My sister is freaking me out!

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jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131
My sister is freaking me out!

My sister is constantly throwing these SIDS prevention tips to me that she finds and I have agreed to pretty much follow all of them. The baby will sleep on her back, I'm not using bumpers, I'm using sleep sacks instead of blankets, we're putting a fan in the babies room, no pillows or stuffed animals will be in the crib, and I'm not going to use a sling that could possibly suffocate the baby. Now the latest thing she is telling me that I need to do is mattress wrapping. Has anyone heard of this? It is recommended in New Zealand and so far no babies have died from SIDS on a wrapped mattress. They sell inexpensive wraps that you can use and it's basically a plastic bag (looks like a zip lock bag) that seals your mattress and you have to put all of these different cotton layers on top and then your fitted sheet. Basically there is more to it then just the plastic bag. You also can't use any matress pads, blankets with acrylic or polyester in it, and for some reason you can't use sleep sacks which I already have a lot of and those are not cheap. They don't really explain why you can't use them though.

I didn't really mind following everything else, but now I am just getting overwhelmed with all this stuff that I'm supposed to do. I know my sister means well and she just doesn't want the same thing happening to any other baby that happened to her daughter so I kind of feel like I have no choice, but to listen to her. I obviously want my baby to be safe, but I didn't know any of this stuff with DS and he is just fine.

Sorry, just a little overwhelmed with everything and needed to vent!

Dylemma's picture
Joined: 09/04/09
Posts: 449

That is a tough one. I have never heard of the wrapping. I know that lots of cases of SIDS are or could possibly be prevented. But sometimes it does still happen for no known reason. Could maybe your Mom talk to her, other than someone talking to her about how you are doing as much as you can. Only other thing I can think of is to lie and say you are doing it. I do have to say it seems a little over the top to me personally. Good luck xx

Dylemma's picture
Joined: 09/04/09
Posts: 449

Jenn, just found this. The info at the bottom was interesting about how there is nothing about mattress wrapping on the New Zealand Ministry of Health, when SIDS and cot death are searched for on there website.
http://www.preventsids.org/2008/02/mattress-off-gassing-confusion-on-net.html

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Because of your sister's loss I think it's understandable that she is overly concerned. However, there have been NUMEROUS studies that have shown that most babies that die of SIDS die from something physically wrong... not bedding, stuffed animals, mattresses, etc. They think it has to do with something in the baby's brain that malfunctions telling him/her to breathe.

I do not believe in putting babies on their backs to sleep... I think this only increases the chances of giving your kid *flat head* (which is seriously on the rise) and is also very uncomfortable for babies to sleep!! I almost always have my babies on their sides which is perfectly safe. As they start moving around they will naturally tend to sleep on their belly which is okay as well... once they can move around on their own belly sleeping is fine. Our daughter Clara is always sleeping on her side or belly and has been between us pretty much since she was born. She has stuffed animals and bumper pads (I switched to breathable bumper pads when she around 6 months old).

Also, cosleeping IS considered safe... almost all the babies that died from cosleeping were suffocated by a parent that was intoxicated and too stupid to realize the baby was struggling for air. This is why cosleeping started to get a bad rep... bad parenting.

I have raised 3 kids with stuffed toys, bumper pads, cosleeping, regular crib mattresses etc. There is a point where you can go *too far* with trying to keep your baby safe. The majority is common sense. Definately keep your baby on tight fitting crib sheets (no comforters), use little stuffed animals for comfort/decoration (we don't have anything bigger than our hand in her crib). Lay them on their back or side to sleep.

There are parents that did everything right and still had a baby die of SIDS. It could strike any of us and is a terrible loss but you can't worry yourself sick over it.

Read this page, it explains a lot... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sudden_infant_death_syndrome

jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131

Thanks, ladies! I was of course devastated by my niece's death and for a long time we were trying to figure out what happened. In a way, I feel like that is what she is still doing. I think my sister finds comfort in researching SIDS prevention and it's gotten a little to the extreme. It started with the no bumpers thing, which I had no problem with. We will use breathable bumpers instead and they are cheaper than buying the bumper that comes with the bedding. I just don't know what is going to come next. I really do not think the mattress wrapping is necessary at all. DS slept on that same mattress and he's fine. We also did co-sleep every now and then as well. We did have a special thing in our bed to prevent him from rolling into us or us rolling into him, but now she would freak out over something like that. I tend to a more relaxed parent and she is more strict so I think we are going to end up butting heads.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I would maybe tell her that you are doing as much as you can to keep your LO safe but if you do too much it *stresses* you out and you don't want to be stressed when you are pg!

Joined: 02/12/07
Posts: 365

I think it's valid to feel stressed about the info waterfall your sister is throwing at you. At the same time, if it were me, I'd do my best to just do all those things if it would somehow ease my sister's fears/concerns. She is probably doing/trying her very best to save you from her heartache & it likely makes her feel like she is doing SOMETHING to fight back against SIDS. But that's just me.

Joined: 02/20/11
Posts: 865

I think I'd just say, good idéal! And do what makes you comfortable. I think it's like all advice, take what works for you, forget the rest!

K_Lo's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 1201

"Mrs. Mac" wrote:

I think it's valid to feel stressed about the info waterfall your sister is throwing at you. At the same time, if it were me, I'd do my best to just do all those things if it would somehow ease my sister's fears/concerns. She is probably doing/trying her very best to save you from her heartache & it likely makes her feel like she is doing SOMETHING to fight back against SIDS. But that's just me.

Ditto to this. I couldn't imagine what she is going through, but I know when people suffer a loss like this it's natural to try and prevent such things from ever occurring again. While of course that is impossible, I can see why she's doing this with you and your LO. Maybe you could gently tell her you're feeling overwhelmed by all of this. She's been pregnant, hopefully she'll understand.

blondiess4u's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 1450

I think you are doing a great thing by taking all the reasonable precautions to prevent SIDS. If the mattress issue is stressing you out I wouldn't do it. In my opinion, SIDS is not from parents being careless. This is your sisters way of dealing with the loss, but don't live in fear over this. I'm sure your LO will be just just fine without wrapping the mattress up!

jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131

I talked to my mom about it and we decided that since the wrap is only $30, it wouldn't hurt to buy it and just do it. I know it would give my sister peace of mind. I wasn't nervous at all about SIDS even after my niece passed away, I'm a little more cautious, but not nervous. Now though, this amount of information she keeps sending me is starting to make me nervous. I'm going to have to just find a polite way to let her know that she is making me really nervous with all of this new info and that I will try to do every suggestion she gives me the best that I can. Thanks for all the advice, ladies!

jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131

Oh my goodness! So I just posted on facebook that I bought Sophia her first Scentsy warmer for her room and my sister commented saying that it's a bad idea and can cause carbon dioxide in her room. She said that the SIDS handbook says not to have any air fresheners in the room. See what I'm saying??? It is getting out of hand! I told her that I would look into it and take it into consideration and she responded "you will just do what you want to do, but I am just looking out for my niece." I told her that I understand that, but all of this new information is just so overwhelming and a lot to take in. Hopefully that will let her know that she needs to back off a little.

Update: The back and forth conversation on facebook got so bad that I had to delete my status. I texted her and asked her to call me next time I am doing something that she does not agree with instead of posting it on Facebook. I also let her know that I am doing all that she has suggested to make sure that Sophia will be safe. Well, she's mad at me now! Figured she would be. I'm a little offended that being a BTDT mom, I feel like I'm being schooled on how to parent. It was hard to be mad at her because I know she means well, but I can only take so much of her making it sound like I don't care. This is just so frustrating and such a sensitive situation that I don't even know if I'm now handling it correctly.

Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 707

I think I would be alittle overwhelmed as well.........and honestlly my way of looking at it is you said you bought one for the room. You never said you were gonna turn it on. BTW I LOVE my scentsy warmer.

Honestly I can see being cautious but it almost sounds like she finds something wrong ie. SIDS realted to everything you do/want. I have never been in her shoes and wouldn't pretend to know what she went through but at some point she's got to let you do what you feel is best and it DOES sound like you are taking every precaution you can.

OregonJewels's picture
Joined: 12/29/10
Posts: 344

That is really sweet and understandable that she is so concerned for your baby. It has to be so hard for both of you. I am sure even without her advice you will be much more cautious than before the accident. Maybe you just need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart, I am sure it will end up in tears but maybe a good cry to put your fears out in the open is what you both need. I know you dont want to hurt her but getting to the bottom of this is better to do now than it becoming a bigger problem later. So sorry you are having to deal with this, big hugs.
I just saw your update about FB. Wow, can you talk face to face so you can get all this out and set her straight. She is going to have to get the point (sooner or later) that this is your baby and she doesnt have control over how you handle her! I think you need to put your foot down now. Be gentle but this could be a life long issue if you dont nip in the bud now.

jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131

I was discussing this with a friend of mine and I realized that it's not so much the information she is providing me, but her approach to it. She is very aggressive when it comes to the information she finds out and almost makes it sound like if you don't do what she is telling you to do then your baby will die. She actually did say that once to someone who was using crib bumpers and my mom and I were shocked at her behavior. I think its time I sit down with her and nicely explain to her that maybe she needs to find a different approach to her SIDS awareness then just making people feel like they don't care if they don't follow every little suggestion.

Dylemma's picture
Joined: 09/04/09
Posts: 449

Just wanted to say good luck in whatever course of action you decide to take. I know it won't be easy for either of you xxx

K_Lo's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 1201

Jennifer- I think you're handling this incredibly. You're being very thoughtful and delicate in the way you are approaching this and it seems she is not. My guess is she just feels so strongly about this and is just so scared about this happening to you, she isn't thinking about how she is approaching you. I just wanted to say I am so impressed with your level head with this. I know a lot of people, probably myself included, would let hormones take over and say something insensitive.
:udawoman:

Joined: 04/05/06
Posts: 870

I think you should do what you feel is necessary for your own child. Personally, the mattress wrapping seems extreme and I'm not entirely sure how it would truely prevent SIDS. My thought is do what seems reasonable in your own heart. We would love to keep our children in a protective bubble, but it's just not possible.

jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131

Awe, thanks everybody! I am really starting to feel better after getting all of this off my chest. This has really been weighing heavily on my mind and stressing me out. I need to just not let it stress me out. Its not good for me or the baby, but easier said than done. I've decided that I am NOT going to the mattress wrapping after doing my own research on it. To me it just sounds like a money gimmick and if my sister asks me about it, I'm going to tell her my reasons why I decided not to do it. She has started putting a fear in my head that I don't want there. I don't want to be one of those parents that can't sleep because they are afraid the baby isn't breathing. It's just all too much for me and I hope she will finally back off a little. She seems to be talking to me again so we'll see how it goes!

Joined: 07/15/07
Posts: 630

:bigarmhug: What a difficult situation for you both. I mean, anyone knows that she only wants to protect her niece but YOU are the mother and she is your responsibility. I agree that her bombarding you with info on SIDS isn't healthy if it's making you fear something that you didn't before. I hope you guys can come to an agreement on this.