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sweetsriracha's picture
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Lets talk about...

SEX.

How have your sex lives changed since the birth of your new LO? For those of you BTDT Mamas, do things ever go back to "normal" between you and DH/SO postpartum, in terms of frequency and your libidos?

Around here, there really isn't a pattern...I'd say we're at about twice a week. And since we co-sleep, plus I'm too lazy to go to the living room or anything, we end up having very subdued sex on one corner of the bed while Laszlo snoozes in the other. And as for my libido/need for intimacy? Its GONE. None. Aside from massages, I've got little need for sex/kissing/cuddling. Poor SO.

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
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I tend to have a very high sex drive. Always have. We are averaging about 4 times a week. With 6 kids and DF working during the day by the time he is home and kids are in bed I just want to rest. We are still in a pretty new relationship though. We have only been together a year and a half. I still have a huge desire and need for cuddle time and intamacy in general.

ashamom27's picture
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Well, things can get "back to normal"' if you both make an effort. You will definitely feel the urge again pretty soon, once you are out of the newborn stage. But honestly, I feel so tired and like my body has been "used" for Bf-ing enough that I don't really want any intimacy... that's not a good pattern, so usually I say yes to the deed just so DH doesn't feel rejected. Because in their heads we are not tired, we are rejecting their "manliness" :rolleyes:

sandraleigh's picture
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I have never had a high sex drive (poor DH) so throwing 3 kids in to the mix certainly didn't help. We only started being intimate last week - I told him I needed a good 7-8 weeks to heal completely.
With Emerson in our room, it's especially hard. I've managed to get him to sleep in his crib for an hour (still in our room) a few times this past week so that DH and I can have the bed to ourselves, but mostly I just want to go to sleep! I try and be interested for DH's sake, because my lack of interest is a major frustration for DH.

aimee05's picture
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It defiantly goes back to normal. We haven't done anything yet only because DH is still overseas but I can't wait for him to come home! I guess we will see how things go when he comes back....

Jenni Beth's picture
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Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
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Things are definitely not back to normal yet. I'm not back on any bc yet so I'm super paranoid about getting pregnant again. We have only DTD once since Carter was born and that is partially because after my awful tear I was afraid it would hurt like hell. I'm back working full time now and SO has been working full time. I didn't realize how hard it would be for me to go back to work and take care of a baby. Mostly I'm exhausted all the time. I do get the urges and sometimes I have the best intentions to 'take care' of SO but by the end of the day I'm too pooped to put out!

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We have had sex exactly once in 2 months. Rob is constantly asking but with keira being such a crappy sleeper at night it doesn't happen very often. I feel bad for him I really do but there isn't much I can do. And with her being up till 1 or 2 in the morning I can't help but be extremly tired. Especially with 2 kids 1 and under, and on the weekends I have all 4 kids and he works all day... not a chance. And now that he has 2 days off you would think that would give us a great opportunity but no he is sick.. Ya me.

Starryblue702's picture
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Last seen: 3 years 3 months ago
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I've had a very high sex drive pretty much since I started having sex lol... but something has changed with this baby. If any of you girls remember (I know my December girls do lol), I used to post on here all of the time about sex and how I wasn't getting nearly as much as I wanted when I was pregnant with Trystan. I used to want sex every day (pregnant or not pregnant) and if more than a couple of days would go by I would be going crazy! Ever since Trystan came, however, that's just not the case. I don't know if it's because I'm finally exclusively BF a baby and I'm up two and three times a night, or the fact that I've been back to working full time since two weeks PP, or that I have three other kids to take care of, or that on my two days off instead of relaxing I'm cleaning my pig-sty of a house?? I think what bothers me even more than that is that DH doesn't seem to be in the mood, either. I know he does a lot as well, taking the boys to scouts, working full time (and continuing to work even at home, as his phone rings off the hook), taking care of Trystan while I'm working (we work opposite days off to cut down on childcare), but I think it would make me feel a little better if he would at least offer... then I can turn him down due to being so exhausted! What I would love right now more than anything is to just get away with each other, even for just a few hours. Maybe do dinner and a movie? We haven't had any alone time since T arrived, and maybe if we had some adult time we could get back in the mood to DTD...

sweetsriracha's picture
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Krystal, funny you should mention it...I'm really thinking breastfeeding hormones lend a sex aversion. I've done unofficial, very unscientific polls of friends and they seem to agree! When combined with PP hormones, its a perfect storm of dreading the deed (DTD, haha).

FWIW, I've tried to be more interested lately because this crazy PP time won't last forever!

Starryblue702's picture
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Thanks for the reassuarnce Jasmine! I hope something changes because I hate being in this funk. Between feeling totally unsexy, BF and pumping all of the time, and just being exhausted, it's no wonder DH really doesn't make a pass at me! IDK, hopefully one of us could get in the mood sooner rather than later!

TLotus's picture
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Well, I'm gonna chime in here and say..

No labido...no sex...yet! While I was pregnant with Devin, our sex life was wonderful. We haven't dtd yet! I'm also exclusively breastfeeding. With 5 boys, I am exhausted and, I started back to work today! I am working to get my labido back, starting with getting the Paragard to make sure we don't have anymore babies anytime soon..LOL!

Starryblue702's picture
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Well, we FINALLY DTD last night... thank God lol!! I was starting to think I would forget how to do it, it had been so long! Of course right as we're getting really into it, in walks DD, and she plops herself right on our bed and says, "I wanna sleep in here with you daddy!" UNBELIEVABLE!!! Thankfully we were able to coerse her back to her bed long enough to finish, then she came right back and kicked me all night long! Oh well... what can you do? :grin: