sibling rivalry

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stillsurprised's picture
Joined: 04/21/08
Posts: 68
sibling rivalry

Hi all! Remember me? I feel like such a tourist on this board. I've talked to Sam's pediatrician, but I thought I'd get advice from some of you ladies as well.

Sam's got pneumonia and Drews got 2 infected ears ( and teething!!) this week. That means, with Sam home from pre-school, I'm knee deep in whiney kids and beginning to lose my mind!

So the whole sibling rivalry has truly begun. It's mostly Sam, but it's still driving me bonkers. Sam will yell at the top of her lungs, from in her room, "Drew!!! GET OUT OF MY SPACE!!!" She FREAKS when Drew gets too close to her when she's coloring or doing puzzles. Drew has started copy-catting things that she says, and when she hears Drew say "No- get out!" She cries and screams at him. She's always yelling at him, and now she's starting to be physical. I've recently caught her Dragging Drew, by his arm, out of her room, and today she was doing this really slow-motion karate kick to Drews chest. Like a push with her foot. I lecture her as I send her to time out, and ask her to think about why I'm mad, and what she did wrong. Then, when her times up, she needs to hug and apologize to Drew. I have a brother and I know how this works, and that it's completely normal. I just don't want this to escalate. She gets REALLY mad.

How do I encourage the sisterly bond? She is SO kind to everyone else, but when it comes to Drew, she's downright mean. Any ideas? Advice?

hotdiggit's picture
Joined: 10/17/07
Posts: 400

It's tough, and we are dealing with it at times. Lyla is a little ocd about how she has things sitting in her doll house, and Cora will wreck it in a second. That is where we have the most problems. They are normally pretty affectionate to each other.

Finding fun things they can do together helps. Also talking about how the older sibling needs to help teach them. I know are lo's are still at t he impulsive stage, but if Lyla pushes etc, she goes straight to time out.

stillsurprised's picture
Joined: 04/21/08
Posts: 68

Thank you so much for replying, Tisha. I feel like because I hardly have time for this site, (or my computer for that matter), I don't really have the right to create a thread and ask for advice, you know?
Sam has really no sisterly protective emotions towards Drew. It bothers me. She just seems to be constantly annoyed by his presence. I've tried playing games that put her and Drew as a team, and just to create more activities that would require her interaction with him, but she just doesn't want anything to do with him. I don't tolerate her being physical with him at all, but it seems that this negative reinforcement (time out or removing toys or privileges), isn't getting me very far. I need ideas for positive reinforcement too. She has a rewards chart for doing good things, (eating her food, no potty accidents etc.) and her column for sharing and being nice to Drew is empty. Sad I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Like there is something I'm not doing or not seeing. Ugh.

SoCaliLover's picture
Joined: 12/07/06
Posts: 1591

LOL I don't know of any rules on who can post and ask for advice! Its great to see you!

I have no suggestions though for sibling rivalry! My DSD were still beating the crap out of each other on occasion when they were 25 and 27! (and yes I had a major no violence rule!)

I hope this is just a phase and she gets through it soon. I also hope both your babies are feeling better by now! Two whiny kids would drive me batty! Who am I kidding --one whiny child drives me batty!

SID081108's picture
Joined: 06/03/09
Posts: 1348

Well we are not in this phase yet so unfortunately I have no advice. Sad I just wanted to say I sympathize with you and I can only imagine how hard that must be on you to see her have that attitude toward Drew. The only "encouragement"?? I can offer is to say that my brothers had no protective instinct for me growing up....I thought at times they would kill me to be honest, and today as adults we are close and we all love each other Wink So while that doesn't make it any easier right now...someday they will be close. Let's just pray that someday is sooner rather than later, for your sake.

jlildrip's picture
Joined: 01/24/08
Posts: 269

Hey Tammy!
My biggest advice is to make sure you keep an eye on it and have them talk to you about it. As a mom, I have no experience, but as a sibling--I have tons. My brother and I did ok (just ok) as kids because we were either in school or at a babysitter's, but as pre-teens/teenagers, it was really, really bad because we were home by ourselves all the time. We both have scars from it--literally. Like Carrie, I thought we would kill each other. We came after each other with knives, bats, fists, fire, you name it. I really think it was because my parents were too busy working to care and they were never home. But, we were still super protective of each other when it came to outsiders. To this day, I think my brother's a complete a$$ and can hardly stand him. I just pretend. :/
But if you continue to try to foster (not force) a loving relationship and model it, I think they can be fine. Smile It sounds like maybe it's more a jealousy issue than anything else.

hotdiggit's picture
Joined: 10/17/07
Posts: 400

I should have mentioned that I have a sister that is 22 months older. My parents worked full time jobs, had a farm, and 4 kids. Me and my sister were home alone all the time (my older siblings are 10 and 12 years older). We fought all the time. I was determined to keep up with my older sister, and didn't want her to treat my like I was younger. Now we get along great, and hang out together several times a week.