question for those who already have children

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question for those who already have children

Our son will be 3 in Aug. He is a spoiled boy and a big cuddler! He loves to be picked up and held and carried around. DH and I both love it! The last few weeks it is getting much harder for me to pick him up Sad I have had awful round ligament pain and my belly is still sore from the near car accident the other day. I tried to explain it to him, but of course he does not completely understand, I don't expect him too. What he does do is defy me and make me pick him up and carry him to take a bath, get in the car etc. :mad: I think he is realizing that there really is a baby coming and things are going to change. I told him Mommy's belly hurts...and he says But my belly does not hurt. ANy advice on handling this? He weighs about 33-35 lbs so I know he is probably too heavy to pick up Sad I am going to ask my doc about it on Friday at my appt after my u/s.

sandraleigh's picture
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I think it's time to start hyping up the "big boy" idea. Since he likes to cuddle so much, can you get him a baby doll that he can practice cuddling and taking care of, just like you take care of him?

My DD was only 18 months when DS was born, but she was very loving and helpful with her baby dolls. Over the next year, we really worked on making her feel important as the "big sister" - giving her jobs to do, getting new bedding for her "big girl" bed, and making sure she was involved with caring for the baby.

I am still carrying around my 2 year old too! He's a big boy (wearing 4T clothing) and weighs at least 33 pounds too! For a while I assume we're just going to have to put up with the whining until he gets used to being a "big boy" and walking around on his own.

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When I was pregnant the first time, I didn't lift anything. There were so many things I didn't do. I was the perfcet drs orders preggo.

Second time around I relaxed A lot! The way I think of it is like this, if the doctor didn't specifically say stay on bedrest, don't lift anything, etc. you are most likely ok to carry your child around the house, pick them up to put him in the car. I am not saying carrying him for a 3 hour mall tour, but here and there, it is probably ok. (assuming you aren't at risk for other things, like placenta previa)

A few weeks ago a friend of mine who has one child the same age as my younger one asked how I could possibly have a 3rd and specifically asked what about carrying the kids around. I said, you do what you have to do. I am sure 100 (or even 50) years ago some women didn't have the option to not carry heavy things, they had to do what they had to do. So if you are worried from that point of view, don't worry too much.

If you are more worried about hurting your son's feelings you can try to explain it to him. When my last child was born, my oldest was too young to understand, but now she is 3 and understands there is a baby growing and she can't be too rough. She is 3.5 now, maybe you could try to explain it to your son? I remember on my first bb, people would always say, just explain it to her, she'll understand. I always thought she was too much of a baby to understand anything. once I put the explain everything into practice, it seemed to click for her (not just about baby stuff, about everything). I show her videos of babies in utero and babies being born (not like actual vag shots).

I just bought this puzzle yesterday that has layers (she loves layered puzzles). It starts off with a woman and a tiny bean, then gradually goes to a woman holding a baby. Here is the link: http://www.beleduc.de/product_info.php?info=p65_layer-puzzle--mother-.html

(this company also has cool girl body and boy body puzzles)

ashamom27's picture
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Sebastian, my youngest, is a big cuddler too. I still carry him, but it's getting harder. What we do is we cuddle on the couch or on the bed.

sugspop's picture
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My DS is 3 in July and weighs 36 pounds. There is no way I can avoid picking him up at all, for instance when getting in the car seat or the cart at the store. As I get bigger though, the cart at the store won't be an option and I am going to try to help him crawl to his car seat as best I can. But I know there will be times I need to cuddle and comfort him. But he is also all about the big boy idea and loves the idea of a baby coming so far, so I'm probably really fortunate. Your little man can still cuddle with you, he just need to crawl into your lap. I'm sure you can find ways to comfort him and make him feel special without carrying him or picking him up. About him fighting you on cooperating for bath for instance, I use a star reward system for my DS, and it seems to work really well for him. If I am struggling with something that week, it becomes one of the 5 things he must do every day to earn a star, and if he earns 30 stars in a week he gets to pick out a new toy (usually around $5). So this week, it is get dressed when you are told, try not to whine, pick up your toys, eat your fruits and veggies and brush your teeth. I put some up that are easy for him to earn too, so he feels like he is doing well even on days he misses a star or something. Positive reinforcement? Also, if he doesn't want to get in teh bath, I'll tell him I will not let him take a toy to bed or deny him some privalege he loves. That seems to work for us. Check out the star system dealio here:http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=534909&parentCategoryId=85192&categoryId=85254

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My son is 3 in Oct and only lift him when I need to like when he is napping etc...luckily he climbs in and out of his car.seat for me and our cuddle time is on the couch...he 'knows' there are babies in my.belly but doesn't get that he needs to not jump on me..

Starryblue702's picture
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I know exactly how you feel. My DD is about the same weight, and she's 2 1/2. She always wants me to carry her everywhere and hold her, as not only is she the baby but she's the only girl in the family! It really only bothers me when she wants me to carry her up the stairs, so I just tell her that it hurts mommy or gives me a "boo-boo" and she says OK. Just be firm with him and he'll understand (not to sound harsh lol!). I have been showing her all of my pregnancy books and pictures of babies (inside and out of the womb) and trying to get her to understand what's going on. If none of that works, try telling him that by carrying him around it hurts the baby... that might help, too. I don't think docs expect you to not carry around your other children when you're pregnant, and I don't really think it's hurting the baby in any way... but definitely stop if it makes you uncomfortable.

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It's simply time to stop carrying him and it's probably the best thing for him and you too. They do not stay babies forever and it's going to happen at some point. I was the same way with my son and thought he was my last..I carried him all the time. Then when I got pregnant with his little sister, we had to make the adjustment at it was hard. But necessary!

I think it's helpful to focus on the joys of growing up for him and still cuddling with him. Sitting down and giving him a tight reassuring hug, a big smile, and then making a game of doing things himself may spin it in a positive light. ya know?

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My dr. Has always said to a) not start lifting things you didn't lift before (so your kids are fine If you've been carrying them since they were born) and b) listen to your body.

That said, when Mélodie turned two, the stroller went in the shed and only comes out on very special occasions. She knows that big girls walk, and if she wants something she has to walk. We had tantrums for the first month or two, but she caught on. I thought it was important that she understand that walking is for big girls and that only babies get carried everywhere.

(but I'm not a monster, I do pick her up quite often, just not all the time, and no stroller!$