I've totally been MIA. Holidays were busy and I have a fuss pot baby...
Owen is 5.5 weeks now- he'll be 6 weeks on Wednesday-- where does the time go! He is growing well and is now 10lbs 4 ozs and 52 cm long. He is in the 75th-90th percentile. Breastfeeding did not work out - it made me depressed as all he did was eat. It seemed like he was always on me .. between 2a.m and 8 a.m - I was exhausted and couldn't handle it (and feel like a failure horrible mother for stopping for selfish reasons...). We've been on one formula forever but he's so gassy on it I'm trying a new one to see if it'll help (from good start probiotics to enfamil gentlease for fussy and gassy babies). it seems to be helping... he hasn't been crying for the whole day- yay. He holds his head well, is starting to smile and coo at us.... and he loves cuddling with mom. Hes a super hot baby and emits a lot of body heat so its hard sometimes. lol. We also are going to have him tested for a lazy colon. Pooping is such a chore for him... I had to resort to sugar water today... urgh.
I was diagnosed with PPD - I still resent the fact that he is a boy - love my baby - hate his gender - I am the only one of my friends who had a boy and I am resenting the fact that I can't even try for a girl. I have a friend who is pregnant right now and found out she is having a girl and I went off the deep end. I can't even look at pink clothes in a store without crying... My bf's good sperm was wasted with someone else. Also, big time relationship problems (he doesn't help and often yells and swears at baby when he is crying. which aggravates me to no end...) I have a public health nurse who is starting to come do home visits as at our last appointment, I told them everything about becoming a parent has been disappointing (bad pregnancy, had a boy, bf not helping, cant breastfeed because it depresses me, etc.) and I have bad anxiety. I do take care of Owen, but I dont take care of my own mental needs. Kind of hard too when I have a baby who cries most nights and dad doesn't help. I feel like I am a horrible mom, and fear having a baby was a bad idea - I love him with all my heart, I'm just having issues. I started meds but they made my anxiety worse, so we will be talking about new ones...
Thats basically what is going on here. I might be looking to move out if my bf doesn't start being better with him and start parenting his spoiled rotten daughter - but shes a whole other post. But for now, we will see
I hope everyone is well. Here are some shots of Owen!.
He was about 2.5 weeks old in this one
He was about 3 weeks in this one
This was taken Dec. 30th.