Help! Losing my resolve!!

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haysmama's picture
Joined: 02/23/08
Posts: 1181
Help! Losing my resolve!!

I posted about keeping the gender a surprise before and that it was a difficult decision for me. I ultimately decided to keep it a surprise since DH doesn't really want to know and this is our last...trying to be nice, you know. Smile Anyway, I have been really excited about it and keeping myself together about it mentally. Smile Well, I am LOSING it!!! I NEED TO KNOW!!! DH isn't budging. He does not want to know, but said I could find out but he's being all guilt-trippy about it. There is the option of my finding out and not telling him, but I honestly don't know if I could do it. I tell him everything. And I know I would want to talk to him about it, planning, dreaming, etc... We were going through all of the baby clothes and sorting sizes and organizing today and I kept thinking, "I wish I just knew, then I could get RID of all this stuff" (the opposite gender, obviously). Also, my best friend is having her first in February and has nothing, so I would love to give her some things that I won't need anymore. She will find out through u/s what she's having before I find out at the birth. Drives me crazy. lol I am thinking that if I do find out, I will tell only her (my BFF) just so I will have someone to talk about it with. She lives in California so she and DH have no contact...which is why I can't pick my mom...

Anyway...just needed to vent all that a little. I am trying to not even talk to DH about it anymore because I know it's not something he enjoys listening to, lol.

Do you think you could keep the gender a secret from your DH for 4 more months?

AkMomma07's picture
Joined: 07/04/07
Posts: 1159

I can completely understand why you are losing your resolve. I would not be able to keep it a secret for 4 months though! I can barely even keep what I get him for Xmas a surprise! LOL

Good luck!

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Interesting dilemma! Pretty sure I could never keep that a secret for so long. It would drive me nuts!

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

What is going to bug you more, not knowing and all that, or knowing and not being able to tell DH??? Personally, I am on the fence about what to do myself. We want to know, but I dont know if I want the world to know. I am thinking that DH and I are going to find out, and keep it to ourselves... well, my sister is going to know because I am going up there this weekend after finding out to get the clothes I am going to need. We may not even tell her the baby's name till its born... we will see.

AkMomma07's picture
Joined: 07/04/07
Posts: 1159

I like that Kier! That would be a fun secret just between the 2 of you!

haysmama's picture
Joined: 02/23/08
Posts: 1181

Yeah, I don't think I could do it either. Ugh. I read him my post and he said, "just find out." He also said if I find out that he will too because it kind of takes away from the surprise because he won't be sharing it with me in the delivery room. It makes me feel so guilty! Sad

mandynz's picture
Joined: 01/29/12
Posts: 755

I understand your dilemma too, DH wanted a surprise but I didn't think I could do it... Initially I was gonna ind out nd keep it secret. For me the need to know outweighed the difficulty of keeping a secret from DH. I could do it because he knows I am keeping the secret and I'm not going behind his back, so there is no guilt. In the end DH has decided he wants to know too, but I wouldnt have a problem keeping it to myself...in some ways I thought it might be kinda cool! Hehe..

lemonlemon's picture
Joined: 12/30/07
Posts: 1904

Maybe he'd be on board if you said just you TWO find out and nobody else?? Then it'll be like "suppprissee!" to everyone else at the birth?? I think he's gonna have enough "suprise" at the birth and will forget/not care that much that he already knew what it was!!

belindab's picture
Joined: 06/15/02
Posts: 1033

LOL, we have that issue at our house except it;s reversed! DH wants to find out but I don'y. He said he'd find out and not tell me but I want him to be surprised WITH me at delivery. I admit, some days I'd love to know but after having both delivery room surprises and knowing ahead of time, I REALLY want to wait. The announcement moment in the delivery room is amazing. I don't think I could keep it a secret if I found out. I'd do my best but I'm sure I'd slip at some point. Or something I did, like packing away clothes or browsing certain gender items would give it away. Good luck with your decision!

haysmama's picture
Joined: 02/23/08
Posts: 1181

"belindab" wrote:

LOL, we have that issue at our house except it;s reversed! DH wants to find out but I don'y. He said he'd find out and not tell me but I want him to be surprised WITH me at delivery.

This is exactly what DH said the other day. It kind of ruins the surprise for him if I already know.

"lemonlemon" wrote:

Maybe he'd be on board if you said just you TWO find out and nobody else?? Then it'll be like "suppprissee!" to everyone else at the birth?? I think he's gonna have enough "suprise" at the birth and will forget/not care that much that he already knew what it was!!

This is another option, but honestly for me there really is no point in keeping it from everyone else. I think it would only result is people feeling left out, bitter, and basically PO'd at us. I don't see the purpose it serves....but that is just me. I'll bring it up with DH and see what he says though, out of curiosity. Smile

"Kier" wrote:

What is going to bug you more, not knowing and all that, or knowing and not being able to tell DH??? Personally, I am on the fence about what to do myself. We want to know, but I dont know if I want the world to know. I am thinking that DH and I are going to find out, and keep it to ourselves... well, my sister is going to know because I am going up there this weekend after finding out to get the clothes I am going to need. We may not even tell her the baby's name till its born... we will see.

You're going to tell us though, right???? Wink

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

"haysmama" wrote:

This is exactly what DH said the other day. It kind of ruins the surprise for him if I already know.

This is another option, but honestly for me there really is no point in keeping it from everyone else. I think it would only result is people feeling left out, bitter, and basically PO'd at us. I don't see the purpose it serves....but that is just me. I'll bring it up with DH and see what he says though, out of curiosity. Smile

You're going to tell us though, right???? Wink

More than likely... but it may not be till later, after I get to my sister's... Not sure, I guess we'll see how our day goes and how much time I have to post before I get up there

RonanTheBarbarian's picture
Joined: 05/10/10
Posts: 1084

"Kier" wrote:

More than likely... but it may not be till later, after I get to my sister's... Not sure, I guess we'll see how our day goes and how much time I have to post before I get up there

Or, your sister could post for you!

Astolate's picture
Joined: 07/16/06
Posts: 433

There is no way I would be able to keep it from DH if I knew the gender and he didn't, Heck there is no way I would have been able to even keep it from my friends any longer than I did when we found out. I almost blew it a few times referring to him as "him" or "he" and then I had to add in really quick to try and not be obvious about it (lol but it was totally obvious). My advice is that if you do find out the gender, don't let anyone else know you found out the gender that way when you are talking about the baby they think you're just being general when you say him/her instead of telling them that you know the gender but don't want to share and slipping up like I did. :3

Just go with your gut, if you need to know find out and if you really don't want to know don't find out. I would love to have a little surprise with one of my babies but I just know I don't have the willpower for that type of thing. Biggrin

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

[QUOTE=RonanTheBarbarian]Or, your sister could post for you![/QUOT]
One of the reasons I may not post it right away is to wait to get up to see my sister...uh hum... is so I can tell/show (ultrasound pic) in person Wink

Honey3.14's picture
Joined: 04/07/12
Posts: 2094

I couldn't keep it a secret. I don't think we could even not find out. I might be able too if I had one of each already but I know if I knew I'd never be able to ever not tell DH or my best friends. We aren't telling the name thigh cause everyone I do, I always get, you're not really serious are you? Out, oh no, not...whatever name. So when we do fondly have a name i'm going to keep it quiet.

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

"Honey3.14" wrote:

I couldn't keep it a secret. I don't think we could even not find out. I might be able too if I had one of each already but I know if I knew I'd never be able to ever not tell DH or my best friends. We aren't telling the name thigh cause everyone I do, I always get, you're not really serious are you? Out, oh no, not...whatever name. So when we do fondly have a name i'm going to keep it quiet.

We would never critisize a name here... I personally LOVE origional names Smile

AkMomma07's picture
Joined: 07/04/07
Posts: 1159

"Kier" wrote:

We would never critisize a name here... I personally LOVE origional names Smile

I second this ^!! I would never criticize someone's baby name choice, that is so rude! And I am also a big fan of less conventional names Smile

belindab's picture
Joined: 06/15/02
Posts: 1033

"AkMomma07" wrote:

I second this ^!! I would never criticize someone's baby name choice, that is so rude! And I am also a big fan of less conventional names Smile

I third this! We're not telling anyone in my family our name choices because we've gotten negative feedback in the past. I never criticize names.