Completely Stressed and need to RANT

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Joined: 03/15/11
Posts: 48
Completely Stressed and need to RANT

So here I am, sick with two sick kids. DD1 is a busy body who never stops, even when she is sick. DD2 is not even a week old and although her fever is back down, she has been quite cranky today. *sigh* I have tons of dishes to do and laundry... I have completely no energy as I have been battling this fever for 2 days now. I'm BF around the clock with a cranky newborn who likes to use me as comfort...I gave in and tried a soother, which worked once to put her back to sleep. I just need a break and I am on day 6 of two children!! I feel like a completely failure half the time and honestly, the littlest thing makes me cry.

As for my DH, he left early this a.m. to go to our new house and work on it. I finally ask someone to get him to call me around 11am (he has no phone), and I ask when he will be home...his response is "Why?", I reply "I am sick, with two sick kids" and he says "Well the football game is on at 4 and we don't get it on our tv, so i'll be home after the game"

{to fill you in, our new house that is being built is beside HIS parents, where he spends a lot of his time}

Like seriously??? Am i just emotional or do I have a useless husband??? Ugh, I just feel like a single mother...and if I try to talk about it, he'll just respond with "I work all day and work at the house after work" blah blah blah "you wanted two kids, now you have them".

The catch is, he barely "works" on the house each night, he drinks more beer then anything. Actually, as we speak, I don't even have a vehicle because I had to pick him up friday night from our new house b/c he drank to much. So he's been driving my vehicle all weekend.

Someone just tell me I am not crazy and I should have a more supportive husband??? I can't handle this....I thought it might get better after I had DD2 but it obviously hasn't, and Dh priorities are a little out of order in my eyes........ Like I couldn't even take the kids to the doctors/emergency if I wanted to....:(

irishgirl's picture
Joined: 04/10/07
Posts: 1043

1) stop worrying about the dishes/laundry/any other housework. It will be okay. Keep everyone alive, fed, and the house not completely torn/burned down and it's a good day. Smile

2) I would definitely be pissed about not having a car. DH will rarely even take our van to pick up food because he wants to make sure I have the car with carseats in them in case I need them. I definitely would be doing NOTHING other than surviving today while your DH watches football. That's just the way my mind works though. If you can't come and help me and you want to do something fun and relaxing, I'm going to not worry about all the stuff that isn't getting done.

3) It will get better! Put on a movie for your oldest and sit on the couch with the baby and just rest. Yesterday I had to snooze for 30 minutes on the couch while the littlest took naps and the oldest watched Nick Jr. (I wanted it to be longer, but my oldest woke me up)

From my experience if DH comes home enough times with the house a mess, no clothes to wear, and no dinner, he'll start picking up some of the slack. Especially if you look super duper tired. no one said we had to be super moms. Smile

nori_garsi's picture
Joined: 10/31/06
Posts: 2069

"irishgirl" wrote:

1) stop worrying about the dishes/laundry/any other housework. It will be okay. Keep everyone alive, fed, and the house not completely torn/burned down and it's a good day. Smile

2) I would definitely be pissed about not having a car. DH will rarely even take our van to pick up food because he wants to make sure I have the car with carseats in them in case I need them. I definitely would be doing NOTHING other than surviving today while your DH watches football. That's just the way my mind works though. If you can't come and help me and you want to do something fun and relaxing, I'm going to not worry about all the stuff that isn't getting done.

3) It will get better! Put on a movie for your oldest and sit on the couch with the baby and just rest. Yesterday I had to snooze for 30 minutes on the couch while the littlest took naps and the oldest watched Nick Jr. (I wanted it to be longer, but my oldest woke me up)

From my experience if DH comes home enough times with the house a mess, no clothes to wear, and no dinner, he'll start picking up some of the slack. Especially if you look super duper tired. no one said we had to be super moms. Smile

This is great advice!!!

Joined: 09/30/10
Posts: 204

Your husband is a bonafide insensitive jerk from the sounds of this post. I'm so annoyed for you!

wobbs's picture
Joined: 05/27/10
Posts: 1502

"irishgirl" wrote:

1) stop worrying about the dishes/laundry/any other housework. It will be okay. Keep everyone alive, fed, and the house not completely torn/burned down and it's a good day. Smile

2) I would definitely be pissed about not having a car. DH will rarely even take our van to pick up food because he wants to make sure I have the car with carseats in them in case I need them. I definitely would be doing NOTHING other than surviving today while your DH watches football. That's just the way my mind works though. If you can't come and help me and you want to do something fun and relaxing, I'm going to not worry about all the stuff that isn't getting done.

3) It will get better! Put on a movie for your oldest and sit on the couch with the baby and just rest. Yesterday I had to snooze for 30 minutes on the couch while the littlest took naps and the oldest watched Nick Jr. (I wanted it to be longer, but my oldest woke me up)

From my experience if DH comes home enough times with the house a mess, no clothes to wear, and no dinner, he'll start picking up some of the slack. Especially if you look super duper tired. no one said we had to be super moms. Smile

I third, great advice!

OregonJewels's picture
Joined: 12/29/10
Posts: 344

I agree, it's not like it is only YOUR baby! My DH had to help do dishes a lot the month before I had Kai because I just couldnt stand long enough to get them done(and I had to turn sideways at the counter!). So, as soon as Kai came DH went out and bought us a dishwasher(because HE didnt want to be doing dishes anymore!). It really does work! Unfortunately you have to treat most men just like you do children; you have to reward them when they are being good and take away all their privilages when they are bad.
If my DH were acting half as bad as your he would be dealing with a wicked witch! I am so sorry he is choosing to act this way now when you need him most, and it is a choice, dont cut him any slack, he needs to choose to to do the right thing and help take care of his family!!!

Joined: 04/05/06
Posts: 870

Great advice from annmarie and everyone else.

Your DH needs some sort of reality check, so maybe the dirty house will help him understand.

I had Kessler in the middle of harvest and on DH's only day off, he would spend it with us and help with Kessler or play with DD as much as possible. He also enjoys bbq, so he's smoke a pork butt or brisket for us to eat off of a few nights. My DH is great, but also doesn't do housework or change diapers, but he helps out in other ways. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! Especially with a 1 week old! As far as emotions go, totally normal to be a mess. Kessler was about 3 weeks old when I started to feel a little more normal, but it also helped that harvest was finally over.

Hope it gets better! KUP on how it's going. I know we can't pysically do anything to help, but we're here to support you! You're doing a great job!