I'm a big, big freak (previous m/c ment)

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marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183
I'm a big, big freak (previous m/c ment)

I just want to state for the record that it sucks to be pregnant after a loss. It doesn't matter how many symptoms I'm having, I think it's all an evil facade and it's going to end in m/c. If I have a moment where I don't feel nauseated, I can't just enjoy it, because I think something is wrong. But even when I do feel like crap, I am paranoid that something is going wrong. I still check my underwear and toilet paper like crazy for blood, even though I'm living proof that you can bleed (heavily with clots at times) and still make a healthy baby. Gah... I hate all the uncertainty about pregnancy. I love week 24... The viability week. I love passing that point and knowing that with each passing day, the baby will be stronger and stronger outside of my body. Too bad that point is still 17.5 weeks away... :roll:

Pixacious's picture
Joined: 11/13/08
Posts: 650

I am right there with you. Even though my last pregnancy ended in a (kind of) healthy baby, I am still very nervous. I am hoping work will take my mind off it, but I doubt it. This has been a long anxious weekend. I wish the next, just few weeks, would hurry up.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

Aweee honey Sad I'm sooo sorry this is such a challenge for you. Sad There's nothing that can replace our motherly instinct to want everything with our babies to be 110% ok.

I don't know if it will help but try to take things in small portions. You mentioned the 24 week - which, yes, is a viability milestone but look at 12 the weeks milestone! Chances of maintaining a pregnancy at that point are much higher than less than 12 weeks. Maybe add a ticker that will count down until 12 weeks.. making the smaller goals a little easier to manage?

I wish there was something I could do or say to ease your concerns, friend.. it's a one day at a time thing. Comfort yourself by taking it easy and letting DH help where he can! Talk to baby.. rub your tummy! I'm a firm believer that even though it's so very, very early, your baby has "feelings" and "emotions". Certainly not like what we know them as.. but he/she does. Start connecting as best you can! Smile

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

Thanks for listening to me whine, ladies! Wink

Christine - I'm glad you mentioned work. I've been on vacation for the last week and I go back tomorrow. I've certainly had more time on my hands to sit around and obsess over things.

Adriana - I like your plan for breaking it down. Maybe I'll make a ticker to the end of the 1st tri. Wink It will be multi-purpose. The stress level will decrease some at that point, and hopefully I'll have more energy and feel less sick by then also. Or maybe I'll break it down a bit smaller and count down until my ultrasound. 3 weeks and 1 day! Still feels like forever, haha. I wish I could have my own home u/s machine, haha.

Pixacious's picture
Joined: 11/13/08
Posts: 650

You could even make one for just the first 8 weeks...I am tempted. I get an u/s at 8 weeks and if everything is fine I will totally calm down a bit. Both of my m/c's were before 8 weeks.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

lol.. If you find a way to buy and use an US machine at home, I'm goin in halfsies with ya cuz I wanna look at my bean a lot too! LOL!

Have you thought about something like this?? To keep in touch and give you peace of mind? Smile

Amazon.com: Bebe Sounds Prenatal Heart Listener with Headphones by Unisar: Health & Personal Care

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

"Pixacious" wrote:

You could even make one for just the first 8 weeks...I am tempted. I get an u/s at 8 weeks and if everything is fine I will totally calm down a bit. Both of my m/c's were before 8 weeks.

I'm past 8 weeks so this makes me feel better! Smile

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

Oh don't you worry... I've got a home doppler. I'll tell you my back-story about it.

I bought it sometime early in pregnancy with DS2, I can't remember if I bought it before or after the m/c. Anyway, when I was pregnant with DS2, I started bleeding at 9 weeks on the dot. We had already had an u/s and saw his sweet little heartbeat, so I was devastated when the bleeding started. That day, I pulled out the doppler knowing all too well it was probably too early to hear anything. I got lucky and found his heartbeat. No mistaking it, as it was like twice as fast as my own. For the next week or so, it was hard to find the heartbeat, sometimes I would search for like 20 minutes before finding it. I continued bleeding until 12 weeks, and the only way I made it through that time without a mental breakdown was by listening to his heartbeat like 3 times a day. I listened to it first thing in the morning, right after work, and right before bed each night.

When the bleeding peaked right around 12 weeks, it was devastating... Full on clots and everything, and I thought there was no way he could survive it. That day, I refused to listen to the heartbeat, for fear that it would be gone. I didn't want to hear the silence. My doctor got me in the next day, and by then the bleeding had stopped. We got this beautiful picture (look at those lips!), and I never bled again with his pregnancy.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

That's AWESOME!!!! So maybe in just a couple of weeks you can start listening for that little bean's beat! Smile I've never had one so I don't know what it's like.. Well, I did hear DD's heartbeat at my 12ish week appt but that was the only time. Smile Might want to do it again!!

So what was the earliest you heard it through the doppler? I want DH to check it out! Smile

nidia's picture
Joined: 06/08/07
Posts: 1812

I feel the exact same way. I'm spotting off and on but it's brown and even though that's always better than bright red it sill freaks me out. I definitely know where you are coming from! That's why I've been a little quiet lately. Trying not to think about it.

:bigarmhug:

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

Nidia - Thinking of you! I hope your bleeding turns out to be nothing.

Adriana - The earliest I tried was right at 9 weeks on the dot. I got lucky and found it pretty quickly that day. He moved around a lot in there, though, so while the hb might be on the left one day, it was on the right the next, etc. There were days where it was pretty hard to find it until maybe 10.5-11 weeks. It started being easier to find after that point.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

Nidia - I agree, hope it's all turning out to be nothing!! Brown is good!!! How are you feeling??

Mary - I'll talk to DH about it. That would be good to just listen. Smile

blondiess4u's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 1450

I know! I just had my first m/c in May and it was completely devastating! i had no idea how hard that was going to be. It messed with my emotions so much we decided to ttc right after that and it took me 3 months to get pregnant again.
I am already passed the point I m/c the last time and I am POAS all the time to see if the line gets darker, I am so parinoid it will happen again. It sucks!!!!

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

I feel the same way. I'm on the April board and you can just see how many posts I had freaking out about some twinge or discharge or whatever. Every time I pee (STILL) I examine the toilet paper. It's hard. It's stressful. People tell me not to stress...but I just stress regardless. I hope everything will be fine. With all of you.

Pixacious's picture
Joined: 11/13/08
Posts: 650

I had 2 m/c's over 3 years ago and I still examine the tp, pregnant or not, lol. I will always be thinking about it I think. Sad

marymoonu's picture
Joined: 03/15/08
Posts: 2183

"Pixacious" wrote:

I had 2 m/c's over 3 years ago and I still examine the tp, pregnant or not, lol. I will always be thinking about it I think. Sad

OMG, I do this too... even when not pregnant. It's force of habit now, I think. When I was pregnant with DS2 and had bleeding, I had to force myself to just wipe straight down after I peed, drop the TP in the toilet and flush... If not, I would analyze the TP, any discharge I left in the toilet, EVERYTHING. Horrible.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

Aweee you guys! I'm so sorry you're haunted with your pasts. Sad

Let's hope everyone gets to their milestones safely and happily with beans in tow! Biggrin

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

Adriana, I meant to tell you.. I bought a doppler two weeks ago. So.. I was a little past 10 weeks. I'm a ...uh.. a chubby person, but it's now almost 13 weeks and I still can't hear crap. Well, that's not true. I can hear MY heartbeat EVERY time! I think the uterus is starting to expand up though, I've been feeling really ...big down there..lol. So maybe it'll be easier to hear soon. My MW said since I have a "little tummy" (little..haha) it'll be harder to hear and she won't even try it until 14 weeks because all it does is freak people out.

Like me. I DID have an appt last week so after kinda getting bummed about the whole not hearing a heartbeat thing (and really trying to remember that it's hard to hear on bigger women)... I was ecstatic when they did an u/s at my appt and I saw my little bean doing karate.

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

:ninja:

Hoyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-ya!

ROFL

That's too cool! I think the hardest thing for some of us is patience. Lol We'll all get there.. just enjoy the journey! Smile 14 weeks is nothing. Wink

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