The title of my thread says older moms, but younger moms may be able to relate? When I was in my 20's I didn't have children, so I don't REALLY know if my recent outlook is age, children or a combination.
when I was in my 20's by myself I knew eventually I would get old. I told myself I would never be "tacky" and fight age with ridiculous surgeries or tons of fake makeup...etc. I also pictured myself gracefully laying on my death bed like something out of a 40's Bette Davis movie with all the grace and attitude of a strong woman. No one would see me flinch and fear would not cross my mind or face. Death / Life...it is what it is and you just accept it. In the mean time party on!!!
Now...38 and 2 small children I look in the mirror at gray hairs, crows feet and bulging middle. I look at my beautiful children and try to picture grandchildren. I hate that my father has passed on and my children only have one grandparent that lives too far away. I want my children children's to have grandparents...but I fear not being there. I know I am still fairly newly post partum and this was part of the game last time with envisioning horrible things happening to my baby...now babies. Falling down stairs, car crashes, illness, SIDS...you name it. 24/7. I know to an extent it is normal to keep me on my toes and keep an eye on both during this newbie time and it doesn't go away...but for me it did calm down dramatically at one year. I still worry with Matthew..but not get up out of bed in the middle of night to check breathing worry.
Everyone says there is room in your heart for every child...no one mentioned room in your paranoia of worry as a mother for every child too. I didn't expect that to double as well! AHHHH!
That along with my age, I am at the beginning of feeling my mortality and am coming to understand midlife crisis I think. I no longer feel graceful about it...rather like a wet drowning cat desperate to cling to any twig and make it on shore.
am I the only one or do I need to go see my doc for pills? I just want reassurance of being here as long as possible with both of my little ones and no one can give it to me. I am type A and have no control over the one area I want it the most. What the heck!?