Feeling a bit depressed

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babydreamer11's picture
Joined: 01/23/11
Posts: 155
Feeling a bit depressed

After 8 years of trying to have a child we got the best news in the world on feb 25th that we were pregnant. How ever the pain and frustration of trying for so long i think has made me nuts. Here's a back story.. My hubby couldn't produce sperm he has a very rare condition, after convincing him to find a new doc we did and we got hooked up with an amazing research group that help us achieve our goal, on my end during our journey we discovered why i was so heavy and had irregular periods with PCOS. After making a difficult but great decision I decided to have weight loss surgery. Well doing that made it so i was ovulating. Move forward and after 4 yes 4 fertility doctors we found one that was willing to help us. Move forward some more and she got us pregnant with my hubby's sperm through IVF in the first shot. So now i sit here almost 17 weeks pregnant, and even though i have had a good pregnancy so far, (on and off nausea, sore nips, tired) i can't complain. But I come on here and read all the post from you ladies and i see the pics of the bellies and i read all about you guys .. but i guess for me because i don't have the belly yet and not feeling the baby move it's really getting to me. I know that i had extra stomach skin from my weight loss but it's just really bothering me and i just don't how to feel... Sad It's really getting to me and everyone keeps telling me it's ok it will happen but i then i see pics of people and they are less than me who LOOK pregnant... so i guess what im trying to say is i think im going to just stop coming on to this board and torturing myself. Im not trying to make anyone feel like they can't post those cute bellies i just can't take it anymore. It, i guess is just better for me emotionality not to come here... So i wish all you wonderful ladies a happy and healthy pregnancy... i hope that one day i can come back ....

annestacy's picture
Joined: 05/31/09
Posts: 473

Aww, so sorry you're feeling that way!

BTW-I didn't feel anything that was more than just a wee tickle or bubble till I was 18 weeks (or almost that) with DS. Until then, it was very very faint. And I am a chubby girl-probably about 30 lbs heavier than I want to be, so I've got excess.

Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy!!

Jenni Beth's picture
Joined: 03/03/11
Posts: 1407

I am truly sorry you feel that way. We are all different and our pregnancy journies and bodies are as unique as we are. Keep in mind that you have a sweet little life growing inside you. It doesn't matter if you have the bump or not. You have had a long road to becoming pregnant and you should be rejoicing that instead of feeling bad about it! You are blessed with a baby and that is all that matters- not what you look like.

It seems like maybe your depression is rooted much deeper than looking at the other ladies' pics on this board. I really encourage you to talk with a doctor ASAP. This type of depression can worsen after your baby is born.

I hope you get the help you need and come to terms with your body, which is an amazing body because of the little one growing inside!

I wish you the best and hope you decide to come back.

Summer05's picture
Joined: 09/18/05
Posts: 790

I'm also sorry to hear you're feeling this way and am really interested to hear part of your amazing story! It sounds like you could use some support just now. Unfortunate if you're not feeling here is the right place for you at the moment, but I hope you'll come back in a couple months when you're feeling up for it. We experienced secondary infertility for about 5 years and had started to look into IVF/ICSI. Although it's not nearly anything close to what you've been through to get to this wonderful stage, I do understand that what you've been through to get so far must have been so incredibly difficult.

There are many Mums on this board from different backgrounds, I hope you can return to us when you're feeling up to it. Perhaps you'll find a board for meanwhile where you feel more comfortable, as I'd encourage you to keep in touch with a group. I've made many friends from around the world on this pregnancy board for my DD's birthgroup, there have been meet-ups and international playdates I can't even begin to tell you how surprisingly fabulous it's been. I would really like for you to enjoy a similar experience!

Don't worry about your size just yet, try to keep your chin up keep those positive thoughts going and you'll be ballooning out eventually! With my DD I don't know when I first started feeling movement, but remember it was much further along than now. Also my tummy was so frustratingly small for ages! I remember going to head office at just over 5 months, feeling so happily convinced that I was finally 'obviously' pregnant & I wouldn't have to 'tell' everyone anymore. Nope, my tummy was still so small that nobody would guess, or dare to ask out loud. My national manager asked me if I was feeling okay she said I looked a 'little off' lol. I did feel kinda similar about everyone's belly shots and such, plus I was a bit shy (I still haven't taken or posted a belly shot this time yet either). My belly continued to measure 'small' for the entire pregnancy (yeah after awhile it looked and felt plenty big enough to me!) but DD was 7 lbs 11 oz. Anyway, not everyone who's pregnant look like Kate Hudson eh! Symptoms are different for every woman too, I (thankfully) had no morning sickness or much beyond sore BBs with DD & only mild nausea & hearburn this time though there have been many weeks where I 'wished' for those kind of reassuring symptoms. I am still today somewhat shocked, worried, cautious, joyful, amazed by this pregnancy - complete with PG moodswings every 5 minutes Smile

Anyway, just trying to say Congratulations, hang in there, I hope you've got some good support to talk with. Did your clinic arrange counselling with you? Have you and DH had a counselor made available? I'm sure any appointments are few and far between anyway so you should discuss your feelings with your Doctor and build yourself a support network. Come back when you're feeling up to it, I hope to see you again soon! Biggrin

lily0624's picture
Joined: 03/21/07
Posts: 591

:bigarmhug:

something i learned from being pregnant with my first as well as after having him is that it is totally OK to NOT have the warm and fuzzies all the time. i have PCOS as well and TTC'd for a long time before getting pg and then m/c'ing. tried again for a while after that and finally became pg with my son. and yet, after all that trying, and finally achieving my goal, i never was the happiest glowiest pregnant person. you struggled for a long time. just BEING pregnant is completely different for you!

i'm not really showing at all yet (i'll only be 14 weeks tomorrow) but remember with my first i didn't show until late AND i didn't feel the baby until probably 24 weeks! but once i did, phew! the kid never stopped. don't worry about feeling a little down. it will come together.

this will be my 2nd baby and it came as a huge surprise. sounds really weird but i felt like i had betrayed my infertility by getting pg by surprise. like, i had mentally prepared for so long that if i wanted a baby i'd need pills and thermometers and shots and constant sonograms. so not having that just felt so...off. i'm still not in the warm and fuzzy stage yet but i'm sure i'll get there.

i hope you'll stick around. you'll find all sorts of people on this board and i bet there will be some that you click with! in fact, there was a gal on my other BB who i, well, couldn't stand at first but it turns out that i absolutely adore her now and consider her a good friend Smile

hang in there! xoxo

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

I am also a chubbier mom and I look like I have gained weight, not pregnant. I prefer it that way b/c I am not ready to let people know that I'm pregnant. I also haven't felt the baby move yet.
There is a mom in my kids' school who is 4 weeks behind me in her pregnancy, but she is usually tiny ( like size 0) and her belly is sticking out ! It's really cute, but she had to share the news early b/c it was so obvious.
So don't feel bad that your belly doesn't look pregnant yet, it will! You will soon pop out and you will feel the baby kick vigorously! Try to take it easy until then!
I am so happy for you that you were able to get pregnant with your miracle baby!

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
Joined: 11/27/04
Posts: 399

((HUGS)) First I want to let you know your not alone in feeling depressed.Though my story is much different than yours I am dealing with depression during my pregnancy.The good news is it is normal and there are things you can do to make yourself feel better. I am sorry that seeing other baby bellys makes you sad,but remember that in time you too will have your own little bump and some other mom will be impaitently waiting her turn. All in all take a deep breath and try to enjoy things step by step.If it all happened at once it would be so much less fun!!!!!! If you need to talk please dont hesitate to inbox me.

mellen's picture
Joined: 08/11/10
Posts: 43

((hugs)) it's normal to not feel your first even up until 24 weeks. It depends a lot where the placenta is. Being your first pregnancy, it is totally normal to not show as well. I hope you are able to enjoy your pregnancy. You have to do what is best for you. Best wishes.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way! Honestly though, from the journey that you've been through just think positive thoughts! Look at what all you went through and it actually paid off... you're pregnant with a beautiful healthy baby! Some women on here go through years of TTC and miscarriages with no positive results... EVER. Consider yourself blessed. And don't worry about the not showing or feeling baby yet... it's your first and that's the case with most first time moms. I didn't show until my 5th month and didn't feel baby until around 18 weeks with my first! I hope you reconsider, as this site can be a wonderful support group when you need it. Good luck...

TLotus's picture
Joined: 08/28/10
Posts: 535

:bighug: I'm so sorry you feel this way! :bighug:

Please know we support you. You have a miracle growing. You will feel him/her soon! With my first, I didn't feel movement til almost 20 weeks. Please don't stay away too long!

babydreamer11's picture
Joined: 01/23/11
Posts: 155

I cracked and came home to saw that people had read and posted SUCH sweet and loving comments... I do feel amazingly blessed..trust me i do .. and it's not so much the pics it's just read everyone's stories and what they are feeling or going through and it just was making me feel is there something wrong with me is the baby ok am i ok... I really do appricaite all your kind words and trust this site is like a bad addiction Smile and to prove it was less then 24 hours and i came back on and cracked and looked... i will take the weekend and relax and pop back on next week... i have my 4 week check ( i suppose to go last week but had to cancel) and i get the results of NT scan hopefully i will get to hear the little ones heart .. it's such and amazing thing.. i cry every time Smile but until then thank you all .. i really do feel part of a little family and feel very excepted Smile