Bad bad news (m/c mentioned)

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Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244
Bad bad news (m/c mentioned)

I went in for my first OB appointment today. I'm supposed to be 9 weeks 2 days. Well I noticed right away during the u/s that I couldn't see a flicker. I felt like the u/s tech wouldn't stay on it long enough to see but for the few seconds that you could see the body there was no flicker. She told me she couldn't see a hb today but she'd let me talk to the doc. They took me right back and after saying woohoo congratulations, he looked at the ultrasound and realized she saw no heartbeat. I feel like it must be the real thing as awful as it is because three different people looked at it and all said the same thing. I'm going back in the morning for another ultrasound to double check but I have no hope that we'll see a heartbeat at all. I've been having a lot of cramping this afternoon that just feels different to me. I don't know if it's because I'm thinking about it more or what.

We're just so heartbroken. I feel like such an idiot like I shouldn't have gotten so ahead of myself with planning the future and telling family and close friends. We've already told everyone there's pretty much no hope and have spent the entire day crying. At least my mom was with me when it happened so I wasn't alone but I still have no idea how I held it together until we got out of the building...especially when my doc hugged me so hard and told me how sorry he was. If there's nothing on the ultrasound tomorrow and I doubt there will be then I'll have a d & c done Wednesday.

Does anyone know anything about d & cs and how often you're put to sleep vs. local anesthesia? At this point, as much as I hate being put to sleep I'd rather go that route because I just don't think I can go through the emotional trauma of being awake while they're doing it. I just can't believe after 9 months of trying it's ended this way. I hope that all of you ladies have the most wonderful and perfect happy and healthy 9 months and that I join you in the future.

sinkme's picture
Joined: 03/17/12
Posts: 59

I am so very sorry. Praying for you.

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

I am so so sorry. Praying for you.

Lyricly_'s picture
Joined: 03/04/12
Posts: 261

I am so very very sorry! *hugs*
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

jgriffith's picture
Joined: 08/20/10
Posts: 420

I'm so sorry! Sad

Joined: 06/18/11
Posts: 1425

Leah,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don’t even have words to express how sorry. (((BIG HUGS))). I will be praying for you.

I did want to answer your question. I had a d&c in early 2010 (not for m/c, but for excessive unexplained bleeding). I requested being put to sleep as I have serious dr/hospital anxiety. My Dr did it without any problem. Just took an extra call to insurance to authorize an increased bill? I was put to sleep in my own room, and then wheeled into the OR and I have zero memory of anything until I woke up. I was able to go home within just a few hours. I did take a few days off work to rest after.

mrs.doolittle's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 1335

:bigarmhug: Oh, Leah, I am so sorry! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joined: 02/17/12
Posts: 230

Oh my gosh, Leah. No! I am so sorry. My heart is just breaking for you right now. I can't even imagine. Life is so unfair! Lots of thoughts and prayers coming your way :bigarmhug:

Risstopher's picture
Joined: 02/29/12
Posts: 627

i don't know what to say, i am so sorry........

Lily2006's picture
Joined: 05/16/11
Posts: 896

Leah....words cannot describe how heartbroken I am for you. I am so, so sorry sweetie and I really hope the Drs. made a mistake. I will say a prayer for you, and you will be in my thoughts.

mandynz's picture
Joined: 01/29/12
Posts: 755

Oh my gosh Leah, my heart is broken for you. I can't believe this has happened Sad You are in my prayers! I am sending you all my love...

harmonybear's picture
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

Leah, I'm so, so sorry. Sad :-(

Miscarriages are always heartbreaking, but in my experience they're 10x worse after you've seen a heartbeat. Cry all you need to. I had a midwife tell me after my first miscarriage that miscarrying is just like losing any other family member, and that you should never feel guilty for mourning the baby. If you need to talk, feel free to pm me. :bigarmhug:

I didn't have a d&c with either of my miscarriages, so I have no idea how they work, but I don't blame you for wanting to be out during it.

DrakePlusOne's picture
Joined: 06/29/09
Posts: 1889

Leah, I am in the same shock as all these other ladies. I can't believe what I'm reading. I will be praying all night that little baby is 'ok' and just in a weird postition to pick up the heartbeat. Was the growth still consistent with his/her age? (((((hugs)))) !!!!! Thinking of you, girl! Cray 2

Joined: 10/28/11
Posts: 43

I've been following you from your BFP and am just shocked to see this. I am so very sorry. There is little anyone can do or say that will provide comfort right now. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel and cry. I will promise you that it gets better. I know it does not feel like it now and you will even start to feel angry when people tell you to give yourself time but time is the true healer here. You will never ever forget but the pain won't always be as bad. Hugs!

I had a D&C in December. It wasn't even an option for me to be awake. The procedure itself, for me, was quick and painless. It would just be nice if the emotional pain could be "fixed" with a trip to the OR and a couple of Advil.

jojogun's picture
Joined: 07/17/09
Posts: 561

**Lurker**

I am so sorry to hear this. I also wanted to let you know that I was put to sleep for my d&c just last fall. It wasn't general anesethesia but justa quick shot in an IV of something that knocked me completely out and then I came too & recovered from it quickly. It was physically painless & everyone was super understanding & supportive. I wish you all the best & will be thinking of you.

belindab's picture
Joined: 06/15/02
Posts: 1033

Oh Leah, I am so so sorry. I started crying the minute I saw the title of your post. My heart is breaking for you honey. I had d&c's with two of my m/c's and I was put under. I didn't have to ask, it was standard procedure. Please know that I am praying for you and if you want to, feel free to pm me. Huge hugs for you!

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

I'm so, so sorry Leah. Sad

:grouphug:

Joined: 07/14/07
Posts: 860

So sorry to hear this, hugs.

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

Thank you so much ladies for all of the support. There are moments when I feel like I'm going to make it through and I'm adjusting to it and there are others where I feel like I'll never be okay again. I imagine the worst thing will be waking up in the morning and realizing for the first time in two months that I'm waking up without a happy healthy growing baby. DH said something that helped a lot though. He said he really thinks that the baby's soul just went back to heaven to wait for a healthier body to live in. That makes me feel better. That makes me feel like we'll get our baby and that it's just waiting for the right time. I'll update tomorrow after my appointment but I've having lots and lots of cramps tonight so I'll be shocked if anything has changed.

"DrakePlusOne" wrote:

Leah, I am in the same shock as all these other ladies. I can't believe what I'm reading. I will be praying all night that little baby is 'ok' and just in a weird postition to pick up the heartbeat. Was the growth still consistent with his/her age? (((((hugs)))) !!!!! Thinking of you, girl! Cray 2

They didn't say that the baby had stopped growing a few days ago but it appears that way. Week before last I was supposed to be 7 weeks 5 days and I measure 7 weeks 1 day. So 4 days behind then. I realize that's not a big deal and completely normal especially since I O late and have longer cycles but today I was supposed to be 9 weeks and 2 days according to LMP and I was 8 weeks and 3 days. So instead of just 4 days behind I'm 7 now. This was a different doc since the last u/s was down at my RE's office and I was released after seeing the hb. At first I was just hoping it was the machine since it was definitely different from the last RE's and it was a tech and not the doc that did the u/s this time. But the doc reviewed it all and very carefully so I think it's pretty settled. I did feel a few times like the view was from the top of the baby and not the side...I don't know. I didn't feel like I got a good look at it, but I'm not going to try to find excuses for it to work out cause I just can't get my hopes up without being totally crushed.

Anyone know how long before you can try again when you have a m/c at this point? I'm assuming 3 months or until my cycles return to normal but I've heard mixed things.

glwolf's picture
Joined: 09/26/11
Posts: 928

Leah I'm so sorry! I came here to see how you are doing and I didn't expect this at all. I will pray for you and pray that it is just that they didn't see the HB and everything is fine!

harmonybear's picture
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

"Leah261" wrote:

Anyone know how long before you can try again when you have a m/c at this point? I'm assuming 3 months or until my cycles return to normal but I've heard mixed things.

Wait at least one cycle so you have a date for LMP. Depending on your situation, you might want to wait longer than that. You can read more at the link below. And it's also a really, really good resource for other miscarriage topics - also check out the pregnancy loss board here on pg.org. I practically lived there after both my miscarriages.

I hate that you are having to go through this. Sad

http://www.pregnancyloss.info/trying_again.htm

AkMomma07's picture
Joined: 07/04/07
Posts: 1159

Oh no! I' m so sorry to hear this Sad You will be in my thoughts.

Joined: 10/28/11
Posts: 43

Leah..I had an early second trimester miscarriage and was told to wait 1 cycle, preferrably 2 so I don't think you need to wait anymore than 2 cycles. I absolutely agree with the person who recommended the pregnancyloss website. I spent a lot of time on that site and at times I think it is what kept me sane. I read your posts and I feel so heartbroken for you. Your comment about waking up in the morning sounds familiar. It was actually a week or more before I didn't have to remind myself every morning that I wasn't pregnant anymore. The next few days and weeks will be tough but you can and will get through it. One of the quotes I found that I kind of hung onto was "You don't know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have". You will come to know your strength. Hang in there.

gabeminamom's picture
Joined: 01/09/11
Posts: 272

I don't know what to say. Sorry just doesn't seem Big enough or huge enough for how heartbroken I am for you. When I went thru this, I too was 9 weeks and LO measure at 7w5d I believe. it almost seemed like when they said something to me, the cramping started. Iwish they hadn't said anything at all really. But I was able to pass most of it at home but I hadn't passed everything and had to have a D&C done. They kept me awake becuase I was in the ER. I don't really want to go into much anything else, I actually have rarely spoke of it because I was feeling how you are. But it's a time thing, and one miute at a time and one day at a time is all that helped me ( It somehow works with every loss (even the losses of my immediate family)even though I didn't want to hear it or believe it). I'm not recommending it as I'm no expert but we were gonna wait one cycle and try again and I know that it took about 6 weeks for my body to kind of get back to normal and I was pg again (never had a period). He's now 11. (((((HUGS))))) I'm praying for you and your dh.

LoriLoo's picture
Joined: 07/19/07
Posts: 144

Everything about this sucks. I'm so sorry to hear it. Don't get down on yourself for having announced the pregnancy though. The same thing happened to me last summer and though it sucked at first, after all was said and done- i was honestly glad I had told. It was my way of letting the baby know that it was loved and celebrated though I'd never get to meet it. To do a clean break with anyone who had been informed, I just posted a discreet poem about my loss onto FB and the support i received from my friends was incredibly helpful to me. TONS of people reached out and related that it had happened to them too, but the got pregnant quickly after and had very happy successive pregnancies. I hope that helps you in some way. I'll be praying for a super happy surprise hb for you tomorrow but if that isn't the case- know that you're not alone and this is just a bump in your road, not the end of it.

Astolate's picture
Joined: 07/16/06
Posts: 433

I am so very very sorry for you Leah. Sad You are so lucky to have such a supportive DH to help you through this tough time. I cant even imagine the pain you must be feeling, I'll be praying for a miracle for you and your lo.

When a close friend of mine had a m/c at around 9 wks she waited 1 cycle after her d/c and then tried again. Now she has a happy healthy almost 1 year old. She had also announced her pregnancy to everyone and announced the m/c via a pregnancy blog she was writing. Many people stepped forward and commented on it giving her a lot of hope and support.

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

A friend of mine just lost her baby girl... she was born at just under 20 weeks. They played this song at the wake they had for her...
It makes me cry everytime I hear it, but she really loved it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcpBwB5ruu0

Another thing that is really helping them is a gardening project. They call it their garden of angels. I really dont know what to say, besides I hope and pray that they are wrong. Praying for you all.

lcmacneil's picture
Joined: 03/11/09
Posts: 7

I am so sorry to hear this.... All my best!

belindab's picture
Joined: 06/15/02
Posts: 1033

Leah, I just wanted to share a couple of things. I heard this song after my 2nd loss. It's super emotional but it really helped me. When you said what your DH said, it made me think of it. It's called "My Name" by George Canyon. Here's a link to it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbUWw1SKc8Q I also wanted to recommend the book "I'll Hold You in Heaven". Also very healing. Again, I am so sorry. I thought about you all night and I'm continuing to pray for peace for you. Just take it one day at a time and allow yourself to grieve.

Joined: 03/01/09
Posts: 655

Oh no Leah. I am so so sorry Sad

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

Hi ladies. I just wanted to update. First of all thank you all so much. I can't tell you how much it means to me to read all of your kind words and know that you truly care and that they aren't empty words. We definitely did not get good news. I knew last night that we wouldn't though. I started cramping pretty bad and still haven't bled but this cramping just felt different. It wasn't on the side or anything like that it was like my insides were going to fall out. I went in first thing this morning and after making me wait nearly 30 minutes for no good reason they took me back for the u/s. They turned off the monitor so I didn't have to see it. I wasn't sure I could handle that again. As it turns out I started to miscarry on my own a little. The doc said my uterus was full of blood though for some reason it can't come out. My stomach is almost back to my pre pregnancy size already and I went down a bra size overnight. He said my uterus was contracting and shrinking and the baby looked smaller already too. I guess at least this way I know for a fact it's over and the d & c is necessary. I'll be going in at 10 tomorrow and will be under general anesthesia. At this point I just want it to be over with. They said I could try again in 6 weeks if we're ready so I guess we'll just see how things go. Thanks again for all of your support and know that I want you all to have the happiest, healthiest pregnancies.

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

Double post

Joined: 08/20/11
Posts: 137

I just want to say how very sorry I am to hear this Sad I followed your journey for a few months and was so happy for you when you got your bfp. I hope your heart and body can heal quickly.

momof5sweeties's picture
Joined: 02/08/06
Posts: 525

I am so, so sorry Leah. Sad

randi_christine's picture
Joined: 09/06/07
Posts: 29

I'm so sorry to hear!! I will be thinking of you, and best of luck....

Joined: 02/24/11
Posts: 1651

Leahhh.. im soooo sorry that you had to go throught this . Just reading this i had to shed tears because i know how happy you were to be pregnant.. I hope that you comfort in the prayers that we send. :bigarmhug:

AkMomma07's picture
Joined: 07/04/07
Posts: 1159

:bigarmhug: I'm so sorry to hear this update. Sad I hope the D&C is smooth and quick.

Astolate's picture
Joined: 07/16/06
Posts: 433

I'm so sorry things didn't work out and so saddened that this happened to you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that your healing process goes well for not only your body, but for your heart as well.

:community:

DrakePlusOne's picture
Joined: 06/29/09
Posts: 1889

Leah, I am heartbroken beyond belief. Cray 2 I've been thinking of you and hoping for a little miracle all day. I really love the way your husband spoke of sweet little one. This body just wasn't healthy enough. My mom gave me similar words after my miscarriage and it really did give me hope. Tons of hugs for you and hubby.

ambie719's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 811

:lurk:
Sad Oh no! Leah, I'm so so sorry for your loss. :bigarmhug:

jgriffith's picture
Joined: 08/20/10
Posts: 420

I'm so sorry. I know how heartbroken you must be! Hugs!

Lyricly_'s picture
Joined: 03/04/12
Posts: 261

Again, I am so so sorry for your loss. :bigarmhug:

KatherineD's picture
Joined: 10/03/06
Posts: 217

I'm so so sorry Sad :( Sad I think with my d&c, it was a twilight. I was in a lot of pain and out of it for most of the day. Take it easy that day and let everyone wait on you that day. :bighug:

haysmama's picture
Joined: 02/23/08
Posts: 1181

I'm so sorry for your loss, Leah. The next few weeks will be the hardest, but you will recover. Just take your time and do what you feel in your heart is best for you when you want to try again. It sounds like you have great support around you. I'm praying for you today while you go through the d&c and that you'll have a happy healthy baby in your arms very soon.

Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 208

My heart breaks for you ((((Big HUGS)))) I am so very sorry for your loss. I had a D/C asleep and awake. Awake was more emotionally taxing and heaven forbid I needed another I would ask to be asleep. You are in my prayers

Joined: 06/25/07
Posts: 342

I'm so sorry for you're loss and I'm praying for you and you're family.

Joined: 08/09/11
Posts: 269

:lurk:

I'm so sorry for your loss, Leah. I have had 2 m/c's and 2 d&c's and it's just brutal. Take good care of yourself these next few weeks and know that it does get better. Just take it one day at a time and know that you are not alone.

AlisaK's picture
Joined: 07/15/06
Posts: 51

I'm so sorry. I'm praying that you can find some peace. Hugs.

JDBabyHopes's picture
Joined: 02/16/09
Posts: 1149

**lurker**

So sorry for your loss, Leah. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. :bigarmhug: