Two Quick Rants

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Honey3.14's picture
Joined: 04/07/12
Posts: 2094
Two Quick Rants

1. What the hell gives people the right to ask me if this was a planned pregnancy? I've been married for 11 years. So what if it was? So what if it wasn't? Its my baby, I'm keeping it. I'm raising it the way I want to raise it and I'll love it the same as if I'd tried for 11 years to have a baby or had a one night stand with a guy I barely knew.

2. Why do people keep asking me if I'm disappointed not to have a girl? Honestly with my first, I was so upset when we found out it was a boy, but then he came and I love him to death. He's funny. He's sweet. He's charming and I wouldn't change him for the world. With this one, I honestly said, no matter what I have, I'll be happy so long as it's healthy. Well I got what I wanted. A healthy baby. Yes its a boy. Yes that means that altogether including my stepkids from my husbands first marriage, I'll have four boys and zero girls. You know what? I couldn't be happier. The three first get along great and I am sure this one will be the same. If I want to buy pink I have twin nieces I can buy for. No I'm not disappointed. I love my boys and I will love him. And if was a girl, I'd love her.

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

((hugs))

People are dumb and don't think!

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

OMG, I get both of those 2. Like its anyone's business whether or not a pregnancy is planned??? I'm not some drugged out crack ***** selling it on the street, who gets pregnant, has a crack baby, and several wards of the state kids. I love and take care of my kids, my kids are happy, healthy, and KNOW that they are loved... isnt THAT what really matters???

My SIL had the balls to tell me that she knew that this baby being a boy was a big surprise because we had our hearts set on a girl... umm.. what??? any idiot out there knows that it can go either way. I just said that I THOUGHT that it was a girl because my symptoms, and the way I felt, were the same as with my DD. Yes, I was thinking how nice it would be to have the even numbers, for the bedroom issue to never be an issue, and so on. I am in love with my new wee dude... I still look at his ultrasound every now and then and marvel over how cute he is already. I have fallen in love with the fact that DD is going to be a princess in a land of knights... She is already one protected little girl... I feel bad for any boy who tries to date her lol. I just hate when people insinuate that I would have loved this baby any less just because of what is between his legs. People really just need to but out of other people's business, and learn to shut their mouths. All they need to say is congrats, and thats it.

Oh, and my MIL was/is in the same boat you are. My FIL had 2 sons from his first marriage when they got married, and then they had 2 sons together. Would she had liked having a girl, yes, was she mad at the world that she never did, no. And, guess what?? Now she has 4 DIL, and 3 grand daughters... and is so thankful for her family and the way its come together.

Hang in there. Like I wrote in another person's post, I think there are a few of us that have PII... and people in our lives that just dont know how to shut their mouths Wink

Astolate's picture
Joined: 07/16/06
Posts: 433

When I first told my college advisor/leadership teacher that I was pregnant his response was "who's the father?" I thought he was joking as first seeing as how he's met my husband and my son and knew I had been married for many many years. When I realized he wasn't I said "my husband....." and his next question was if it was planned and I told him we'd actually had to do infertility treatments. I know I look younger than I am so that probably has something to do with it but still.

Sometimes I just think people don't think before they speak, I try not to let comments from idiotic narrow minded people phase me. It's better to just be the bigger person and not let them upset you, especially at a time when stress isn't good for you or the baby.

:bigarmhug:

mandynz's picture
Joined: 01/29/12
Posts: 755

No. 1 I have gotten a lot, from my students' parents....WTH....like what right do they have to wander into my classroom and ask me if my baby was planned or not?!?!

I have had some friends asking if we were trying or if it was just an unexpected blessing and that I really don't mind, because A) they are friends and they are only asking because they are excited and want to know all the details and Dirol they have asked in a respectful manner NOT 'so was it planned?' GRRRR I would NEVER ask somebody that....so rude!!!!

I haven't gotten any of the second one, but everyone knew how much I wanted another girl and strangers seem to assume I was wanting a boy because I had a girl last time so yeah... I did have my BFF text and ask if I was okay after her initial celebration text when I told her that it is a healthy boy.

I hope people stop making stupid comments to you soon...

BTW Angela, your advisor sounds like an idiot!!! how unprofessional!

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

"Astolate" wrote:

When I first told my college advisor/leadership teacher that I was pregnant his response was "who's the father?" I thought he was joking as first seeing as how he's met my husband and my son and knew I had been married for many many years. When I realized he wasn't I said "my husband....." and his next question was if it was planned and I told him we'd actually had to do infertility treatments. I know I look younger than I am so that probably has something to do with it but still.

Sometimes I just think people don't think before they speak, I try not to let comments from idiotic narrow minded people phase me. It's better to just be the bigger person and not let them upset you, especially at a time when stress isn't good for you or the baby.

:bigarmhug:

You should see the looks I get when I am out with my kids. I am 4ft 9, and because of it people just assume I'm a kid. I sometimes try to play into it, or purposley walk by and say something about their daddy needing us to get home, or whatever comes to my mind at the time. People, especially older people, are so nosey, and just because they are our "elders" feel that they have the right to say/act as they want, and judge us. Its sad.

Joined: 07/07/08
Posts: 325

When people see a pregnant woman they just loose the filter between their mouth and their brain.

I keep getting "You know how that happens, right?", which is extremely annoying. I just keep saying "Yep, after two kids I think I've got that part figured out."

Many of these are from Co-workers who after my DD asked if we were done. Which at the time we thought we were. But things change and even though this wasn't planned, it doesn't change a thing.

harmonybear's picture
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

Ugh, people never seem to know the right thing to say! :bigarmhug:

I'm bracing myself to hear all the "Oh, you'll have a boy and a girl. What a perfect family!" comments. Um, yeah. And it would have been a perfect family if he'd been a girl. And it would have been a perfect family if I'd never had another baby. And it will be a perfect family if we have more kids..... Since when do we have this idea of what a perfect family is anyway? >_

Astolate's picture
Joined: 07/16/06
Posts: 433

"Conornme" wrote:

When people see a pregnant woman they just loose the filter between their mouth and their brain.

I keep getting "You know how that happens, right?", which is extremely annoying. I just keep saying "Yep, after two kids I think I've got that part figured out."

Many of these are from Co-workers who after my DD asked if we were done. Which at the time we thought we were. But things change and even though this wasn't planned, it doesn't change a thing.

WOW! I can't believe someone said that. I'm just at a loss of words for that, I have definitely never gotten that before. Just. Wow.

Even when I think someone is pregnant I keep my mouth shut unless they bring their pregnancy up, I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable by asking nosy questions that are none of my business. Some things should just be left unsaid to a pregnant women lest you make yourself look like a total idiot.

"Kier" wrote:

You should see the looks I get when I am out with my kids. I am 4ft 9, and because of it people just assume I'm a kid. I sometimes try to play into it, or purposley walk by and say something about their daddy needing us to get home, or whatever comes to my mind at the time. People, especially older people, are so nosey, and just because they are our "elders" feel that they have the right to say/act as they want, and judge us. Its sad.

I got more dirty looks from older people when I was pregnant with DS than any other time in my life. I'm somewhere between 5ft 1 and 5ft 2 and I guess they assumed I was an unwed pregnant teenage since my hands had swollen and my wedding rings wouldn't fit. Not so much this time around because well my hands haven't swollen (yet - knock on wood) and I'm not nearly as petite as I was before.

"harmonybear" wrote:

I'm bracing myself to hear all the "Oh, you'll have a boy and a girl. What a perfect family!" comments. ..... Since when do we have this idea of what a perfect family is anyway? >_

I think it's because the average "American Family" has 2.5 kids - people assume this is going to be a boy and a girl and we all live in la-la-land where things happen according to survey standards. I hope you don't have to deal with any comment like that!

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

After DD was born my own father told me "you are done now, right?... you know why your mom and I only had 3? because we didnt want 4" My mom wanted more, my dad did, he got fixed... they divorced when I was 13... for many reasons. Any who, I also had friends say the same thing about us being done after DD was born... that now that I had gotten my girl, our family was perfect. WTF people. I also get the "wow, you are brave" or "wow, you are going to have your hands full"... guess what, I'm a mom, it comes with the territory whether you have 1, or 20... I could go on and on with how rude people can be. There was one girl in perticular who even had the balls to seek me out (I wasnt even friends with her on there) and message me on face book and go off about how irrisponsible I was, yada yada yada. She has 3 kids, 2 girls and a boy. I wanted to ask her what made her more mad, that my husband and I are happy and still have sex, or the fact that I was pregnant with my 4th??? Trust me, she is just a miserable excuse of a human being, and has to tear everyone down. A friend of mine's grandma had 13 kids. She always joked that it wasnt till the 8th one that she figured out what was causing it. lol. I just wish that people would mind their own business, and go by the golden rule of "if you dont have something nice, and supportive to say, keep your mouth shut"

harmonybear's picture
Joined: 06/06/07
Posts: 639

"Astolate" wrote:

I think it's because the average "American Family" has 2.5 kids - people assume this is going to be a boy and a girl and we all live in la-la-land where things happen according to survey standards. I hope you don't have to deal with any comment like that!

It's not nearly as bad as what people have said to some of you other ladies, obviously, but it's still annoying. When my sister was pg with her second (a boy, her oldest is a girl), people told her all the time that this must mean her family was complete. She would sweetly tell them that, no, her family wouldn't be complete until her daughter had a sister and her son had a brother. Now this wasn't quite true... they're stopping after three, though they might possibly adopt a fourth, but I thought that was a nice reply.

But like I said, that's not nearly as insulting as asking if you were disappointed to have all boys, or if the pregnancy was planned, or (I really can't believe this one) who the father is.... People really have no filter. :annoyed:

-x-Amber-x-'s picture
Joined: 10/08/06
Posts: 642

Wow people really suck! I get a lot of the "are you guys done now"! It drives me batty! We will be done when we are ready to be done! If we want to have 5 more kids then we will! Its no ones business! I agree that people totally lose their censor when they see pregnant women! Its like all questions they feel the need to ask get thrown on the table! Drives me crazy too! I havent had anyone ask if this was a planned pregnancy yet, but I would have to say I would tell them to mind their own business!

AkMomma07's picture
Joined: 07/04/07
Posts: 1159

I haven't gotten the "was it planned?" thing yet surprisingly. I have gotten the "oh too bad you're having another boy..." but the chick is an idiot period so blew her off anyway.

I'm sure many people will think we are done since now we have 2 but we want to have at least 4 so this is definitely not the end. LOL

Honey3.14's picture
Joined: 04/07/12
Posts: 2094

Honestly guys, I'm sorry. I had no idea people could have stories so horrible. And its like you guys say, people have no filter when it comes to pregnant women.