DH at appts? (xp)

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Starryblue702's picture
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DH at appts? (xp)

I have been wondering... do you girls take your DH/SO to your OB/midwife appts? I haven't asked DH to go to any of mine yet. The only one he's been to is the anatomy U/S because he wanted to see baby. I think maybe it's because this is my fourth baby, his fifth baby, and our sixth baby together (there's a riddle for you, lol!), that there's nothing really new to experience (even though each baby is new and special!)... maybe that's why I don't invite him. Is this weird? For you BTDT moms (especially on your third baby or more), do you feel the same way? I took my first husband to every appt with our first baby, but that feeling kind of wears off when you've been pregnant so many times. I know I'll want him to come with me starting at the 36 week appt, because that's when my OB starts checking to see if you're dialated. I think the kids have something to do with it too, as it's definitely hard to take them to the appts if we were to both go...

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My DH has never come to any of my Dr's appts with any of my pregnancies. He has come to all the ultrasounds though, except for my last one at 31 weeks this time - he was in the middle of writing an exam.

I never really saw the need for him to come - all they do is weigh me, take my blood pressure, and measure my belly. Why make him miss work for that?

It was definitely more exciting the first time around - he'd want to feel the baby move, etc. This time we are still excited but it's not the same - and I don't mind it that he's not that interested in the pregnancy part. I know he is an excellent father and his kids love him to bits, and I know he loves me, so I don't really find a need for him to be all that involved.

I do think it's cute though when I hear about DH's coming to all the appts. It really is sweet when they are that involved Smile Just not that important to me, personally.

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DH doesn't come to any of my appointments unless he has to drive (e.g.-the one week after c-section appointment where they remove the staples and I get cleared to drive again). He came to the first ultrasound we had with Jack (9 weeks), because I had a miscarriage before and he doesn't want me to go through something like that alone. He wen to the 20 week one with Jack too. Other than that, he didn't go with me unless I had to go to the hospital (37 weeks and 40 weeks). This time, he's only made it to the 20 week ultrasound. He couldn't get to the first ultrasound at 6 weeks because something came up at work.

I honestly feel badly for the dads who go to the appointments with their ladies, especially when they are going to the bloodwork ones--I saw a guy sitting with his girl at the 3 hour glucose test. I could NEVER ask Jack to do that with me. He's better off working rather than taking his precious time off from work to sit with me for 3 hours. Or even 15 minutes at my appointments. oh, and I would NEVER EVER make him go to an appointment where I had an internal exam.

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"annestacy" wrote:

I honestly feel badly for the dads who go to the appointments with their ladies, especially when they are going to the bloodwork ones--I saw a guy sitting with his girl at the 3 hour glucose test. I could NEVER ask Jack to do that with me. He's better off working rather than taking his precious time off from work to sit with me for 3 hours. Or even 15 minutes at my appointments. oh, and I would NEVER EVER make him go to an appointment where I had an internal exam.

My boyfriend comes to my appointments and we think it's great. We're both teachers so the timing wasn't a problem in the summer (short summer school hours) and we're also lucky to have been able to snag loads of Saturday appointments. It's not necessary that he's there, but it's nice that we're able to get through this together. I also have my cervix checked at every appointment and since my boyfriend has seen the bits, it's not a big deal at all!

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I must apologize-that came out sounding really bad. Beee what I meant was that while it's nice that some do go, I just think that lots of appointments it's not really necessary to have daddy there. Especially when they are super short or are just filled with sitting around waiting (the 3 hr glucose test). And it's my preference to not have my Dh at appts where things get checked out internally. He doesn't deal well with doctors/hospitals or settings like that. And because of that, I won't ask him unless I REALLY need him.

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I'm a FTM and this both my and SO's first baby. He came to my pregnancy confirmation appointment and to our 3 ultrasound appointments. I didn't really see the need in dragging him along to my routine checks because nothing exciting happens...pee in a cup, check vitals, measure fundal height. Now that we are almost to weekly appointments I'll get him to come if I start to dilate early.

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"sandraleigh" wrote:

I do think it's cute though when I hear about DH's coming to all the appts. It really is sweet when they are that involved Smile Just not that important to me, personally.

This is me, too! I think it's so sweet when the dads want to be involved in it! My DH is like yours though, he's been around the block with enough pregnancies now that he's just not into it like I am, which is understandable. That's where that old saying comes from... "A woman becomes a mother the minute she finds out she's pregnant, and a man becomes a father the day his child is born." It's just different for the both of us, so he's not as excited when baby gets the hiccups or anything else like I am... but he's always concerned for the both of us.

"annestacy" wrote:

oh, and I would NEVER EVER make him go to an appointment where I had an internal exam.

Lol, it's funny to me that some men are uncomfortable with this (I'm assuming yours is, that's why you wouldn't want him to be there?)!! I guess I could see some weirdness if you were seeing a male OB, but a female OB or a midwife... my DH could care less. I just like mine to come in the last month for the internal exams because with our last son I was dialted to 5CM without having any contractions, so they sent me straight over to L&D and he wasn't with me! I don't want that happening again, so he'll be going with me to my last months worth of appts!

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My DH goes to all the appt he can make. If he isn't there then my BFF or mom will go I faint at needles and blood so there is ALWAYS someone there for blood work! I don't make him go but I always let him know when they are. This is my first so I love to share it all LOL.

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"annestacy" wrote:

oh, and I would NEVER EVER make him go to an appointment where I had an internal exam.

Interesting you say this. My SO said at one point that he didn't feel like he ever needed to watch me have an internal. I didn't really press for too many details as to just why he felt that way Biggrin

W comes every so often - maybe every 3rd appt? He may only make it in to one more, my 36 weeks visit where we'll be meeting in the room I'll be birthing in.

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Yeah, I just don't think Jack would be comfortable going to an appointment where I had an internal, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with him being there either. I mean, I know he's seen it all, but...still....

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Huh. I've heard similar things from a few people and I don't get it. One woman went so far as to say she wouldn't want her husband to be there when the baby was born and have him see all that. Maybe it's a bit of "Look what you did to me!" but I'd be livid if he wasn't there!

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I don't think DH would want to be there for an internal exam. He always cringes when I tell him I had one! Thankfully my doc doesn't do an internal until I'm 39 weeks, other than the quick GBS swab at 36.

He's totally OK with being there for labour and watching the birth, and he's a great support, but I think deep down it still weirds him out!

ETA: LOL, I just remembered that DH once told me before we had any kids that he wished it was like the olden days where the men waited outside and then the doc called them in when it was over! I told him there was no way he was not coming in for the birth! He's been great both times, and probably would be upset if he missed it, but he still cracks jokes about me just walking over to the hospital and calling him when the baby comes Wink

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DH would need to quit his job to keep up with my appts and test this PG. Back when we got PG with DS he came to alot appts before...as it took 2 1/2 yrs to get PG and there was fertility stuff involved. THen every time that we got PG he did come to the first OB appt. He has come to a couple u/s this time but not all. Again...it would take to much time off of work. As well there is now appts and stuff for DS that DH needs to be at. So we try to pick and choose what he needs to be at. It has never come up with him being there for an internal...if he was he would do OK I am sure but not choose to be there. He was there for the IUI to get PG with DS(that was the only time we did IUI) and then during the c-section he is really tall and could see over the blue curtain so he watched the entire thing and did great with it. I think this is a matter of each to their own, I am not offended that he is not there all the time but am happy that he is there for the bigger appts and I know if I ever need him he will be there in a minute.

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"MelanieP" wrote:

and then during the c-section he is really tall and could see over the blue curtain so he watched the entire thing and did great with it.

Wow, that's awesome! I would totally pass out.

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HAHA DH was there for my internal exam Saturday. He was there for at least one or two of them towards the end of my last pregnancy too. Didn't bother either of us. But he watched the entire delivery and had no issues with any of it, didn't bother him. Another friend's DH is a focus on the face kind of guy who hardly survived L&D. Whatever works for you, DH has seen it all we're pretty free and breezy about matters of the body in our house lol

But as for appointments he has only really made U/Ss this pregnancy. DS has come to more apts than DH LOL His work schedule has been brutal and having him rearrange his week to watch me get weighed and a quick HB check seems unnecessary. He did come to more apts last time but even then missed some. And then things like the glucose test etc he watches DS so I didn't have to juggle him for an hour while waiting. But I could see DH keeping me company for a 1 or 3hr test if we had someone else to watch DS, give me someone to sit and chat with etc if he didn't have to work.

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My Dh comes to only the U/S appointment and labor...
Some of my routine appt.s seem like such a waste of time...

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"MelanieP" wrote:

He was there for the IUI to get PG with DS(that was the only time we did IUI) and then during the c-section he is really tall and could see over the blue curtain so he watched the entire thing and did great with it.

OMG-that's great. I so wanted to watch my c-section. I asked DH at one point if he could see the baby, and he looked over the curtain, looked back and said (as the blood drained out of his face) "I don't know what I am seeing, but it sure as hell isn't a baby. Don't ever ask me to look again!" (he doesn't do well with that sort of stuff...he almost passed out when I was in the hospital waiting for a d and c after a m/c--the doctor had to get him a chair and the nurses got him some wet cloths and some toast!!)

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"sandraleigh" wrote:

ETA: LOL, I just remembered that DH once told me before we had any kids that he wished it was like the olden days where the men waited outside and then the doc called them in when it was over! I told him there was no way he was not coming in for the birth! He's been great both times, and probably would be upset if he missed it, but he still cracks jokes about me just walking over to the hospital and calling him when the baby comes Wink

HAHA Matt tried this one on me...I said "NO WAY PAL! This is not the 50's. You aren't allowed to wait outside and pass out cigars!"

"ashamom27" wrote:

My Dh comes to only the U/S appointment and labor...
Some of my routine appt.s seem like such a waste of time...

Same here. I'm usually in and out within 30min at mine.

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SO was the same about wanting to wait in the waiting room.

As I mentioned on the Birthing Naturally board, paying 225 bucks for that birth class was the BEST decision I ever made. W is suddenly involved and excited. He even mastered the tying technique for my Moby carrier the other night. Hearing birth prep tips from a "professional" was just the nudge he needed Wink

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"triplespiral" wrote:

Huh. I've heard similar things from a few people and I don't get it. One woman went so far as to say she wouldn't want her husband to be there when the baby was born and have him see all that. Maybe it's a bit of "Look what you did to me!" but I'd be livid if he wasn't there!

I feel the same way when it comes to them watching the baby actually crown and come out! It totally freaked me out when I had my first, I asked my ex not to watch and thankfully he didn't. The ex was with me when I had Maximus too, even though it wasn't his son, and he didn't watch then either. So of course when I get pregnant with DD and my DH is there with me (even though Max is his, this is the first time he's been with me at a delivery) I begged him not to watch and he stayed up near my head until the OB said that she's crowning, and he swooped right down there and watched the entire thing! I was so upset! I think it's because I felt that if DH watched then he would lose his "hard on" forever lol... like he could never look at my "hoo-ha" in a sexual way again! Obviously that's not the case (or at least nothing that he'll ever admit to!) but still... I've already asked him not to watch Trystan come out... but I just know he will! He said it's kind of like a car accident... you just can't look away!!

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I see it both sides. First, my dh is impatient and my OB makes me wait forever so it's easier alone. I don't care if he sees me get a check but personally I don't have any desire or need to see him have a prostrate exam so the thought never crossed my mind to invite him to mine. That said, when st 18 weeks the dr couldn't find baby's heartbeat it would be nice to have someone there with me. He was away and when I called my bf she came right away but it wasn't the same. At delivery my dh watched the whole thing and although he was hesitant he thought it was neat. It didn't decrease his interest in sex either, although seeing me breastfeed for a year really cut his interest in my boobs.

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HAHA The early weeks of BF'ing and pumping definitely put a new....far less sexy....spin on boobs. I think L&D was more a surreal experience and didn't impact the whole sexual stuff at all. But watching me milk myself routinely for a year like a dairy cow.....I wouldn't say it put a damper on things but did give us a lot of good laughs

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DH is a boob man. I don't think ANYTHING could turn him off of the girls. Now, my best friend and her fiance didn't DTD for almost a year after he watched her give birth to their son. He just couldn't get the thought out of his head about what he saw.

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"annestacy" wrote:

DH is a boob man. I don't think ANYTHING could turn him off of the girls. Now, my best friend and her fiance didn't DTD for almost a year after he watched her give birth to their son. He just couldn't get the thought out of his head about what he saw.

About the boob thing, this is DH all day long lol! He would probably drink my BM if I asked him to (sorry, TMI!!!)!! And this is what scared me about DH watching lol... but we still hump like rabbits, so I guess he's OK lmao!!

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With our first (almost 19 years ago!...Geesh!) DH came to every appt. Fast forward to baby #5 and he as only come to one u/s appt with my Peri and one appt with my OB. He just wanted to meet my doctors and talk to them. I have no problems going to my appts without DH. Plus, it's a little harder now because he uses a wheelchair for long distances and I can't lift that thing EVERY time! (Although I still do at times) Smile

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DH has been to every regularly scheduled appt I have had with DS and this baby. He loves to go. I like him being there, he thinks of questions that I don't think of sometimes. I usually schedule appts after I get off work, then we grab a quick dinner before we pick up Ds from daycare/preschool since we don't go out very much. I have a co-worker who does this too!!!!