Struggling with doubts/resentment

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Struggling with doubts/resentment

Does anyone else find themselves feeling resentment towards their partner? Like, my guy seems to be a lot more sensitive since the pregnancy happened. It's hard cause we don't live together yet, and haven't seen a lot of each other because I've been sick and tired and we've both been busy. He almost seems jealous of the bond I have with baby, and says he feels "useless" and "unwanted" when I get irritated with things he says. It just seems like he's being a great, big baby and doesn't understand that I feel like a fish out of water trying to adjust to the pregnancy and that I'm REALLY emotional right now. I feel like he should know better than to take it personally when I snap. He has been through pregnancy three times with his ex before me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm falling out of love with him Sad Are these doubts normal for pregnancy and due to hormones or should I be worried?

Kate83's picture
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oh sweetie! yes, this is normal. Your hormones really mess with your judgement and thoughts....take one day at a time and really try to seperate your natural feelings from quick hormonal ones....

just know that this is hard on partners to, there is really no way for them to emotionally connect with baby like we can, its like watching your friend be pregnant, there is this gap, a seperation. they cant feel everything you feel, and we cant hold it against them for not feeling the same things we do.

My dh, this is our third baby, just goes with the slow and doesnt get overly involved, and thats perfectly fine with me. he has no desire to look at baby stuff with me, i told him i wanted a water birth and he said "its your body, do what you want"

now I could have called him a *** for being so cold and unattached, but really this is just how he is and thats totally fine. I know in the end he supports me and our child.

hugs hun. pm me if you need anything Smile

irishgirl's picture
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I agree with above. My husband likes to talk about baby names and what we're going to do when the baby is 6months + but before then, he really doesn't care. I BF and I SAH, so I do almost all the childcare. It's just different for guys.

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I just about kicked DH out of bed last night for being an A**! My hormones are running pretty low, but when they kick in its crazy! DH didn't really do a lot when I was pg with DS until I started to really show and then he started helping me do things, and shave my legs lol. With this one he's more supportive because I've been sick, he's been cleaning and actually going to the store to get me those Cadbury mini eggs! YUMMY! Other then that, he doesn't talk about the baby, or want to talk about names or anything else like that, he's almost just detached. The only way I know he's excited is he keeps coming home saying "So I told so and so at work" (we're supposed to keep it a secret still). With him feeling useless, I totally get why he feels that way....you are the one that is sick, bloated, headaches, cramps, etc, and he just sits there and can't really do anything about it. When the baby moves for the first time, he can't feel it until your LO starts the hard pounding on your tummy. I would just give it time, wait till the hormones stop raging and I'm sure everything will be fine.

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Totally normal!! DH and I seriously almost separated a couple of times during this pregnancy, but then I realize I'm hormonal and need to come back to reality. The problem with us is that we have always maintained our social life even after we had DS whether we get a sitter and go out or have friends over to the house with their kids. They all like to drink and of course I can't so I get annoyed with everybody including him. I've become a home body and he still likes to go to our friends house and hang out. All my friends are annoying me though which is also a part of being hormonal. I'm starting to calm down some and we are not fighting as much anymore, but he sure does still annoy me at times! LOL!

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Thanks guys, it's nice to be able to relate to people going through the same things. It's just hard on us both cause he's still fighting with his ex over custody and stuff so there will be lawyers and stuff going on for a while. I think we probably just need to make an effort to see each other more and have him be involved in appointments and stuff with the pregnancy. Just feel so guilty when his insecurity comes out and I start to feel less attracted to him.

kittenchan's picture
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"sweetusagi" wrote:

Thanks guys, it's nice to be able to relate to people going through the same things. It's just hard on us both cause he's still fighting with his ex over custody and stuff so there will be lawyers and stuff going on for a while. I think we probably just need to make an effort to see each other more and have him be involved in appointments and stuff with the pregnancy. Just feel so guilty when his insecurity comes out and I start to feel less attracted to him.

Yes! I think getting him more involved AND seeing each other more will help. If and when you get irritated at each other you can talk about it instead of brood.

I also wanted to say that sometimes I get very mad at my DH - also hormones. Totally normal!

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It's hard for men sometimes. Sometimes they just don't feel connected at all, because everything for them is the same. Except for the crazy wife that is! Once baby comes they usually come around, sometimes it even takes longer though! Sometimes newborns scare men haha. My DH swore he wouldn't hold our first until he could control his own head. Of course that wasn't true. He held him in the delivery room and loved it, as terrified as he was!

Another thing for your SO, maybe he is feeling this way because the situation with you is different than it was with his ex while she was pregnant. Maybe he is used to being around all the time or helping more and that's why he's feeling "useless". Maybe you could ask him what would make him feel better about things. Just a thought! I hope you guys get something worked out! Hormones can be terrible, especially when you throw in men being dense :).