Siblings

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Joined: 02/20/11
Posts: 865
Siblings

For those of you who have had your babies, how have their siblings reacted and how old are they? Im pretty worried about dd...

Joined: 07/15/07
Posts: 630

I'm kinda stressing about this too. DD is 3y 4m and she has some really great days, but then she has some REALLY REALLY bad days too. I'm nervous that the bad days might start outweighing the good...

I'm going to try to include her as much as possible and try to give her 'special' attention as much as possible. I'm thinking we might start a 'date night' with her once every other week or so. Either me or DH (we'll alternate) will take her to do something special with her for a few hours on the weekend or even have a special movie night once a week where we do popcorn and she gets to pick a movie to watch in the bonus room, no disruptions from baby allowed. We'll see....

Joined: 03/07/05
Posts: 1595

Honestly, none of my kids have ever had a problem with any new sibling as they have come along. I just include them with the new baby as much as possible, and all has always gone well. Maybe I was just fortunate with the first couple. Of course by now they are all use to having to share my attention with their siblings, so if I do need to feed the baby or something they understand that they have to wait. I always make sure to tell them it is "their" baby, and let them help out as much as they are able. They LOVE to help!!!

K_Lo's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 1201

Try not to stress about it. I think it's worse for us than it is for our kids! I was a wreck before DD was born, my son was only 17 months old and I was panicking that I ruined everything for him. He adjusted perfectly, the second he saw her she was "his baby sister" he loved her more than anything. Now everyday I'm grateful that we gave him the amazing gift of a best friend and companion. They are 100% inseparable! I'm confident it'll be the same thing this time :).

kittenchan's picture
Joined: 08/12/07
Posts: 1118

THANK YOU for this thread! You moms of 2+ are making me feel a lot better about this transition! My DD is super excited and wants to help out already.

Joined: 07/15/07
Posts: 630

Lisa I think our girls are pretty close to the same age. When was your DD born? Savannah was May 28, 08.

ETA- Durh. Hello, date in siggie LOL. So she's exactly 1 week younger than DD. I'm hoping that the age difference is a good one and the transition isn't too rough. How is your daughter, behavior-wise, lately? DD is going through a rough spot. I'm about 100% sure it's because of all the transitions we've done lately (moving from Hawaii to Alabama, being around family who can spoil her for the first time in her life for 4 months, living in a hotel for 4 months, our dogs being in a kennel the whole time, then moving to TN, being back away from family, getting the dogs back..... it's been a long year for her). I'm really afraid that a new baby might send her over the edge lol

irishgirl's picture
Joined: 04/10/07
Posts: 1043

"K_Lo" wrote:

Try not to stress about it. I think it's worse for us than it is for our kids! I was a wreck before DD was born, my son was only 17 months old and I was panicking that I ruined everything for him. He adjusted perfectly, the second he saw her she was "his baby sister" he loved her more than anything. Now everyday I'm grateful that we gave him the amazing gift of a best friend and companion. They are 100% inseparable! I'm confident it'll be the same thing this time :).

I completely agree. Smile
Fiona is almost the same age as your kids Rebecca and Lisa (she's about 6 months older) and she can not stop talking about how excited she is for her baby brother. Of course she's done this before. I think 3 years old is rougher than 2, so a lot of the behavior stuff may just be normal 3 year old stuff too. Fiona's been having a rough time sleeping lately and it's affecting her behavior. She asks every day how much longer until Egan comes and then when I tell her she says "but that's FOREVER" Wink

It totally does stress us out more than them I think though.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

My older boys have been fine (they are 12 and 7) but Clara didn't do well the first week or so (she's 18 months). Her and I were super close before baby came, we sleep together/nap together, etc but she's also close to her brothers/dad. Being in the hospital for 3 days threw her for a bit of a loop and she was crying and whining a lot once I was gone. But now she's really warming up to me again and calls the baby "deedee". She LOVES to be a little helper so I keep her busy with jobs... grabbing me a diaper, pillow, blanket, etc.

Joined: 02/20/11
Posts: 865

Melodie turned three last week and it's rough around here too. For something as simple as getting dressed we can have up to an hour of kicking and screaming on the floor. Then we go three or four days where she is the happiest girl in the world!

There's been big changes here too, a trip to LA then Vancouver then Toronto. We arrived home and they had changed her daycare group and she was yanked away from all her friends (I could have killed the owner but couldn't do a thing because there is a three year waiting list for any kind of daycare here and I have a promised spot for the new baby too). Now we're in renos and her stuff is being packed up and the baby stuff moved into her room before HER new room is ready. (not smart but there is absolutely nowhere else to store the baby stuff right now). Now a new sister coming.... Too much at once! I'm scared shell take it out on her new sister...

I guess it's a wait and see kind of thing!!

I like the "weekly date" idea. I think that's a must! I don't even mind pumping just for that!!

OregonJewels's picture
Joined: 12/29/10
Posts: 344

My boys are only 16 months apart so DS1 cannot really remember not having his little bro around. But this time will be different for us. DS2 is about the same age as your Melodie. DS2 is super excited to see baby and "wrestle" with him and take care of him. My boys have me so controlled that I am sure there will be some major issues with being jealous of Mom's time. My DH is taking at least 2 weeks off work when Kai arrives so I am hoping that all the extra attention they get from him will offset being upset that I am so preoccupied in the beginning. DS2 is a really good helper so I plan to involve him in baby's care as much as possible. I have most of Kai's stuff set up at a low level so I can say "get me a diaper for Kai please" and things like that.
Even with my bigger boys the first 6-8 months was hard, but once baby can sit up and crawl and play with toys then the older sib can actually "play" with them. Before that they arent a whole lot of fun. And of course once they can walk and run they are usually fine.
Just make sure that the older sib has some space of her own where she can get away from little sister and especially a place where she can keep "her toys" sacred. My boys share a room and my oldest is super possessive about his toys, I am worried how he will be with Kai breaking things of his. When he goes to preschool he takes a few of his favorite things and puts them in his backpack and hides them on a high shelf from DS2.
As my boys get older I see the importance of doing things separately with them. sometimes on the weekends DH will take one and I will take the other. This is actually because they are too dependent on each other, preschool is helping with this though. You may not have that problem as much since yours will be further apart.
Both of my boys have been having more behavior issues lately too, I wonder if it actually because of baby coming, they have a little fear where they will fit in now. They just need lots of reassurance. We even stopped talking to them about Kai for awhile because we didnt want to give him too much attention even before he was born. It is a hard balance. Once they realize that they are still just as important to you as before they will be fine.
I hope things settle down for you guys soon so you can focus on your little family more.
Hope some of that helps.

wobbs's picture
Joined: 05/27/10
Posts: 1502

So far I've been pretty lucky with Annabelle. So far she's happy to either play while I'm nursing or sit quietly beside me. Getting her back to her normal routine has really helped, as has making sure she's getting a lot of attention. I am definetly looking forward to when Gillian is more active and they can both be playing at the same time.

kittenchan's picture
Joined: 08/12/07
Posts: 1118

"rbrooks14332" wrote:

Lisa I think our girls are pretty close to the same age. When was your DD born? Savannah was May 28, 08.

ETA- Durh. Hello, date in siggie LOL. So she's exactly 1 week younger than DD. I'm hoping that the age difference is a good one and the transition isn't too rough. How is your daughter, behavior-wise, lately? DD is going through a rough spot. I'm about 100% sure it's because of all the transitions we've done lately (moving from Hawaii to Alabama, being around family who can spoil her for the first time in her life for 4 months, living in a hotel for 4 months, our dogs being in a kennel the whole time, then moving to TN, being back away from family, getting the dogs back..... it's been a long year for her). I'm really afraid that a new baby might send her over the edge lol

Yes, they're a week apart! Callie is doing okay behavior-wise. The big thing is that she's gotten extra independent (I DO IT!) and sometimes more clingy of me. She is usually an angel, but we do have devious days. As long as she ACTUALLY naps, we do fine. The days that she refuses are the tough ones. It sounds like Savannah just needs to readjust to her schedule. Hopefully baby will hold out a little longer for her!

jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131

Stephen is 5 and he seems to be adjusting well. The day he met her, he asked me if we had to take her home with us and he was a little frightened of her. The 2nd day he wanted to hold her and kiss on her. Now he can't get enough of her and wants to show her off to everybody. We also have to remind him to not kiss her so much and to give her some room. He also loves to help and gets me a diaper anytime I'm changing her. For some reason though, he was shocked that she has two nipples. LOL! I'm not sure why he thinks little girls shouldn't have two nipples, but it was really entertaining to hear him go off about it.

Joined: 04/05/06
Posts: 870

Glad to hear all the stories about the siblings.

Lisa and Becca - your girls are right at the same age that DD seemed to get a little more difficult. I always tell people it's not when they turn 2 - it's right when they turn 3 and are either just potty trained or starting to get the hang of it. It's like they figure out they have control over that and then BAM what else can I do? Also with working in a 2 year old/3 year old room for a year I saw this a lot.... However, that probably will come in handy b/c I bet they'll be big helpers.

Joined: 07/15/07
Posts: 630

lol I'm glad to hear that other kids get a bit more difficult at this age. Hopefully it'll smooth out soon. I don't *worry* too much about it, because apparently she's pretty much a little angel for everyone else, but at home... I guess she's in her comfort zone and just goes WILD sometimes. She's always had a very strong personality and some days it seems like every. single. thing. turns into a battle. I keep telling myself that when she's a teenager and she's able to stand up for herself and not follow the crowd, then I'm going to LOVE her strong personality. But at 3 years old.... I could do without it sometimes haha

jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131

Oh my!! I so agree on age 3 being the most difficult. When people would refer to "terrible two's" as being a pain, I would just shake my head and tell them that its the "horrible three's"!!

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