Nov. 20th - Still don't know what to do ):

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Ashleii's picture
Joined: 08/10/11
Posts: 20
Nov. 20th - Still don't know what to do ):

Hello, my name is Ashleii. I am almost 15 and going into grade 10. I am with my byofriend, and have been for 9 months. I am figured to be around 26 weeks pregnant and I have not had an ultrasound. No one knows that I am pregnant except for a few close friends and my boyfriend. My parents or family members do not.
Right now my boyfriend and I are considering abortion. But this is something I don't know if I want to do or not. I know I am young, and still have a lot of life ahead of me, but I am just really stuck on what to do.
We went to the Pregnancy Crisis Center today and got to talk to someone, and she is going to make an appointment for us to go see a doctor about abortion.
I do want to talk to my boyfriend some more before making my decision set in stone.
It would really help if I could have someone to talk to, for advice, information, or even just as a friend to talk to.
Thanks for the help.
-Ashleii.

Joined: 02/07/12
Posts: 463

I'm sorry you are going through this at such a young age.

I am pretty sure that if you are 26 weeks that abortion will not be an option for you. Where I am from I think they only do them up to 12 weeks.

you could always do adoption. And I am sure if you talk to your parents they will understand and try and help you.

Ashleii's picture
Joined: 08/10/11
Posts: 20

The girl at the Health Center that we spoke to said that an abortion was still an option, so I don't know..
I am really going to talk to my boyfriend, and hopefully have hi mcome around to wanting the baby, becuase the only reason he doesn't is because he says we aren't ready.

sandraleigh's picture
Joined: 11/23/06
Posts: 2672

I looked at the abortion stats for Canada, and it seems that the only place where it is ever done after 24 weeks is in Ontario, which is where you live. So they may present it as an option for you, but I myself would discourage it. That's just my own personal view. You have a person growing inside of you, with fingers and toes and a nose.

I'm so terribly sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age. I hope you can get some good advice from the counselor at the pregnancy crisis center, and I do think that you need to confide in your parents. It will be hard, but no matter what path you choose, you will need support from your family.

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

Hi Ashleii

I am sorry that you found yourself in this situation. You need help from adults in your life. I really hope you can talk to your parents soon and maybe together you can come up with a solution that is a bit better then abortion at this stage of pregnancy. Adoption is a wonderful gift to your baby as well as to some people who really want to raise a child. I know that emotionally, it is not easy, but neither is abortion.
Big hugs, keep us posted.

Ashleii's picture
Joined: 08/10/11
Posts: 20

Ughh, I was hoping you would have said it is illegal by now so I could just erase the abortion option from my mind. I hope I can be convincing to my boyfriend to make him want it a little bit more, then hopefully get anough courage to tell my mom.. I am so scared. ):

Joined: 02/20/11
Posts: 865

You must be very scared! At 26 weeks your baby can survive if he or sh was born today. Although abortion is an option technically at this point I think it's going to be very difficult to find a doctor who will do it for you. you have the choice of giving your baby to a wonderful couple who would love them and give them a great life. I live in Quebec and I know a couple who would be so happy to have another child in their life and there are thousands of other couples in Ontario who would do the same. Keeping the baby is another choice but you will need family support for it. You have to do what is best for you, but no matter what you need adult help, be it your parents, a teacher, a neighbour or a family friend. However scared you are, you need someone to help you. If you need someone to talk to in private send me a message and I'll help you.

Jenni Beth's picture
Joined: 03/03/11
Posts: 1407

I agree with the previous posters. Having an abortion at this point in your pregnancy could have a terrible emotional effect on you for years to come. I can tell that you are very hesitant about having the abortion by your statement that you wish someone would say it was illegal at 26 weeks in Ontario. Don't let your boyfriend push you into an abortion if that isn't what you really want.

Adoption is a wonderful alternative, although it will not be easy. Keeping the baby won't be an easy road either.

You should really talk to your parents. You need their love and support right now, no matter what you decide. Although their initial reaction might not be the best you are still their daughter.

I hope you are able to talk to a good counsler at the pregnancy crisis center and are able to get some peace and clarity of this situation. You don't have much time to make a decision. Do some deep soul searching, make a decision, then surround yourself with people who support that decision.

Best of luck to you. :bigarmhug:

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

Here is a 3D video of a baby at 26 weeks gestation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MuTbWC5D0M&playnext=1&list=PLCFB717B4925AB1D9

Ashleii's picture
Joined: 08/10/11
Posts: 20

Thank you for all of the support.
I can tell you now that I am not going to let my boyfriend push me into something I don't want to do, he even doesn't push me into it. I just need to convince hi mto want this as much as me. Also, adoption isn't soemthing we both could live with. So I am stuck with the option of parenting. But, if all goes well when I tal kto him on Sunday, and hopefully can convince him that keeping it is for the best, then I will be able to sleep at night after I tell my mom.
I know I am like 2 and a half months away from giving birth to this little one, and I don't even know if it's healthy, if I'm healthy or even what it's liek to hear it's heart beat and see it on the monitor. I am hoping by next week, I will have my mind made up, and have Jake (my boyfriend) standing behind me supporting me and hopefully wanting it just as much as I do. All I have to convince him is that we are ready for this, even though we really aren't we will have our family and friends support and help, which will make it worth it.
I hope I can convince him ):
Private message me whenever you want guys!
It wuld be niceto have friends to talk to,
thanks for the help so far

annestacy's picture
Joined: 05/31/09
Posts: 473

Good luck to you sweetie, and I hope that you can make a decision that you can live with--15 is young, but I've also known girls from my high school who have had children at 14...one of them is 34 and is going to be a grandma now! Crazy to think about it.

I wanted to let you know that my nephew was born at 25 weeks gestation--a child at that point CAN indeed survive outside of the womb. I don't know if that helps you make a decision either way, but my nephew is now 21 years old, and was 1.5 lbs at birth...

Please keep us posted.

Summer05's picture
Joined: 09/18/05
Posts: 790

Hi Ashleii, sorry you're dealing with this at such a young age. Quite surprisingly, life happens at it's own pace and babies come whenever their time is right - whether the parents are ready or not. Like the other ladies have said you are not alone in the world being a young mother. My friend was PG at 16 (over 20 years ago!) and that baby is now her eldest daughter who just got married on the weekend & is wanting to start her own family. Another friend from highschool (again, showing my age that was 20 years ago) had her first child at 16 and is now looking forward to being a grandma soon. Ironically my friend was born to a young mother and raised by her grandparents.
I hope you have a good meeting with your parents, it will not be easy for everyone but you will need their support whatever happens.
I can tell you are not going to be ok with an abortion (here in B.C. they are illegal after 20 weeks) and plus that could cause permanent damage to you physically as well as emotionally. I also agree with the previous posters there are so many people waiting to adopt, so many people have difficulty with infertility nowadays (we have had to wait 5 years for this PG for our 2nd child and were seriously considering any alternatives). Adoption is an incredible gift.
Are you able to go and see your local doctor? They are sworn to protect your privacy so are not allowed to tell anyone. Just tell the Dr's office you want an appointment for a pap test or something, that will give you enough time to talk to the doc when you get there plus should be all paid for by your provincial healthcare. At least that will give you another person to talk with privately and in person, and this could help you get some more information to help you with the decisions you are facing.
Keep us posted!
:bighug:

lil96's picture
Joined: 03/27/06
Posts: 573

I am not even sure what to say. Itseems to me you are afraid of your parents finding out and therefore want an abortion. But you would rather keep the baby than give it up for adoption.
Have you watched the show 16&pregnant or Teen mom? There is a girl who was on 16 &p, who got pregnant young, had her baby, then she got pregnant when that baby wasn't very old and had an abortion the second time around.

I think those girls although they cry and whine about not being a teenage anymore, have a much better life than most of teen moms. Those girls are paid by MTV. They have money coming in, they have people who support them(emotionally), either parents or boyfriends. That isn't always the case IRL.

My personal opinion is that at this stage adoption should not be an option. Where I am from, it is no longer allowed past the point of viabilty, which means if it could live outside the womb, you can't do it. You have passed that point. Babies can and do live at 26 wks.

Adoption would be difficult for you, but it would be a much better choice for the child. Also if you giving your child up for adoption is difficult, just imagine how hard killing it would be. Sure your parents would never knew, but you would always know.

If you were to keep the baby, where would you live? How would you support yourself? Where would you get money from? What would happen if your bf leaves you? (I know you probably trust him now and he promises you the world, but honestly you guys are young and you never know what the future holds). What would you do if you don't have money for diapers? You can't look at this and think eveything will just turn out perfect. There will be struggling.

Good luck with your decision.

Oh and there is an adoption board on here: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=58

It is more people looking for advice on how to adopt, but I am sure they can share stories from the birth moms.

There is a teen mom board:
http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=100&f=178

There is an abortion board (I see you already found it Wink )

I hope you figure out your answer and soon.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

I don't know your situation at all apart from what little you've shared, but please don't even consider abortion this late in your pregnancy. I know this is so controversial for a lot of people, but I do believe that your baby at this stage can feel anything and everything. That's a little person growing inside of you, and like Sandra said, has fingers, toes, can suck their thumb, and kick around, as I'm sure you can feel every day. There are so many families out there that can't have children and would give anything for the chance to become parents. Please please please consider adoption before anything else. I know it's scary to think about telling your friends and family that you're pregnant at such a young age, but you would be doing an incredibly selfless and wonderful thing giving another family the opportunity to become parents. One of my best friends got pregnant when she was 15 years old and was in the very same position. She made the selfless choice to give the baby up for adoption to my family because my parents couldn't have any more children after me, and now that baby is my little sister, who's turning 13 years old this year. I can't imagine life without her, and even worse couldn't imagine if my friend had decided to abort instead of adopt. Please check into it before you do anything like abortion... PM me if you want to talk to me any further or ask me any questions!!

Joined: 09/13/06
Posts: 145

Hi Ashleii,
I am from Ontario, too! What part are you from?
This is just my personal opinion, something I feel very strongly about, and in no way am I trying to make up your mind for you, but I wanted to share something with you:
I am adopted. My birth mom got pregnant with me at 17, she decided against an abortion, and gave me up for adoption. Best decision she ever made. I was given a loving home to grow up in, and after 27 years, found my birth family.
I agree that you should NOT have an abortion. I give you loads of credit for going to the pregnancy centre, and I think you should definately tell your parents as well as get some sort of medical care started. I realize that this is a huge decision for you and your bf, but you need to realize that there is a real baby growing inside of you, like Sandra said, with fingers, toes, and a beating heart. The thought of you having an abortion just breaks my heart, because there are so many women out there who desire to have a child, and for some reason cannot. (Myself personally I have experienced 3 miscarriages, but have been blessed with two healthy children, and baby #3 is due in November). If you'd like, you are more than welcome to pm me or even email me, and we can talk more. I would love to help you out! I am near Kitchener/Waterloo area. I have an amazing midwife and friend that could get you into pre-natal care.
Please please think about this decision. Your baby at this stage is viable, and deserves to live!
(((HUGS))))
Julie

annestacy's picture
Joined: 05/31/09
Posts: 473

Just a FYI-my baby taps back when I tap my belly and she responds to sounds like the dog barking...25 weeks. She is aware, and so is your baby.
I'm praying that you don't choose to abort your child. I have a feeling you will regret that decision, just because you're reaching out to all of us. You have gotten some good, supportive advice here. *hugs*

Joined: 06/04/11
Posts: 573

I had my first baby at 18, not as young as you- I do agree that adoption may be your best choice a you are fairly pregnant right now. It may be hard to deal with, but abortion would be equally hard or even harder to deal with.

The boyfriend- you are young and there may be many more boyfriends in the picture- you should not let him make the decision for you. Not exactly what you may want to hear, but at the time I had my dd, my "boyfriend" was sure that he could not have a baby at our age. we parted ways for a bit and well now we are married have a daughter , a son and expecting a third baby.
- talk to your parents- thy may be your best support in this situation- the longer you leave it, the harder it is for them too. Also they can help you make the right decision - keep it or adoption. There are many d=families out there that cannot have their own babies and would love one. Plus there are many open adoptions as well.

seyelephant60's picture
Joined: 07/18/11
Posts: 214

Wow you are asking very great questions! I know that it can be extremely difficult to talk to your parents but like the other ladys say it should really be done. I know that you said that adoption wasnt in your mind but mabey there might be a family member that could adopt it from you so that you can still be there but you will know for sure he or she is cared for. Good luck and remember to ask lots of questions over and over if you need to so you know what you are doing and how it needs to be done Smile Good luck love :community: were here for you.

Joined: 11/15/08
Posts: 34

So sorry to hear about your situation. I looked up abortion clinics in Ont and couldn't find one that would do it over 20 weeks; If it's that hard to find one who will do it, you may need to travel a ways, so your parents might find out anyways. I wouldn't get an abortion at this point. In the second and third trimester they induce labour in order to abort. To go through the pain and intensity of labour and have nothing to hold and love at the end, I would think would have severe emotional consequences. The hormones your body releases during labour are there to make you love and respond to your baby.
Tell the parent that will be the most understanding. If you're scared, tell them in a note and have them call you, or get a friend to tell them for you. No one can tell you what you can or can not do, but since you're young and in school and still living with your parents, if you decide to keep the baby you need their support. If they're unwilling to support you then you have even more to think about, so better to tell them sooner than later.
I'm not at all against abortion; But at this stage in the pregnancy, IMO I would find it heartbreaking. My baby responds, moves around, sucks her thumb... She is a little person. I couldn't do it, personally.
Good luck with whatever it is you choose. Smile

melody811's picture
Joined: 02/18/10
Posts: 155

Sweetheart, I know at your age, when a boy tells you that they love you, it's easy to believe them. The truth is your boyfriend has not the experience or wisdom to understand or offer the kind of support that you need in the most fragile decision you will be making for not only your life but for the life of your baby. The bottom line is, you need people who will love you unconditionally to help you through this time and not only that but your baby does. I imagine given the fact that your asking others for advice you care deeply for your baby, especially after carrying it for so long. I myself am due on Nov 20th and after seeing my little boy (the pictures are here) in so much detail and feeling him, he is not only viable at this point but a little person. That means if he was born, he'd could survive, he's that well formed. He makes funny facial expressions, has a personality, reacts to being poked, would cry if born, capable of feeling pain etc. and I've watched him play with his toes, yawn, and stretch. Please reach out to people who can help you and love you unconditionally. Adoption is a great option. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

Ashleii, please don't take this the wrong way, but whether your boyfriend will be there for you and your child or not doesn't take away from the fact that you are his or her mother and will be able to care for them with the right help. If he wants to be there for you and the baby, that's great. But if not, you still have to do the right thing for your baby, which is to either have it and care for him, or give him up for adoption. From what it sounds like you're going to keep it, which is a million times better than abortion, and I know you want him to be there for you, but don't be surprised if he doesn't want to, as he is very young, just like you, but doesn't know what you're feeling and going through right now actually feeling the baby inside of you, and please don't let that affect your decisions. There's an old saying that a woman becomes a mother the moment she finds out she's pregnant, but a man becomes a father once his child is born. Men just don't understand how amazing it is to carry a child, and they don't feel nearly as attached to baby as we do. I know you're scared of talking to your mom, but like I said before thousands of girls have faced what you are now and came out OK. Regardless, that's your mother's grandbaby and she will love that baby, I promise. Please PM me if you want to talk!