hi (long)

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KAYMYA's picture
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 230
hi (long)

So thought id stop by and say hi! It's been a hard fee days.for me emotionally, all.these feelings of failure by not being able to keep my babies in my body safe where they belong. I feel as if there was something I could have done differently to prevent then from needing to come out. I have been fine one minute and to crying the next, I know Its normal to be a little emotionally but I am so.depressed not being able to be with my boys all the time. I live 50 miles from the nicu and sometimes can only visit for a short time since my son doesn't behave the best there, and hubby and I take turns visiting and watching my son in the parent room, I have sitters available but not very often.. not to mention gas prices are ridiculous, I don't know how we are.going to afford to see them everyday and still eat. My husband goes back to work tomorrow but after bills we dont have enough money to spend that much on gas everyday. I think about the day it.comes when I can't put gas in my car to see my boys and it just makes me sick and start crying...it.is going to be a long road for us, I knew we would be in the nicu but no matter how long I knee that it still didn't prepare me for it...sorry for the depressing rant, kinda just needed to get it out somewhere

sweetsriracha's picture
Joined: 03/29/11
Posts: 1318

(((hugs)))) & Thanks for the update, Mari! We're here to support you.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time... again, I sympathize and I'm sorry Sad

In regards to the finances, I understand the strain and that sounds really tough. Have you checked with hospital social workers about resources? Having babies in the NICU long term is a huge expense, and even though they don't have a Ronald McDonald house, they might have something similar or some ideas to help you save on gas money (one of my friends stayed in a place called the Treehouse that cost something like 15 bucks/day).

Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 1703

Oh Mari, I'm sorry to hear it has been so hard. One more resource to check in with: is there a parents of multiples club in the area? The one here has NICU support at the ready. Perhaps there's something similar near the hospital where your babies are staying.

Joined: 11/01/07
Posts: 650

:bigarmhug:

Joined: 02/20/11
Posts: 865

I'm sorry that finances are so tough but I am so incredibly happy that your boys are doing do well! I'm not one to advocate going into debt but could you use your credit cards for gas?

Jenni Beth's picture
Joined: 03/03/11
Posts: 1407

I'm so sorry you're on such an emotional roller coaster right now. You aren't a failure! Sometimes these things happen. Just take it one day at a time. YOU CAN DO IT!!! Prayers for your sweet boys!

kmm123's picture
Joined: 12/13/08
Posts: 1839

:bigarmhug: We're all here when you need to come share. I remember a mom on my first BB going through similar emotions, maybe the multiples board would be another place to seek comfort they might have been where you are now :bigarmhug:

KAYMYA's picture
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 230

"Freesia34" wrote:

I'm sorry that finances are so tough but I am so incredibly happy that your boys are doing do well! I'm not one to advocate going into debt but could you use your credit cards for gas?

I've thought about that lol!!!

KAYMYA's picture
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 230

Thanks ladies, I just got done visiting the boys, which makes Me feel a lot better....I was finally able to good Dominic today which was great for me emotionally!

melody811's picture
Joined: 02/18/10
Posts: 155

You've done an AMAZING job! I know the hormones are hard to adjust to right now and the emotions of having your baby boys there must be so tough, but you did exactly what you needed to do as a mother to keep them safe. They are alive and although the road isn't easy, it's safer than if they were in. You had no control over anything but your handling it all so well. Money is just money..it'll all work out. But taking care of you and those boys, that's what counts Smile HUGE HUG!

MelanieP's picture
Joined: 09/25/09
Posts: 882

I am so glad you popped in to say hi...I was wondering how you were doing. I just want to say that I do understand the feelings of failure. And to be honest I was not able to deal with these feelings until I got home with DS. The NICU was such a roller coaster that the best advice I can offer is take it one day at a time. Find something to celebrate every day. You are doing the best that you can....and you did the best you could to carry your boys as long as you did. When we were in the NICU we have lots of people asking what they could do for us or what they could get for us. If you have people like this in your life be honest...ask for gift cards for gas and for babysitting help with DS. Also, make sure to take a couple minutes a day for yourself. You need to take care of yourself to take care of your family. And by a lottery ticket on the way home....hopefully you will win and $$$ will not be an issue. I would also talk to the social worker at the NICU and see if there are any programs that help with finances. Good luck and please keep us posted.

TLotus's picture
Joined: 08/28/10
Posts: 535

:bighug:

Joined: 04/09/06
Posts: 1244

*lurker*

"kmm123" wrote:

:bigarmhug: We're all here when you need to come share. I remember a mom on my first BB going through similar emotions, maybe the multiples board would be another place to seek comfort they might have been where you are now :bigarmhug:

:bigarmhug: Please, please come seek some support on the Parents of Multiples board. There are preemie and NICU moms over there that offer some support and ideas. Plus, we have a lot of experienced twin mommas over there. Biggrin

"sweetsriracha" wrote:

In regards to the finances, I understand the strain and that sounds really tough. Have you checked with hospital social workers about resources? Having babies in the NICU long term is a huge expense, and even though they don't have a Ronald McDonald house, they might have something similar or some ideas to help you save on gas money (one of my friends stayed in a place called the Treehouse that cost something like 15 bucks/day).

I agree, you need to talk to your social work person at the NICU and tell them you need help getting to see the boys. Their priority is to make sure you are bonding with those babies and getting to see them regularly. Most hospitals have ways to assist you with this. Please make sure you bring this up and ask. I know the NICU is very intimidating. There were times I never knew who to talk to and was so intimidated by all of it. It was hard.

I also like the gift card and babysitting idea if you have people who can help. One thing I learned with twins is that you have to ask for help. You would be amazed who will step up when you ask. If you don't ask, people don't really know what you need. Or they offer to help, but will wait for you to tell them, and they will assume you are doing okay if you don't say something. As for your feelings, there are very, very normal. I wish I could make you feel better, but anytime you need to talk/vent, we are here to listen.

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

Big huge hugs Honey! I am sorry that you are dealing with money stress. Now, that's not fair! I hope that talking to the social worker at the NICU brings some positive results.
Yayy for being able to hold Dominic!

annestacy's picture
Joined: 05/31/09
Posts: 473

:bigarmhug:

I am so sorry that you're feeling so stressed out! I agree with the pp's about talking to someone at the NICU about different options for you. Take everything day by day and that's awesome you got to hold one of them!!! Smile

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

Big hugs coming your way Mari! How much longer do your babies have to be in the NICU?

KAYMYA's picture
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 230

I'm not to.sure on how long they will be there, I think it just depends on how.well.they do and.advance ...I figure a it will be.more.than a month

Summer05's picture
Joined: 09/18/05
Posts: 790

Great big hugs Mari, I'm so glad to hear your updates no matter what you're feeling! Sorry you were feeling down, it must be very hard for you all but you really shouldn't feel like a failure in any way! I'm so glad you got a visit and cuddle in, you're right that every second is so important. Sorry you're worrying about finances too, I hope your hospital has a program to help you spend more time there at less personal cost. I agree with above - Maybe a friend or two would be happy to drive you a couple times a week? Then they could entertain DS while you visit too. People do want to help so try to tell them what would really work for you right now - if that's rides or gas cards or babysitting then let them know! Family is more important than money, there will be time for that later! Smile
:bighug:

Joined: 04/10/11
Posts: 1703

Hi Mari,

I just wanted to let you know that we're still thinking of you and those babies! If you're still seeking out support I wonder if you've been in touch with the TTTS Foundation (http://www.tttsfoundation.org/help_after_pregnancy/nicu_support.php). I'm so impressed with your strength and all that you have done for your babies. I can't wait to hear about their big NICU milestones. Smile

Joined: 12/30/09
Posts: 21

Lurker...Hang in there mom! One of my friends is a NICU social worker. There should be a social worker who can help you to access resources. I sure they will try to do everything you can to help you spend time with your boys.