Some days I just hate being a mom

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3inpink's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 451
Some days I just hate being a mom

Isn't that horrible? Today is one of those days. I was screaming and yelling and saying such awful things to the girls and I didn't even feel bad. It was just one of those moments.

Lately I've been having such issues with my own childhood and how much I hated it and yet here I am repeating the same mistakes, it's just too hard some days to try and be better, it's easier to go with what comes natural and I hate that.

Every day is the same, I never get to do anything I want to do for me when I want or alone. It's not their fault they certainly didn't choose me to be their mother and I love them, but sometimes I just wonder why I did it and 3x times no less, was I just plain out of my mind?

I miss having a newborn it was my favorite time, it is just getting harder and harder and instead of them being able to understand and converse and be easier to deal with, it's even harder. They answer back, ask never ending questions, always need or want something.

The hardest part of the newborn days was not sleeping and if you were lucky you could nap when they did, now it's just never ending noise and wants and needs and problems with school or issues with themselves and .....

Okay, sorry just needed to get that off my chest and try to feel better. I hope you all don't think I'm awful I just feel comfortable enough to be honest here without being judged.

Lavender444's picture
Joined: 03/27/03
Posts: 1944

:bigarmhug:

We all have those days.

asteuck's picture
Joined: 10/30/07
Posts: 355

:bigarmhug: Ditto what Amber said.

I've been having quite a rough time with Alyssa lately too, I feel like all I do is yell at her. Hang in there!

keops's picture
Joined: 04/01/08
Posts: 813

hang in there :bigarmhug:

jlildrip's picture
Joined: 01/24/08
Posts: 269

:bigarmhug:
Lori, some days being a mom really challenges you, your patience, your other relationships. Some days its having personal struggles, relationship struggles that make being a mom difficult. I only have one and sometimes I question what I did. Saturday was one of those days for me. But remember the hugs, the giggles, the "I love you, Mommy". Those are the good times that make it all worth it. Smile

Minx_Kristi's picture
Joined: 01/02/09
Posts: 1261

Oh hun, I hope you come around soon!

I know exactly what you're saying though..... I have just split with my DBF and I find more so now I get p*ssed because I'm angry that I am having to do it alone! I feel so bad, it isn't her fault but we're all human.

xx

SoCaliLover's picture
Joined: 12/07/06
Posts: 1591

Lori -- there are certainly times I feel like that --and have felt like this will all of my kids. There were plenty of times when my girls were younger that I would sit in tears and wonder WTH I had gotten myself into and why? Even with Zayden, there are many times I feel so unequip to deal with him. It is hard. Take some time for yourself and take a deep breath.

3inpink's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 451

Thanks girls. Today is a better day. It's so stinking hard most of the time and I know that I find myself changing and wanting more and that brings it's own set of feelings and issues. I need to quit the bad behavior cause I know they deserve so much better, but some days I have no energy to do better I'm lucky I'm up and able to feed them.

The best part of yesterday was bed time, there are a lot of times when bed time is my favorite part of the day!

AshnBill's picture
Joined: 11/06/06
Posts: 5333

:bighug:

Hang in there, Lori! Try to take some time out for yourself if you're able to.

:bighug:

serwachic's picture
Joined: 01/01/10
Posts: 178

I'm pretty sure my favorite part of EVERY day is bedtime! Smile Followed closely by naptime, of course.

I actually just had a day like that two days ago. I was yelling at both boys, but especially Jude because no amount of speaking calmly seemed to make him listen to me. At one point I yelled, "THAT'S IT! We're all watching Sesame Street!" So I put the DVRed Sesame Street on (I try to keep them away from watching TV as much as possible, so it was a desperate move at sanity for me), cuddled with them, and we all calmed down a little bit. I looked at Jude's little innocent face and made sure I apologized to him for being so harsh.

I definitely have moments where I wonder why God thought I was fit to be a Mom, and I also have moments (or...maybe even weeks) where I get bitter about not having time to myself. I don't really have an answer, other than to say I feel you and I get it!

3inpink's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 451

"serwachic" wrote:

I'm pretty sure my favorite part of EVERY day is bedtime! Smile Followed closely by naptime, of course.

I actually just had a day like that two days ago. I was yelling at both boys, but especially Jude because no amount of speaking calmly seemed to make him listen to me. At one point I yelled, "THAT'S IT! We're all watching Sesame Street!" So I put the DVRed Sesame Street on (I try to keep them away from watching TV as much as possible, so it was a desperate move at sanity for me), cuddled with them, and we all calmed down a little bit. I looked at Jude's little innocent face and made sure I apologized to him for being so harsh.

I definitely have moments where I wonder why God thought I was fit to be a Mom, and I also have moments (or...maybe even weeks) where I get bitter about not having time to myself. I don't really have an answer, other than to say I feel you and I get it!

That was exactly what I was feeling, and I was so over the point of done that I couldn't even apologize. Gabby (youngest) was smart enough to just back off at that point,t he older two were just relentless. I wish I could have felt the need to apologize but at that point I just wanted to be alone! Thankfully the past two days have been much better and I'm trying very, very, very hard to be kinder and think before speaking and acting.

Lavender444's picture
Joined: 03/27/03
Posts: 1944

"3inpink" wrote:

Thanks girls. Today is a better day. It's so stinking hard most of the time and I know that I find myself changing and wanting more and that brings it's own set of feelings and issues. I need to quit the bad behavior cause I know they deserve so much better, but some days I have no energy to do better I'm lucky I'm up and able to feed them.

The best part of yesterday was bed time, there are a lot of times when bed time is my favorite part of the day!

Word! Even when my children are well behaved, bed and nap times are my favorite parts of the day! Wink

I'm essentially a single mom. My husband is gone M-F most weeks, traveling for work. It's hard doing everything alone, but I find what helps me most is getting out of the house. I need to let the kids have free playtime outside the house for them to seem more managable.

I also make a point to workout several times a week. I have a gym membership and pay extra for the babysitting. That is the only alone time I get. So if I have to spend it on a treadmill for 2 hours a day, to get some peace I will! Maybe you could try something like that too? It's great for working out aggression.

And- when all else fails. I make everyone take a walk. Sometimes some fresh air is just what they need to make the crabbies and whines go away.

serwachic's picture
Joined: 01/01/10
Posts: 178

Honestly, it sounds like you could use some regular time for yourself. It's amazing what having some scheduled alone time will do. Do you think your DH would be up for letting you have one evening a week to do something refreshing alone? What about joining a gym with childcare, or arranging babysitting swap with a friend?

3inpink's picture
Joined: 01/11/07
Posts: 451

I wish DH would go for that but I'm essentially a single parent. He works and even when he is not physically at work he is working at home, on the phone 24/7 without exaggeration, the other night he was on the phone from 12 midnight till 2:45 am. It's insane.

I am thinking about joining a gym as soon as I can save up some money. The one I have my eye on has daycare included and a pool, I'd love to go for a grown up swim. I do get one hour a week to myself when I go to my weight watchers meeting. I'm also trying to get Gabby into day care a few times a week if we can get approved for government assistance. We will see!

Tanylisa's picture
Joined: 08/30/07
Posts: 770

I can relate some days! Lately I have no patience at all with Jack and I find myself yelling at him then I feel bad. I haven't had any alone time at all except for going to doctor appointments and I think it would help if I could get a few hours to myself.

Hopefully you'll be able to get a few minutes or more of alone time soon, it would definitely help!