a single shot of pitocin to stop bleeding after DS's birth and a couple tylenol. With DD, just the tylenol. Both births were around 8,000 each. My insurance covered it, but that was the bill.

"marymoonu" wrote:

Yeah, I'm finding it especially hard to tell people because we already have two young children... My DS1 is almost 3y4m old and my DS2 is almost 20m. So people are already like, "OMG, you've got your hands full, blah blah blah" and I don't want to deal with rude comments.

Don't you HATE that! My DS is the same age (I was mostly on the July 09 board because he came early) and DD is 22 months. I hear it all the time, drives me nutso!

"Mom2D" wrote:

Wow, I'm in shock reading all this. Honestly I can't understand how in a developed country such as America you have to pay to go to hospital or see a doctor. I believe everyone should be entitled to a minimum of one year paid maternity leave and no one should have to pay for healthcare, it just seems barbaric to me. How on earth are mothers expected to breastfeed when they are at work.

Now I feel bad that I've been complaining so much about only receiving 75% of my income for the first 15weeks of mat. leave and 55% for the remainder of the year. I worry about not being able to keep up with all the bills given only 55% of my income and I'm dreading having to go back earlier than a year. I guess I should be thankful I don't have to worry about medical expenses on top of that.

It is just not right that your type of job or employer gets to decide how long you stay home with a brand new baby. Unfortunately, 6 weeks seems to be more of the norm than any other time period. And frankly, that is a BIG reason why moms who work give up breastfeeding early. IMHO before 6 months is too early to give it up BFing entirely if you are able to BF in the first place.

I am lucky that I qualify for FMLA and I used it with DS and DD - the full 12 weeks, some of it paid by disability, some by vacation time and some unpaid. But I still got 12 weeks.

This time I'm dreading finding out what happens with me paying back the cost of the medical bills because I'm not going back to work. *sigh*