Thread: Mother-in-law or MONSTER-in-Law?

Hi all! Here's a fun topic as we head into "Mother's Day"!

How do you get along with your significant other's mom? Has she become like a second mother to you -- or rather is someone that has you ready to pull out your hair?

For those with kids, do you view her advice as helpful or interfering?

If distance separates you how do you foster your relationship?

Finally, how do you handle Mother's Day? Do the two of you exchange gifts/cards? Do you have something special planned? Share!

My DH's mom passed away about 4 years ago. She was like a second mom to me, but I was super critical of her with my first DS. I kind of regret that now, but you can't change the past.

For Mother's day we would exchange cards/gifts but that was really it, she understood that I was a mom too (unlike my own mom who thinks mother's day is all about her and no one else) and that it was a day for all of us not just her.

We don't have anything planned for Mother's day at all, it's Cinco de Mayo weekend and unfortunately my town makes it miserable to go out anywhere during this time because every place is so packed because of that.

We're close but not super close. She's definitely not my second mom but she's far from my mortal enemy.

My mother in law and I have had our ups and downs. My DH and I started dating in high school and were pretty serious from the get go (we had been good friends for about 2 years before we actually started dating, and it just grew into more). Before we even started dating my DH told me that his goal was to one day marry me lol.

At first My MIL loved me, then slowly realized that our relationship wasnt just a fleeting high school romance. She started telling DH that I wasnt what she wanted for him, and a bunch of other mean things. She even went as far as trying to set him up with other girls. I just ignored it, was polite to her, but always felt upset when DH wouldnt stand up for me. Finally he did though her comments never fully stopped.

Then, the summer before our last year of college, 4+ years of us dating, DH proposed... and she finally got the hint that I wasnt going any where. DH's brother and SIL had just got married the previous May (she LOVED my SIL). Then, that Oct. we found out that we were expecting, and so did my BIL and SIL. Since DS1 was born my MIL has done a complete 180.

As far as how she is with the kids, she LOVES them. The only thing is that she complains that she doesnt see them enough (we live 5 to 10 miles away), though she wont call us up and ask us over or ask to come out. They just dont seem to get how hard it is to go over to a house where 2 adults, and no kids, live... that if they came out to our house it would be that much easier on us. But, it is what it is.

We generally give her a gift, and I think she has given me a gift maybe once???

Hi! I get along well with my mother in law but she isn't exactly like a second mother to me...but I do really like her a lot! She is a wonderful grandmother to our son, Leo. She has always been helpful, too, and asks to babysit. When I was recovering from childbirth (and post-partum depression), my mother in law brought me lunch and would watch Leo for me so I could take a nap. She lives just two miles away and we are about to move closer to them, if you can believe it! It's nice being so close.
I normally get her a small present for mother's day. Last year I got her a locket with four pictures of Leo inside. This year, I am thinking about just making cookies for her and my mom. It's not as nice as a locket, but I just don't have the ability to look for a present this time around because we are in the process of moving.
I feel very lucky to have a good relationship with my husband's parents and I hope it stays this way!

I get along ok with my MIL. She's old skool, from Portugal. She's definitely not my 2nd mom. Before my mom died 4 years ago I was actually closer to her, but after, Ikind of wanted her around but heard she made a comment that I wasn't her daughter. She says she didn't mean it that way but I wasn't mad about it because, she can never be my mom. She use to call me frequently, now we speak maybe once a month if that. We live 50 miles away but Icommute everyday to a city that is 5 miles from her home.

For those with kids, do you view her advice as helpful or interfering? She ALWAYS had a say so on what I was doing with y kids. How I dressed them (it was too cold or too warm), the medicine I'd give them when they had colds ( sorry I wasn't gonna give them the brandy in the bottle). She has her old Portuguese traditions and will try to make us use them. Plus she use to watch DS until he was 5 and we moved. Well I found out she was secretly giving him a bottle there!!! I was furious!! He had been bottle free since 2! It was their little secret.

If distance separates you how do you foster your relationship? She calls DH every day.

Finally, how do you handle Mother's Day? Do the two of you exchange gifts/cards? Do you have something special planned? Share! We get her a together card and a small gift. She won't ever get me a card. Sometimes we will go down to visit but it's more for me to go tot he cemetery and bring some flowers and a card to my own mom.

Oh yea, after DH and I were pretty serious, she did tell me to my face that all Portuguese women wish for their sons is for them tomarry a "100% Portuguese" girl. Like speaks teh language fluently like they all do and cooks that way etc. She never tried to hook him up but I was the first non 100% portagee girl he ever dated (I'm like 1/8th portuguese!) and he told her that he didn't want one, because it took for him to step out of "the circle" to find real love. So 14 years later we are still strong! But I do cook portuguese meals and know some of the language! lol!

This sounds horrible, but my MIL is just kind of there. She makes no attempt to know us or our kids. We are about nine hours apart. We visit her when we go in, but can't stay at her house because she doesn't dust or clean (my youngest has bad allergies). When we visit, she asks us to pick up take out on the way and she pays us back. If the kids ask for something she points them in the right direction. She usually doesn't move from her chair the whole visit and rarely talks to the kids, besides hellos and good byes. She visits us about once a year and it's the same way. She stays on the couch the whole visit. She's never even seen the kids rooms or toy room. She gives each of us cash for birthdays and Christmas. My husband is on his sixth deployment, she has never sent him a single card, package or email. She has never responded to a single invitation to his homecomings. At this point, we've just given up... I'm tired of seeing my husband hurt and my kids disappointed.

My MIL and I had a rough start, mostly because she wanted DH to marry a Korean girl and it was very hard for her to accept me when we were dating and first engaged. In fact, I never met her through that whole process. DH says she mostly just pretended I was just his friend or that I didn't exist.

But about two months after we got engaged, it was like a switch turned and suddenly she was so welcoming of me and wanting me to wear her sister's wedding dress and getting excited about wedding plans. Ever since then, she has been nothing but good to me. I wouldn't say that she's like a second mom... there are cultural differences and a small language barrier (her English is very good and my Korean is pretty decent, but we still have trouble understanding each other sometimes) that make it hard for me to see her that way. But all the same, I feel very lucky to have such a wonderful mother-in-law. She has taken care of me after a miscarriage, after having a baby, and after my surgery - in some ways better than my mom would have (I love my mom dearly, but she's not as naturally nurturing as my MIL).

So not exactly a second mom, but still a really great mother-in-law.