SAHM rant/vent... kinda long.. sorry

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Joined: 02/07/12
Posts: 463
SAHM rant/vent... kinda long.. sorry

Any other stay at home mom have 99% of the responsibilities around the house and with everyone who lives in the house. I swear sometimes it only feels like Robs responsibility is to go to work and make money.

I do the:
laundry
the dishes
make all the meals 90% of the time
deal with bed time routines 95% of the time
keep the house tidy and do the major cleaning of the house 95% of the time
get everyone ready when we have to go out
make a grocery list of what we need
make Robs lunch for work ( I get up earlier then him 85% of the time to make his lunch)
feed and change kays diaper 98% of the time

This is all I can think of right now. But when I cook dinner I do the dishes, when he cooks dinner I do the dishes. I do ALL of the laundry, and if by chance he does a load I end up folding it so really I can't really count that as doing the laundry cause I do all the hard work.. the hated work.

I understand that as a stay at home mom that I am responsible for most of the household duties and chores, but he gets to come home from work relax and eat the dinner I cooked for him, 75% of the time he "forgets" to rinse his plate, and then he does stuff on the computer well I am cleaning up from dinner and dealing with Kay. Everyone now and then he will help out and even let me "sleep in" Meaning he deals with kay changes her diaper and feeds her. Blah I don't even know where I am getting at with all this. I just needed to get it out and I felt like this was the best place and maybe someone could relate to what I was going through.

I appreciate him working hard at work and he is a great father I just sometimes feel under appreciated and am worried once again how I am supposed to do all these things with an infant and a 1 year old plus go and pick up joshua and stephen from school.

Sorry it's so long..

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
Joined: 11/27/04
Posts: 399

Well I am a single momma for now so I do everything lol.But even when I was married the only thing DH did was work.He took trash out once in a while and would occasinally put the kids to bed but 99.9% of the time all the things I do now I did then.DBF and I are moving in together next month and I have assured him his help WILL be required in caring for kids and helping around the house.I often felt like a maid and a nanny.

lily0624's picture
Joined: 03/21/07
Posts: 591

DH and i WAAAAY too often have the my-job-is-harder-than-yours fight. he has no idea how exhausting it is! and i only have one so far! during the summer i take my kid to either the pool club or the beach everyday (our beach is one block from the house) and every time we really have it out he'll start saying something how i get to just lounge at the pool all day. yeah...with a 2 year old who has NO fear of the water. that's right. i just sit all day! :mad:

sometimes i think he forgets that before thomas was born i was 1) the HEAD of investor relations at a MULTI BILLION DOLLAR asset management firm and 2) i know EXACTLY what it is to have a stressful job. and yet STILL i'd say that staying at home is harder! i mean, my job was crazy busy and stressful - i was at work by 7am and most nights not home til 9pm and even then i'd very often be on the phone with japanese clients since it was their morning by the time i was ready for bed! when i was working i was making more than DH! so hello! i really don't think they truly understand that it's hard work! and the worst part is there's nobody to say, "hey, great job, you get a raise or a pat on the back" at the end of the day.

i appreciate you!! and your kids do too! you're doing a great job!

we won't even go there on the not-rinsing-the-dishes thing though! we have that here and ...:banghead:

sugspop's picture
Joined: 02/22/07
Posts: 1418

I do the majority of what you do, and I work full-time. Luckily I work from home and have more flexibility, and I'm carrying so much of the load bc my DH works 55 hours a week. Hoping for a change soon. he used to do all the cooking and help more with chores...

Joined: 02/07/12
Posts: 463

When I worked I got a break for more then 2 minutes to myself. He gets I think 2 15 minute breaks and a half hour lunch break. He gets to just sit there and not do anything but eat. I wish I could have a half hour to my self 5 days a week. Instead even when I am in the shower I have my 4 year old coming in to talk to me almost every 5 minutes and when he isn't home I spend the majority of the time cleaning up from when he was home.

It was funny cause he came home and said that a customer wanted to talk to his supervisor about what a great job he had done in helping her and later in the night something came up and I was like ya well I don't have anyone telling me what a good job I have done or giving me praise every day. He tried to make me feel better by telling me what a good job I do and all that stuff.

All I want is one day where I don't have to do dishes or laundry and not have it piled up for me to do the next day. That isn't a break it's just extra work for the next day Sad

ashamom27's picture
Joined: 07/06/06
Posts: 1010

Yeah, me too. My DH works a lot of overtime so his time off is an actual time off. Then I think to myself : " I work overtime all the time!" not just " a lot" .
I am also dealing with Sebastian's potty training which is putting him on the toilet every 15-20 minutes and Sebastian ONLY wants me to do it! Ugh!
So I know how you feel, I just figure it's gotta be worth all the work...

annestacy's picture
Joined: 05/31/09
Posts: 473

I hear all of you!!! My Dh works probably 50 hrs a week, and is taking phD classes year round too...he's also been traveling more frequently-tonight he is getting back from Delaware and Monday he goes to Colorado. Missing our anniversary on Tuesday.

The thing is, even when I was working, I had to do all the household stuff too-from grocery lists to cleaning toilets. Beee he was just raised in a house where his mom or his five older sisters did all the work. He will do things I just can't do-mowing the lawn is impossible for me right now, even tho I love it. He also clears the driveway of snow and brushes the cars off in the morning. Sometimes he will even empty the garbage.

I try not to get resentful of him, even tho it's hard sometime because he doesn't recognize the work I do and how hard it is. What I recently did was make a chart with what needs to be done in the house each day, and I leave it on the counter and cross off what I do. I don't put it away because I KNOW he looks at it. Since I put that together he hasn't said that I don't do anything all day.

Good luck!!!

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

I swear this was my mother writing this! She has been a SAHM her entire life and this is exactly how my dad acts... even to this day and he's 51!! I often worry about this myself because I really want to be a SAHM when this baby arrives, but I don't know how DH will act... and if it's anything like your DH or my dad I'll flip my lid. I think it's ridiculous that so many men act this way when it comes to work. I know I've posted about this before, but IMHO all of the housework alone equals what he does at work (and sometimes it's more because you also have kids to tend to during the day!)... so that should always cancel each other out. I think that dinners should be a 50/50 split, as well as child care when he comes home. The kids are a completely different and difficult job aside from your housework and his job away from home, which should be a shared responsibility. I would sit him down for a serious heart to heart because, let's face it, most men are stupid... and as much as we would like them to be able to read our minds that's not going to happen! They need us to tell them exactly what the problem is, but make sure you have a solution... because it's only a problem if you have a solution. Maybe try starting out easy, like you'll cook dinner on the days that he works and he can do dishes, and on his off days he should cook dinner and you wash up. Let him know that you appreciate the fact that he tries to help with the laundry, but whatever he washes he also needs to fold. Good luck, and KUP!

Joined: 04/07/11
Posts: 194

You ladies are scaring me....my DH and I are having serious debates right now about whether or not I should be a SAHM.....