What do you wish you had known?

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sweetsriracha's picture
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What do you wish you had known?

Attention all experienced Mothers!

What do you wish you'd known the first time you were expecting? Any gems of wisdom regarding the later months of pregnancy, child birth, and the first few months as a Mama? This can be anything... like "I wish I'd not spent so much $$$ on newborn-sized clothes," or "I wish my husband/SO had taken more paternity leave."

I can't wait to hear responses Smile

Nikerz20's picture
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TMI

I wish I had been told how much I'd bleed afterwards!

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
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This was after my second but still worth saying lol

I wish someone had told me how bad the after birth pain can be when you are breastfeeding.With my first I didnt have any pain while breastfeeding.With my second I freaked out and told my then DH to get a nurse that something was seriously wrong.I thought for sure I was in labor having another baby it hurt that bad.

Nikerz20's picture
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"brady_bunch_plus_one" wrote:

This was after my second but still worth saying lol

I wish someone had told me how bad the after birth pain can be when you are breastfeeding.With my first I didnt have any pain while breastfeeding.With my second I freaked out and told my then DH to get a nurse that something was seriously wrong.I thought for sure I was in labor having another baby it hurt that bad.

Oh I second that!

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"Nikerz20" wrote:

Oh I second that!

That if you have a history of this sort of pain, your doctor can prescribe you tylenol 3s pre-labour and then you can go pain free - ish.

I found this out post labour #3.

I normally wouldn't take anything, but this was WAY WORSE than labor, and it wasn't always linked to nursing.

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I wish I would have know how tiring being a mom is! Gone are the days of 8-9 hours of sleep every night.

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
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I wish I would have known how annoying people can be trying to tell you all this unwanted advice.

lily0624's picture
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i wish i had known to look at my baby registry and delete HALF of the stuff on there. all these websites and stores and magazines make you feel like you need a ton of stuff for the baby when you really don't!

i wish i had relaxed more during my first pregnancy. lol. being pregnant with a toddler is a completely different experience. you don't really have time to even think about being pregnant!

my advice to first time moms would also be to not buy any clothes. i mean, duh, buy a few that you think are cute but SO many people will buy you SO MANY OUTFITS for the baby that most will never even be worn!

oh, and don't bother washing everything before the baby comes. wash a few things. i washed every single thing that i received. and like i said before so many outfits don't get worn. if i hadn't of taken off the tags and washed everything i could have returned so many things and got bigger sizes!

the final thing (psh, not really final i'm sure i'll think of more) is that you just have to do what's best for you. someone somewhere (esp this board) will have an opinion on whether or not to breastfeed, cloth v. disposable diapers, CIO v. attachment parenting, etc etc. you have to do what is best for YOU!!! me? i bf'd for 20 months (had only planned on 3 months), disposable diapering, pro-CIO mama who is the un-crunchiest person ever. but it works for me. i still like to read other people's opinions though because you do get good advice on here. just take everything with a grain of salt...ya know?

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In my experience, every baby, pregnancy, and situation while pregnant with each child was different. One set of rules didn't hold true for all of them and being flexible and open minded was necessary for finding what worked best for each situation and baby.

I would have worried less and slowed down more. My first born baby had only a two percent chance of survival and after horrible loss the pregnancy before that, I had a lot of reason to worry. I spent a great deal of time in the hospital with my baby girl the first year and fretted over her. Now she is my joyful, vibrant, beautiful 8 year old daughter. Looking back she was simply a joy and I had no control over anything. All I could do was enjoy each moment and cherish her. The same holds true today. The pressures of our everyday lives, like financial stressors, family issues, trying to be perfect, etc. can really crowd the joys of life. In the end it is what it is, but enjoying today along the way makes the memories of it a whole lot more precious.

To remember to be patient with myself. I'm not always going to feel great, have energy, or be super mom. My kids are not going to be super kids either. Realistic expectations of ourselves, of our spouses, and children go a long way!

Lastly, it goes by all too fast. Pregnancy feels like an eternity at times but the truth is, don't blink! My daughter is at the half way point..going on 9..and it feels like yesterday I was ttc her. With each child it speeds up even faster and sometimes you are so tired, you just long for the day where you don't have to wake up early or can do something for yourself. But the truth is, these are good times and they will be gone before we know it. Savor it.

P.S. If going natural: Labor pains hurt more than you know how to physically handle. When you reach that point where it feels like you can't go on and that your going to die, the secret is to just go on, it'll be over soon. Just move through it. There's also no easy way to get a baby out. I've had a csection, epidural, and gone natural (also experienced a fourth degree tear) and you'll get through it no matter how it goes..

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Totally agree with taking all the advice -- here and in your "real" life with a grain of salt. Do what works for you and don't judge someone else for choosing their own way!

The vibrating bouncy chairs are the best things ever.

I dreaded bed time for at least the first 3 weeks to the point where it gave me a little anxiety b/c I HATED not knowing if he'd go down. Getting a bedtime routine saved my sanity!

I didn't find labor all that bad (no drugs stayed home until 8 cm) but no one told me how f'ing miserable the pushing part is. Really no one mentioned that at all that you push and pee yourself and get 'roids and while it's all of course very worth it for me it was just so miserable and I only did it for 45 minutes!

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"kmm123" wrote:

The vibrating bouncy chairs are the best things ever.

I dreaded bed time for at least the first 3 weeks to the point where it gave me a little anxiety b/c I HATED not knowing if he'd go down. Getting a bedtime routine saved my sanity!
!

I agree with everyone equally , but I had to quote Katie, b/c it is so true! The bedtime can be so sad to a new mom. There she is tired from labor and from taking care of a newborn and she sees her whole family "going to bed" while she sits there nursing the baby and wondeers if it will now fall asleep for the night or for just 20 minutes...
That's why I always supplemented with formula for that ONE feeding in 24 hours. It gave me a chance to sleep longer when I was most tired. I BF-ed all the other feedings.

Those vibrating bouncy seats ARE the best! A nobel prize to the inventor!

And one more thing: Smell the top of their head!
Newborns have this unique smell on their heads and it goes away too soon, so inhale it while it's there.

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Awesome advice ladies! For me the one thing that is so different this time around is I know I don't need to have everything and it does not all need to be new. Babies really need only a few things - I am do going to do things simple.

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Make yourself comfy! I spent the big bucks on the Lancinoh nursing pads because they were simply awesome - one pair during the day, one at night - worked wonders compared to natural/cloth. Put those & other practicals like diapers on your wishlist or registry, you'll still get the adorable clothes :lol:. I couldn't wear bras to sleep and didn't want to spend $$$ on 'sleeping' bras; I loved loved loved good stretchy tanktops - but of course all women will differ on this point! Also if you're going to nurse get your boobs a chapstick. Smile Oh and take yourself a porn-star picture the night you wake up with your milk first come in!!!! Wow, that was really something. Lightly wet some pads with water & keep them in the freezer in case your hoohoo hurts. Same with a couple newborn diapers, they are gr8 to put your boobs inside. Oh and 50 baby-washcloths is not too many, they were awesome for everything from zero-two. ITA with the vibra-chair, our LO napped there a tonne before she was ready for the swing... a dual-purpose swing that had a stationary vibrating recliner setting would be awesome. Highchair was a strap-onto-regular chair deal, it was great & portable we always took it to grandmas and everywhere we went. OH and it was Dr's orders as after-care for my tear that I have a 15 minute sitz-bath every day. So my Doc ordered DH to watch baby every day for 1/2 hour. It was really quite a heavenly time! Not that DH wouldn't if I asked, but Dr telling him it was so important meant he was the one making sure I got my special take-care-of-me-time. Smile

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I wish i'd also been told how much a newborn poops and that they are very capable of huge amounts of projectile vomit!

ashamom27's picture
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Swaddle your newborn. They like it tight ( not too tight of course).

If your baby seems "fussy" consider acid reflux. Keeping the baby in more of an upright position after feedings helps. That's when the vibra-bouncy is the godsend.

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Lots of great advice!

brady_bunch_plus_one's picture
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"ashamom27" wrote:

Swaddle your newborn. They like it tight ( not too tight of course).

If your baby seems "fussy" consider acid reflux. Keeping the baby in more of an upright position after feedings helps. That's when the vibra-bouncy is the godsend.

Totally agree with the acid reflux.It is so sad to watch a baby just cry and fuss all the time needlessly for weeks until mom cant stand anymore and finally asks the dr only to find out a few small changes would make a world of difference.

I wish I had known that while I was told a BF baby wont have stinky poop my kids BM poop was the worst!!! It was a weird smell but stunk to high heaven.Also that my BF kids pooped just about every single diaper.

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I wish I had known the recovery process at home of a vaginal delivery. The "Sitz" baths, tucks wipes, no baths. It's tough and not a person tells you about it!! You can't sit, walk, stand. All you can do is lay for the first day or two..

sweetsriracha's picture
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WOW thanks for all the feedback Smile

I love that I have such a respectful and supportive community Smile

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For 2nd time Moms:

I wish someone had told me it can be VERY different each time!

I'm happy that my labour went quicker, and my recovery was easier the 2nd time around, but some things were much harder.

The after pains get worse. I barely noticed them after #1. After #2, they were awful.

Also, just because you were able to successfully BF your first, it doesn't mean it will happen with your 2nd! I nursed DD for 7 months. With DS, I only made it 3 weeks. I was SO depressed about it and felt like I had failed. He had a bad latch, I got mastitis within the 1st week, and breastfeeding became something I dreaded, because I was crying in pain the whole time.

I wish someone had told me that I didn't have to feel like a failure because BFing didn't work out. I didn't have the time or energy to seek proper help, like a LC. Trying to BF a very hungry, enormous boy while my 18 month old toddler was climbing all over me ended up being just too much for me. In the end, I'm glad we decided to stop, because BFing was not the wonderful experience it should have been. But it was hard to accept that I couldn't manage to BF my second, when I had successfully BF my first.

Be ready for anything. And do what's best for YOU, YOUR family, and YOUR baby.

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I wish I'd known about birth control lol!