Getting sick of it

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haysmama's picture
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Getting sick of it

I'm really getting tired of the comments I get when I tell people I'm pregnant.

"Wow, you really have your hands full." --Strangers who see me out with 3 by myself, not even knowing #4 is coming.
"Oh, I couldn't do it."
"WHAT?! Was it planned?"
"Are you done now?"
"I wouldn't have the patience."
"I couldn't stay home with all those kids."

Seriously. I only have 3. And yes, they will be close together. Yes, it will be hard for a while. Yes, I planned every last one of my pregnancies. Yes, I'm nervous about the future, but I couldn't be more blessed with this beautiful family! People should limit their comments to the following:

"You are amazing! I'm so excited for you."
"Congratulations!"
"That is wonderful news!"

And the ever elusive "Let me know if I can do anything for you!!"

I haven't even announced on Facebook yet. Hopefully those will be more short and sweet like my approved comments selection.

Is anyone else experiencing this?

jgriffith's picture
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I did with my last pregnancy. Even more so now with #5. Plus, 4 and 5 are so close together. Fortunately friends and family have been nothing but supportive! Try not to be offended Smile Who cares what people think?

alwayssmile's picture
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mYUSJhN-LI&feature=player_embedded
(try not to laugh too hard :D)

People (in general) are dumb and don't think. Family size is a personal decision for a couple and many seem to forget that.
I've just gotten "wow, you know life is going to be hard with a toddler and a newborn." No, you don't say. I think it's going to be a cake walk. Blum 3

harmonybear's picture
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"alwayssmile" wrote:

People (in general) are dumb and don't think.

This. We learned that in a BIG way after our miscarriages. People say dumb things, often without even thinking about how they will come across.

You should just come back at them by saying that you are doing it for your health, since moms with more kids live longer. Wink

gabeminamom's picture
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I haven't posted on fb yet either. When we were even thinking of #3, DH's entire portuguese family was like, " You guys don't need 3, you hav e the perfect family a boy and a girl, you couldn't afford 3". Stupid comments like that. But i felt we weren't done/complete. And yes I agree the first years are always hard but I think you are so blessed to have kids and as they grow up and get older, I think of the holidays , the birthdays, the parties, the get togethers, how heart warming is that thought and feeling! A big family! Love it! I agree, nobody thinks before they speak. But you are the lucky one here!

augustbaby2010's picture
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a bunch of people have asked me if this pregnancy was planned. i didn't hear this at all with my first so i wonder why people are asking now. and, i wonder why they ask in the first place? what if the pregnancy wasn't planned...and i told them so. i suppose they aren't expecting that as an answer.

haysmama's picture
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I know that they aren't trying to be rude and the comments don't offend me. I think it's just that the comments make me question my decisions and abilities. When they say stuff, I find myself thinking maybe they're right. Maybe I'm in over my head. Maybe we should have waited. And I HATE thinking that because of what OTHERS are saying. I am really nervous about having 4 ages 5 and under. The comments just scare me. That's why I want them to stop. I want to be excited and have all positive feelings about this pregnancy. They are just kind of bringing me down. Sad I know I can do it...people from all over and all different times have managed (and are still managing) having larger (and far larger than mine) families. Thanks for your encouraging words and for letting me vent a little. Smile

Tiffany-That is my vision for my family and I'm so excited to see it unfold!

Risstopher's picture
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idk why people think just becuase they see you with children or with a preggo belly they think the door is open for whatever they want to say. my bff warned me of this (and she doesn't even have any children or has ever been pregnant!) i guess she was just wise.

i think what you have is a beautiful growing family

Kier's picture
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I am in the same boat. I've even had some blatantly mean comments from people with DD and this time... not even WORTH repeating. People just forget that their nose doesnt belong in other people's business, and that just because something pops into their heads doesnt mean they HAVE to say it. As far as the mean comments that I have gotten, I just have to think of how miserable these people's lives have to be that they feel the need to tare other people down.
I am on another site totally devoted to families with 4 or more kids. Trust me, being on there, 4 seems like a small family lol. One of my good friends growing up was #2 of 10. All 10 were the most grounded, nicest, people I know. I always knew that I wasnt going to only have 2 kids, and being the oldest of 3, I hated that there was always an odd person out (usually me lol). Yes, we are more than likely only going to have 4 biological children. In the future I would LOVE to do foster care. Yes, I may be crazy. I am crazy about my family, and especially, about kids. If that's a crime, lock me up, or commit me. But, like pps have said, how many children a couple has is between them and god (or what ever they believe), and not for anyone else to decide or judge.

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Every one in my family has asked me if this baby was planned. EVERYONE. Um, Yes and No. And None of your damned business if you honestly want to know!!!!

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People.Are.Rude.
I think a lot of them are people who are unhappy with their own lives so can't seem to be happy for somebody else.
ONE person (Kevs cousin) asked me "was THIS ONE planned?".. I was SOOO pissed. He was mad because we hadnt "told him sooner" when we havent even SEEN him in over 6 months.. It's not like I sent out a massive text to everyone I knew while the pee was still drying on the stick! So I think he was trying to hurt my feelings.
YES it was planned, and if it WASNT, then who cares and why would he need to ask that? and it's only my 2nd child, with a 4 year age gap, so I dont see how that could be so far fetched to think I'd have another child.. annoying!!
I really want a huge family- Kevin doesnt- but I wonder if I get lucky enough to get a #3 if the reactions might be different. But at the same time, I really dont care!!! As long as it's what I want then screw the rest of them :):)

Kier's picture
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"lemonlemon" wrote:

People.Are.Rude.
I think a lot of them are people who are unhappy with their own lives so can't seem to be happy for somebody else.
ONE person (Kevs cousin) asked me "was THIS ONE planned?".. I was SOOO pissed. He was mad because we hadnt "told him sooner" when we havent even SEEN him in over 6 months.. It's not like I sent out a massive text to everyone I knew while the pee was still drying on the stick! So I think he was trying to hurt my feelings.
YES it was planned, and if it WASNT, then who cares and why would he need to ask that? and it's only my 2nd child, with a 4 year age gap, so I dont see how that could be so far fetched to think I'd have another child.. annoying!!
I really want a huge family- Kevin doesnt- but I wonder if I get lucky enough to get a #3 if the reactions might be different. But at the same time, I really dont care!!! As long as it's what I want then screw the rest of them :):)

I couldnt agree more. My first was a big surprise... we were still in college and had just gotten engaged. Our 2nd was a little more planned. We had been trying, but then DH got a new job, and we knew we were going to need to move, so we decided to put trying on hold till the fall. A week or so before our move, I found out that I was prego (woops). DD was anther BIG surprise. I was still nursing DS2... and with all the things going on, and the fact that I stilled hadnt had a "normal" cycle, I couldn't even tell you how she was conceived lol. I am still convinced to this day that she was a gift from my friend, her daughter, and my grandmother... telling me that things would be ok, and that life goes on and could be happy again. This one was more planned in the fact that we knew we wanted another, and were just letting it happen when it happened. Ive always wanted a fall/Nov. baby, so it seems kinda like I am getting a dream come true.

I am sick and tired of people thinking its their business how many kids we have, whether or not each pregnancy was "planned." Who cares. The questions should be... Do you love your kids? are they cared for and know that they are loved? In the end, isn't that what REALLY matters???

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I can't believe some people!! I haven't had anyone say anything too over the top, but we do get comments about how much harder it's going to be with 3 (of course from people that don't have that many kids). I think it worries DH more than me when he thinks about college for 3 kids, and the fact that we're likely going to need to move to a bigger house after baby and look at getting a bigger car...but even with all of that looming, I'm still just so excited for this little one!! Smile

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Amen sister! We get comments all the time. Are you catholic?, you know what causes that right?, still trying for a girl?, was it planned? you're braver than me!. A simple "congrats!" would suffice! ALL of my pregnancies were planned and while a girl would be great, that's NOT why we have a large family. We love kids and wanted a large family. Why is that so hard for people to grasp?

"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mYUS...layer_embedded
(try not to laugh too hard :grin:)"
Loved it!

Kier's picture
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"belindab" wrote:

Amen sister! We get comments all the time. Are you catholic?, you know what causes that right?, still trying for a girl?, was it planned? you're braver than me!. A simple "congrats!" would suffice! ALL of my pregnancies were planned and while a girl would be great, that's NOT why we have a large family. We love kids and wanted a large family. Why is that so hard for people to grasp?

"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mYUS...layer_embedded
(try not to laugh too hard :grin:)"
Loved it!

omgoodness... lol

haysmama's picture
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Belinda, that is so perfect. TFS! "The polar ice caps are going to melt because of your family." lol

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:lurk:

I'm sorry that people are sharing some very rude comments. This is exactly what I'm afraid is going to happen when we announce #4 is on the way. After our third, everyone made comments about how we were done because we finally got our boy, and that really, really bothered me. Who are they to tell me that my family is complete? I hope that when you announce it on FB that people are more positive with their comments. :bigarmhug:

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I am the youngest of 15 kids, my parents used to get those comments al the time. Especially as there is almost 6 years between number 13 and 14!