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Lyricly_'s picture
Joined: 03/04/12
Posts: 261

I've totally been MIA. Holidays were busy and I have a fuss pot baby...

Owen is 5.5 weeks now- he'll be 6 weeks on Wednesday-- where does the time go! He is growing well and is now 10lbs 4 ozs and 52 cm long. He is in the 75th-90th percentile. Breastfeeding did not work out - it made me depressed as all he did was eat. It seemed like he was always on me .. between 2a.m and 8 a.m - I was exhausted and couldn't handle it (and feel like a failure horrible mother for stopping for selfish reasons...). We've been on one formula forever but he's so gassy on it I'm trying a new one to see if it'll help (from good start probiotics to enfamil gentlease for fussy and gassy babies). it seems to be helping... he hasn't been crying for the whole day- yay. He holds his head well, is starting to smile and coo at us.... and he loves cuddling with mom. Hes a super hot baby and emits a lot of body heat so its hard sometimes. lol. We also are going to have him tested for a lazy colon. Pooping is such a chore for him... I had to resort to sugar water today... urgh.

I was diagnosed with PPD - I still resent the fact that he is a boy - love my baby - hate his gender - I am the only one of my friends who had a boy and I am resenting the fact that I can't even try for a girl. I have a friend who is pregnant right now and found out she is having a girl and I went off the deep end. I can't even look at pink clothes in a store without crying... My bf's good sperm was wasted with someone else. Also, big time relationship problems (he doesn't help and often yells and swears at baby when he is crying. which aggravates me to no end...) I have a public health nurse who is starting to come do home visits as at our last appointment, I told them everything about becoming a parent has been disappointing (bad pregnancy, had a boy, bf not helping, cant breastfeed because it depresses me, etc.) and I have bad anxiety. I do take care of Owen, but I dont take care of my own mental needs. Kind of hard too when I have a baby who cries most nights and dad doesn't help. I feel like I am a horrible mom, and fear having a baby was a bad idea - I love him with all my heart, I'm just having issues. I started meds but they made my anxiety worse, so we will be talking about new ones...

Thats basically what is going on here. I might be looking to move out if my bf doesn't start being better with him and start parenting his spoiled rotten daughter - but shes a whole other post. But for now, we will see

I hope everyone is well. Here are some shots of Owen!.

He was about 2.5 weeks old in this one

He was about 3 weeks in this one

This was taken Dec. 30th.

AkMomma07's picture
Joined: 07/04/07
Posts: 1159

Glad to hear Owen is growing well! He is very cute Smile

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time though Sad (((hugs)))

alwayssmile's picture
Joined: 08/26/07
Posts: 14483

Sorry to hear things are rough. He is SUCH a cutie though!

Kier's picture
Joined: 03/12/12
Posts: 1973

What a doll. What you are going through is completely normal, and def. sounds PPD related. I have gone through some similar things in the past... just bad thoughts creeping up... later def. found out that it was ppd and stress related.

The first step is to get the meds and help that you need.

As for your SO, it may be time to give him a wake up check. If you have somewhere you can go stay... like your mom's or a friends... where there is someone else there that can/is willing to help you a bit, do it. Having a baby whether you have been together for years or not is hard on ANY relationship. Then, to add a blended family dynamic to the mix, and there is bound to be some tension and an adjustment period.

I also suggest getting out of the house with Owen. Maybe find a mommy and me type group... there are bound to be other moms with baby boys for you to get to know. All of my friends that have recently had babies all had girls... it was the same with each of my other boys as well.... I just look at is as that MY SON will be the stud in the group... my little ladies man/men. And where I may have wished that I had a girl, just like all of them, all of them wanted boys... the grass is always greener Wink

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are NOT a bad mom... you are just having a rough time. Being a parent is tough, no matter how "prepared" you are. The bottom line is that you love your baby, and are taking care of him and yourself. Everything else is temporary

oh, and ps. just because you and your SO are done having kids... doesnt necessarily mean that you are... if you catch my drift Wink

Lyricly_'s picture
Joined: 03/04/12
Posts: 261

Thanks ladies. I'm doing the best I can.. the way I se eit, is I am taking care of his needs ... I'm leaving mine on the backburner. I know I'm important too, however I'd rather get him fed then me showered... I'd rather cuddle him when he needs it then cook a crazy good meal, etc.

My home nurse is super good and they come do activities with us, I'll be starting a play group soon -- that should help a bit.

And thanks, I think he's a handsome dude!

haysmama's picture
Joined: 02/23/08
Posts: 1181

That sounds really rough. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm glad you were able to get diagnosed and get some help. Hopefully things will start to smooth out from now on. Owen is adorable!

Risstopher's picture
Joined: 02/29/12
Posts: 627

i'm so sorry you are gonig through this (((hugs))) hang in there, you will have better days.