Question for Mom of boys

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SoCaliLover's picture
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Question for Mom of boys

or maybe moms of girls? I don't know that this is always a boy problem.

I have pretty strong feelings about exposing children to violence --some of it comes from seeing how violent household effect children as a foster mom. Zayden does not and will not have a toy gun, he does not watch or is ever around violent TV, video games etc. I know there is a lot of debate one way or another and other moms who will let their kids have toy guns etc which is fine. At three -- I think that's a little to young IMHO.

Yet for the past month, Zayden has been building "guns" out of Lego's, he runs around making noise and telling me I shoot you mommy, I shoot the cat mommy, etc. WTH??

Now I know he is getting this from school --cause he is not getting it at home and school is the only other place. Its hard to believe boys are born with these instincts but its driving me crazy. I also know this is not part of the curriculum at school and not taught there -- I am certain they do not have toy guns at school. But I am guessing there are other boys who have been exposed, maybe from older brothers? Who knows, and they are playing this on the playground.

I also know from unfortunate experience that the more I say no to Zayden the more enticing it is and the more he does it. I get boys will be boys but I don't want him running around saying he shot some one.

Last week this came to a head when I picked him up. There is another little boy that he and Zayden are oil and water. This is the little boy that his teacher says they physically have to keep them separated because while they always gravitate to each other they wind up fighting immediately. Zayden does not like this little boy and tells me daily that Jackson hit him. (I really don't think Jackson is actually hitting Zayden every single day like he reports --especially cause I know that Jackson is only in school part time) So whatever day that was, Zayden goes on that Jackson is not my friend, then I asked him if he could be nice and play nice with Jackson. No mommy, I shoot Jackson, I killed him. WTF???? Hes three for Pete's sake.

I have parent teacher conferences sometime in the next week so I am going to raise this with the teacher. I think they have recess with some older kids and he occasionally is in daycare with the big kids (school is Preschool to 8th grade and the very early morning and the last hour of daycare is combined.)

So ideas, suggestions? How do I keep my kid from being the next serial killer? Gesh. Maybe girls WERE actually easier. LOL

keops's picture
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Amy no guns or violence at all here NO ZERO NO NADA !!!

my son has no clue what it is

last super at birthday party kids were playing with water gun and he got skirt in the face because he had no clue what the kid was going to do.... I told the kid to not aim at other kid even if it was water (I was very mad)

so far nothing back from school for us but I am sure the issue will come..... and

YES

YOU should mention your concern with the teacher or director !!!!

I'd like to know what they tell you...

SoCaliLover's picture
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Thank you! See that is where I am, no violence no guns, I didn't even let Tiff have a water gun.

It has to be coming from school cause it sure as hell is not coming from home (and those are the only two places he is!)

BUTTTTTT.....the more I say don't say shoot, don't say kill, the more he says it. (little punk!) But I cannot ignore it --its just WRONG.

We will discuss at the parent teacher conference and see what they say. Adrienne says this is normal with this age as she saw it a lot when she taught preschool -- mostly from the kids who have older (grade school) brothers and sister and maybe are playing video games etc.

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Hmm. I would definitely state and enforce that violence & being unkind is wrong. IDK, I wish I could help but know nothing.

I know I am going to dislike water guns. (I hate being squirted!) However, I have a bit of a different view of guns because DH is a hunter. Jackson even had little pistols that went with his Halloween costume (they didn't go to preschool) and I kind of thought nothing of it because he doesn't play with them like that. Honestly, I can't picture the kid ever pretending to shoot anything, it's just not his personality, but of course I would be against being unkind or violent towards others. But I guess I just don't always associate guns with violence because of DH (and my dad too, I was brought up around guns safely). I'm sure DH will have him in a hunter's safety class when he's able.

Anyways, off my meanerings, I do have problems with violence and would definitely bring it up. Being unkind to others is not okay in my book, no matter what the age. I don't care if I have boys and they're different than girls, I will never like violent movies, video games, etc. Jackson would be going straight to time out if he said those things, and if continued saying them, would most likely lose some toy or something he cared for until he stopped for a while.

Good luck.

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We don't allow any kind of violence here, either. I think one time Jude told me he had shot me when we were playing around and wrestling. I ignored it and he hasn't brought it up since, but I'm guessing he picked it up at preschool?

Maybe you can treat pretending to shoot and kill the same way you treat other acts of violence like hitting? Let him know that it's mean and hurtful and can be really dangerous? That way, you're not giving it more weight and he's not thinking he's getting extra attention by saying, it.

One thing Jude's been doing lately is taking anything stick-like and pretending to be a wizard. He likes to turn Cohen into a block. ( : He turns me into animals and things, and I pretend to act like that animal. Cohen of course doesn't actually act like a block, so we laugh and say, "Silly Cohen! Blocks can't eat raisins!" or whatever he's doing.

So anyway, maybe that can be a redirection for Z? Something like that might help him feel more in control of someone he's not happy with, but it's not as dangerous or hurtful.

I don't know, I'm sure as my boys get older this will come up again, so I'm interested to hear what his teachers says about it.

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...no, it's not just for boys. Lyla came home from school last week running around pointing her finger and making "pew" noises. She pointed her finger at me and said "I pewed you mom." She has no idea that it was shooting, she was just doing what she saw other kids do at school. I don't think most kids get that guns are violent at this age (maybe this is wishful thinking). I do believe that keeping kids in the dark about guns, is just as dangerous as letting them watch violent shows. They need to be taught that guns don't point at people, etc. What if they go over to a friends house to play, and there is a gun. They need to know to leave it alone, and not let it be pointed at people.

I've been around guns and hunting my whole life. I had my own gun growing up. I only shot targets, since I hated the thought of killing anything. I can't ever remember being taught how to handle a gun, it must have been when I was really young.

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I ditto what Kristen said! Dh is really into hunting so I imagine at some age Miles will have a toy gun whether I like it or not. We wouldn't allow violence obviously, but I can't picture Miles using a toy gun like that anyways (not his personality either). I would definitely bring it up, because he obviously heard it somewhere, so maybe the supervisors in the classes where he's mixed w/older kids can pay attention more closely for it and put a stop to that.

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Amy, I could have written this post myself. We are having a terrible time with Josh doing the same thing. When I picked him up from the sitter's one day last week she said he was building guns out of the legos and then shooting. WTH!?!?!? I know he had to get that from preschool...where else? He'll use anything as a "gun"...golf club, broom, whatever.

DH is a police officer so Josh has been obsessed with his gun and asking a ton of questions and wanting to touch it (um..NO!). Lately he keeps saying Daddy kills bad people. Un...NO! It's Daddy's job to protect people and that's why he has a gun. It's so hard to explain things like this to a 3 year old. So, I feel your pain.

For the record...I don't like toy guns either!

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:lurk:

Interesting thread ladies!!! As a mom of 3 boys (2 of which) stay home with me, well... they shoot stuff. They use everything as "shooters." It seems that they are truly born to be warriors LOL! and we don't own nor have we ever exposed them to a weapon! I

This article I thought was kinda cool though... www.pregnancy.org/article/boys-girlsdifferent-birth

Ok back to lurking!!! Biggrin

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I guess I'm at the opposite end of the spec. Daddy is a soldier and really into hunting. Both of my boys have been hunting and fishing and really enjoy it. DH is extremely qualified to handle guns and is very careful when they are around. With that being said both boys have toy guns and they are no more violent than any other child. Neither has ever bitten, beat, or talked down to another child so I'm not all that worried about them going around acting like soldiers shooting bad guys or hunting deer. I guess it's just a fact of life in MS. My 5 year old is even having an Army birthday party...what can I say we're proud of our soldier.

My point is Amy it depends on the kid. If he's doing it to be ugly that's one thing but if he's just playing take the opp to explain about them. At some point he will come in contact with one no matter how carefull you are and I would wrather my boys know how to respect it than be curious and get hurt or hurt someone else.

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All good points! Thanks guys!

My family (Dad and cousins) all hunt but I never have been around it much. If --when Zayden gets older -- he spends any time with his distance relatives, he may be exposed to that. When we were out in Tn for Thanksgiving my son in law whet hunting with my cousins.

Also, I have personally been exposed to violence and seen first hand the evil that people can do with guns so I totally admit I am hyper sensitive to it.

It is a very good point though that at some age, children need to have basic gun safety. I hope Zayden is never at someones home who has accessible weapons but I know I cannot always control that and so yes he needs to be taught at some point to never touch a gun if he sees one.

I seriously do not even think he has any idea what bang bang (or more accurately like Lyla making some noise that is supposed to sound like a gun I guess) or what I shot you or I killed you even means. I don't know how to say that's not nice or don't do that without trying to even explain to him what he is doing. I have read in the past --on a more academic level -- the differences with boys and girls and if aggression is somehow in their nature and genes for boys. I have always emphatically said boys and girls are equals, and any differences are nurture vs. nature and that at birth they are a blank slate. For the record, I take that back now that I have a boy.

That said, I am going to discuss this with his teacher - I just don't think its ingrained at birth what a gun is so someone has shown him. I just don't feel that is appropriate at this age though -- like discussed above -- it is something that we are going to have to address with him.

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I am the hunter in the family and we do own 6 firearms :eek: but very very well hidden and amo are not even in the house where the guns are ROFL

I want Florian to go grouse and caribou hunting later, I want to teach him harvest hunting (no trophy hunting in our house)....

but now he is 3 I don't want him to know about it yet... it will come soon enough

we may go Caribou hunting this spring and he will come with us and then he will see the guns... I am not sure what will happen from this (he will not come with me when I actually hunt - he is not quiet enough)....

But like Amy I don't want my son preteting he is "shooting" at people and think it is fun..... YKWIM???

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Sophia told DH once that she was going to kill him and after both of us looked at each other in complete shock, we realized she probably got it from me! LOL Sometimes I just casually say things to DH like "I'm going to kill you if you threw out that paper I needed" and I've never thought anything of it until then!! She doesn't really have any interest in guns at this point but her current class at school is over 75% boys so she does talk about superheros and superpowers all the time now.

I do think it won't hurt to talk to the teacher about it, although I'm not sure that there is much she can do if he is picking it up from other boys. Just like if your kids pick up cuss words from other kids at school, unless the teacher hears it, there's nothing she can really do, you know? Maybe she can just watch more closely to make sure the boys aren't "playing guns" on the playground.

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I should probably stay out of this one so I don't look like a bad mom, lol. Deacon has toy guns, water guns and him and Jus play "shooting". We have guns in the house and he has seen them but knows he can't ever touch them. Jus has an airsoft gun and has let Deacon shoot it and was teaching him how to aim and shoot. Since we have guns in the house we would rather work on gun safety than hiding them.

When my nephew was about 4-5 yrs old he got into his grandpa's gun cabinet, unlocked it himself with a key that had been hidden no less, and shot the gun in the house. I feel like he wouldn't have been so curious had he been taught about them initially. Just my opinion.

Deacon is not allowed to point anything - not even lego guns - at anyone or anything living. He is never allowed to say KILL and he lets you know its a really bad word. Even if I say "my head is killing me" I get in trouble for saying kill.

However, my SIL is opposite and her boys, that are older than Deacon, aren't allowed to play with guns, so we put them all away before they get here. Although they usually just use another toy as a gun. :-S

ETA: We have a neighbor that has a little boy about 6 months older than D and they take him to the gun range to shoot the real guns. Now I would have to say that is a bit overboard....a play gun is one thing but I can't see a 3 year old being ready to shoot a real gun.

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Yes Jenn shooting real gun is OVERBOARD :eek:

when Florian will be older I will be happy to teach him about hunting, gutting animals, taking care of his rifle etc but

NOT NOW (too young)...

And I'll be super proud to take him Grouse and Caribou hunting in few years..... Wink
but for us guns are for hunting or safe defense toward animals (bears, moose...)

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Jenn --not a bad mom at all! I know some of it really depends on where in the country you live --in many places guns are much more a way of life then others. If I lived in those areas --even with my very strong dislike of guns -- I would teach Zayden basic gun recognition and safety at an appropriate age.

Had his parent teacher conference yesterday which is a discussion for another thread -- but brought up the guns and violence. She said they have also noticed it and it started right around beginning of school in January --which is when we noticed it. She said when they notice it in class they tell the kids its not appropriate, do not do that, we don't use those words. But --and I recognize this-- when the kids are running around in the playground it would be impossible for them to hear every word. They are aware of the issue and are attempting to address it.

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"SoCaliLover" wrote:

Jenn --not a bad mom at all! I know some of it really depends on where in the country you live --in many places guns are much more a way of life then others. If I lived in those areas --even with my very strong dislike of guns -- I would teach Zayden basic gun recognition and safety at an appropriate age.

Had his parent teacher conference yesterday which is a discussion for another thread -- but brought up the guns and violence. She said they have also noticed it and it started right around beginning of school in January --which is when we noticed it. She said when they notice it in class they tell the kids its not appropriate, do not do that, we don't use those words. But --and I recognize this-- when the kids are running around in the playground it would be impossible for them to hear every word. They are aware of the issue and are attempting to address it.

Yeah, this is exactly what I was thinking. But it's great that they have noticed it and I'm glad they are at least attempting to do something about it whenever they do see or hear it.

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We hear "beeyoom, beeyoom" all.the.time. around here. "Buzz Lightyear says 'Beeyoom, beeyoom'" is what Noah's always telling us. Plus, he watches Cars 2 about once a week, which has a lot of guns. We have a gun in the house, but he doesn't know about it yet. When it first started happening, I freaked out. But he turns everything (seriously, even a foam 4) into a gun, plus he has a bubble gun, so I let it go and just let him play, as long as he doesn't say he's killing anything (which hasn't happened yet). I figure it's like a right of passage or something, plus DH told me I needed to chill out about it, so now it's just another way to play.