Anyone else not exactly feeling excited as they should be?

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mandynz's picture
Last seen: 3 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/29/12
Posts: 755
Anyone else not exactly feeling excited as they should be?

I don't really know what is wrong with me, this baby is very much planned and very much wanted. Yet I don't feel any where near as excited as I did with DD, despite the fact she was a HUGE eeeer surprise for me at the age of 19.

I had my NT scan yesterday and it was very cool to see baby moving around, I laughed as the tech tried to chase baby around as he/she was moving so much but I didn't 'feel' anything. It was almost like I was watching somebody else's baby on the screen... I went through a brief hormonal stage around 10-12 weeks where I was feeling quite depressed and felt really negative towards the pregnancy, baby and myself. I don't have any kind of history with depression or anything like that, only a bit of baby blues and PMS.

I just don't know what is the matter, I really want this baby and we all do but I just want to start feeling some emotion towards this little one! I am so scared that he/she is going to come out and I will not feel anything towards him/her.

Is/has anyone experienced this before? Is it normal or do I need to talk to somebody about it?

P.S. This is part of why I have been so quiet lately, as well as being busy...Sorry ladies!! I have been lurking and keeping an eye on you all!!

haysmama's picture
Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 02/23/08
Posts: 1181

I have a lot of similar feelings this go around. I have been attributing it to being my 4th baby in less than 6 years, kind of done with the whole pregnancy thing. I'm trying to stay active here and keep up with development to get myself excited since it will be my last and I want to try to savor each moment. I find myself reminiscing about my first pregnancy and how we got to pick out all the baby gear, crib and everything was new. It makes me sad that we really don't need anything for this one, so I think we may just get something new because I think that is part of what makes it all "real" and ups the anticipation. I think it is TOTALLY normal to not be as excited during subsequent pregnancies because we've BTDT and the novelty of it has worn off. I have had the same feelings about ultrasounds, too. It is almost like it's someone else's baby on the screen, I know what you mean. At my last one, I tried to think about "who" that baby might be, like personality, name, etc...instead of just head, fingers, toes. It made me feel more connected.

Kier's picture
Last seen: 2 years 11 months ago
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

I'm right here too. For me its the fact that I'm not showing the way I did at this point with the last 2. At my ultrasond the baby is laying across my abdomen, so I just have to keep reminding myself that. Also, I am not feeling this baby as much as I did the last too also. When I do its squirms... every now and then I will feel a kick, or hit, but its few and far between. In the ultrasound it looks like my Placenta is HUGE... and I think on the front (anterior) of my uterus... which atests for that. But, its still hard to connect with what I dont feel. I keep finding myself feeling that something is wrong... that my amnio is low, that theres something is going on with the baby... and so on. I actually woke up the other night anxious that I just didnt feel like my belly was there at all any more. Completely irrational I know, but still, its there.

I have to admit, I was kinda put off by my ultrasound. When the doc looked between the baby's legs, and it wasnt what I thought I would see (definite "parts") I felt really off. I have had it stuck in my head that this baby is a girl from the beginning, and just assumed that that is what I would see. So, now I'm double guessing all the feelings that I have had this pregnancy.

This pregnancy is a lot like with my other 3, yet different. I cant drink milk, where I live on it with the other 3. The way the baby is completely different (the other 3 were always head down), movements are different when I feel it, and I just dont feel at all like I know this baby. I look at my other 3.. I have such a unique connection with each of them... and have from the time I was pregnant with each... it just makes me scared that I dont have any of that with this baby yet.

I do have a history of PPD after the last 2. I actually already started seeing my therapist again... hoping to avoid meds, etc., this time around. I also think it will help to feel the baby move, find out the baby's sex, pick a name, and start getting things ready for him/her. For now, I am calling the baby sqwirt... trying to find time to talk to the baby, and like beth said, finding ways to help me think about the baby... trying to connect more. I really do think it was so much easier to connect with my first because it ws all new, exciting, etc. And, with other kids to chase after, play with, and so on, you just dont have as much time to sit there and just think about who this person is... If that makes any sence...

Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 02/17/12
Posts: 230

I'm definitely having a harder time connecting to this baby. I have 4 other kids, so this isn't my first rodeo and I just don't have the time to lay around and dream about having a new baby, etc. We just announced to our families, so that made things a little more real. I think once we know the gender and I can start making things for the baby, the switch will flip for me. I hope anyway!! I'm also feeling consistent movement, so that definitely helps!

I totally think it's normal. We start out our pregnancies terrified that something will go wrong, so it's hard to let our minds wander to squishy newborns.

harmonybear's picture
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

Well I don't feel like I was super connected to DD, either, so perhaps my perspective is different, but I'm not feeling all the tender warm-and-fuzzy feelings with this one, either. Maybe I'm just not that kind of mother? Or maybe it was because I was so certain that I was going to miscarry DD that I mentally kept myself from getting too attached, and this time it's just that it's a second baby? I don't know, but I'm almost glad I wasn't too attached with DD for the sake of this baby. I have absolutely no feelings of guilt, because I'm pretty much treating this pregnancy just like I did DD's - belly pics every now and then if we thought of it, spending large portions of the day not thinking about babies and pregnancy, etc.

lemonlemon's picture
Last seen: 3 years 1 week ago
Joined: 12/30/07
Posts: 1904

I totally know what you mean
DS was a complete "shocker" @ 20 years old- yet I was SUPER EXCITED after the shock wore off.
This one, totally planned, took FOREVER TTC, FINALLY got preggo, and... nada...
I think I just felt so.... IDK.. scared..detached.. even though I've had a successful pregnancy before, I just was scared something bad would happen and havent gotten as attached to this one..
Even recently, finding out the gender, feeling her move, I just feel..... like I dont really believe it sometimes I guess... or scared something bad might happen again.... idk....
I think when the baby actually comes I'll change my mind and feel attached
Although I've heard its common for people to feel detached- even when the baby is born for a while.

Risstopher's picture
Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
Joined: 02/29/12
Posts: 627

I have good days and bad days, i hope you start feeling better

mandynz's picture
Last seen: 3 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/29/12
Posts: 755

Cait - I am really hoping that is what it's about for me too, I don't think our scare at 6weeks after the colposcopy helped...

I'm just really scared of feeling detached when he/she comes!

Thank you all for reassuring me that I'm not alone! It's such a weird feeling to be pregnant and feel so meh!