Frustrating sleep debate with DH

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kmm123's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839
Frustrating sleep debate with DH

So Rory sleeping in our room just isn't working. Frankly it didn't really work with Evan either and we moved him to his crib at 6 weeks old. Rory seems to be worse. He winds up in our bed which I HATE - I can't sleep worth anything with him in there and end up miserable. Sleeping next to the bed he seems to wake every hour. So last night I gave it a try putting him in his crib. It took nearly 2 hours to get him down but once I did he went nearly 4 hours ate went 2 more ate went 3 more. It was wonderful. Tonight it took just over an hour to get him down and we'll see how he sleeps. The problem is sleeping in our room w/us is supposed to reduce SIDS risks etc etc and DH is freaking out. I need sleep. I have no expectations of sleeping through the night for many many months (Evan was 8 months old) but I need to be able to actually sleep when he's sleeping though and I can't do that if he's in bed (not to mention if we're talking recommendations and statistics him in our bed is more dangerous than him in his own bed -- not that I'm debating the safety of cosleeping but for discussion purposes with DH I pointed that out....) with us and if he's waking every hour next to us it doesn't work either.

I think I'm mostly venting. I don't want to make DH uncomfortable but I'm frustrated he doesn't seem to get that I need some restful sleep every night. He's in his own room, at a nice cool temperature, sleeping on a firm mattress on his back. We have a video monitor and I told dH to look at the Angel Care Monitor as maybe a peace of mind thing. I certainly don't want to put the baby at risk but I feel like there are a lot of things you can do to reduce SIDS risks and the most important ones we have covered - back sleeping, no smoking etc etc even breastfeeding we have done. Sigh.....

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
Joined: 11/27/04
Posts: 399

Im sorry DH isnt very sympatheic of your need for sleep. Truth is your doing everything you can to give him a good safe nights sleep in his own room. We have Landon in our roon and I can understand your need to have him in his own room so you can sleep.We have the Rock n play sleeper from fisher price for Landon. I bought it cause my youngest had reflux ( as does Landon) and he doesnt sleep worth crap in it. He has ended up in my bed with me the past 3 nights in order for me to get more than 30 minutes of sleep at a time. We were trying to put off getting the crib until he was like 3 months old cause I am concerned with putting him in the room with his 4 year old brother and there is just NO way we could get a crib in our room anywhere. Needless to say we are looking for a crib SOON and putting him in the room with his brother and hoping for some sleep. He isnt sleeping more than an hour straight while in my room unless he is in bed with me.

Jenni Beth's picture
Joined: 03/03/11
Posts: 1407

I completely understand your need for sleep. Maybe your DH can sleep in the baby's room on a blow up mattress if he's that concerned. After a few nights hopefully he would feel more secure. Or they could sleep in your room and you could take the couch or guest room if you have one. I know these is nothing like your own bed but I could sleep on a rock sometimes because I'm so tired. I think at this point you really need to get some quality sleep.

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

I believe that sleep is crucial to preventing PPD. I like Jenni's idea. Also I have heard good things about that Angel Care monitor. Either way, you need sleep and if baby is safe, there is nothing wrong with him sleeping in his own bedroom.
I actually sleep better with the baby next to me- if he is in the different room I keep waking up panicked every few hours. So you have to do what will work for you!

annestacy's picture
Joined: 05/31/09
Posts: 473

Katie--Sometimes husband's just don't get it, do they? It is quite frustrating.

We have the angelcare monitor. It was amazing for Jack. It sucks for Trinity. I actually don't even use it right now. I have it on the highest sensitivity, and its in her basinette and GOES OFF even when she's breathing. Sometimes when she's in really deep sleep, it won't sense her breathing because she breathes really faintly. I about threw the darn thing out the window one night and my husband said "just turn it off, she's fine".

I think that Rory will be fine if you put him in his own room. Jack was six weeks old when we moved him to his own crib. He was so noisy when he slept-constantly grunting and grumbling-and we all slept better as soon as we made the move. Right now Trinity's basinette is right next to my bed, so I can easily roll over and pick her up, nurse her, change her, and put her back down. Her crib is about four feet away, but its a laundry holder right now.

Good luck!!!

kmm123's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839

Thanks ladies. DH seems to have relaxed a little. I did consider suggesting he sleep in the baby's room -- but at that moment we were kind of fighting and I thought it might come off wrong Wink LOL But if he's still worried it would be an option I think.

Each night his sleep has gotten better and better! So i think DH is starting to accept that maybe it's just our kids his sleep in our room was seriously horrible. I had a 4 hour chunk last night followed by a 3 hour one - I couldn't get more than 90 minutes in our room!

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

Do you not have a basinnet? I think I'm a little confused. If I'm reading this right and it's between baby being next to you in your own bed vs. being in his crib in another room, I wouldn't like either one of those. I have always had baby in a bassinet right next to me. The basinnet is literally the same height as my bed and it's pulled up right on my side, so I don't even have to sit up to reach over and touch him. I wouldn't want baby in bed with us, just because I need my space in bed and DH is all over the place... not to mention they get used to that and it's hell to get them out of your bed as they get older...

sweetsriracha's picture
Joined: 03/29/11
Posts: 1318

Just wanted to say *hugs* and good luck. Has your DH relaxed further?

kmm123's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839

THe issue is in the bassinet next to the bed he wakes every 60-90 minutes non stop all night. Maybe we're loud sleepers, maybe being that close he just wants to be with us? I don't really know but he does not settle if he's in our room except being in our bed.

And yes a few really good nights in the crib and DH has relaxed a good bit. Last night was wonderful He had a 4 hour stretch, then a 3 hour then a 2 hour. It was awesome. And he went down on the first try for every time. I think the success and the fact he seems more content has relaxed DH.

Joined: 02/20/11
Posts: 865

Crazy idea? I might be out to lunch here but isn't the rusk of Sids reduced because the baby can hear your breathing patterns ? If that's true you could reverse the baby monitor so he's in his rooM
listening to you breathing as you sleep instead of the other way around?

Summer05's picture
Joined: 09/18/05
Posts: 790

Glad it is working out better for you all Katie! We had our first, DD, sleep in a bassinet in our room for the first 2 or 3 months and I was really nervous when it was time to move her down the hall into her room. We tried the bassinet in our room with DS but he would wake up often like every hour, and also wake us up making cooing noises in his sleep (DS is much noisier in general than DD was, ha ha). So after a couple nights of that we tried him sleeping in his crib in his room across the hall and like your LO he sleeps very well in there. I kinda wish he would sleep in the bassinet just to be close but we all need our sleep. I am far less nervous this time around - sometimes in the very early AM we will turn the monitor in our room off if he's doing one of his happily chattily cooing sessions (we can still hear him cry from across the hall anyway if he needs us, and usually my boobs wake me up at the usual feeding time anyway).