Vent: DH and this pregnancy - Updated :(

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Vent: DH and this pregnancy - Updated :(

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4sweet's picture
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That is rough and I am sorry that he is going to miss the U/S. I am glad the DS is so excited about the baby and you both get to share the moment together.

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I am so sorry. I think in general it is just harder for men to really have any connection. They don't feel the changes we do, they can't feel those first flutters, and I think most cant go to each appointment and hear the heartbeat each month.

I would tell him exactly how you feel, maybe even print out this post to give to him. I know its hard being honest with your feelings, especially when they are such strong ones, but you have to share with him.

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I am sorry, this sounds like a really rough situation. Hopefully you can tell him how you feel and he can start to lend some emotional support. Have you explained to him how everything seems to be magnafied when you are pregnant? You (or at least I ) need that support to go throught this wonderful yet exhausting time. I hope things get better. :bighug:

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I'm sorry. Mine is a huge poop too. Mostly acts like the pregnancy is an inconvenience because he doesn't get sex now. But emotionally he is so unsupportive of how hard it's been for me to be so tired and sick and work full time. If I call him out, he acts like even more of a baby and like I'm so "cold" and "mean" to him. It's extremely frustrating! And he hasn't made it to an appointment yet either. I wouldn't be surprised if he can't make it to the big one in a few weeks either Sad

I feel you. You are definitely not alone. Men are just poops and don't get how tough it is to be pregnant with all the physical changes and emotional crap the hormones bring on.

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Not that I'm saying it's "ok" for him to act that way, but it is really hard for some guys to understand and figure it all out. It is all happening to us. It's reality from day one from the day we sit by the toilet and start puking, but for guys it's just different. I know my best friend was so upset during her pregnancy because her husband was very distant and didn't want to talk about the baby. She recalled when I was pregnant and how supportive my dh was, but on the flip side it always bothered me that my dh would never go to an appointment and hers did. In the end, her hubby came around and is an amazing father. Mia actually turns 1 today and he adores her.
It's hard for us to accept that it's hard on the men as well since it's not happening to them. Some guys are just idiots and don't handle feelings the right way, but I'm sure that the stress of being so far away can't help either. Hang in there. I can only imagine how you may feel, but it's awesome that your ds is so excited.

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Melba1's picture
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How did your U/S go?

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I'm so sorry you are feeling this way and I hope things get better. Men aren't always involved as much as we'd like when you are pregnant, they can definately feel detached from everything because it's not their body. I think it's best that you convey how you feel but really concentrate as much as possible on all the positive things in your life right now. If I were you I would break off contact somewhat and make him come to me a bit more and feel some distance emotionally... sometimes men need that kick in the a$$ to shape up.

Mostly acts like the pregnancy is an inconvenience because he doesn't get sex now.

sweetusagi - why are you not having sex anymore? If my spouse cut off sex with me I'd be pissed! There are still other things you can do besides actual sex. I find a lot of women stop sex when they are pregnant and I always have trouble understanding this as it can be a HUGE strain on your relationship with your man. Just like women want a lot of emotional desires met, men like to have their physical/sex desires met. I think just cutting it off creates resentment issues.

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Because I had two miscarriages before and to me it is not worth the strain and worry on me that sex would create. Also, it is really hard to feel sexual for me when I am tired, nauseous, moody, etc. And you know what? I don't think it's the end of the world for him to wait a few weeks longer until I feel better. It's called making sacrifices. I would like to have a beer when he does but I don't because I'm carrying our child. There is nothing wrong with finding other ways to bond besides sex in the time being. It just pisses me off because when I had the miscarriages, he was pretty much blaming himself wondering if the sex could have possibly contributed and now it's like his penis rules his mind. And yeah, I know it's unlikely that sex would cause a miscarriage, but peace of mind is worth A LOT to me.

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:bigarmhug:
Oh Sara I'm so sorry. I guess deep down a lot of times we know when something isn't right and it sounded like this was definitely the case here. I'm so happy that you are looking at the bright side of things though, even using this as an opportunity to bond with your LO. Now you don't need to worry about anything but taking care of yourself and your kids. It sounds like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

Please feel free to vent (or whatever you need) as much as you'd like here. We are here to listen and I can't imagine a time when you'd need a shoulder more than now. P&PT that you and your DS heal from this quickly.

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Sara I am so sorry to hear about this! :(:( Did you both officially end things? How was his reaction? What were his thoughts towards the baby you are expecting together? I can't believe this, it is so upsetting to think of you going through this right now in the middle of your pregnancy when you could use so much support. You sound very strong and optimistic though... hoping you continue to do well and know that we are all here for support!!! :):)

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:bigarmhug:Sorrry to hear this. I'm glad that is has actually helped with dealing with your pregnancy. You'll do a much better job without all the baggage that this guy seemed to be causing you to have. You have amazing strength and I'm happy you have been able to fall in love with your LO.

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I am so sorry to hear this! Amazing how our intuition is so right on! I'm glad you're feeling better about the pregnancy now. You are an awesome mother!!

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So sorry to hear this, but I am glad you will have some time to adjust to this before baby comes, you know? I hope you find the healing you need and deserve, and please keep coming here to vent!

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I'm so sorry! I really think that now you can actually be happy! Maybe this was all for the best, even though that sounds a little messed up. You don't need anyone toxic like that in your life! DS will have a sibling (which I believe everyone needs). You are going to be just fine!! :bigarmhug::bigarmhug::bigarmhug::bigarmhug: We're here for you!!

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I am so sorry, but happy that you are taking the steps to make sure your baby is born into a happy home and not a toxic one. We are all here for you and feel free to vent as much as you want! :bigarmhug::bigarmhug:

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I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this and having to deal with it in the middle of your pregnancy! :bigarmhug: From your post, it seems you are trying to remain positive.

One of my dear friends went through an almost identical scenerio minus the living far apart. It was rough but she came through it. She is now married to a wonderful man and they just had their first child together (her 2nd). I hope your story can be just as wonderful eventually.

:bigarmhug:

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I'm so sorry. Sad I'm glad you have some "relief" though and finally can put your finger on the problem. I hope you can stay positive through the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy it. Smile

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I'm sorry to hear this :-(.

If you ever want to talk or vent to another single momma I am here......just a PM away.

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