Gender Preference

14 posts / 0 new
Last post
sweetsriracha's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
Joined: 03/29/11
Posts: 1318
Gender Preference

So, I've GOT to get this off my chest. Its kind of embarassing, but lets start a dialogue!

Gender preference... I've felt strongly throughout the pregnancy that this baby will be a boy. I've always wanted two little boys.

Our gender scan is Tuesday, and I'm worried that I'll be sad if we're having a girl. I feel super guilty for wanting a boy more than a girl. I logically know this is COMPLETELY irrational -- I can still dress an infant girl in the awesome flying robot & rocketship onesie we bought yesterday. If she were a little girl, she'd likely play loads of sports just like her Dad and I did (and still do). Inversely, if I have a little boy, he may love ballet. And mostly, I logically know that I'd completely LOVE any little girl.

I really sat down and thought about why I was so worried about having a girl. I came up with two reasons:
1. bullying. I was really cyber bullied in middle school, partly because I was about 5'8'' by the time I was 11. And I had glasses and frizzy hair. Girls can be AWFUL bullies and it hurts.
2. My sister was a really bad kid in high school --- like in and out of juvenile detention bad, which was really hard on my religious family. I'm worried about parenting a child who seems allergic to good decisions.
I know these factors are NOT unique to having a female.

...But I'll still be a little stung if there is no ding-a-ling on that ultrasound. Is this normal? Anyone else experienced this?

p.s. sorry this ended up so long!

Jenni Beth's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 03/03/11
Posts: 1407

I was so sure that my baby was a girl...in fact I had a few pink things in the closet! When I was told that the baby is a boy I was completely stunned! It took me about two days to get over the shock. But disappointment wasn't something I felt, which surprised me. People asked me if I was disappointed when I found out...and I tell them no! I absolutely fell in love with my baby boy while watching him wiggle around on the screen.

The initial shock of changing from girl mode to boy mode is what took a couple of days. This is my first baby so I don't have experience to compare my feelings to. I never knew I could love someone so much until I saw my sweet baby moving on that screen. The gender feelings just vanished.

kmm123's picture
Offline
Last seen: 11 months 3 weeks ago
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839

I think it's ok to have an adjustment period if it's not what you expect. You'll love your baby and be completely thrilled and the day you meet your baby you'll never imagine any other baby could have arrived but this one because this one is perfect. But it's ok to have a little mourning for the gender you won't have. I would love a little girl - I really want a daughter and we probably won't have more than 3 children so if this is a little boy then I've really only got one more chance at a girl. I know if I end up with 3 little boys I will love each one and know they are all I could ever imagine but it won't change the fact I'll have to mourn the fact I'll never have a daughter to raise. Won't make me love my little boys any less but it would be silly to not admit that it will be a little sad for me.

sweetsriracha's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
Joined: 03/29/11
Posts: 1318

Thanks for the feedback... again, I feel really guilty about having this preference in the first place. I'm so thankful for this forum to really vent to such a supportive crowd!

melody811's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
Joined: 02/18/10
Posts: 155

I agree it's completely normal to feel these things. In the end, it's a little person, not a gender and you just fall in love with that person. When I saw my little baby wiggle on the screen yesterday, I was captivated! It is amazing, boy or girl, and it's completely normal to take a moment to adjust to it all.

sandraleigh's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 11 months ago
Joined: 11/23/06
Posts: 2672

I have a feeling I'll be a little disappointed at my U/S if they tell us it's another boy - I'm hoping for another girl!

But in the end, it really won't matter to me. It's funny, because DS has been such a challenge to raise - he's busy, busy busy, and keeps me on my toes all day. But.....man, I sure love that kid! He just melts my heart!

I might be a little sad for a few days, but in the end I think those feelings are normal! I'm sure once we get used to the idea, we'll be happy no matter what!

ashamom27's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 8 months ago
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

I bawled my eyes out after my third pregnancy proved to be a third boy. I was so sure I would get my girl! I think it took me a few days to accept the "death of a dream" and to move on. I then fell in love with my baby boy that I was carrying.
I eventually did get my girl ( and then some) . What I am trying to say is that it's completely normal to have a preference! We dream the dream in our head, we imagine the baby as a he or she. If the U/S proves our dream wrong- we get sad!
With my last pregnancy i wanted a boy so badly and we got lucky. And he is so sweet and cute and such a cuddler, he just couldn't be better.
All I can say is don't feel bad for having these feelings. That's why i like to find out early, to adjust my expectations and prepare.

Funny thing- this time around I honestly don't have a preference! It's the first time in 10 pregnancies! I have "good" reasons for wanting a girl and "good" reasons for wanting a boy, but no real preference!

violetgrl's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 10 months ago
Joined: 02/04/08
Posts: 181

This is a great thread and you all sound so sensible and thoughtful:D.
Thanks, it helps me feel better in dealing with potential disappointment. I had my amnio Friday and decided to wait to find out in a less stressful ultrasound, but then was kicking my self for not finding out,lol.
I saw 2 views,(possibly not even of genitals,haha), one looked male and one female and Know I feel mixed emotions because I really want another girl...so am obsessing now!;)

Starryblue702's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

You are so not alone! I was so sure my first baby would be a girl... wrong! I cried like a baby for days! Then I was so sure that my second baby would be a girl... wrong again! I cried even during the U/S I was so upset! When I got pregnant again I prayed from the moment I peed on that stick to the minute I was laying on the U/S table to find out the sex... and it was a girl (FYI, I cried at this one too, but they were tears of joy lol!)! I've just always had my heart set on girls, just like I do with this baby. This is the reason that I don't even want to find out the sex because I don't want to be upset for the last 5 months of my pregnancy if it's a boy. I know it sounds horrible and selfish, but I want a girl so bad I can barely stand it. At least if we waited until the delivery to be surprised, I would only have a millisecond of dissapointment before they handed him to me and then I would be so overwhelmed with love that I would forget that I ever wanted a girl! But, DH won't go for it, he wants to know the sex, so I figure if I'm not giving any wiggle room on the girl name that I want (he hates it, that's in another thread, lol) that I'll let him have his way with knowing the sex. Bottom line, you're not alone, it's perfectly normal! Sorry this is so long!

TLotus's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 years 7 months ago
Joined: 08/28/10
Posts: 535

Oh, boy! (no pun intended). This thread hits so close to home for me! I have four boys. I just knew one of them would be a girl. The closest I have ever gotten to a girl are the beautiful long eyelashes my youngest son has..LOL! So, naturally, I am leaning towards wanting a girl.

When I had my 11 week u/s, and doctor said everything looked great, I went to my nearest Target, started a registry, and scanned EVERYTHING PINK I could find! I sleep with a pink bib under my matress! If you watch my TTC story (see my Vlog post)..I show a glass blown stork that was given to me with a PINK baby hanging from it's beak! UM...yeah, I'm a little girl obsessed right now (a little?). I will find out the gender in a couple weeks and, if it is a boy...I will laugh hysterically (like a crazy woman) and then cry a little, then adjust....

Sigh...I'm not ashamed to say I want a girl, but if I am having a boy, I will love him just the same! It's totally normal to have a preference. You are not alone! Smile

lil96's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 9 months ago
Joined: 03/27/06
Posts: 573

First time, we didn't find out the sex. I assumed it would be a boy. I didn't even really consider girl names or anything. I would have a boy. (not because I prefered a boy, it was just my gut feeling). When they shouted, "It's a girl!" I was like, "Huh??" Then when they showed her to me, she did NOT look anything I expected. I thought, umm am I in the right room? where is my little boy? But I wouldn't say I was disappointed just surprised and confused Biggrin

With my 2nd, I could have gone either way because it would have been nice to have 2 girls so close in age. They are the same season, so I could use all the same clothes, I was used to having a girl. But I also though, if it is a boy, we are done, we have the perfect family, one of each. He was a boy!

This time I am back to even, one girl, one boy. I am excited about if it is a girl. I am excited if it is a boy. I see the advantages of both. Either way, we will have the perfect family Smile The same thing will be true of your family. Try to think of all the positives of having a girl. Like sometimes I think about when my daughter will be old enough to get pregnant and sharing all the feelings and emotions with her Or how if it is a boy you can tell him how to get the girl Smile

Summer05's picture
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 1 week ago
Joined: 09/18/05
Posts: 790

We would be amazingly over-the-moon to have a boy! DH is the last of his family name line. We have DD, so of course we would really love to have one of each. We've had a boy's name picked out since we first started dating. However, after 5 years of TTC, and a m/c November, all the ups and downs joy heartaches and devastations and miracles - we are going to be thrilled with whatever we can get! If we do have another girl (which I'm fully prepared for, since scientifically girls would be 'easier' for us to conceive than boys) then I'll be so happy to use all of DD's clothes and gear over again. I have not thrown out a thing - not recycled, donated or sold one thing! My storage 'system' is abominable too, I look forward to sorting it out, lol.
So you'd think maybe I'd be happy with a surprise at delivery? No way, we really want to find out. We found out at about 5 months with DD. We're very practical people and I need to know if boy clothes shopping is in my future! Also, knowing will give me the time I'll need to emotionally prepare, and to bond with the 'little onion' in my womb who I can now feel kicking me frequently. The kicks and my giant belly help me to remember I'm actually finally and still pregnant (and not just extra b*tchy) lol.
I guess I'm rambling but its perfectly normal to have a preference! My friend already had a step-son & a boy.... then got PG by surprise, big tears just due to timing and both of them being broke and in school. Well guess what, she came to terms and then really wanted a girl, who can blame her, and had another boy after all. I'm pretty sure she was an emotional rollercoaster for about the first month but she SO loves all her 3 boys and is the most amazing Mom and woman I am thankful to call my friend.

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 7 months ago
Joined: 11/27/04
Posts: 399

With my first 2 I knew what they were going to be and was right.With my 3rd I wanted a girl and when they said boy I honestly felt like someone punched me in the chest when I had my ultrasound.I was so disappointed.However I was never disappointed he was a boy just sad he wasnt a girl if that makes any sense at all lol.

Starryblue702's picture
Offline
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

@Bradybunch, I know exactly what you mean... that's how I felt with both my boys. I wasn't mad that they were boys, it just made me miss the girl that I thought I had for so long...