*UPDATE*Thoughts and opinions needed!

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K_Lo's picture
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*UPDATE*Thoughts and opinions needed!

*UPDATE*
Well it looks like all this freaking out was for nothing. DH didn't get the promotion. It's no big deal, something else will come up soon I'm sure! We prayed about it a lot and left it up to God and I guess it wasn't meant to be! DH is disappointed, but also happy that he will not miss our last baby's arrival. I am simply relieved! I know it would have been nice in the long run, but for today I'm just taking comfort in the fact my husband is staying put! Dealing with everything myself would have been hard, but I think the worst part would have been missing my DH! We haven't been apart since we were 16 and I couldn't imagine it!

DH is up for this enormous promotion. He works as an insurance adjuster, he takes claims and makes decisions about fault and pay outs, it's all on the phone. The job he is up for is an auto damage adjuster, where he'd actually assess the vehicle in person and everything. He loves the idea of being off the phone and it's a ton more money. Plus it's in the south bay of San Diego where we are both from and our families still reside. So we'd move back to our home town. He's been working his patootie off for this! It requires a ton of training and a certification but the company provides all of that.

So the problem here is the training.... It was set for August, which would have sucked, but wouldn't have been a big issue. There have been some delays and other things that came up and now it has been moved to mid september. Oh yeah and it's in Washington DC! On the complete opposite side of the country. He would arrive home on October 15, his birthday, and only 2 days before my due date.

DD was born at 41 weeks, DS was born at 39. BUT I went into labor right before my scheduled CS, so who knows maybe it could have turned out to be false labor.

Dh is sure that I could never go early, but he wants to do whatever I'm comfortable with. I want him to get this job. It would really change a lot for us. It's a lot more money which, of course, we could use and we'd get to move back. We're very close with our families and its important to us that our kids really know their extended families. Since they live over an hour away we just make the commute every chance we get, at least once, usually twice a week (once for my family once for his). But all those miles are killing our car! We only have one car, a 2006 with 120k miles. All from commuting across the county. And with the job he has now we really cant afford a new one. Plus I miss being home!

So I want him to get this promotion, but OMG what if he misses the birth? What if he leaves then I have the baby soon after and he can't come home for almost a month? That would kill him! That would kill me! What would I do with a new born and 2 toddlers all by myself up here with no family support? Especially if I don't get my VBAC and I have to have a third CS. I just don't know what we should do. Any thoughts? Sorry it's so long :p.

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Yikes, that is hard! Honestly, it sounds like he needs to get this promotion. I wouldn't even consider NOT letting that happen. So, with that in mind you need to work out a game plan for the possibility that he may in fact not be there for the birth. I am facing something somewhat similar myself. My DH just got a new job and unfortunately, has to work hours from home some of the time. It is a very real possibility that he could be out on a job a few hours a way when I go into labor. My labors only last a few hours, so we are just going to make the neccessary arrangements. I have no family here at all, so I will be relying on friends to help me get to the birth center and watch my kids. It's not ideal. It simply is what it is. Also, my DH will have little to no vacation time when this LO is born, so I'll have all my little ones to myself pretty much right after the birth. Thankfully, I'm pretty good at taking care of newborns at this point in time. Smile Nursing does take time, but my kids are pretty self sufficient if they need to be, so I'm not worried about it. I think you just need to get a game plan in mind, so you can mentally prepare yourself for what might happen. It may be more challenging then you would like, and it may be less than ideal, BUT if you get a plan in place and prepare yourself for it, you will get through it, and I think you'll be able to relax a lot more.

wobbs's picture
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I would say that it sounds like he should take the job. Obviously you would have to come up with several contingency plans. Would any family from either side be able to be with you for the delivery and afterwards?

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That's a tough one ... hmmm you gotta follow your gut - I knew I would never go real early but when it came time for DH to travel (also an insurance adjuster - home and commercial property) we never took any chances.

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That is a tough one! I say that he should take the job and just keep in mind that he may not make it for the birth. My sister had my nephew 3 weeks early and her DH was in another state on business so he wasn't able to make it in time. Me and my parents were her support person the whole time and even though she was upset he couldn't get there on time, it still worked out great! Just have a backup plan, choose either a family member or friend to be with you just in case DH isn't able to get back in time. Wish you luck in your decision and it sounds like a great opportunity for all of you!

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Keep in mind I'm military so I know more women who have delivered babies WITHOUT their husbands present than WITH their husbands, and most of them don't meet their babies until they're several months, some almost a year, old.....

I'd have him go to the training. He's worked a long time for this and it sounds like you would all benefit from it over the long run. Plus, I feel quite sure that they would let him come home if you are in labor, even if it's just for a few days.

Just make sure you have some strong support there with you in case you do have to have a c-section.

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I think you guys have to do it. I know its going to be so hard on both of you, but in the long run I think it would be so much better for your family! More money, happier DH, closer to your family. Biggrin

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I think the pros of the new job outweight him missing the birth, which he not miss! I say he should go for it and plan around it, and maybe things will just work out the way you want and he will be back in time.

good luck sweetie, and congrats to dh!!!

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Lurker...

I agree with the rest of the ladies.

If it were my hubby, I'd have him go. If he missed the delivery, sad yes but not the end of the world. And he'll be home soon enough. If you have another c/s, I'd try to make sure you have someone in place to help out with the other kids...family, friend, maybe even a nanny/mommy's helper.

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Everyone has had great advice. I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you as your family makes this decision. It sounds like a great opportunity for your family, after the initial suck-iness of course.

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Thank you for all your responses. I really appreciate it all! It's still not 100% that he will be promoted but it is looking really good so far. I know we'll get through it even if Caleb does make an early entrance :). I guess I just needed to hear it from people who get it that it's okay for him to go. I completely agree that while it will suck for a while, it will change everything else for the better. I spoke with my mom and BFF and they are both willing to help. My BFF was actually excited about the thought of taking a bigger role. She was away at law school with my other kids and was sad she missed out everything, she is also their god mother.

"rbrooks14332" wrote:

Keep in mind I'm military so I know more women who have delivered babies WITHOUT their husbands present than WITH their husbands, and most of them don't meet their babies until they're several months, some almost a year, old.....

I'd have him go to the training. He's worked a long time for this and it sounds like you would all benefit from it over the long run. Plus, I feel quite sure that they would let him come home if you are in labor, even if it's just for a few days.

Just make sure you have some strong support there with you in case you do have to have a c-section.

Yes I completely understand about being military. I grew up on the other side, my dad is retired navy. He retired after 24 years when I was 18. DH planned on entering the military if he couldn't find another job before we got married. But he was hired by Geico (his current company) 2 days before our wedding lol. So I guess our issue is more that we never expected him to not be here for something like this! But whatever happens happens and I know many people have it much harder than maybe missing the birth.

Oh but no, his potential new boss spoke with him about this and he could not get off if I go into labor. It's a huge company wide training seminar and they can't put it off and he can't miss anything. He will have weekends off, so he could fly back for a weekend on our dime if it came to that. I'm not sure what that would actually cost though, so who knows if we could swing it.

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Do you have any friends there at all that could help? My DH was planning some training in Canada for the week before my due date. I panicked at the idea at first but when they are the bread winners their job has to come first a lot of the time. So I told him to go ahead and if he missed it I would be upset but I would survive. My DH wasnt really that much help in the delivery room anyways(all he could say over and over was "it's ok, it's ok, it's ok honey". And we have friends that could take our older boys for us in an emergency. I will just have to set up someone to drive me the 1 1/2 hours to the hospital just in case he is away.
Maybe your Mom or another family member could schedule to visit you while he is away just in case.
How exciting though, the whole opportunity, being closer to family in the long run sounds fantastic, GL, I hope he gets it!

K_Lo's picture
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Jules- I completely understand about DH not being much of a help in the delivery room! My DH is on of those people who deals with stress by sleeping through it :p. He slept through most of my 32 hour labor, the nurses couldn't help but laugh at him! I was in hard excruciating labor and he was snoring away! And I hope he gets it too! Smile

K_Lo's picture
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:bump:

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I'm glad your family has resolution. Nothing is worse than having something up in the air & not knowing what direction you will be turning.

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Glad it's been decided and all that worrying was for nothing. Smile