Sick of judgmental people *prego hormonal rant*

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marymoonu's picture
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Sick of judgmental people *prego hormonal rant*

Okay. I've been induced twice. My babies were born without complication, perfectly healthy. So I'm sick to death of people judging me for being induced. It wasn't like I was asking for it. Quite the opposite, my doctor was recommending induction and I kept pushing to stay pregnant. And it's not like it's without cause. With my last, I had very low amniotic fluid. The doctor measures it on u/s by dividing the belly into 4 quadrants and measuring the fluid depth in each quadrant in centimeters. If the total cm is 5 of below, a diagnosis of oligohydraminos (low amniotic fluid) is given. My fluid was low for a few weeks and was being monitored by different doctors, both my OB and the lead OB at the hospital in L&D. It had been running about a 6 for weeks. On the day my DS was born, I had an appointment with my OB that morning and he personally did an u/s in his office to check the fluid levels. Three of the four quadrants had no fluid whatsoever (one empty quadrant can get you the same diagnosis). The fourth quadrant had 2cm. My baby had pretty much no fluid left around him. This can be indicative of other problems for both me AND the baby. So when my doctor said we should have a baby that day, I agreed. He was 37w5d. I wasn't ready. I had been fighting the doctor all along that I wasn't agreeing to early induction unless absolutely necessary. He knew my wishes quite well and we decided together that day that it was necessary. My baby was born healthy and thriving, at a great 6lb 8oz.

That said... I hate, hate, hate feeling like I need to give that giant freaking explanation for myself for being induced. When I mentioned that I had been induced on his BB (I hadn't posted much of my story there while pregnant because he was actually due in March, born on the last day of February)... But then I get the bucket response "Well, my doctor isn't the inducing type." As if to presume that your doctor is more competent than mine because your doctor wouldn't induce you. If your doctor didn't induce you when 3/4 of your belly has no fluid and the other 1/4 has minimal, then more power to you. I'm not really willing to risk certain things and I shouldn't be made to feel like less of a mother or less of a woman for it. End rant.

Heatherbella's picture
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UGH! How frustrating! I can understand people's tendency to want to avoid induction but based on what you've said, you were high risk due to the extremely low fluid and that is why you were induced. If I were you I would almost just say 'I was high risk and induction was required' and leave it at that. Honestly, it's no-one else's business. *hugs*

I was high risk because DD was breech. I had a c-section 10 days before my due date because of it. I was also low fluid but I don't think it was as extreme as what you're talking about. Sometimes I feel sad that I had a c-section but at the time we did what was right for DD. I haven't really been met with many people outwardly judging me for it (thank goodness) but I know that if I did it would weight heavier on my mind.

*hugs* You have to do what's right for you and your family. Let those people do what they want and try to ignore what they say. They don't have all the information nor were they in your shoes.

nidia's picture
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I was about to say, you shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone!! It's your pregnancy, your life.. and only you know WHY those things had to happen. People get on my nerves that think they are better bc they had an all natural birth, are breastfeeding, cloth diapering, etc. Everyone is different and nobody is a perfect mom. That being said not all cloth diapering mamas, breast feeling, etc. think that way.. just some do.

:bigarmhug: I feel like that sometimes.. but just bc I had an emergency csection and didn't breastfeed my son for more than 3 months, etc.. doesn't make me less of a woman. Much love, girlie.

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Some people have such low confidence that they have to make other people feel bad so they can feel better. For some reason everyone thinks that their birthing is the right way and everyone else's is wrong. what I think is funny is that those people that give you crap for inducing are those the ones that complain their whole pregnancy that they are tired of being pregnant and want the baby out!

I was induced last time too not by choice. I had low amniotic fluid as well. It's not safe and if a doctor thinks you should be induced you should listen. The other result is a possible stillbirth so it's an easy choice.

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:lurk:

I get a bunch of people giving me grief as I was induced a month early. Now when people ask about Robbie's birth I say that I was induced a month early due to medical reasons. If they push it I will mention the gallstones and the round the clock morphine I needed. We monitored him closely and kept him in as long as possible. It got to the point that it was better for him to be born. Other then being tiny and having jaundice he was perfectly healthy. We had tons of meeting with neonatologists and my OB before anything happened. I had u/s every 2-3 days. We made an informed decision on my health and Robbie's health.

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"nidia" wrote:

People get on my nerves that think they are better bc they had an all natural birth, are breastfeeding, cloth diapering, etc. Everyone is different and nobody is a perfect mom. That being said not all cloth diapering mamas, breast feeling, etc. think that way.. just some do.

WAIT a second! I breastfed and cloth diapered....but that's just mainly because I'm cheap. Blum 3 I can totally get how neither thing is a good fit for everyone though. Ok, phew, maybe I'm in the 'not every mama' category then! LOL

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"Heatherbella" wrote:

WAIT a second! I breastfed and cloth diapered....but that's just mainly because I'm cheap. Blum 3 I can totally get how neither thing is a good fit for everyone though. Ok, phew, maybe I'm in the 'not every mama' category then! LOL

Yeah, girl! Lol that's why I added that. I cloth diapered DS for a few months Smile Breastfed him for a few as well.

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I say healthy baby healthy momma = perfect birth. It's not like you chose to be induced just for your satisfaction or discomfort... people are just annoying lol. AND I do cloth diaper, breastfeed etc... lol it's not cheap just frugal Wink oh and co sleep... I get ALL kinds of grief for that one haha

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Hey, you get grief when you DON'T co-sleep too! Believe me.

oh isn't it joyous to be a mom? It's not bad enough that you second guess yourself...you also have everyone else's glaring eyes on you too! Sad

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We co-slept and let me tell you.. even though it makes ME feel better.. my DH wasn't in love with it.. and we won't be doing this time. I think it's easier if you breastfeed to cosleep and I know I'll be doing it this first couple months but I'll eventually incorporate formula Smile

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I'm learning that people can be giant turkeys, especially when it comes to pregnancy. Sorry you are feeling judged. I'm planning on having a natural birth without induction (if I can), but by golly if I was told an induction was necessary, I'd sure as hell do it. And I would never question anyone's birth. The important thing is that the mom and baby are healthy.

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Both my younger two came early, I think this one will too. I don't like that they came so early, 38 and 37 week but they were healthy and that's all that mattered. I know people who schedule early inductions because it's more convenient. I think those people give inductions a bad name.

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Being in very similar shoes (have induced both my previous births), I hate hate hate when people think they have some insight you didn't consider or something. Hello, it was a huge decision - it's not like I just thought, "Hey I should get induced today!" :rolleyes:

That being said, I have a friend who had an 37 week c-section with her first due to extremely low fluid and has a doc who favors sections (for better or worse depending on your own opinion) - he told her he didn't think inducing would work or would take days and then could end up being an emergency c-section. So with her second (now keep in mind she is a complainer and was probably driving him nuts) her doc allowed her to have a c-section at 38 weeks just because she was "done" That drives me crazy! But I keep my thoughts to myself...I'm not her and it's not my decision to make.

I mostly BF the first 6 months, but feel like I have judging eyes on me if I'm out with baby and giving him/her a bottle (even if it's pumped milk!).

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"akpufa" wrote:

I mostly BF the first 6 months, but feel like I have judging eyes on me if I'm out with baby and giving him/her a bottle (even if it's pumped milk!).

Exactly the feeling here.. but you know.. not the same thing works for everyone! My DS bottle feed most of this infant and toddler life and he's perfectly fine, healthy and not over weight at all.

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:lurk: Ugh, (((hugs))). I saw that and it bugged me too. Want to know a secret? I was induced with my first two at 38 weeks. My first because she was "too big" ended up being 6 lbs 10 oz and my 2nd because I requested it so I could avoid a custody hearing. Yep, that's right. But I agree, you shouldn't be judged or attacked for any decision you make with your own child (well unless you're abusive or neglectful). I think you're a great mom and if you have to be induced again, thank goodness you're willing to do what you need todo for a healthy baby!!

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Totally get this! I had an emergency c-section with DS. He stopped responding and it ended up he had the umbilical cord around his neck twice. If we had not had a c-section, he would have been seriously brain damaged or not here at all. So people can judge all they want, I don't really care. I made the right call when the time came.

On top of that, anyone ever try to feed their child in public...one that was on a feeding tube? Talk about stares. I have had people ask what I did during the pregnancy to cause that. SMH At this point, I couldn't give a rat's *ss what people think of me or my family. I know that people that think that way or say those things are low on self-esteem and just need an ego boost. How sad for them.

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So sorry you're struggling with this, Mary (and all!).

Anymore when people stick their noses in my personal business, I advise them it's not a topic open for discusson. My life is MY life and I don't have to answer to anyone when it comes to my body and health of myself and baby!

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"Pixacious" wrote:

On top of that, anyone ever try to feed their child in public...one that was on a feeding tube? Talk about stares. I have had people ask what I did during the pregnancy to cause that.

Sad I didn't realize your son ate through a feeding tube. Is that still now or just when he was little? My step daughter is special needs, so I know what it's like to get the stares. I've sort of stopped noticing it now...but when DH and I were first dating it was new and weird.

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"akpufa" wrote:

I mostly BF the first 6 months, but feel like I have judging eyes on me if I'm out with baby and giving him/her a bottle (even if it's pumped milk!).

People are so judging with bottle feeding. This will be my first kiddo. But one of my friends told me outright that she gets upset when she sees people feeding their babies with bottles, because she can't help but think there is formula in the bottle. I asked her "so what if it is?" And reminded her that the baby could have been adopted, the mom could have had a mastectomy, or the mom just couldn't breastfeed for whatever reason. I do plan to breastfeed and use bottles, but I can't believe people are so judgey on this matter. I just don't care what other people do I guess and it bothers me when people butt into what I want to do. You get judged both directions. I think DH's parents and my parents will freak when they hear I want to breastfeed. DH and I both were formula fed as babies.

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"eliann" wrote:

But one of my friends told me outright that she gets upset when she sees people feeding their babies with bottles, because she can't help but think there is formula in the bottle.

I get more upset when I see people put a bottle in their baby's mouth and walk away. Sad Or sit on the couch next to them and totally ignore them. It's not the bottle that bugs me...it's the loss of closeness. Bottle fed babies can get the same closeness as BF babies by being held and looked at while eating but I guess moms are busy and like to find a minute here and there.

I'm often curious as to why people use formula, but not in a judgmental way. To me, it seems like a last resort as it's so expensive. That being said, if I had to go back to work at 6 weeks or 12 weeks post partum, I'd probably have to use formula too. Pumping SUCKS and having to do it full time at work is like a second job. Sad I feel so bad for those of you who have to go back so soon. We are so lucky in Canada.

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I had to bottle feed DD formula for multiple reasons..

1. I never produced enough milk to sustain her weight, let alone get her to gain.
2. She never latched on to either breast..

Neither of which I could do anything about.. it;s no one's place to judge me.. like Elizabeth said.. you never know WHY a mother is choosing to do what she is doing.. Sad

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My son drank formula when I started work back after 6 weeks. It was incorporated an did both at first but I'm in a small office and only I do the job I do and spending my time pumping wasn't doable. My full breasts were killing me and it was very hard. So eventually it went to full formula. I wish I were in Canada too lol it would be so much easier on the breast feeding front. I had a coworker that would go him on her lunch break. Unfortunately I can't do that. I live 20 mins away from work and only get a 45 min lunch.

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"Heatherbella" wrote:

Sad I didn't realize your son ate through a feeding tube. Is that still now or just when he was little? My step daughter is special needs, so I know what it's like to get the stares. I've sort of stopped noticing it now...but when DH and I were first dating it was new and weird.

He was on it til 18 months. He is now totally healthy and eats like a pig. I pumped for the first 4 ish months and had enough to feed him through 6 months, but pumping at home or at work is very difficult to keep up with. He was on formula the whole time though since I had to fortify my BM to add extra calories. I don't think it ever did any good because he is still small after eating by mouth for the last year and a half. Once he hit a year though, we switched from formula to pediasure. So you just never know what is in the bottle and why. He finally started taking a bottle at 15 months and by that time I was so excited to feed him in a "normal" way that I didn't care what people were staring for.

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Oh how the judging never stops though... It starts with decisions you make during pregnancy, but there is something for every age and gender once they are born!!!!! We are all different. Our children are all different. Our lives will look different. It's as simple as that!

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"nidia" wrote:

My son drank formula when I started work back after 6 weeks. It was incorporated an did both at first but I'm in a small office and only I do the job I do and spending my time pumping wasn't doable. My full breasts were killing me and it was very hard. So eventually it went to full formula. I wish I were in Canada too lol it would be so much easier on the breast feeding front. I had a coworker that would go him on her lunch break. Unfortunately I can't do that. I live 20 mins away from work and only get a 45 min lunch.

Ya, I couldn't keep it up if I worked...pumping, ugh! I was still nursing when K went to daycare at 1 year but at least she was on solids too! We tried introducing cows milk before daycare started but she didn't really take to it so for the first while she had water all day at daycare (plus food)...but after a while she figured out the cow milk. But ya, I couldn't pump all day long at work like that!!! I don't blame you for not sticking with it.

"Pixacious" wrote:

I don't think it ever did any good because he is still small after eating by mouth for the last year and a half. Once he hit a year though, we switched from formula to pediasure.

I SO hear you on that. K was 7lbs 4oz at birth which is a normal weight...but once she started controlling her food, she just was a slow gainer. At 1 year she was 16 lbs and now she's 2 months shy of 3 years old and she's still only 26 lbs. She's just small. That's who she is. All those times I had to force feed her as an infant seem ridiculous now that I know who she is. Sounds like he's a small one like my girl!