Is it me or my in-laws??? (looong rant)

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Joined: 01/08/09
Posts: 1023
Is it me or my in-laws??? (looong rant)

The weekend with my in-laws is still bothering me... probably because of my pg hormones. I need to rant & I would like some feedback. Am I just too hormonal or what? I'm sorry this is so long but it is driving my crazy.

Here goes the story of my weekend...

Sat from 3-6 pm we went to DH's nephew's 3rd bday party (45 min away). It was a nice, small party at DH's younger sister's home. We were able to visit with MIL as well DH's older sister & her DH too. Smile

On our way home we went to a local fair to let DD enjoy some of the free activities like the petting zoo & 2 shows. We had a great time but got home way past her bedtime. Smile

Sun we were invited to MIL's home for dinner (1 hour 15 min away). The dinner was planned last minute & due to other circumstances I didn't feel like I had a choice but to accept the invite. I knew I would probably be doing too much & I was really hoping Sun could be my recovery day relaxing at home. :cry:

Here's where the drama starts...

We arrived at around 4 pm and MIL/FIL were able to see DD for an hour or more before anyone else got there. DH's older sister, her DH & their 2 older teen children came in time for dinner. Dinner was good and it was nice to visit with everyone again. After dinner MIL wanted everyone to go outside (they have a huge yard... multiple acres). DH & the teens started playing bocce ball. The others took turns entertaining DD. I sat in a chair & watched.

DD started getting restless so MIL & DD went down the driveway. I'm not sure why they ended up so close to the 45 mph road but they did. DD took off running & was about 5 feet in front of MIL... when MIL caught her she was only 2-3 feet off the road. At this point, I went over & told them "we don't play next to the road". So they came back up where everyone else was. :angry4:

* I should mention by this time... I feel like crap. I'm tired, my back is hurting & my right side is starting to hurt. I later realize I'm having contractions.

** I should also mention that MIL has been having some health issues and severe pain in her hip. She didn't have any business chasing a toddler around the yard when there were other options. We could've stayed inside or hung out on their very new & very nice deck. Either of these options would've contained a toddler easier.

DD started getting even more restless and was starting to not listen. She kept wanting to pick up the bocce balls. After getting up to chase her down three times, I took her inside (after 2 warnings). She was unhappy to say the least. Once inside, I realized the gates for the stairs were down. While trying to figure out how to work one of them, DD found a partial can of soda on MIL's coffee table. She spilled it on the table & the carpet before I could stop her. Since we were the only ones inside, I had to clean up the mess while carrying her. I never figured out how to put the gate up. After realizing, it was 8:30 pm (DH & I decided prior to arriving that we would leave at 8:30), seeing how tired my DD was & generally being 'over' her toddler attitude, I went to the door & yelled to my DH that we need to leave.

DH finally comes in the house & has no idea why I'm insisting we leave. He gets all huffy about it because he didn't realize how tired DD was or what time it was. His behavior was beyond annoying but something he does around his family. :x

Here's what really ticked me off... I told MIL that DD is tired & we need to go because she isn't listening. She tells me that DD is fine & that we need to stay because she wants to do fireworks after dark. I told her "No we are leaving!" I also told her that I'm tired too. She tells me that they never get to see DD (she just saw her the day before) & it was a special occasion (not sure if she meant DH's bday which is today or the 4th of July). I took this to mean that my feelings really don't matter. This isn't the first time that I've been treated poorly & I'm sure it won't be the last.

After saying proper goodbyes to everyone, we finally get in the car around 9 pm (remember we are 1 hour 15 min away).

I finally realize driving home that I'm actually having contractions. We finally get home around 10:30 pm. I get some water & lay down while DH puts DD to bed. The End.

Moral of the Story... Now I realize that I wouldn't have been so snappy & short with DH or MIL had I been feeling well. I didn't realize that I was having contractions at the time. I'm also irritated that after finding out that I was having contractions the family barely showed any concern. I told DH that it is pretty sad when people you've never met show more concern than family.

So, what do you think? Am I too hormonal? Or am I aggravated for a good reason? Either way, hopefully I will feel better getting my rant over with.

wobbs's picture
Joined: 05/27/10
Posts: 1502

I'd be feeling pretty aggravated in your situation to. My child's safety and well-being is far more important to me than anything else, and I would be very upset at anything that jeapordized either.

kittenchan's picture
Joined: 08/12/07
Posts: 1118

When my DD is acting like yours did (both the running away and the poor behavior indoors), we leave, too. Between that and your discomfort, I think you have every right to be annoyed. My in laws get to me, too, but for different reasons. I think your best bet is to stay away for awhile, at least til you feel like you can deal with them for a couple of hours.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Was your DH aware of how uncomfortable you are? I would be more upset with him than anyone else. Did the family know you were uncomfortable/having contractions? If they didn't know maybe they just didn't realize?? If they did know then they definately weren't be very accomodating to make you happy. I find people have become incredibly selfish lately and don't think of others feelings at all. I don't care for people who override parents either, my mom is super bad for this!!!! I will tell my kids "you don't get dessert because you didn't touch your dinner" and my mom will say "oh well you are at Grandma's, how big of a piece of cake do you want?? Do you want ice cream too!?" So then I look like the big JERK and the kids are looking at me like hahaha. Why can't my mom say "well your mom said you need to eat a bit more and then you can have dessert!" If she said that I know they would eat more. It's very frustrating. My kids don't listen and act up around family too... most kids do because kids are manipulative and they are always trying to see what they can get away with! LOL

What did your husband say on the drive home? Lately my DH has been super attentive when we go out so that I don't do anything... but I CAN'T do anything, I'm like a slug in a chair with all the pain I'm in. Does he realize how uncomfortable you are and that you really need his help? Maybe he just doesn't realize?

blondiess4u's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 1450

It's hard to go to other people's houses with a LO. Even if they are kid friendly. If you wern't feeling good I'm sure it had something to do with it, but I totally understand that other people do not watch out for your LO like you would. It's alot of work. I had the same kinda weekend only we invited people over and I felt like I was doing all the work while they had a good time. I just took my DS in the bathroom and took a shower to calm down. You have to do what's good for you while your pregnant otherwise you will just be miserable and that's no fun. With that said, I hope you have recovered from it!

AimeeLynne's picture
Joined: 09/29/08
Posts: 572

I think it was mostly your DH and in-laws, but I bet some of it had to do with how crapy you felt too (although DD playing near the road would have put me over the edge now matter how I felt!). It gets hard when your having contrax, DD isn't listening and people around you aren't being supportive. I probably would have blown up at someone! I think you handled it well. Maybe DH didn't know how bad you felt? I know when DS is acting up, and I'm not feeling well, I have to tell Dh flat out, YOU need to help me, I can't do this right now.

Joined: 07/15/07
Posts: 630

You probably would have had a bit more patience if you had felt good, but you didn't. And, I'm sorry, but when mom says "The baby is tired, we need to leave," then that isn't up for discussion or argument.

DH and I had this same argument not too long ago. When I say 'let's go' I mean it. We were visiting my dad at his work and I was ready to come home and I said 'let's go' in 15 different ways without being rude. And Dh knows that my dad isn't the type to take a hint, so I needed DH to physically help me get our stuff together, put DD in the car and go.... but DH kept right on chatting. I was ready to kill him by the time we left. And that was MY father, with whom I am very close.

Sorry your in-laws are whiny about spending time with your kids. Mine are the same way and it drives me CRAZY. I'm the one with the kid... you should come to us, not the other way around, in my opinion. (It's an hour and a half drive to their house too, well, to DH's grandma's house, and it's SO inconvenient because they live in Georgia, we're in Alabama, so GA is on Eastern Standard Time and we're on Central Standard time, so they're already an hour ahead of us. And DD gets miserable riding and I get miserable riding... we're all in such bad moods by the time we arrive it's just not good.)

Joined: 07/15/07
Posts: 630

Sally- we have the same problem with the grandparents and DD... we lived 4,000 miles away from them for the entire first 3 years of DD's life and now we're back and they give her EVERYTHING she wants. And she is SO bad around them and I have to be EVIL for DAYS after a visit with them (even if it's just a few hours there) because DD thinks she should be able to get what she wants when she wants it.

Joined: 02/20/11
Posts: 865

I get the "she's fine don't be do hard on her speech" from my mil when I put my foot down with my daughter as well. I tell her that what goes at home goes everywhere. I am the mother and even though my mil says horrible things about my parenting (I shudder to think what she says behind my back) I suck it up, complain to my friends and know I'm right! Contractions or no contractions, your children are your responsibiltu not hers.

Joined: 01/08/09
Posts: 1023

"CanadianaSally" wrote:

Was your DH aware of how uncomfortable you are? I would be more upset with him than anyone else. Did the family know you were uncomfortable/having contractions? If they didn't know maybe they just didn't realize?? If they did know then they definately weren't be very accomodating to make you happy. I find people have become incredibly selfish lately and don't think of others feelings at all. I don't care for people who override parents either, my mom is super bad for this!!!! I will tell my kids "you don't get dessert because you didn't touch your dinner" and my mom will say "oh well you are at Grandma's, how big of a piece of cake do you want?? Do you want ice cream too!?" So then I look like the big JERK and the kids are looking at me like hahaha. Why can't my mom say "well your mom said you need to eat a bit more and then you can have dessert!" If she said that I know they would eat more. It's very frustrating. My kids don't listen and act up around family too... most kids do because kids are manipulative and they are always trying to see what they can get away with! LOL

What did your husband say on the drive home? Lately my DH has been super attentive when we go out so that I don't do anything... but I CAN'T do anything, I'm like a slug in a chair with all the pain I'm in. Does he realize how uncomfortable you are and that you really need his help? Maybe he just doesn't realize?

My DH did not realize at the time... & trust me I was plenty pissed at him. He spent the next couple of days apologizing & making sure I didn't do too much. As bad as it sounds, I'm used to him acting like a spoiled brat with his family. It's how he was raised. Which is a major reason I'm cautious with DD, I don't want her to have the same issues.

As for his family, they didn't know I was having contractions (I didn't either at first) BUT they did know that I felt like crap... because I told them several times that day. I never complain so this should've been a red flag for all of us.

About the food, I'm right there with you. These are the same family members that were constantly trying to feed my child food that would give her diaper rash on vacation. DD still gets excited over whole wheat crackers... seriously. Why do I need to ruin that?

"Freesia34" wrote:

I get the "she's fine don't be do hard on her speech" from my mil when I put my foot down with my daughter as well. I tell her that what goes at home goes everywhere. I am the mother and even though my mil says horrible things about my parenting (I shudder to think what she says behind my back) I suck it up, complain to my friends and know I'm right! Contractions or no contractions, your children are your responsibiltu not hers.

My in-laws would be the type to tell everyone in the family how bad I am at parenting if my child started running around not listening or growing up to be a bratty child. I'm not sure why it is so hard to understand that boundaries need to be set up now... not after they display horrible behavior.

Oh well... I will continue doing what I feel is right.

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