Thursday QOTD

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Joined: 01/08/09
Posts: 1023
Thursday QOTD

How close do your families live? Is this a good thing or not? Do they/will they offer help with your LO(s)? If they aren't close, when will they meet your LO?

Joined: 01/08/09
Posts: 1023

My parents are very close (within walking distance). It's fine since they aren't intrusive & they help when they can (they have some health issues).

DH's parents are 1hr & 15 min. This is also fine. They are close enough to visit but far enough to keep them from being overly intrusive. They would help whenever they could but since they aren't close it isn't really an option.

dragonsdreamers's picture
Joined: 01/19/08
Posts: 56

My mom died in 2006, but when she was alive she lived about 4 hours from us and tried to help as much as she could with my first 2 kids, My dad lives about 3 hours from us right now but hasnt seen or helped with any of the kids.
DH's parents live 15 mins from us and are such a wonderful help for me if I need them, My sister is the oldest out of the 5 of us and she's living in Houston and is coming to stay for 10 days at the end of the month { I'm very excited about this} my brothers live about an hour from us in Howel and Fowlerville and the 4 of us try to get all the familys together atleast 1 amonth to give the each other a break the rest of our family is scattered all over the US and VI and we only get to see them maybe once a year or every cpl of years

Dylemma's picture
Joined: 09/04/09
Posts: 449

My Mom died 8 years ago, and my Dad just moved in with his g/f and lives about 30mins away. Sadly they are all about her kids and her family so we see them rarely and cannot expect any help. My sister lives 2 1/2 hours away and will come down and help if she can. Although being a teacher she can't just take time off and her DD is 7months old so she has her hands full there.

DH's family live across the Atlantic. One sister in NV one in WA and a brother in NM. His Mom is retired and spends time travelling between those kids. She has said she she will visit ever since my now almost 4 yr old was born and they have still never met and only skyped once. Not really that bothered about this. When we lived near her when I had one DD she was not interested, she is too interested in her DD's and there kids to care about my kids. Her loss in my opinion. I am quite close to his sister who lives in WA but she has 1 DS and twin DD's all under 4. So will probably not meet either of my two youngest until we move back to the US.

So we will be doing this with no family help lol Oh well sure it will be fine, as long as I get my home birth. If I do have to go the hospital it could be difficult lol

Joined: 04/05/06
Posts: 870

Both families are in South Georgia - a 22 hour car ride or half a day air travel. It's a VERY good thing as I just spent 16 days down there and it was a healthy reminder that we love our families from a far.....My parents will fly up when Kessler is born and my mom will stay as long as I need her to. Though I don't know if I could handle more than 2 weeks with her in my house, but we'll see.

Joined: 11/07/06
Posts: 707

My mom is sleeping in the next room as I type this :-). The kids and I live with her and it truly is a blessing. She and I get along GREAT, she never tries to contradict things I say with the kiddos. My daddy and step-mom live about 3.5 hours away and I really wish they lived closer. I am not sure when they will see the new baby...

jenny_l's picture
Joined: 05/17/10
Posts: 250

Both of our parents live 4 1/2 hours away. We moved to mid Missouri for a job opportunity and I don't mind the distance at all. When the baby comes, we will probably wish we lived closer.

I plan on my mom coming and staying for 1 week. I don't want either family in the delivery room, but plan on inviting them to the hospital aftewards. It's about a 3 hour drive from their homes. My sister is due about the same time, but in Iowa. Could make things difficult for my parents.

m.sawchuk's picture
Joined: 03/10/11
Posts: 193

My family lives 35-40 min away. I see them a few times a month so chances are, they will be at the hospital the day I have this LO-- as they were when DD was born. DH's parents literally live a Lady Gaga song away...about 3-4 min, in the next town over. They watch her whenever they can and they are a great help. They are not intrusive at all-- which is nice! When we first moved, I was praying things wouldn't turn into an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" with them living so close.

Joined: 03/07/05
Posts: 1595

My closest relative/family member is at least a 2 days drive away. This is a GOOD thing!! We do love our family... from afar! Smile Not sure when everyone will meet the new little one. At Christmas maybe my mom will?

blondiess4u's picture
Joined: 11/08/07
Posts: 1450

My family lives over 1,000 miles away in CO. Where I grew up. My parents will be waiting for the call that I'm in labor and will start driving, so they will be here for a few weeks to help out. I am so excited because they haven't seen DS in a year and he has grown so much.
My DF dad lives 5 min. from us, and I am sure he will come over to hold the baby but not be much help. Pretty much we are on our own after my parents leave, but we have a babysitter that is willing to help out. I like not having family to close, but when I started having kids I kinda miss them!

Melba1's picture
Joined: 10/12/09
Posts: 435

Both of our familes are with in 20 minutes of us. They will help as much as we will let them. They are both so excited but are respectful of my DH and I.

jac81's picture
Joined: 11/22/10
Posts: 1131

My parents literally live across the street from us. LOL! Everybody compares us to the show "Everybody loves Raymond"! It's fine, but at times it gets annoying that they just come over whenever. DH's mom and stepdad live about 10 minutes away and our siblings live really close too. I have to say that we are really blessed to have family that live so close to us even though it is annoying at times, but they do help out with DS any time we ask. I'm sure it will be the same with this LO. Smile

Joined: 07/15/07
Posts: 630

How close- right now my parents are about 20 minutes away. DH's are 6 1/2 hours or so away, his extended family is about an hour/ hour and a half away.

It's a mixed bag. I enjoy my parents being near, but they aren't overbearing. We see them maybe once or twice a week, randomly. If we're in town shopping I'll give them a call and if they aren't busy we'll stop by. They live near my doctors office and my step mom is off for the summer (she's a teacher) so it's nice to have a babysitter. If DH's parents lived that far away I think I'd jump off a bridge. They are overbearing. His extended family... I could handle them being a few more hours away. They live close enough that they feel like we should come see them every other weekend. But being pregnant, that is a LONG drive and there's a time change (we're in Central Standard Time and they're in Eastern so they're an hour ahead of us). They want us there for lunch which means we have to wake up at 7 am and leave by 9 (AL time) to get to their house by noon (GA time).

My parents help some but mostly when I have doctors appointments. We don't get babysitters too often. *If* we are still in AL when Owen is born, Savannah will stay with them while we're in the hospital. If we're in TN, then Chris's parents will drive up and stay with S at our house. His parents have more flexibility in their job than my dad does.

I'm sure all of our parents will meet O within the first two weeks or so. My mom is the only 'iffy' one, she lives in Savannah, GA and we're just kind of playing it by ear with her. I'll call her when I go into labor and she'll head this way and drive over to the hospital after he's born I'm assuming. If for some reason she can't come right then, she and my grandma are coming to Tennessee for Thanksgiving so they'll meet him then.

When we move to TN, everyone will be about 7 - 8 hours away, so we'll probably see them every few months.

When we were in Hawaii everyone was 4,000 miles away and I LOVED IT Biggrin That was one of my favorite parts of being in Hawaii... it was just me, DH, and S and we got to do what we wanted when we wanted without getting a guilt trip from family about not seeing them often enough.

AimeeLynne's picture
Joined: 09/29/08
Posts: 572

Both DH's and my parents live 10mins away! They will both help out anytime I need them, they already do with DS.

irishgirl's picture
Joined: 04/10/07
Posts: 1043

My parents live about 5 minutes away. It's really nice and we try to get over to see them every day during the week. My mom is on disability and she watches the girls for a short time if I have a dr. appt or something but they're about at the age it's hard for her to take care of them both at the same time. On the weekends sometimes I'll drop them by so I can go to the grocery store/clean the kitchen without having to worry about the girls. Smile

DH's mom lives about 4 hours away.

kittenchan's picture
Joined: 08/12/07
Posts: 1118

Both my parents and DH's parents live about 4 hours away.. in opposite directions! MIL is overbearing, but I often wish family was a little closer. They will likely meet DS within a day or two of his birth. My parents were there for DD the day after she was born Smile Oh, FIL lives near my parents, but I doubt we'll see him as early as we did last time.. simply because he's remarried and busy with his wife's grandkids.

pwbattist's picture
Joined: 02/04/11
Posts: 235
All By Ourselves

My husband's family lives about 1300 miles away, and my family lives about 500 miles away. So, we are by ourselves here. It's not really ideal to me. I like the idea of raising my child in a close-knit loving community, and we just won't have that. I remember when I was a kid, I was always surrounded by adults who doted on me like I was their own child. I am also not looking forward to daycare costs. I am sure that if my parents lived nearby, they would just assume that they would be the free daycare providers. They would enjoy it. I would be reassured that people I know and trust would be caring for my child. What can you do, though? That's the way things are in this day and age. Family members don't live close to each other anymore due to economic constraints. So, we do the best we can.

That being said, my parents do drive me insane sometimes. My mom can be critical, and my dad has some irresponsible tendencies, but I love them despite these flaws (I'm sure I have mine, too! :)). It would be nice to see them once a week for dinner, but we also do like having our privacy.

K_Lo's picture
Joined: 11/16/07
Posts: 1201

We live about an hour to an hour 15 minutes (depending on traffic) away from our families. We both grew up down there but moved because of DH's work, right before DD was born.

I hate living so far away! My parents are the best. My mom is a life long house wife so she is always available to help out and my kids love her to death. While my dad works he can't get enough of the kids. They love DH as if he was one of their own. He lived with us because of some family issues during high school/college so they always brag they had a hand in raising him. We see them at least once sometimes twice a week. My mom moved as far as she could from her family because they were over bearing and tried telling her how to raise us. So she knows how it feels and would never do that with me and my kids. Plus I'm every bit as stubborn as she is and knows I'd do the same if they tried to tell me how to raise my kids :p.

It's more complicated with DH's family. As I said DH moved out of their house at a very young age, but that was more because of his then stepdad and not so much his mom. We all got closer when I got pg with DS, but then things happened and when DS was a few months old we cut off all contact. They patched things up after DD was about 6 months old. She was a bit more critical and overbearing after I had DS than I liked, but is very careful about it now. She knows that we have certain expectations from her and as long as she doesn't let us down we will all get along fine. She is also recently remarried and happy so she has a lot less drama going on. What's important to me is that she is a stable positive force in my kids life. It's DH's and my opinion that if she is going to let them down repeatedly then its better they never get to know her at all. If she can keep her act together if would delight us that they are close! But she has never watched my kids and I don't plan on leaving them with her at any point unattended. Not really that I don't trust her but because my mom has always done it and I don't see a reason to change what they're used to.

I love being close to our families because I grew up with no family around at all. My dad is from upstate NY and my mom is from northern CA. I didn't really know anyone and I feel like I missed out on the whole extended family experience. I see how much my kids love everyone and I know that I want them to always have that in their life. The more people who love them the better IMO. As long as everything is drama free of course!

wobbs's picture
Joined: 05/27/10
Posts: 1502

My mom and brother, and DH's brother and sister all live in Calgary as well. It's great, my mom is actually the one who watches Annabelle on the weekends. Dh's parents live out in Ontario, but they are coming out in October by request, and since they are driving, they are staying as long as they feel needed. We try to stay close to family, but with the insane work schedules that come with working in customer service, sometimes it's pretty hard.