Bad people, bad touches and "those" conversations

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SoCaliLover's picture
Joined: 12/07/06
Posts: 1591
Bad people, bad touches and "those" conversations

Sorry for the serious post Wink

Has anyone started to have those conversations? Why or why not. If so (or if you will) how are you addressing it with a three-year old?

I really haven't had any concerns with Zayden, honestly he is never anywhere there would be an issue, just school and home. I know early in the school year a mom had an issue with teachers "touching" the kids to help them wipe (apparently a no no in preschool) but I was the complete opposite! Zayden is SO friendly, it would also be really hard to teach bad people ideas. EVERYONE one --parents, teachers, kids, at Z's school from preK to 8th grade apparently knows him, at the Gala the other week one of the dads commented on that cause Zayden goes running up to any one who walks into the playground, Hi I'm Zayden, look at my toy, look at my shirt, look at my shorts, and then runs off. :rolleyes:

Was talking about other things with my boss the other week and he was telling me about some four year old kid who was exposed to somethings and how important "that" conversation was. We have the same pediatrician and he told me that if he hadn't already Dr. R would be having those talks with Z on the next appointment on no one touches here or there, etc.

Zayden is also fascinated recently with his "boy parts" and really knows they are there.

I really understand how important these talks are and how many issues there are -- after all I adopted a child who had been severely sexually abused multiple times with multiple people. :angry1: But Zayden is three. I just don't even know how to go about that.

I don't want him scared of people or to hinder his natural friendliness. I don't want to create issues where there are not issues. I don't want to make sex or nudity or anything a taboo topic or a bad thing but I don't want to open up my child to a predator either.

Anyway, I know somewhere in this age group we start addressing these issues. I just don't wanna! Any suggestions, thoughts, ideas?

hotdiggit's picture
Joined: 10/17/07
Posts: 400

Yes, I have been giving her little bits of info lately. She is getting bigger and loves to be naked. Now that it is warming up, she doesn't want to wear clothes. I recently found out about a 5 year old that is close to me, may have been molested by a preteen at a family gathering.
This got me thinking, if you can't even trust kids to play together in your house, you need to teach some basics.

I have told her the area her swim suit covers up is private. Given her examples of why someone might need to touch there. We also told her who is appropriate to touch her in her private areas. I really don't think she got any of it, but at least she is starting to hear it.

SoCaliLover's picture
Joined: 12/07/06
Posts: 1591

How do you teach them who is okay to touch where? Like mommy and daddy can, teacher if you have an accident but not if you don't ? Z is going to the YMCA for summer camp this summer so he will have a bunch of new people (and probably rotating people since each camp is only a week) so I get a little more worried.

Tanylisa's picture
Joined: 08/30/07
Posts: 770

We've mentioned to Jack here and there about how his privates are private and nobody touches them besides him and mommy and daddy, I don't think he understands totally yet but it's a start.

serwachic's picture
Joined: 01/01/10
Posts: 178

I have so much anxiety around this issue! I majored in Counseling in college and was planning on working with victims of sexual abuse once I got my master's. Unfortunately, I've done way too much research to think it couldn't happen to my kids. But like you - I certainly don't want to create an unhealthy fear when there doesn't need to be one.

We talk about private parts, both theirs and mine - and how nobody touches anyone's and that he should always, always tell Mommy and Daddy if anyone touches him or asks him to touch them. I remind Jude probably once or twice a month and try to make the conversation brief. I think it's sticking with him, though. A couple of weeks ago both boys were in the bathtub. Apparently Jude's arm brushed by Cohen's privates, because Jude earnestly said, "Mommy! Oh no! I just touched Cohen's bing bong!" (:

Both my boys also love "nakey time" before bed, so I use the time that they're running around naked to reinforce that they can play together, but they can't touch private parts.

I'm sure I could be doing a better job at this, I'm eager to hear how everyone else is handling this!

SID081108's picture
Joined: 06/03/09
Posts: 1348

I can relate with Jen's feelings in that I also feel a lot of anxiety about this and so does DH. We both have a hard time actually with feeling like "is there anyone you can trust with your children"? just because of all the stuff we have seen, read, and people we have know who have actually experienced it. Having grown up as a pastor's kid in church, I know it can happen all too often in a church setting because people have TOO much trust of "church people", and it's the last place they expect it to happen. One of the reason's we actually left our last church was because I didn't feel comfortable leaving Sophia in the nursery...on certain Sunday's they had a man working in her class by himself! NO thank you. Anyway, I'm off on a tangent here. We are a little overly protective in this area to say the least.

I have been talking to Sophia for probably more than a year about privates and that no one touches them except mommy and daddy and that even mommy and daddy don't touch them unless they need to help her wipe or if she is having a problem. I've explained to her that her doctor might need to look at them sometimes but that no one at school or church should ever need to look at them or touch them. She is so outgoing that I don't actually have any worries about her becoming overly fearful or anything, so I fairly regularly remind her about the privacy of our privates.

My biggest struggle in this area (which we aren't there yet) is sleepovers....DH and I are really torn on this area. I had a great time going to sleepovers as a child but in todays day and age there are so many wackos out there I am going to be really leery about letting my child spend the night at anyones house except my very best friends. I hope if/when the time arises for a sleepover we will know what to do and I hope we won't have to keep our kids out of it because we don't trust the other parents (but we will if we don't feel 100% comfortable!) We might just have all the sleepovers at our house! ha ha You even have to worry about older siblings, etc! There is just too much to worry about these days.