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    Posting Addict mujul79's Avatar
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    But Bill is looking into other options to get out of his current contract. He thinks he found one and it is to go AD (right now he is AD but it is as a recruiter). Thing is part of the new deal is a min of 12 months over seas . I got into this relationship knowing he was in the Army and I know me I can not deal with a guy who is not around. But he wanted to try to date and sold me on the fact that as a recruiter he could not be sent out of the US and that his contract only had 3 years left only 3 hours from where we live. So for the last year we have been making weekend trips to eachother and over the winter we went 22 days not seeing him and that was hard on me, I was prego so harder then he knows. I have been counting down the months until he can get out already.

    But I knew he was safe just working a lot and I had stuff going on in NY and we just could not make the trip that month. But now I have Simon I don't want him to miss a year. I am a bit shell shocked that he is even thinking about it because last we where talking together about is he was going to get out in 2 years when his contract is over and then we can do what we want.

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    Mega Poster mjones6102's Avatar
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    Have you talked to him about how you are feeling? You guys are in this together and you need to make sure he knows how you are feeling/what you are thinking.

    I know from personal experience that guys don't always think of others. At the same time though, he may be thinking that this is the best way to financially support the family.

    I hope you guys can figure something out that makes both of you happy.
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    Posting Addict EmilyC3's Avatar
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    I think you two need to sit down and do some serious talking. Is he talking about re-enlisting? With the economy the way it is, it is very hard for vets to get out and find a job. Maybe that is what he is worried about? As crappy as deployments are, the military is a very good job to have now as far as benefits and pay are concerned.



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    Posting Addict mujul79's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EmilyC3 View Post
    I think you two need to sit down and do some serious talking. Is he talking about re-enlisting? With the economy the way it is, it is very hard for vets to get out and find a job. Maybe that is what he is worried about? As crappy as deployments are, the military is a very good job to have now as far as benefits and pay are concerned.
    That is exactly what he is thinking. I respect it but I it is just not the life I want anything to do with. Kind of to late now that I am in love with him and we have Simon. He says I have the option to not get married and just let him go do it and pay me childsupport but that's not what I want. It's him I want that is why the deploment seems so hard, if all I wanted was his money I would have been gone and gone to court for childsuppot months ago. In the end I don't feel like I have much say, as it is I can live off of so little that it is not a huge deal to me if he gets paid less but because he is paying childsuppot for his others it is always on his mind how much he needs to make. We know his retirement after 20 years will cover the support but then he will need a FT job to support me and my 4.

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    Posting Addict EmilyC3's Avatar
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    Are you going to be married soon and are you going to be moving to where he is stationed after you are married?



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    Posting Addict mujul79's Avatar
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    I "can't" (read that won't unless I had too) move with him until after this coming school year is over. Heath just got into a preschool program that I can't pass up, it is for hearing impaired children and they only have slots for 6 kids and he got one this year. He will go from 8:30-1:30 M-F and the school district will pay for it. This is why I have not moved to VT to be with Bill yet.

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    Posting Addict mujul79's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EmilyC3 View Post
    Are you going to be married soon and are you going to be moving to where he is stationed after you are married?
    This is something he talks about but I have no ring and we have not date so until then I am planing my life where I can best get Heath's needs met.

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    Community Host wlillie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mujul79 View Post
    That is exactly what he is thinking. I respect it but I it is just not the life I want anything to do with. Kind of to late now that I am in love with him and we have Simon. He says I have the option to not get married and just let him go do it and pay me childsupport but that's not what I want. It's him I want that is why the deploment seems so hard, if all I wanted was his money I would have been gone and gone to court for childsuppot months ago. In the end I don't feel like I have much say, as it is I can live off of so little that it is not a huge deal to me if he gets paid less but because he is paying childsuppot for his others it is always on his mind how much he needs to make. We know his retirement after 20 years will cover the support but then he will need a FT job to support me and my 4.
    This is probably where you guys are crossing wires. It sounds like to me (from this post) that you are expecting him to support all four of your children, pay child support from his older children, and do it all on retirement pay and whatever civilian job he can get in this economy.

    I'm sure that that would not be so intimidating if he hadn't had the security of a military paycheck, understanding what expectations need to be met, and not having to interview for the past couple of decades. It's a lot for people to handle because the military lifestyle is totally different from the civilian lifestyle. I've only been in 7 years and the thought of having to go through an interview, buy civilian clothes, and lose my gym time during work makes my skin itch literally. I would love to try to go Reserves and find a job on the "outside", but I know that would be a chance since quite a few people aren't able to find one that have been looking a lot longer, who are better qualified, and who are used to interviews.

    He probably doesn't realize that you'd rather spend that year (the deployment) with him than have him support you and your four kids. Maybe when you get a chance to sit down with him you can explain that to him.

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    Posting Addict mujul79's Avatar
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    Well I don't expect him to pay for my kids but he has taken that on himself without me asking becase they have a deadbeat who is not paying (working with the courts on this) I don't think they should be Bills problem at all but he keeps telling me that he dated me knowing I had kids and they are part of the package deal of loving me. We have been able to talk and it came down to more of me having a need to nest as I just had a baby and I am not in the right place emotionaly to be thinking about such big changes and all it is doing is making my anxiody more. I can not go with him as we are not married so that adds a twist into it also. I have PPA so I just kind of asked him to stick it out for me. I kept saying I am making the worst military girlfriend and he was supportive and said "No your not I can understand, no one wants to have a baby and then have Dad turn to a deadbeat and take off, leaving not just you and Simon but you don't want your others to have to miss another daddy" So that is where he is like I don't want to be a deadbeat so I need to make sure I have this good job and I was like I want you to come home and hold him so I can get a shower and bond with him way more then I want you to make 70k a year. In the end he is still looking at options if anything at all (he would need to get out of current contract before anything could happen) and he knows that having kids has not helpped him in the past (I asked if he could use Simon as why he wanted to stay local) and he was like if that worked I would still be in KY with my other kids. He told me he will not take anything without my blessing (short of if he makes E8 we know they will move him so he is trying to change his job before that happends on top of the money thing) He wants to find a location that will meet all Heath's needs before he thinks about how cool the location or job would be for him on the FUN factor. He out right told me that if I refuse to go he won't, but I am trying to be understanding as I don't want him to hate his job so much that in someway it effects his mood and our relationship at home.

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    Posting Addict mujul79's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wlillie View Post
    I would love to try to go Reserves and find a job on the "outside", but I know that would be a chance since quite a few people aren't able to find one that have been looking a lot longer, who are better qualified, and who are used to interviews.
    That is exactly how he feels.

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