This has been an extremely rough week for me. The breastfeeding is not working. Exclusively pumping is not working. My supply is just too low to accommodate his appetite. He's eating about 3 ounces every 2 hours. On Tuesday he has gained almost a whole pound since his birth. Birth 7-10, check up 8-7. I get so emotional every time I think about giving up but I know I have to let it go. I've taken supplements, pumped around the clock, ate cookies, nursed him despite the pain, and still I'm failing. Perhaps if I had a better support system I could have done it...or if I hadn't had that terrible laceration...or if I didn't have flat nipples things would have been different. Giving up breaks my heart but this has taken a huge toll on me emotionally. He's gotten a good 2 weeks of breastmilk which I guess is better than nothing.
Since Monday I have been crying at everything and nothing. Carter's pediatrician, who is also a friend, sat me down and said she thinks I need to see my OB about pp depression. I think she's right so I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 10. I've tried to be positive and happy but all I do is cry. I love my baby and am not having any thoughts or feelings of harming him. I'm just so incredibly sad and feel so hopeless. Matt has gone back to work as of Tuesday so I'm here by myself with the baby and I feel overwhelmed. He works 330pm till midnight. My mom came over last night and another friend is coming tonight just to keep me company.
Say a prayer, wish on a star, send positive thoughts...I need it so bad.