Qotd - 10/22/12

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Originally Posted by blondiess4u

This is kinda a sore subject for me but what the heck. My dad and step mom moved me 1,000 miles away to a half sister I didn't know and dropped me off there and never called me after that. I was only 16.I didn't talk to them for 8 years, and then one day out of the blue ( 2 weeks after I had DS1) my dad called up and said he was in town. I decided to start a relationship with them because of my son. We have been talking now for 4 years and they visit once a year (they live in CO) and me and my step mom talk on the phone every few weeks. I can say we have a decent relationship now and I have forgiven the past but I can't forget. Plus I noticed my step mom treating my kids like she treated me, so we do not leave them alone with her. It's kinda sad, and I have had a difficult confusing life because of it but now I have everything I could of ever dreamed of because I got myself there.

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:comfort: :Iloveyou: :bigarmhug:

Samantha - That's terrible... :WTF: What would possess someone to do that???

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Originally Posted by marymoonu

Samantha - That's terrible... :WTF: What would possess someone to do that???

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Well we were a blended family so I think that wasn't easy. My step mom had a hard childhood and I think she took it out on us kids. All of us kids moved out early just because it wasn't a good enviroment to live in and no one could really stand her. I think the reason they got rid of me is because she thought she had to fight me for my dad, so she made my dad choose her or me, and he chose her probably because he had been married twice before and couldn't imagine going through another divorce. It's the sad truth.
I'm over all of it now. Doesn't bother me as much, although I have had some pretty bizzare dreams about my family lately.
All I know is I will never do those things to my kids.

This is the EXACT reason why I would never date someone with kids.. Call me the "pot calling the kettle black girl" as I had one kid myself.. but I could never guarantee that I could handle another woman's child in my life so I "banned" myself from dating men with kids. What you described being treated as is my absolute worst nightmare.. that I would be THAT step-mom. Kids can NEVER have enough love.. and for someone to not treat them with the upmost dignity, respect and compassion makes me sick to think about. I assured myself to NEVER put myself in a "well, maybe you could do it" situation.. what if I couldn't? So I never did. (My growing up was pretty horrific.. including abuse from my step-witch. So I know how you feel.. but I digress. )

Anyone who wants to let me have it for being a hypocrite, I'll take it.. I know it's not right to expect someone to take on my kid with another man but me not be able to handle theirs from another woman but I recognize it's not something I could do and never put myself into that situation. It would never have been fair to the child/children!

You're an absolutely BEAUTIFUL, STUNNING wife and mother.. don't EVER EVER let anything or anyone tell you otherwise! Such a super smart cookie you are, sweet cheeks! ;)

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Originally Posted by ILoveMyMiniMe

This is the EXACT reason why I would never date someone with kids.. Call me the "pot calling the kettle black girl" as I had one kid myself.. but I could never guarantee that I could handle another woman's child in my life so I "banned" myself from dating men with kids. What you described being treated as is my absolute worst nightmare.. that I would be THAT step-mom. Kids can NEVER have enough love.. and for someone to not treat them with the upmost dignity, respect and compassion makes me sick to think about. I assured myself to NEVER put myself in a "well, maybe you could do it" situation.. what if I couldn't? So I never did. (My growing up was pretty horrific.. including abuse from my step-witch. So I know how you feel.. but I digress. )

Anyone who wants to let me have it for being a hypocrite, I'll take it.. I know it's not right to expect someone to take on my kid with another man but me not be able to handle theirs from another woman but I recognize it's not something I could do and never put myself into that situation. It would never have been fair to the child/children!

You're an absolutely BEAUTIFUL, STUNNING wife and mother.. don't EVER EVER let anything or anyone tell you otherwise! Such a super smart cookie you are, sweet cheeks! ;)

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Thanks Adriana! back atcha!!

I have never thought about if I would or wouldn't date a man with previous kids, but I would agree that it would be a hard situation. I think I would have a harder time dealing with the ex. My DS1 is from a previous relationship and my DH loves him as his own. He is a strong strong man because we have had to deal with the bio dad alot! Luckily, he is signing over his rights and DH will be adopting him next year. He will get 2 kids all in one year! He is a blessing in my life. I think men have an easier time dealing with step kids then women do. I give you props for admitting it! There's no reason to put yourself in a situation you would not be happy in.

I'm close to my Dad he raised my brother and I alone since I was about 4. My mom left us, but it was truly for the best. She developed many mental health issues when I was young and she thought it wasn't safe for her to be around us. About 6 years ago we started talking again and I will say our relationship is difficult. It's kind of hard to catch up on 20 years of life, ya know? I also give her money every month and I used to pay for her phone and other bills. Her mental health issues keep her from working, so she only receives disability. So she's kind of latched onto me for support which kind of sucks because I'm supporting someone who never supported me. I see her about 4x a year and we do get along. We laugh sometimes. It's just awkward. She always reverts to talking about when me and my brother were babies, because that's all she knows. My brother has no contact with her.

My dad is not happy that I have a relationship with her, bc he sees it as being parasitic. He's sort of right, but I can' t help it. My Dad though, is an awesome Dad. He cooked dinner for us every night, he did my hair every morning and he's still the first person I call when I feel sick or sad. He's just awesome. Best Dad ever!

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Originally Posted by eliann

I'm close to my Dad he raised my brother and I alone since I was about 4. My mom left us, but it was truly for the best. She developed many mental health issues when I was young and she thought it wasn't safe for her to be around us. About 6 years ago we started talking again and I will say our relationship is difficult. It's kind of hard to catch up on 20 years of life, ya know? I also give her money every month and I used to pay for her phone and other bills. Her mental health issues keep her from working, so she only receives disability. So she's kind of latched onto me for support which kind of sucks because I'm supporting someone who never supported me. I see her about 4x a year and we do get along. We laugh sometimes. It's just awkward. She always reverts to talking about when me and my brother were babies, because that's all she knows. My brother has no contact with her.

My dad is not happy that I have a relationship with her, bc he sees it as being parasitic. He's sort of right, but I can' t help it. My Dad though, is an awesome Dad. He cooked dinner for us every night, he did my hair every morning and he's still the first person I call when I feel sick or sad. He's just awesome. Best Dad ever!

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This makes me cry (yes, literally.. I teared up for a couple seconds.. :oops: ) and smile in my heart equally... I'm BEYOND impressed that your dad stepped up to the plate! It just goes to prove that it's not always the dad who is the bad guy when the parents split!

I commend you for the walk you do in your shoes. the relationship with your mom sounds very challenging.. but you do what you know you can do! You seem like a great daughter either way you look at it. :)

Thank you for the compassion you show.. :)

Samantha, that's so awesome about your DH! My best friend has a daughter from a previous relationship and her DH loves her just like she was his own, I think it's awesome. Kudos to men like them!

Elizabeth, I understand why you do have a relationship with your mother.. I think everyone yearns for a relationship with their bilogical parents. It's probably healthier that you do if she is also trying to have a relationship with you but I can see why your father may not agree with it also. Your father sounds like a great man and I'm glad you have such a great relationship with him :)

My father was an alcoholic from when I was 16 until I was 26. During those 10 years we didn't have the best relationship, although I tried to understand him and help, I cut all ties when I was about 24.. eventually after being homeless, etc. he beat alcohol and has been sober for almost 3 years :) So very proud of him and our relationship is mending and thriving.

Aww gosh you guys. I'm gettin all teary eyed over here.
I LOVE my mom. My half brother (different dads) does not. She makes some bad decisions when it comes to men, but..I mean, the last two even had ME fooled and she married both of them. The first one turned out violent and mean (he never hit us or mom though) this last one cheated. He still begs mom to let him come back. But anyway, about 8 years ago I took custody of my half brother because mom and her boyfriend where having a rough time with him. So he went to live with his dad and had a rough time there too, so I took him. The first couple of years were easy peasy. Now he's a selfish SELFISH jerk. I didn't raise him like that, but fighting his dad about morals and "the right thing".. Stevie (the half brother) is always gonna take the easier way out. Just like his dad. He still lives with me. He hasn't been home in a few days because DH and him do not see eye to eye. DH wants him to help me around the house, Stevie says if he didn't make the mess, he's not cleaning it up. I asked him to cut the grass like two weeks ago and it didn't happen, so DH cut it.. but after that I'm pretty much done with him. I'm over his attitude and so ready for him to MOVE THE HECK OUT. UGH. But anyway, I love my dad too but he's been a small part of my life since I was 3 (when they got divorced). I saw him every other weekend until I was 18, then I was working so that stopped. I still see him maybe once or twice a year.. he lives about 3 hours from here. But he doesn't call me or anything, I have to call him. He says its because he doesn't know if I'm busy. Yeah..okay. But he doesn't know much about me at all.