Looks like we've reached the end of the road

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Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244
Looks like we've reached the end of the road

Well, I had my CD13 ultrasound today and it didn't go so well. I had no follicles that could be seen. It's possible that I O'd this morning because there was some free fluid around my ovary but it's not certain. We DTD CD10 and last night and this morning so if I did we're covered but honestly I'd be surprised if I did. I've had cramping but not like the typical O cramps. The doc also said that he saw calcifications around my left ovary and that it was too high...like it wasn't sitting in the right place leading him to believe that I do have endometriosis after all. I'm not really surprised or upset because I've been wondering this all along. He did say at my first appointment that he wondered if I had endo and that we would cross that bridge when we came to it. He said it'd probably only be stage 1 which is good but he also said I'd probably need surgery at this point. I'm not willing at all to have surgery right now. It would be my 3rd surgery in a year and that's an awful lot for anyone and even more for someone who's immune compromised. It can be downright dangerous when you're immune compromised and I got a post op infection after the last surgery so...that's just not an option right now. I do think that eventually we'll go that route but my body is completely exhausted after 7 rounds of fertility drugs and a miscarriage and a surgery in there too.

We were going to do IUI next cycle but have decided not to. We don't want to spend money on a procedure that probably won't even work considering I probably need surgery at this point. So we've decided to pursue adoption and give my body a serious break. I'm in the 2WW now so it's always possible I guess that I'll end up pregnant but I seriously doubt it. I'm totally okay with this decision though and I've been leaning in this direction the last two months anyway. Just wanted to update. I hope all of you ladies get your BFPs soon and I'm sure I'll be here stalking anyway. At least for the next two weeks if not longer. Thanks so much for your support through all of this. I couldn't have survived it without you all! Smile

CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

Sorry to hear your appt didn't go well. I hope you really did O this morning and that you guys caught the eggie!!

ILoveMyMiniMe's picture
Joined: 12/11/03
Posts: 2333

Leah -

There are no words, beautiful. It give me great peace to know you're comfortable (as comfortable as one can be) with the roads you and DH have and will be walking. Please know that you're seen as such a strong woman to face the things you do and face them with not one but TWO smiles!! One in your post.. one in your heart!

As a faith-filled woman, I will have you in my thoughts and most certainly in my prayers. I know that even though this time is challenging, you WILL see that your "end of the road" is really just a fork to something more beautiful and bright!!

All my best, sweetie...

Babymaybe2's picture
Joined: 07/24/12
Posts: 518

I am so sorry that you didn't get very good news at your Appt. Adoption is such a wonderful option. I hope that no matter what happens you will have peace and joy in it. May you be blessed beyond comprehension! I will be praying for you!

nidia's picture
Joined: 06/08/07
Posts: 1812

Leah, it's so great to see that as hard as this is, you are ok with it. I know adoption will be wonderful, I've always told myself if I couldn't have another, that I would definitely adopt. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!! :bigarmhug:

Clarkton's picture
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 1972

These ladies have already said everything I am thinking so eloquently. Also, I pray you and your hubby are able to maintain a positive and hopeful attitude as you walk the path to parenthood. I hope you find your child in your arms in the best possible time. So many best wishes and big hugs to you. :bigarmhug:

I will be watching hopefully for a BFP in the next few weeks for you but if not I do hope you will come around the boards and KUP about how you are doing.

Lizbet22's picture
Joined: 04/01/09
Posts: 2859

Huge huge hugs to you.

I think anything I add now will just pale next to all the other ladies words.

-x-Amber-x-'s picture
Joined: 10/08/06
Posts: 642


Leah, I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through! Adoption is an amazing thing though! My sister and her husband were unable to conceieve on their own and now have an amazing 1 yr old daughter from adoption! Keeping you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers!

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

Leah I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but admire your positive outlook. I hope that you get that BFP this cycle, if not, that the adoption process is simple and you will be holding a beautiful baby real soon! You are in my thoughts!! :bighug:

Joined: 10/02/11
Posts: 1937

Oh Leah - I so wished for a healthy pregnancy for you. Over and over and over again. I have pulled for you every step of the way and now I am crying at my computer because it's not working out. You are so sweet and deserve the very best. I hope adoption brings you the little one that you can share all your and DH's love with (but I still hope you get a + in 2 weeks) Smile Good luck.

Alissa_Sal's picture
Joined: 06/29/06
Posts: 6427


Leah, I'm so sorry that you didn't have a good appointment, but happy that you seem to be at peace with the path you are on. I think adoption is a wonderful loving option, and a happy ending for everyone involved. Good luck with everything!

shadow_grey's picture
Joined: 05/03/12
Posts: 581

Sad Oh Leah. Sorry it wasn't better news. I'm glad to see you are in a good frame of mind. I hope the adoption process isn't to long or arduous.

angelover02740's picture
Joined: 07/10/07
Posts: 1342

Leah im sorry to hear the appointment didnt go well, keeping my fingers crossed u ovulated that morning and caught the egg.

Joined: 06/18/11
Posts: 1425

Leah, hugs. Big ones.

**Tiffany**'s picture
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230

Leah honey my heart broke when I read about your appt. It's not fair dammit, not at all. I can't tell you how much it's meant to be journeying with you since our losses. You are a true shining light and I can tell with a certainty that you will be a great mommy. No matter how that you become one. Adoption is a wonderful gift for both parent and child and I'm thrilled that you will pursue it. That child will be very lucky! I don't think that you will have to give up your wish to be pregnant either. Maybe it's not in the cards now like you said earlier but it will be someday. Your body did it once it can do it again, maybe it just needs more time for whatever reason. I will hope like he!! that you get a bfp this month!! And I want to stay updated on how the adoption process is going as well!!

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

Thank you ladies so so much! Since we've made this decision there has been such wonderful support from everyone we've told and we're feeling really good about it right now. Of course, we're waiting out the 2WW to see if it worked this time though I really have no hope for it. I know that doesn't mean it won't happen but it's just easier to not have hope for it at this point. I don't want to spend what is potentially my last cycle upset and crying and a mess and feeling bad about everything like the last few.

We've narrowed down some agencies, decided on domestic adoption of a newborn and are continuing to do our research. My mom has a friend who put me in touch with her daughter who adopted a newborn after a similar struggle to mine, then got pregnant just a few months after her newborn was home. She's been very helpful and is making me feel so much better about the process and has even directed us to a really great agency that we're interested in.

I don't think we'll make any final decisions about how to begin really until we know for a fact that this cycle is over and we're moving on. Currently though I don't feel sad about it at all. I'm thrilled to have a break for my body and I'm thrilled to pursue something that really has been a lifelong dream. I also feel like this could really be an amazing experience for the whole family and extra special for Dh and I as well. It's just an experience like no other and I am happy that we have the opportunity to experience it.

With that said, if I get pregnant of course I'll be thrilled but I do still think that adopting is something that we'll do at some point. With all I've learned about it it'd be hard now to let it go completely. I guess we'll know our path for sure in two weeks regardless.

I can't thank you all enough for all of the wonderful support and Tiffany you bring tears to my eyes every time I read your posts. It has been so wonderful going through all of this with someone who understands and I sincerely hope that things work out for you ASAP and that you get your sweet baby very soon! Smile

**Tiffany**'s picture
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230


Joined: 06/13/12
Posts: 276

Hugs to you Leah. Sorry about your appt. Hopefully you will get great news soon and adoption is also an awesome route to go.