I went in for my first OB appointment today. I'm supposed to be 9 weeks 2 days. Well I noticed right away during the u/s that I couldn't see a flicker. I felt like the u/s tech wouldn't stay on it long enough to see but for the few seconds that you could see the body there was no flicker. She told me she couldn't see a hb today but she'd let me talk to the doc. They took me right back and after saying woohoo congratulations, he looked at the ultrasound and realized she saw no heartbeat. I feel like it must be the real thing as awful as it is because three different people looked at it and all said the same thing. I'm going back in the morning for another ultrasound to double check but I have no hope that we'll see a heartbeat at all. I've been having a lot of cramping this afternoon that just feels different to me. I don't know if it's because I'm thinking about it more or what.
We're just so heartbroken. I feel like such an idiot like I shouldn't have gotten so ahead of myself with planning the future and telling family and close friends. We've already told everyone there's pretty much no hope and have spent the entire day crying. At least my mom was with me when it happened so I wasn't alone but I still have no idea how I held it together until we got out of the building...especially when my doc hugged me so hard and told me how sorry he was. If there's nothing on the ultrasound tomorrow and I doubt there will be then I'll have a d & c done Wednesday.
Does anyone know anything about d & cs and how often you're put to sleep vs. local anesthesia? At this point, as much as I hate being put to sleep I'd rather go that route because I just don't think I can go through the emotional trauma of being awake while they're doing it. I just can't believe after 9 months of trying it's ended this way. I hope that all of you ladies have the most wonderful and perfect happy and healthy 9 months and that I join you in the future.