tonight, my husband i took a tour of the hospital where we will have baby #2. it is the same hospital center we used before but they built a new building. it was my first time seeing a birthing bed since i delivered leo and let me tell you, it scared the crap out of me. (the funny thing is my husband reacted the same way. we talked about it afterward.) so, i was feeling better about birth until i saw that terrible contraption. it just brought back memories of the final stages of labor and also the 2 hours (yes, 2 hours) of stitches. i felt like i wanted to run out of there. it's also funny because i had two opposing thoughts. one being, just give me an epidural. and the other being, why didn't i just sign up for a homebirth? i can't stand the sight of that bed!!!! ugh!
maybe if i have to do this all over again one day, i will choose a birthing center or do a homebirth.
i don't know why i am reacting to seeing those beds the way that i am. my birth really was good but maybe it was the stitching up that has me all upset.
anyway, i know this post doesn't really make much sense but i guess that i am just scared of labor. i was scared the first time, of course, and didn't expect to be scared this time around, too, the way that i am.
What is it specifically about the bed you don't like? Do you have to birth on the bed there? I know my hospital has birthing stools! They also have the birth bars. Unless you've had an epi they encourage moms to not birth on their back and stirrups aren't ever used. I think knowing that I can be out of the bed if that's what I want helps me mentally!
Sounds like you could use some positive thinking. Have you read any of Ina May's guide to childbirth? Half of it is just birth stories and they're all empowering - while many are home birth, there are hospital births, and even a c/s! And I'm also avoiding reading birth stories that may not be positive till Zoe is here. It's made a big difference for me so far (this stuff was a suggestion from my hypnobabies home study course). I've worked through my fears (which for me is a RCS at 42 weeks and my husband leaving the next day) and I'm now putting them behind me and staying positive.
One thing I remember from my childbirth classes before DD was born was that every birth comes with fears. Every woman has fears about her delivery, no matter how many children she's had, and the key is to acknowledge those fears before labor so that you can deal with them when you're not vulnerable and in a labor fog.
I don't know if you've read the Harry Potter books, but this sort of reminds me of defeating boggarts. You have to find a way to make the thing that scares you no longer scary. One of my big fears this pregnancy is that I'll get stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital (it can take over an hour and a half to get there in traffic). Between DH, my midwife, my doula, my mom, MIL, and my friends, we have so many different backup plans in place for people to watch DD and a plan with the midwife and doula to make sure I'm downtown as soon as possible. I really don't feel panicked about it anymore.
So it's a very good thing that you figured this out during the hospital tour and not when you came in during labor! This way you have time to figure out how you can make it better. If you have a birthing ball, you might consider bringing that to labor on, so you don't have to be in the bed. Or you could bring a sheet to cover the bed, if that's allowed, so that it doesn't look as much like a birthing bed. Maybe talk to your OB about your fear of being stitched up again, see what reassurance he can give you. Try to figure out ways to avoid tearing, or read the statistics about how much less moms tend to tear with subsequent children.
I don't know if any of those would make you feel better, but they're ideas. And the good news is that you have time to come up with more!
Harmony, JM, A, & M Our preschool-at-home blog
6w5d on 6/19/07 hb of 107 bpm 10/1/07. Lost at 7w6d
With my first I had 2nd degree tears, up down, across, inside and out, and my doc lost track of how many stitches he put in. For me it had more to do with Ds1 getting stuck and needing to be vacuumed out. I was scared of having another baby after that, and its one of the reasons we waited to have another.
With my 2nd, I had 1 little tear that required 1 stitch. My 3rd was sunny side up like Ds1, with her cord around her neck, like DS1, and I didnt tear at all.
So, it can get better. I agree with pps. Talk to your doctor and tell him about how your feelings, and see if you can make a plan that helps you ease those fears. You dont necessarily have to labor and birth in 1 position, with your legs up in stirrups. And alot of those beds can be broken down, things taken off, moved around etc. Maybe see if you could go back in with the doctor or someone and see how it works. It may not be as scary if you have the oportunity to get to know how it works, and your options...
thanks, everyone! i am up again, not sleeping tonight, and my thoughts are getting the better of me. today i have an appointment with the midwife and i will talk to her about my fears regarding tearing and stitching up.
the hospital actually has birthing tubs in three of the rooms. i am planning to use this somehow (maybe not for the actual delivery, we shall see). i don't plan to be on the bed most of the time. i see myself walking the halls, using a birth ball, getting in the shower and tub, etc. it was just that once i saw the bed, a flood of memories came back. and, yes, i suppose it is good that i saw the bed last night so i can get over some of this stuff beforehand.
I'm sorry you had such a time seeing the bed again. With your stitches experience before, I can certainly understand your reaction! I think you are right - seeing it ahead of time gives you time to work through and find ways to find ways to understand and make a plan to help with your fears. Like PPs said, definitely talking to your midwife and making a good plan, and maybe if you bring your own pillow, blanket, or other things to make you feel more at home and make it feel less clinical?? I like to bring my own pillow for sure!
Erin + DH - 10/6/06
W - 11/14/08
D - 9/21/10
someone new! - 11/5/12
(((HUGS))) I like so much of what has already been said. I just wanted to say that your post made total sense to me. It's funny how birth is such a happy experience, but there truly are parts of my DS's birth that bring back negative feeligs for me. I hope that you don't have to spend much time, if any, in the bed if you don't want to and that this labor goes very smoothly for you. No major stitches this time.