Thread: I'm freaking out & I need advice!!! (long)

I have no idea what to do about several things... all are regarding issues around 'me being in the hospital for 3 days'. Let me start with... I don't generally mind being in the hospital (for birth). I get to relax & people are there to take care of me. I just hang out with my newborn baby. No cooking, no cleaning, no immediate responsibilities.

With that said...
Issue #1:
I'm worried about what to do with DD (she will be almost 2 then). She has never spent the night away from me & I'm not sure she will get the opportunity to do so prior to giving birth for multiple reasons.

Options for Issue #1:
- I'm seriously considering having DH return home in the evenings to put DD to bed & to keep her routine as similar as possible. He has been doing most of her bedtime routine for several months now in preparation.
- My parents are close & get along well with DD. But my mom isn't in good health & can't take care of her by herself. So, my dad will have to take off work (which won't be a problem) to help.
- My dad doesn't do any care taking like diapers. He will be there to assist, put DD in the carseat, drive & make sure mom doesn't lose her.
- My parents will be keeping DD during the day & will bring her to visit us at the hospital in the afternoons, I think. Then DH can take her home when he leaves.

[I will mention that most of my fear revolves around everyone else's ability to care for DD. I know this sounds controlling & maybe it is but... Things I have witnessed/dealt with... my mom means well but doesn't think. She has let go of DD's hand in a busy parking lot & DD took off running (I had to catch her). My mom can't carry DD nor run to catch her. While changing her diaper, she didn't hold DD's feet & subsquently got poo all over DD's shoes. She went to change DD's diaper without me at the drs office. The problem... she didn't have a diaper. So she removed the diaper & then was going to let her come back to the carpeted waiting room without one (my DD is NOT potty trained). She keeps her house packed with stuff/boxes & doesn't have a bedroom for DD to sleep in or even room to place a pack n play. Now, I do have a reason to worry, right??? This isn't me just finding something to freak out about, right?


Issue #2:
I'm not sure if I need someone with me at the hospital overnight, etc. I'm having a Csect (so I won't be able to move around immediately) & the baby will be rooming in with me the entire time. I will also be BFing. I can't remember how "drugged" I was last time or how much help I did or did not need.

Options for Issue #2:
- I'm also considering having DH be off work on Tues (Csect day), go to work (Wed-Thurs) & be off work Fri (going home day). This way he will save his days off & be able to be at home with me & the LOs the next Mon-Wed (he doesn't work weekends).
- Will I be ok at the hospital by myself... post Csect, with a newborn rooming in & BFing?
- I can ask my MIL to stay with me at the hospital. She is a very helpful type of person but there are issues if you've read any of my past posts. She's similar in many ways to the mom in the TV show "Everybody Loves Raymond". And, my DH is VERY similar to the Ray in the same show.


So, what do you think? I want this figured out so I can stop stressing over it.

About a year ago (when my DS was 2) I would of been at the very same stage as you. No one had cared for DS and being away from him was frightening to me. My best advice is relax because this is something you have to do and your DD will be in good hands with whatever you choose. I would say given your situation. If someone is offering to watch your DD, then you should let them. They will get the hang of caring for her and she can always visit you at the hospital. I DO think (and was considering for myself) having DH go home at night with her. I think the nurses will take good care of you with whatever you need and then you all can get some sleep. Not much DH can do for you in the hospital anyways and if he got some sleep at home he may be more help to you with caring for DD while you care for your new LO. Also, you may feel better with your DD in his care. I hope this helps. I know how hard it is to let someone else care for your child.

Do you think that maybe your MIL would be better staying with your DD and your mom can come to the hospital and help you there?

I didn't have a c-section, so I can't say how much help you'll need after cause I just don't know. But there are nurses there . If they're worth anything, they will be more than happy to help you. Your mom can do simple things like bringing you diapers, hitting the 'call' button to get a nurse if you need one etc, without having to do any major stuff.

If you're more comfortable sending DH home to be with DD in the afternoons then do that. You won't be the first or last person in the hospital who doesn't have their spouse there 24/7 post-c-section.

#1
I was in the same situation (well kind of) when I had DD2. Fiona was 25months old and had NEVER spent the night away. no one even did bedtime but me and she was still nursing 3-6 times a day. I had a lot of stress about leaving her 3 nights (I opted to stay in the hospital only 48 hours which is the minimum they require for a c-section) but she had a blast. My mom didn't have a crib or a bed or anything (she did have a pack n play, but I don't think she would have slept in it), they camped out in the living room floor.
My mom has health problems, but is pretty capable of doing everything with the girls. My brother was there to help her and my dad did take one day off. Mostly she would need help entertaining Fiona, because she's a handful and you just need an hour without her sometimes.

I think with the stuff you listed, I would definitely worry. Could your MIL do it? Even if she stayed over night at your house?

#2
DH stayed with me at the hospital most of the time. He left a few times when his mom was there. But it was to run get something to eat, take a shower, check on our dogs. I know specifically the first night I NEED someone. The nurses are sometimes slow, and I would feel terrible if I couldn't get to my newborn who was crying and had to wait for the nurses to come. They didn't have me up and moving for 24 hours. I still had a cath and the things on my legs to prevent blood clots. Not to mention how freaking uncomfortable you are when you try to get out of bed anyway. I also didn't change one diaper (either time) the first 24 hours, maybe more because I really wasn't physically able.
I would have SOMEONE there at night. Especially at night it seems like the nurses are spread a little thin and have a lot going on and might not be able to get to you in a timely manor.
Could your mom stay with you if your DH went home?

PERSONALLY I wouldn't want to be alone in the hospital at all to depend on the nurses. Not even during the day really. But that's because after a c-section you're basically confined to bed the first 24 hours, then the amount of moving/walking/standing you can do is very limited. That's not even considering any affects pain medicine might have.

You're going to be apprehensive no matter which decision you make. Your daughter will be okay, whichever way it goes. It's scary thinking about someone else taking care of them and not doing things the same way. But it's okay if they don't do them "right".
Mine never went to bed on time, they never ate at the same time we eat at home...but they came home and went pretty much back to it. They're schedule is going to be messed up anyway because of the new baby.

I think going on what you've posted if it's a possibility I'd have MIL stay at home with DD and your DH stay at night or your mom stay with you at night and your DH go home with your DD.
I wonder if your hospital allows c-sections to leave after 48 hours if you feel up to it? Then you could get home a day earlier. I left both times after 48 hours...they don't keep you longer at my hospital unless you have medical problems or REALLY need to stay.

Originally Posted by rbrooks14332

Do you think that maybe your MIL would be better staying with your DD and your mom can come to the hospital and help you there?

Unfortunately, it is not an option to have my mom at the hospital. It's either DH, MIL or noone. I won't bore you with all the reasons why... there's just no way my mom would be able to do it... she honestly isn't even physically able to do it.

Originally Posted by irishgirl

#2
DH stayed with me at the hospital most of the time. He left a few times when his mom was there. But it was to run get something to eat, take a shower, check on our dogs. I know specifically the first night I NEED someone. The nurses are sometimes slow, and I would feel terrible if I couldn't get to my newborn who was crying and had to wait for the nurses to come. They didn't have me up and moving for 24 hours. I still had a cath and the things on my legs to prevent blood clots. Not to mention how freaking uncomfortable you are when you try to get out of bed anyway. I also didn't change one diaper (either time) the first 24 hours, maybe more because I really wasn't physically able.
I would have SOMEONE there at night. Especially at night it seems like the nurses are spread a little thin and have a lot going on and might not be able to get to you in a timely manor.
Could your mom stay with you if your DH went home?

PERSONALLY I wouldn't want to be alone in the hospital at all to depend on the nurses. Not even during the day really. But that's because after a c-section you're basically confined to bed the first 24 hours, then the amount of moving/walking/standing you can do is very limited. That's not even considering any affects pain medicine might have...

...I wonder if your hospital allows c-sections to leave after 48 hours if you feel up to it? Then you could get home a day earlier. I left both times after 48 hours...they don't keep you longer at my hospital unless you have medical problems or REALLY need to stay.

Your description is sounding very familiar to me. I was so out of it last time because I had been in labor for so long prior to the Csect. I will have to ask about the time limit. Staying in the hospital almost sounds like a vacation to me so I haven't really thought about leaving early... yes, I know, I'm strange.

MIL staying with me in the hospital may be my only good option. I know she will do a good job helping me. My main concern with having her involved in every detail at the hospital... is literally everyone in the family as well as everyone she knows will know every detail about what I'm doing or not doing. I'm not exaggerating. She will tell them how many times I pee, if I'm bleeding & how much, etc, etc. That's just what they do in that family. I'm more of a private person & not used to sharing that much TMI info IRL with everyone. But, I guess I can deal with that if I need the help.

#1
I was in your exact spot exactly 2 years ago! DS had barely hit 17 months and hadn't been away from me for longer than an hour or so, and even that was agony! He had never slept anywhere but his own bed so I was a mess. Luckily my mom was able to rock him to sleep and just help him all night lol. But my parents are young (40s) and still more than capable of caring for him, so I cannot relate there. It sounds to me like your best option would be having MIL or DH stay at your house with her. I second what Annmarie said about only staying in 48 hours. I left in 48 hours both times. After I had DD I was a wreck not being with DS and almost signed myself AMA after 24 hours, but they got the insurance people down to stop me by threatening to not cover anything if I didn't follow medical advice. That's why Im praying (again...) for a quick and easy delivery so I can get back home and be with all of my babies.

#2
I recovered quickly and easily after my C/Ss. I was always up moving around and un-cathed in a few hours. The second time in particular was a very quick recovery. With that said I am also worried about ending up with a CS and not having DH there all night. My plan if that happens is to have DH stay with the kids and just plan to hold Caleb all night with diapers and supplies close by. I never had good luck getting a nurse in within 45 minutes of pushing the button . When I have to go to the bathroom I'll just lay him on the bed, get up then put him in his bassinet. I can never sleep in the hospital anyway and since I nurse I basically held my other kids the whole time too. My babies always seem to need to nurse continuously their first few weeks . The only reason I ever NEEDED DH there was to carry baby back and forth between the bassinet and me lol. If being by myself doesn't work I'll probably call my mom and have her stay the night with me. But like I said I'm hoping for a quick and easy delivery so I can go home same day! Oh I never felt like I was too drugged to take care of my LOs and nurse them after birth. But I also never needed additional pain meds after delivery. So it could very well be different if they give you additional meds afterward. For me it was more of a mobility issue and if baby is crying in the bassinet it's going to take me a while to get up to get him/her.

The hospital would be an awesome vacation for me too, but I miss my babies after about 3 hours, so I think Sunday after dinner - Wed around lunch time is about as long as I'm willing to go. (My section is scheduled for 7:30, I have to be there around 6:00...so I'm leaving them at my moms the night before so they don't have to get up early and we're not in a rush for that) The first time I was in I was just jumping out of my skin after all the crap we went through and wanted to be in my house comfortable with my baby.

If your mom isn't physically capable of coming and staying with you at the hospital I don't think I'd leave DD with her. Taking care of a 2 year old is much more difficult than helping with what you'll need at the hospital.

I took minimum pain medicine and it didn't affect me at all. I could move by that first night, but they don't let you get out of bed until 24hours because you're a fall risk. My hospital also doesn't like you to hold the baby/keep them in the bed because it's a risk for suffocation.

I totally agree about the luck about getting the nurses within 45 minutes sometimes. Sometimes they were prompt..but other times not so much. My DH had to go twice that I can remember last time to the nurses station. With DD1 my IV ran dry and beeped and we called the nurses TWICE before we shut off the alarm after 30 minutes. No one ever came to change my IV for another 3 hours or so.
I have one night nurse I had for one night each with my girls that I soooooooooooo hope is working because she was awesome every time.

Originally Posted by irishgirl

The hospital would be an awesome vacation for me too, but I miss my babies after about 3 hours, so I think Sunday after dinner - Wed around lunch time is about as long as I'm willing to go. (My section is scheduled for 7:30, I have to be there around 6:00...so I'm leaving them at my moms the night before so they don't have to get up early and we're not in a rush for that) The first time I was in I was just jumping out of my skin after all the crap we went through and wanted to be in my house comfortable with my baby.

If your mom isn't physically capable of coming and staying with you at the hospital I don't think I'd leave DD with her. Taking care of a 2 year old is much more difficult than helping with what you'll need at the hospital.

I took minimum pain medicine and it didn't affect me at all. I could move by that first night, but they don't let you get out of bed until 24hours because you're a fall risk. My hospital also doesn't like you to hold the baby/keep them in the bed because it's a risk for suffocation.

I totally agree about the luck about getting the nurses within 45 minutes sometimes. Sometimes they were prompt..but other times not so much. My DH had to go twice that I can remember last time to the nurses station. With DD1 my IV ran dry and beeped and we called the nurses TWICE before we shut off the alarm after 30 minutes. No one ever came to change my IV for another 3 hours or so.
I have one night nurse I had for one night each with my girls that I soooooooooooo hope is working because she was awesome every time.

I agree about how caring for a 2 year old being more physically challenging than staying the night at a hospital. She would probably be better staying at your house with DH. Is it out of the question to have MIL stay at your house with her and have DH at the hospital with you?

My hospital also doesn't want you to sleep in the bed with baby. But I never sleep much in the hospital and nurse constantly anyway . But they don't put restrictions on moving after the catheter is out, so I guess I'm lucky with that!

Karen & Ann-Marie... You ladies are probably right about me wanting to be out of there asap. I'm almost sick right now of being away from DD so I can't imagine it will be any different in 7 weeks.

You are both right about a 2 year old being more difficult. And, there's NO WAY I would or could leave DD with my mom without me or someone being (like my dad) being around. That's why my dad has to take off work to be the main caretaker during the day if I leave DD with them.

This will probably sound awful but I don't want my MIL snooping around my house. I would rather deal with MIL at the hospital. At least DH knows (or should know ) where everything is at the house. So if he's taking care of DD, then it should go pretty smooth-ish.

I think I will just make sure I have outfits laid out for each day, along with diapers & whatever DD might need. Then if I go ahead & have food in the freezer or a meal plan made for DD then DH won't be lost. I think I'm start to feel better about this after talking this out with all of you ladies.

Yeah I think just having MIL there for the one night then trying to get out later the next day might be your best option. You may want to avoid saying it's b/c of DD & just say you don't feel comfortable to sleep/heal at the hospital & you'd feel better in your own home.