Totally OT

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Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244
Totally OT

So I just have to vent this because it's making me nuts. This it totally OT but here I go anyway.

So my families drive me absolutely insane and it's bothering me more than ever now that I'm pregnant. Maybe the hormonal feelings are kicking in. I don't know but I swear I just want to bang their heads together sometimes. My parents are divorced and they had pretty much the worse divorce ever. I was 17 when it was all finalized and while I'm still close to both of my parents, my mom and I are pretty much attached at the hip and if I had to pick a side it would be hers though I try not to. My dad had another family for 15 years before they even separated. So he has another kid and everything. He won't admit it but she looks like me and my sister and it's just so obvious. Plus, he's been there for her more than he was ever there for me and my sister's obvious he has a guilty conscience. Anyway, it was a super screwed up situation and was clearly something that wasn't going to be solved where everyone was going to make up and be happy later. So our families do not talk to each other. When my grandfather was still alive he still talked to my dad and all for mine and my sister's sake but he's passed away now and my grandmother makes it clear she hates my dad. My dad's mom makes it clear she doesn't like my mom and they make fun of my step dad all the time who I love dearly and has been there for me from day one. If I had been young enough when my mom met him he said he would have adopted me so I could have gotten better medical care of my disease. I'm close to him too.

So anyway, every time we go down to FL (I live in VA now) to visit my family, my mom usually goes with us to get some time in with her mom. Well her mom always bashes my dad. Then I go to my other grandma's house and all of them bash my mom and step dad and my dad joins in. It drives me insane! Lately mom's mom has been acting like it stresses her out when we stay with her so we were thinking of staying somewhere else and my mom is thinking of not going. When I tell my dad's family all of this they have mean things to say about my other grandmother and then fight over where we're going to stay. They talk about this crap NONSTOP since they found out I was pregnant.

All I can think is how the heck am I going to bring a baby into this family? Thankfully the ones that make things most difficult are in FL and me and DH and my mom and step dad are here in VA and TN so we're separated from it most of the time but geez. It's been nearly 10 years since my parents divorced. They've both been remarried nearly as long and still the family feud crap stands. I just have no patience for it anymore, and instead of keeping my mouth shut I've told everyone as much. I have more important things to worry about. The way I see it, my mom was seriously the wronged party in all of this and she's moved on and she's happy so that should be the end of it. AHHHHHHHHHH!

Why does family have to be such a serious pain in the butt sometimes? Shouldn't this bring everyone together instead of make everyone stupid and rude and cruel? Ok...vent over. If you read all of this I'm impressed. Lol. Yeah...I think the hormones are kicking in.

gabeminamom's picture
Joined: 01/09/11
Posts: 272

Wow, now that is a handful to deal with. I hope they listen to you and can get over being in high school and get along for you, your sis and nthe new babies sake. I mean that is ridiculous. Could there be jealousy? I have a similar situation, well not similar but have an odd one myself. My parent's were married for 30 years until my mom suddenly died. (she was 54) and we were a very close knit family. I had a brother who died the year before mom ,and I have a younger sister. Once they were gone, my dad acted as if he was 18 again. A year after she died he was screwing any floozy who showed attention to him and one was even my age! He is a straight up hard core alcoholic and even lost his job as a truck driver. He has this nasty girlfriend whom he moved right away into my childhood home and into my moms bedroom! She is a pig and I know my mom is roling around in her grave seeing what her room and house looks like now. Anyway, my dad and mom were always very close to our kids. Me my brother and sister each have 2. But once my mom died, my dad doesn;t call them, see's them on their birthdays only ( we live 40 miles away and I commute and work in my hometown which is less than a mile from his place) and never gets them gifts let along a card. He is intersted in his nasty toothless girlfriend and basically chose her over all of us. I have learned to live without parents or that guidance and friendship so I'm ok with it now, but I feel bad my kids and my brother's kids who are missing out. But then again, nothing much to miss out on. So it's weird how life changes. I hope this new baby can bring your family around for the good. Because it's not worth any of the arguing. I'd give anything to be arguing with my mom or brother again. Life is too short. Smile I also learned don't try to please anyone else. Your new family you have made is your #1 concern. I learned that from my husband. A hard lesson learned but he was very right. I'm a mom and wife first. hugs!!!

lemonlemon's picture
Joined: 12/30/07
Posts: 1904

Aww hugs to both of you!
Families are rough sometimes! Or most of the time! It's crazy how things change after a baby. I used to feel so much closer to my parents, and after having a baby they seem to have drifted, only caring about themselves, I just can't imagine treating my child(ren) the way mine treat me... I have a half sibling on both sides, and so my dad has one other kid and my mom has another- and both of them do SO MUCH for the other kid- I feel like I'm an outcast!! It's like because my siblings "need" more help they get it... but it's sad when my bday rolls around and they dont even send a card yet when the other ones bday is around tehy call to remind me and invite me to a party or ask what I'm getting them- stupid!!! And I feel like they never want to see my son or anything, its annoying. But like Tiffany said, shes a mom and wife first- thats definately taken over my life as well, I feel liek I'm not really a daughter or sibling as much as a mom and (soon to be) wife. My REAL family is the family I've made for myself now, and at the end of the day I feel so lucky to have Kevin and Brody when so many other people are truely alone.
So just think of you and your perfect DH who you chose and love, and now this little perfect baby coming into the world.. It starts to make the other family drama die down a little- and soon you'll just say screw them!
I remember worrying constantly about the hospital and how everyone was going to get along and worrying about OTHER PEOPLES FEELINGS, and finally, I just worry about my own little family of three first, and everyone else can bite me Smile

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

That's so true! Everyone else can bite me too! Lol. I guess everyone's family is crazy one way or another. I talked to my dad after having that conversation with him and he says he didn't mean anything by it. He admitted that he just misses me so much and I think it makes him sad now that I'm having a baby that he won't be here. He LOVES babies. But when they get older he has no clue what to do with them unfortunately. He likes them until they're about 4 or 5 and then he has no clue how to relate. At least I know that no matter what happens with my family that's all the way in FL that our child will have a wonderful set of grandparents in my mom and step dad and while my MIL is a little hit and miss sometimes my FIL is the opposite and so is the rest of the family on DH's side. They'll be thrilled to find out when we tell them. There are a lot of little kids and toddlers in the family so they'll just be so thrilled to have another. I think sometimes I just get super hormonal about all the family drama stuff. I lost my patience for it long ago and things just seem so much more important now that we're starting our own family. Meaning that the family stuff sometimes just appears more ridiculous than ever. Oh well...the way I see it people either learn to fall in line or they're the ones who will miss out! Thanks for the support ladies! I'm sorry you've had to go through hell with your own families too. Sad

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

Personally, I would just lay it all out now. Sit down with your dad's family and say "listen, either this crap stops, or you arent going to see me or this baby." That what they say among themselves is one thing, but when they are around you, or talk to you, you dont want to hear it. I would do the same with your other grandma. Let her know that in the end, hes your father, and putting you in the middle isnt fair. My parents divorced when I was 13. They werent nearly as bad as your family seems to be but when they would start saying stuff I would just walk away, or tell them that I wasnt going to be in the middle. Since we are all out of the house, and have our own families, its gotten even better. It sounds to me like you and your sibs grew up, and your parents, and grandmothers, forgot who were the kids, and who were the parents.

TJPam's picture
Joined: 02/24/12
Posts: 57

I'm sorry to read all your stories about your family issues. My family is pretty close-knit and although there's the odd squabble here and there, for the most part we're pretty good. I agree with what you all said, worry about your own family/life. If they are going to continue to be difficult, say that you refuse to waste your energy on this and that unless they smarten up, they won't see the baby or be a part of it's life. Life is short and you should spend it around those who love you and surround you with positive energy.