Chores

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AshnBill's picture
Joined: 11/06/06
Posts: 5333
Chores

Besides helping to pick up toys, does your Nestling have any chores? If so, what are they? If they don't have chores when do you plan to start? If anybody has BTDT - any tips?

Also, do you give them something for completing chores on a daily/weekly basis, or not at all?

SID081108's picture
Joined: 06/03/09
Posts: 1348

Sophia does not have any set chores. I do require her to do certain things, like hang up her bath towel after her bath, put her clothes in the laundry room, put her shoes on the shoe rack by the front door, etc. But nothing that I would consider a "chore" at this point. I feel like she won't really be capable of that until maybe 5 years old...at least that's what I have in my mind, but maybe I'll feel like she's ready at some point earlier than that.

When we do start chores, we will do a sticker chart and she will also start getting a weekly allowance at some point, but DH and I haven't discussed what age that will be. That's when we will teach her about FIRST giving some of her money back to God, then putting some in savings, and then the rest is hers to do what she wants with. In my mind the allowance starts very small and grows with the child's age and responsibilities. So I have it kind of roughly mapped out in my head but nothing set in stone Smile

jlildrip's picture
Joined: 01/24/08
Posts: 269

Other than picking up toys and all the normal stuff, Noah has chores just relating to the dog for now, but I am ordering a "chore chart" this weekend (or seeing if I can come up with one myself). He has to give the dog a treat when we get home, he has to feed her every night. I will also put on the chart brushing teeth, making bed, washing hands (he does all this anyways, but sometimes needs an incentive). I'd also like to add helping to put away clean dishes and laundry. He's such a huge helper with everything that it's hard to actually come up with chores for him. I'll just do stickers for now, with a prize out of a treasure chest at the end of each week. Although, the sticker chart isn't working for pooping in the potty, so I don't know how realistic that is.

Lavender444's picture
Joined: 03/27/03
Posts: 1944

Ava cleans her room. She can put all her books back on the shelf, all the toys in their place, and her clothes in her hamper. She will also clean Andrew's room. I give her 2 quarters for her piggy bank in exchange, although she would do it just for the praise alone.

Joined: 01/12/09
Posts: 658

I got the Melissa and Doug chore chart (but a lot of it is too advanced yet) so I'm going to modify it. We will have things on there that are not really "chores" like brushing teeth (for practice I still help her at night) and eating dinner since she isn't fussy about what she eats, but wont always eat anything (or takes over an hour to do it) It has some great ones like no whining lol I'll defiantly use that. Addi is great at putting away her toys, so I'll probably have that on the chart also. I dont want too many things. She also likes to help me unload the dishwasher and knows she has to wait for me to take out the knives and glass wear before she can help with the rest.

I think for now on the chart I'll have

Eat dinner
no whining
pickup toys
brush teeth
and mommys choice

that way I can ask her to do random things as needed.

each time she gets a magnet to put on the chart. Not sure what I'll do with the magnets collected, maybe a treat, or sticker. She is usually pretty good at doing things without a "reward" but sometimes extra encouragement is good.

kris10gal's picture
Joined: 11/02/07
Posts: 1306

Chores, ugh Smile I know it's going to be something I'm going to be horrible at. I never really had chores growing up, I was just supposed to do what is asked (however I lived solely with my mom, so we were a team. And if it meant tarring the roof was something that was asked to do, I did it.) but, I know that nagging the boys to do stuff instead of having a list of expected, is certainly not going to be ideal.

I'll be watching this thread. We got the Melissa & Doug thing too, I haven't really looked at it though.

Joined: 06/03/07
Posts: 623

You all are putting me to shame. We don't have any chores lined up, nor was I thinking about them yet. We try and make her clean-up her messes, that's about it. She's terrible with that, so clearly we need to get with it. On the other hand, she loves to help us with anything we're doing, so that's nice.

keops's picture
Joined: 04/01/08
Posts: 813

I don't know if they are chores but

putting clothes in dryer, emptying dishwasher and putting dishes away !!
THOSE ARE NOT CHORES HE LOVES TO DO IT

Florian doesn't pick up his toys to well (I am very good at it now!!)

he put his clothes in laundry basket and is paranoiac about putting shoes in front of heater (alaskan boy)

no CHORES really he like to to what I mentioned above so Wink

Jenn0113's picture
Joined: 03/09/07
Posts: 5335

Deacon is responsible for feeding Remi, but I haven't enforced that lately. Although its easy to get him to do it because he loves doing it. Other than that we haven't started chores. Like Kristen, I never had chores so it will be hard for me to start them up. Although I will definitely have him do more than I was ever asked to do. I did so little that when I moved out on my own at age 20 I had to call my mom and ask her how to run the washer/dryer and dishwasher - ridiculous!

kris10gal's picture
Joined: 11/02/07
Posts: 1306

"Jenn0113" wrote:

Deacon is responsible for feeding Remi, but I haven't enforced that lately. Although its easy to get him to do it because he loves doing it. Other than that we haven't started chores. Like Kristen, I never had chores so it will be hard for me to start them up. Although I will definitely have him do more than I was ever asked to do. I did so little that when I moved out on my own at age 20 I had to call my mom and ask her how to run the washer/dryer and dishwasher - ridiculous!

Ha! Glad to know there's another like me! When I moved into the dorms, Janet had to show me how to use them. I'm pretty sure I put everything into the dryer first, thinking it was the washer, or something similar. I'll have to ask her, I'm sure she remembers.

jlildrip's picture
Joined: 01/24/08
Posts: 269

Oh wow, you guys make me feel like I was a slave to my parents. I had to do yard work (cutting around the sprinklers with scissors, even!), feed the animals, do my own laundry by 11, make dinner twice a week (including menu planning & grocery shopping) starting when I was 13, wash the cars, clean the entire house each weekend and do dishes and/or set the table every night. And those weren't even chores I got an allowance for. Plus, I started babysitting when I was 11 and had a "real" job the day I turned 16, had to start paying rent when I was 18 and still in high school. Because of all this, I struggle to find a balance with Noah. We make him clean up his toys all by himself and I notice that I expect a lot out of him already.

I did buy a chore chart for him last night and put on there brushing teeth, washing hands, going potty (this means all day with no accidents), putting his clothes in the hamper each night, feeding the dog, picking up toys. We'll see how it goes.

3inpink's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 451

"jlildrip" wrote:

Oh wow, you guys make me feel like I was a slave to my parents. I had to do yard work (cutting around the sprinklers with scissors, even!), feed the animals, do my own laundry by 11, make dinner twice a week (including menu planning & grocery shopping) starting when I was 13, wash the cars, clean the entire house each weekend and do dishes and/or set the table every night. And those weren't even chores I got an allowance for. Plus, I started babysitting when I was 11 and had a "real" job the day I turned 16, had to start paying rent when I was 18 and still in high school. Because of all this, I struggle to find a balance with Noah. We make him clean up his toys all by himself and I notice that I expect a lot out of him already.

I did buy a chore chart for him last night and put on there brushing teeth, washing hands, going potty (this means all day with no accidents), putting his clothes in the hamper each night, feeding the dog, picking up toys. We'll see how it goes.

I grew up the same way. Tons of things to do and there was no allowance in return for it, it was just expected and I paid rent as soon as I had my first job. I slack where the girls are concerned cause I don't want to do that to them, sadly I expect more from Emma than the other two. Kailee likes to sort the laundry before its' washed, they all put their own clothes away and put their dirty clothes in the laundry.

They all help put groceries away and empty the dishwasher.

I'm not a big believer in allowance for responsibilities. There are certain things that need to be done and there is no reward for it, you don't have to like it either, some things just need to be done.

kris10gal's picture
Joined: 11/02/07
Posts: 1306

"jlildrip" wrote:

Oh wow, you guys make me feel like I was a slave to my parents. I had to do yard work (cutting around the sprinklers with scissors, even!), feed the animals, do my own laundry by 11, make dinner twice a week (including menu planning & grocery shopping) starting when I was 13, wash the cars, clean the entire house each weekend and do dishes and/or set the table every night. And those weren't even chores I got an allowance for. Plus, I started babysitting when I was 11 and had a "real" job the day I turned 16, had to start paying rent when I was 18 and still in high school. Because of all this, I struggle to find a balance with Noah. We make him clean up his toys all by himself and I notice that I expect a lot out of him already.

I did buy a chore chart for him last night and put on there brushing teeth, washing hands, going potty (this means all day with no accidents), putting his clothes in the hamper each night, feeding the dog, picking up toys. We'll see how it goes.

Yup, I guess I did all of those things, but it was just that was when/what was asked of me, so they were done, kwim? And I was the same, no allowance came of those. I guess I'm realizing I did do a lot of things, I remember making my mom's lunch every night, but I never thought of them as "chores", just sharing responsibilities. (ie, she did laundry and I never knew how Smile ) I never got an allowance, but if friends were doing something, I would ask for money and if everything was done that needed to be done, I got the amount of money that would let me do whatever it was (football games, movies, mall, etc). Totally agree Lori, I'm not a big believer in allowance for chores either. I think I'm not bringing up allowance until it's brought up by them. Like, I don't think my kids should be able to go and buy a toy every few months for doing things they should be doing anyways just to help out. I want to buy them something for doing something above and beyond. Like brushing your hair every day & picking up toys aren't chores, just something you do.

3inpink's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 451

Several people told me I should reward them for homework and regular things done without asking, and I said no way, there is no reason why they need to be paid to do their homework I know I do not get paid to do the crappy things around here that I do all day long. A nice, thank you or good job or I appreciate that is all I give them cause that is what makes me feel good and appreciated. It's part of life to be responsible.

keops's picture
Joined: 04/01/08
Posts: 813

Lori I agree I don't (and will not) reward to "regular chores" .. I'll reward for good grades, etc... but for cleaning room OR DOING DAILY HOMEWORK no way --

We have a "farm" type life and I do expect him to understand that some things have to be done daily whether you like it or not... NO NOW OR SOON but I will..with animals responsibility come and if he ask for a freaking turtle or rabbit HE WILL BE RESPONSIBLE not me !!! and in my eyes it is more important in few years that if he has a pet to clean and feed his pet rather than cleaning his room... does this make sense? and School and homework will not even be an option it HAS TO BE DONE AND WILL BE DONE..... (I know I sound super bad sorry)

AshnBill's picture
Joined: 11/06/06
Posts: 5333

Kim, I like the no whining one. lol. I'll have to check out the Melissa & Doug chore chart. I did see there's a cute one at Target by the puzzles, thought about getting it.

I had to do a lot of helping out growing up, too. I don't remember having actual "chores" though. Mainly because we had 4 kids and my parents worked a lot so we were expected to help out with everything. I don't remember getting allowance, but every now and then our parents would give us money "just because."

Lavender444's picture
Joined: 03/27/03
Posts: 1944

I never had an allowance growing up, but I like the idea that money comes from hard work. Yes, some things are just a responsibility of life, but at this stage, Ava does me a favor by pitching in. I like showing her that if you want something (candy, toys, whatever) you have to work hard and save for it.

My family did not have a lot of money, but we didn't want for anything. And I really had an easy come, easy go mentality. I think part of that is just being a kid, but part is because I never really had to work for anything to get it either. Once I was 16 and got a job and saw how difficult money was to come by, it made me a bit more careful with my stuff.

SID081108's picture
Joined: 06/03/09
Posts: 1348

I had chores growing up but they definitely didn't start at 3 years old. That's why I'm in no hurry with Sophia. She does all the basic things like I said, including cleaning her own room when I ask her to and picking up toys...but I don't really consider those chores I guess (like regular ongoing responsibilities). I guess it's not too early to introduce the concept but I'm just not ready to make a big deal out of it yet. But I can guarantee by the time my kids leave the house they WILL know how to do laundry and keep a house clean Wink My mom used to come check my work after I cleaned and if it wasn't good enough she would make me start all over and clean it again. And even then she usually came behind me and cleaned it a 3rd time because it was still never to her standard. LOL

I love the concept of allowance because it teaches kids how to manage money instead of just handing them money when they need it. They get a set amount and they have to manage it so that they have money when they need it. It doesn't have to be tied to doing chores...to be honest I'll have to ask my parents because I can't remember if doing my chores or not doing my chores had anything to do with my allowance. But I had chores and I got an allowance, and my parents rarely gave me extra money, because I was expected to manage my allowance to have money. I also started babysitting really early (by choice) and started working at 16 so I always felt like I had money anyway.

hotdiggit's picture
Joined: 10/17/07
Posts: 400

My sister keeps offering to get a cricut cartridge that is to make a chore chart. I don't think we are really ready for it yet. She does have things that she has to do. After dinner she asks "may I can be excused" (it's so cute, I love it), and then takes her plate to the sink. She likes to help me with laundry and dishes too. I really like her toys organized, so we are working on putting things back in their place.

I have mixed feelings about allowance, but like that they can learn about money.

I was raised on a farm, and a family works as a team to get things done. There was no such thing as allowance. Dh was raised by his mom, and she would do EVERYTHING for him. I swear she STILL babies him. It will be interesting to see how we meet in the middle on it. We have always tried to get her involved in family projects, so she thinks helping out is just what you do.

serwachic's picture
Joined: 01/01/10
Posts: 178

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who hasn't started chores for their Nestling yet! Jude cleans up his messes, but other than that the things he does are because he really likes helping. He feeds the dog, lets him outside, "helps" me cook, stuff like that. I'm thinking we have at least another year, maybe two, before we start doing official chores.

And y'all, I'm SO torn on the allowance subject. On the one hand, I want my kids to be earning regular income so we can concretely enforce the idea of tithing, saving, spending. I really want to help teach him money management and feel like allowance and savings teaches kids so much about delayed gratification, wise choices, value of a dollar, etc. Plus I plan on having them save some of their earnings towards college, so I like that we'll regularly be enforcing for them that higher education is important.

Then again, I have a serious problem with paying my kids for things that are just contributing to the family. I kind of think that if we're going to pay for and make their meals, the least they can do is wash the dishes, you know? I'm not sure how I feel about giving them the option to not do those things. Jude is so stubborn, I could easily see him deciding a two dollar dock in allowance is totally worth not doing his chore.

I'm so on the fence about allowance and chores and if the two should be tied together. I'm definitely reading this thread with a lot of interest!

SID081108's picture
Joined: 06/03/09
Posts: 1348

"hotdiggit" wrote:

After dinner she asks "may I can be excused" (it's so cute, I love it), and then takes her plate to the sink.

I love that! I make Sophia wait until she's done eating to get up and I come clean her hands and mouth, but I need to teach her to say that. It's so polite, it's adorable.

SID081108's picture
Joined: 06/03/09
Posts: 1348

Jen, you make a good point. I'm going to ask my parents about this because now I'm really curious. Even though I got an allowance I definitely don't remember ever feeling like chores were optional. I knew that I had to do them no matter what. In fact I think if I didn't do them, I got grounded from things I liked (TV, talking on the phone, playing with friends, etc). But then would you still give them money if they were in trouble (i.e. hadn't done their chores?) It's definitely something to think about. It would be hard for me to hand my kid money if they weren't doing what they were supposed to do, even if the money was not "pay in exchange for chores".

Good thing we still have a few years to work it all out! Biggrin

3inpink's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 451

Carrie you made a really good point about the ability to learn about money. I am curious to see what your parents remember cause I don't like it tied into chores. There are certain things in life that just need to be done, sadly, without reward. YKWIM? I want my girls to be smarter with money than DH and I have been.

I had to save 50% of whatever money I ever received when I was growing up and I want them to be smart with money, but then the whole not doing something or only doing something for money is the wrong message also.

This is a great thread!

AshnBill's picture
Joined: 11/06/06
Posts: 5333

I also don't think they should get an allowance for completing chores, because like you've all said we don't get paid to do things later on, it just needs to be done. Not sure when we'll start actual chores, but might make up a little chart with things that we need to be working on anyways (like um...pooping in the potty, drinking from a cup, and getting himself dressed...) Tisha, that chore chart cartridge is a cute one! I don't have it but saw it recently.

We talked about chores in our mommy/me class this morning. I got a few different lists with some ideas of different chores for different ages and it must be kind of an older print-out (sewing & mending was one for older kids?) -- I had to laugh, because one of the chores on there was Defrost Freezer. LOL!! I don't think we have defrosted our freezer, ever. ROFL

SoCaliLover's picture
Joined: 12/07/06
Posts: 1591

Finally at a computer so I can chime in! LOL

Okay this was a HUGE fight with DH and I with the girls. I believed then --and still do -- that chores were part of being part of the family, you live here, you make a mess, you participate, you need to have responsibility. Everyone has a duty to the family from the parents to the kids. Tiff had chores, she did NOT get paid. If she did something above and beyond her chores, she would get paid. But no one pays me for cooking dinner, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and I am not going to pay my kid for taking out the trash, some of what they contributed too.

When I was a foster mom, the agency suggested that the kids had chores --though note this was a carefully monitored issue because I lived in a rural area and some people would get foster kids to do chores on the farm which was wrong wrong wrong. BUT having kids do simple chores to contributed to the family could help them forge a connection and feel more secure. (we had to review what chores were done and how we enforced them whenever the social workers came for home visits)

Jump ahead to DH and DSDs. First summer they came (which was a disater for so many reasons) no chores. They were visiting, they were on summer break, they didn't have to do anything. Okay, whatever. I can (sorta) live with two months of that.

Then the moved in. Conversation went like this. Me: Okay, lets establish chores. Kids: How much you gonna pay me? Me: um none, you are part of this family, everyone needs to contribute. Kids: Mom paid us for chores, you don't pay me I aint doing nothing. Me: DH can you help here? DH: well .... its okay, they don't need to do anything. Im just happy there here. Me: I am not cleaning kitchen, bathrooms, laundry, etc for all these people, its not fair, DH: Oh well fine, I'll do their chores for them. NEVER HAPPENED.

Even as adults living with us I could never enforce chores. They sorta cleaned up after themselves so DH was happy about that but cleaning up after yourself did not scrub the kitchen or clean the potty or vaccum the carpet. DH took the position that their "job" was to go to school and that is what they needed to focus on. Umm, the first two years I was in school, then I had a full time job and STILL had to clean the dang house....

At the end of the day, when Z was born, I hired a housekeeper. Even then DH was like well we don't need to spend that money, we can all pitch in....UM NO WAY JOSE been there done that, I am sick of picking up the slack for everyone especially when I work 60 hours a week.

oh and since A & A did no chores, i couldn't make Tiff do them because that was just unfair apparently. Tried again once she was in HS and the big girls were gone, but too late.

Sorry for the vent LOL--that's the back story.

That said, I have not yet started chores with Z though I have the Melissa and Doug chart. I think once we get settled down, we will get that out and start basic things. I try to get him to clean up his toys but he is having issues with that --NO MOMMY YOU do. Yesterday he refused to pick up a bunch of toys he scattered so I put him in time out till he was ready to cooperate.

I will NOT pay for chores -- see above Smile Chores are a contribution to the family unit.

I will, as he gets older, instigate an allowance. Did that with Tiff when she was younger --stopped when the girls moved in cause I was NOT going to give them an allowance if that was their attitude --they refused to contribute to the fam but wanted the fam to contribute to them? NOT (yes still have hard feelings over this if you can't tell LOL)

Don't remember the amount and not sure what I will do with Z but 1/3 had to go to savings, 1/3 to charity or church, 1/3 for spending.

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